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My College Essay

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Dunkstiks

Member

03-28-2011

The assignment required 750+ words. This by no means was done as a serious paper, but as a quick turn in to avoid a late assignment.


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nicosharp

Senior Member

03-28-2011

Quote:
reuben15:
The assignment required 750+ words. This by no means was done as a serious paper, but as a quick turn in to avoid a late assignment.


You used too many assumptions when writing your essay. The biggest being champion names and abilities. You should have continued to write about the game to inform someone of how it works if they had never played it and had no knowledge of the game in anyway, instead than writing stories about how champions only yourself and players would know about can win.. and you included at the very end the back-door comment which is a loose and vulgar sexual reference. If you get anything more than a F your professor/teacher is either a gamer a special eds teacher, on drugs, or a big softy with no interest in your future.


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ForeverLaxx

Senior Member

03-28-2011

Quote:
reuben15:
The assignment required 750+ words. This by no means was done as a serious paper, but as a quick turn in to avoid a late assignment.


You should have written something of substance and value and took your "late assignment" like a man instead of this garbage you churned out in 3 minutes.


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Kilrathi

Senior Member

03-28-2011

Commas are out of place in a few places, too, and there are sentence fragments thrown in. Almost like in a Forum post. But not, like in a real college essay. In other words, work on your grammar.


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Kilrathi

Senior Member

03-28-2011

Though, gotta ask - what in the world topic was this for? Describe your favorite videogame?


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trix fr kids

Junior Member

03-28-2011

Esl?


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trix fr kids

Junior Member

03-28-2011

Esl??


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DeTalores

Junior Member

03-28-2011

Reading the comments by people was far more entertaining than the "college essay"


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Maugrim Faustus

Senior Member

03-28-2011

itt: post fanfiction, pretend it's an essay. leads irrefutably to profit


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DoransTroll

Senior Member

03-29-2011

Way to be supportive, guys.

Sorry, OP, but 1) this shouldn't be in this forums
2) The others are rude, but their opinions are not without merit. Your essay is a good attempt at "show, don't tell", but I do notice a few quirky points like, "You are shaking your Boots of Speed..." which clearly is missing an "in".
You keep the language nice and varied, but the narrative style fluctuates too much. Your transition from factual (introducing the game) in a very matter of fact tone to story narrative causes a big disconnect.
Lastly, there is still too many aspect that simply wouldn't work for people who doesn't play the game. So TF brings Clair to the game..so what? What is Clairvoyance? I wouldn't actually know if I haven't been playing for two years. Hell, half the people who plays the game don't know what Clairvoyance is. Is it an amulet with special power? Why is the name even capitalized? It surely must be an important artifact, right?


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