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Getting to High Elo for feeders

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Yellow Jester

Senior Member

03-17-2011

Hi there, I'm Yellow Jester. You might remember me from such threads as "how to cheat at league of legends" and "Mundo is the most OP carry in the game." As you can see, I'm obviously credible.

If you have found this guide chances are that you are a bad player and you want to troll people who will be more angry at you for doing so, i.e. high elo players. But how to get there? Don't you have to be GOOD to win matches? Ha, ha, ha, oh dear i'm sorry i nearly got that one out with a straight face. Of COURSE you don't. That's why you're here.

People always ask high elo players: "High elo players, why am I in this Elo? I don't deserve to be here." "Of course you do, timmy," says High elo players, "because if you didn't deserve to be there, you wouldn't be!" Of course this is all backed up by complicated numbers and theory, but most people just want to know how they can get out of what they refer to as "ELO HELL." Well fear not, timmys of the world, for I have the ever-so-simple solution.

Most people approach the question of how to win ranked games from the viewpoint that they are, as a player, not bad. This is ludicrous of course, and it has been scientifically proven that all high elo players are where they deserve to be and that low elo players are never good. Here is a common assumption:

Quote:
some thread]:: There's 4 people on your team who could possibly be ragequitters/leavers/.etc (assuming you are not a ragequitter/leaver/.etc)
:: There's 5 people on the other team who could possible be ragequitters/leavers/.etc[/QUOTE]

The theory is that any good player would be able to carry the 4 bad players on their team, because there are 5 bad players on the opposing team. This can all be expressed mathematically (all good players are equally good, and all bad players are equally bad), but let's just skip to the details.

The problem with the above assumption is that it is fundamentally flawed! You ARE a ragequitter/leaver/etc, so if you are trying to read guides about how to get yourself out by being GOOD, the assumptions made at the very beginning don't even apply to you, and as such it's impossible for you to get any help out of the guide! Since there is, in any given game, between 1 and 4 other players on your team, and between 1 and 5 players on the enemy team, there is an 80% chance that in any given game you will be gifted a player who will be capable of carrying you. So really the secret to climbing your elo higher is to just queue up a TON of ranked games (preferably with a scrub friend of yours to increase the chance that the remaining 3 players on your team are able to carry you) and just pray for the best!

Let's hear from some testimonials:

Quote:
Grackis:
I trolled constantly and now I'm number 5 on the solo queue servers. Thanks Yellow Jester!

Quote:
Bigfatjiji:
Yeah that elementz guy is a right *****, we only hang out with him to inflate our numbers in the matchmaker queue to get a better challenge.

Quote:
Guardsman Bob:
Matchmaking is a fat joke. I play solo mid warwick and stomp at 2000 elo.

Quote:
Elementz:
The tier list is just something i fiddle with when I don't like the current meta. You'd be surprised how easy winning is when the bottom tier champs are a perfect counter to whatever i decide to put in ":


FAQ:
1
[QUOTE=Mr Zafrada;7064822]You are a gentleman and a scholar, Yellow Jester.

Should I support the good player? Or can I troll/feed non-stop and still gain Elo? Enlighten me.


Mister Safrada

All the guides written by High Elo players state that any good player should be able to carry any given 4 bad players. However since there is only ever 1 good player in any game (as evidenced by the first quote in the original post), any attempt on your part to be good will detract from the other player's ability to carry you. Keep trolling and don't stop until you feel the sweet victory of the enemy nexus exploding.

2
Quote:
Satanizzer:
Thanks for writing such an amazing guide! I loved every word of it! However I consider myself to be good when in fact i'm an illiterate scrub and that's why i'm asking the following question: And what if i get lack of luck and always get 4 ULTRA BADDIES ? And they have only baddies ? WHAT NOW ? And trust me , this happens alot.


Hellow mister Satanizzer. I addressed this very question in the main post. Let me help you with that. It's ok, I know you are bad at reading, happens to the best of us.

Quote:
Dashingly Handsome Man]all good players are equally good, and all bad players are equally bad


As you can clearly see, the situation that you have just described is impossible and has never happened. Thanks for reading this thread, hope it helps!

3
[QUOTE=samuwen
:
Good sir, us over here on the british isles believe your maths to be inaccurate. You see, if you solo queue there is an 80% chance of having a gifted player on your team carry you. If you duo queue, you have two baddies on your team given, and thus only a 60% chance of having a gifted player.

I'm sure you'll correct this in no time at all. Pip pip cheerio.


Dear samuwen: Despite how counterintuitive it may sound, I'm right and you're wrong.


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LoveOfProfit

Senior Member

03-17-2011

Lol'd. Would read again.


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Walter H White

Senior Member

03-17-2011

I lol'ed.


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Cat Girl Shrek

Senior Member

03-17-2011

Yep


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Xenos One

Member

03-17-2011

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guardsman Bob
Matchmaking is a fat joke. I play solo mid warwick and stomp at 2000 elo.

I read that in his voice....i watch his streams too much


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hydrogencar

Senior Member

03-17-2011

This is fkin hilarious, nice post.


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dragonrider88885

Junior Member

03-17-2011

guardsman bob hasn't been to 2000 elo and he sucks bawls


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Slaul

Junior Member

03-17-2011

"Vegeta! What does the scouter say about this thread's power level?"
"IT'S OVER 9000!"


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Ninja Fuhrer

Senior Member

03-17-2011

Roit hier dis men1!11one!!


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Sintar

Senior Member

03-17-2011

Best. Would reply again.