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My league judgment SUCKED so here's a better one

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Renekton Bot

Senior Member

02-27-2011

It was a bright and sunny day, the kind of day it always is when you're me, Renekton. I was lying there on the sand next to the huge river that was named after me, soaking up all the awesome sunlight. After a few hours of just chillaxin' I woke up and looked up at the sun. I could see the sun god Notra and he saluted me in respect and I waved at him. He told me once that I was the only reason he even bothered to get up in the morning. That's pretty cool to hear from a god and all. Anyway I was just realizing how hungry I was when this pig comes along and just straight up commits suicide just so I'd have something to eat. I said a righteous prayer for the noble pig and had some wicked bacon and decided it was time to go do my thing.

So anyway I got up and started walking when this sexy-ass croc chick runs up. She was so beautiful, and I could tell she was a chick because she was slimmer than me (but then again my muscles are ****in' HUGE) and she had these beautiful teeth, and her stripes were really sexy. I looked into her beautiful eyes and I could see they were tinged with sadness, but naturally she looked happier when she saw me. She told me how her village of beautiful naked croc chicks was under attack, and they needed me to save them. I held her in my arms to comfort her and she shivered because my touch is totally pleasing to women. I told her that I would save her village and she fainted from gratitude and also stress. So I laid her down gently on the sand and called to all the animals in the area that she was not to be harmed, and all these big scary animals gathered around to protect her until she woke up.

Using my psychic powers I gleaned the location of her village (gently) from her brain, and made sure she was having a bomb-ass dream involving me. Her village was three days' travel to the east but I made the trip in seven minutes, even stopping along the way to help an old man fix the tire on his chariot.

I got to the city and saw that it was on fire, and as I walked up all the flames seemed to back down 'cause they didn't want anything to do with this. Still some ******* flames were raging inside the local orphanage so I went in there and saved all the children with one trip. Then all the naked croc chicks who were in hiding ran out to thank me for saving them and they had just started to line up to make love to me when I realized who was behind this attack. "NASUS!!" I yelled, and sure enough that ****in' ***** came out from behind a building holding a torch. "R-R-R-R-Renekton!" he stammered like a small frightened dog, because that's what he is, "What are you doing here??"

I put on my sunglasses and pointed at him like a badass and delivered a one-liner so awesome and deft that he was literally knocked on his ass by the force of it. Then he ran off crying and wetting himself.

Anyway I was just about to help the croc chicks rebuild their village when i heard a voice behind me. It was this sexy-ass ninja who came out of nowhere, and I was like "I saw you coming a mile away" and she was totally impressed. "Great Renekton" she said, prostrating herself in total supplication, "I request, no I BEG of you to join our league of badasses and show the world how wicked sick you are." She stood up and I realized that she must have been stung or something because her chest was really badly swollen. She was like "No, Renekton, these are breasts, I am a human" and she bared them to demonstrate. I marveled at their beauty and was like "holy ****, can I touch them?" and she said yes, in fact she was honored to let me do so, and so I gave them a righteous squeeze and asked if there were more breasts where she came from, and she said yes, and some were even bigger than hers, but she seemed sad that she didn't have the biggest so I told her it was alright, that hers were really awesome anyway, and she was so pleased by the compliment that she almost orgasmed.

So I looked up at the sky and told everyone that I was leaving, and they were so sad to see me go but they knew I would bring them even more glory. I looked down at the ninja girl and realized that we were in a big stone chamber, and I was like "woah how did you do that?" and she said "I didn't do it, you did" and I was like 'oh right" because I forgot I had that power.

So anyway I turned around and there were these huge stone doors behind me, and I walked up and they swung open as if they were afraid to block my way. As I walked into the room I saw that there was like this huge panel of old dudes in robes there, and as they saw me they all fell to their knees. Some wept, some reached out to me, as if to touch my magnificence, but they knew that if they drew any closer they would be incinerated by my radiant glory. Then the head old dude removed his hat and stepped forward and he said he would be honored if I would accept his position as the head of the league of legends. I was tempted, but I knew my place was on the battlefield and so I politely declined, and he seemed kinda broken up about it but I agreed to wear his hat, and that made him happy.

Suddenly I heard a noise behind me and I turned. A motorcycle pulled up, driven by the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. I wept golden tears as I looked upon her splendor. It was the first time in my entire life that I had ever cried.

I strode through the field of wildflowers that had sprung up where my tears had met the stone floor and she slid off the seat and into the sidecar. I mounted the cycle and the engine purred happily like it was glad to have me riding it. I looked at the girl and she smiled this beautiful smile and as I revved the engine and took off down the hall I knew I was in love. As we headed to the giant palace that I knew they had prepared for me I made out with the girl like ten times. She dropped me off at my palace and I was like, "I'm Renekton, what's your name?" She smiled that awesome smile and said "Ezreal." It was so beautiful, truly the name of an angel.

She winked at me and powered off into the most perfect sunset I had ever seen, and I went into my palace where a harem of sexy croc girls, in fact the same ones I had saved from the village earlier, totally pampered me and filed my talons and stuff and fed me grapes while I reclined on a huge ornate dais and prepared for my first match which I would undoubtedly win.

The end.


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Chiptune

Senior Member

02-27-2011

12/10


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Shatterlight

Senior Member

02-27-2011

I expect you to write all the League Judgements from now on. I'm sure with this example, Riot can't possibly argue.


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MoldyOnions

Senior Member

02-27-2011

I snickered through the whole thing...

Quote:
Renekton Bot:
She dropped me off at my palace and I was like, "I'm Renekton, what's your name?" She smiled that awesome smile and said "Ezreal." It was so beautiful, truly the name of an angel.


And then straight up died right about here.


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Majiger

Senior Member

02-27-2011

Best judgement...EVER!


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SecretBadgerLove

Senior Member

02-27-2011

Toasting in the most epic bread ever.


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Dirzain

Senior Member

02-27-2011

I like to assume this is what Renekton was seeing during his judgment and that what actually happened was the one that Riot supplied.


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euphzji

Senior Member

02-27-2011

It.... It's BEAUTIFUL.


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CptSeaCow

Senior Member

02-27-2011

Amazing +1 well earned


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Nagus

Senior Member

02-27-2011

Riot, HIRE THIS MAN