My College Essay

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Fishous

Senior Member

03-29-2011

More like a composition than an essay? Even if it's a 6-hours-before-class paper (which I'm well familiar with), you could have at the least followed the 9th grade layout. Summarize the points in the intro, explain the three key points in the body, then conclude it. Still would've been better than what you put. Could have easily explained the champion variations, usage of abilities (masteries, skills, runes), and then the progress of minions to towers to the Nexus. I thought the whole point of essays was to explain? This looks more like... I don't know. There's just no actual order or organization. And this is coming from a B-student at best (I suppose you actually have to show up to get As).


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jaMx

Senior Member

03-29-2011

why would you post something for other people to read if it's just a "quick turn in to avoid a late assignment" generally if something is going to be peer edited at least read your own work...


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Jebbou

Senior Member

03-29-2011

As DoransTroll mentioned, the very sharp cut-off that throw the reader into some kind of fiction narration is very disturbing. So are the thrown character, skills and item names that do not mean anything to the reader (your teacher). Many concepts are left unexplained; There is no explanation of what a jungler is or what a minion inhibitor is.The flow of the game is also explained as if destroying the dragon or baron was a part of a sequence to destroy the enemy nexus, which is not exactly the case.

There is another part that remains very unclear to a reader that do not know anything about the game: the concept of summoner and champion. Being your teacher, I would be very confused after reading that Galio gave its life, but then he's still around in the next paragraph, and then he dies again? =)

Well, I think you'll still have some work ahead of you. The main flaw of this brief composition is the lack of structure and consistency, and then, some concepts should be explained further. If you wish to stick with the narrative style, make sure that you still write the story so that the reader understands the concepts or game elements you refer to. For instance, you could write something like "Unlike the other champions in his team, Warwick the werewolf had been hunting alone in the jungle. Fending his way through the wild beasts, he's always in position to ambush the enemy champions that are reckless enough to push their troops deeper into enemy territory." This way, I still explain some game concepts, without using any hard terminology (jungler, red buff, gank, etc). Using "real life" terminology to explain some of the most hardcore concepts would surely alleviate some of the confusion.

Best luck for the rest, take the time to do something good, and you'll grow out of it =)


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FredInRealLife

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Member

03-29-2011

I just think it's really sad how the most interesting thing someone can think to write about is their favorite internet videogame.

Like of all the topics to choose from...


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Guerrilla333

Senior Member

03-29-2011

you guys take this game too seriously


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brodyhill

Junior Member

03-29-2011

"In this game players battle back and forth on the Fields of Justice"... problems start w/ the second sentence.

In this game,


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brodyhill

Junior Member

03-29-2011

Quote:
Originally Posted by nicosharp View Post
You used too many assumptions when writing your essay. The biggest being champion names and abilities. You should have continued to write about the game to inform someone of how it works if they had never played it and had no knowledge of the game in anyway, instead than writing stories about how champions only yourself and players would know about can win.. and you included at the very end the back-door comment which is a loose and vulgar sexual reference. If you get anything more than a F your professor/teacher is either a gamer a special eds teacher, on drugs, or a big softy with no interest in your future.

This +1


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Train Wrëx

Junior Member

03-29-2011

rofl, dude i want to know what grade you get for this. It is sub par at best even for highschool but i got some good grades on some messed up papers while in school.


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