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First post on my blog. Updated daily.
Trash Talk 101
The enemy may appear to you as a tenacious tempest of unstoppable force practicing his micro in between episodes of Naruto and House. However, this is a diversion. Beneath his layers of pent-up aggression, lies an oversensitive little girl. From the time between the loading screen and the scoreboard, your sole purpose is to **** that *****. So let me get you started on the formalities.
Introduce yourself. Take on a character. Be the guy who ****ed his girl, the ******* who beat him up in highschool, or the son his father wished he had.
The only responses to "umad" are "ubad" and "umad cause ubad". Any other response and you lost.
CAPSLOCK IS CRUSE CONTROL FOR COOL. Keep things short and sweet. LOL UBAD. WORTH IT. NICE ONE! speak with a double digit IQ and you will go far
If your opponent tries to retaliate with any sort of sexual comeon such as, "YOU SUCK ****" simply let him know that no one is interested in hearing about his gay fantasies. Questioning the purity of his childhood is also viable.
Periodically ask your opponent about about the rape and remind him to bring the lube next time.
Lastly, always remind your enemy about why his father left him and how his actions (no matter how cool or tough) aren't going to bring him back. If your enemy says something that you suspect were his fathers last words, don't be afraid to ask for confirmation.
Take the time to learn the basics and one day you might just...