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No Lies Were Told

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Talon and Katarina wake up after a night of drunken debauchery to discover they had strayed into a slightly different territory of debauchery than planned.

Warning: This story has kind of a date-rapey-vibe. Remember folks! If somebody is too drunk to remember the *** you are about to have, you should not have that ***! Retroactive consent is not as good as informed consent. Let's make beautiful memories, not beautiful black-outs.

Chat Filter: Engaged (although truth be told the asterisks make it sound much dirtier than it is)
Unexpurgated versions can be found here (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10724040/1/No-Lies-Were-Told) and here (http://archiveofourown.org/works/2378156).

Talon woke when the other side of the bed dipped precipitously. He slitted his eyes without moving. Last night was really blurry. He remembered flirting with Lux to keep Katarina company while she flirted with Garen, and then too much alcohol, and... ***? But this did not look like he imagined Lux's room, so...

A hand landed on his hip and he jumped a little at the size. “Good morning, beautiful.” He turned to look, and yes, that was Garen. He tried not to let a horrified look appear on his face. How had that happened?

He quickly searched the few memories he had from the night before. Garen was definitely there, but Katarina had been flirting with him. Talon had been flirting with Lux. At least, back before all the alcohol. This was Garen's room though, now that he knew what he was looking for: those were his weapons on the wall, and his armor...

“Do you feel up to breakfast?” Garen interrupted his thoughts again, smiling and kind of rubbing his thumb on Talon's hip through the sheet.

“Uh,” said Talon, trying not to squirm away and rubbing his face with both hands. If Garen was the one ***** **** ** *** last night, that was going to be awkward. “Sure, um...” He glanced around. “Pants?”

Garen stood up, causing the bed to lurch again, and looked on the floor. “I don't know exactly where they went, but I'm sure they're around here somewhere.” While Garen's back was turned Talon slithered out of bed to grab the pants he had spotted earlier and put them on faster than he ever had before in his life.

“I found your shirt,” said Garen, voice amused.

“I got the, my pants.” Ugh. He sounded stupid.

Garen tossed him the shirt. He felt much better fully clothed. Or close, his boots were tumbled next to the door, he just picked them up.

Garen ushered him through the door with a hand on his waist. Augh. He didn't clutch his boots to his chest, but that wasn't to say that his fingers didn't clamp a little tighter around them.

The Crownguards had a suite similar to the Du Couteaus except with two bedrooms instead of three. Garen's room would be his, and coming out of the room that would be Cassiopeia's was Lux. She was leading Katarina by the hand, looking back to say “Come on, sweetie.” So it had been a complete swap. Now his morbid curiosity was satisfied.

Katarina silently mouthed “What the ****?” at him. He just gave a quick shake of his head because he didn't know.

There was Garen's outfit from the night before, strewn between the bedroom and the door to the hall. He pulled his cloak out from under Garen's shirt.

Lux gave a sunny smile and a wave. “Hey there! Garen and I made breakfast for you two!”

He shared an anguished “What now?” look with Katarina, but the siblings had taken command, and brought them both to the table. Sitting there while their hosts sorted things out in the kitchen, Katarina leaned over and hissed “What the ****? Do you remember what happened?”

“Aside from drinking too much, getting great ****, and waking up to the wrong Crownguard? **** no!”

“****! That's all I remember either!”

Then they had to break off for breakfast. There was a spicy Noxian-style egg dish and some pan-bread. Everything smelled disgusting right now, but Talon knew if he ate something he would start to feel human again. Once he got some down the food even began to taste good.

But with Garen across from him, their eyes kept meeting at awkward moments, and he didn't know where to look. At least until Garen put a hand over his and said “You're cute when you're shy, you know?”

“Garen,” Lux admonished, giving Talon an apologetic smile.

After that he glared right at Garen, who only smiled back and kept hold of his hand.

Lux put her elbows on the table and leaned in to speak. “Garen and I were talking, and you guys were both pretty drunk, so we wanted to know if either of you feels taken advantage of.”

Garen nodded. “If you guys aren't okay with the situation, please tell us.” Then he gave Talon's hand another squeeze. “I mean, you sounded like you were enjoying yourself last night, but...”

“Garen!” Lux said again, blushing in embarrassment this time.

Talon and Katarina shared another glance. He tried to let her know it was her lead using only his face. After a significant look at his hand in Garen's, her eyebrows moved in reply. They turned back to the earnest-looking Lux and Garen.

“I think we're okay,” said Katarina because she never would admit to a mistake if she could help it.

“Yeah,” Talon seconded after a moment.

“Great!” said Garen, and Lux covered a happy giggle with her hand.

Thankfully, after patting Talon's hand one last time Garen (along with everyone else) concentrated on breakfast.

Finally they were able to escape out the door with pecks on the cheek from their respective partners. Shoulder to shoulder they strode rapidly down the hall toward the Noxian wing. Entering their suite, Talon closed the door just in time to contain Katarina's shriek. “What the ****?” He didn't bother answering, and she just repeated herself for a while at various different volumes.

Cass came out of her room. “There you are. If you two could stop celebrating getting laid long enough to clean up, we have a meeting to get to.”

“What? No! Talon and I need to talk!”

“Well, unless you plan to share a shower,” Cass said, taking Katarina by the shoulders and guiding her that way. “You don't have time. Swain will be waiting for us.”

Katarina cast a pleading look back his direction, but he was already stripping off his dirty, dirty shirt. He wanted a wash.

They managed to trade a few more fragmentary memories in low voices on the way to the meeting, but nothing that shed any light on the important question of “How the **** did that happen?”.

The meeting was long and boring, and both of them were surly. Finally Darius said “What is your problem, Talon?” in his most irritated voice.

“Yeah!” Katarina sneered. “Shouldn't somebody who got a “great” ****-*** last night be in a better mood?” She even made little quote marks with her fingers. Okay, so she was jealous, or disappointed, or whatever. She didn't have to be a ***** about it.

“Aren't you a little snippy for someone who got her bush face-checked last night, sweetie?”

“You totally ****-blocked me!”

“You don't even have a ****!”

“There was ****, and it was blocked! That's a ****-block you punk!”

“Wait, what?” said Darius.

“Are you telling me you switched Crownguards?” Cass sounded incredulous. Well, Talon felt incredulous.

Katarina crossed her arms and stared over everybody's head. Talon sank down in his chair, dangling his arms to cut at the chair legs with his knives. It didn't make him feel much better this time.

After a moment of silence Darius slapped the table with one hand. “What are you both whining about?”

Katarina and Talon both leaned forward, voices jumbling together. “He took...” “I wanted...”

“Hush!” Darius cut them both off.

“But!” they started to protest before Darius leaned over the table from his standing position to glare them into silence.

“Both Crownguards are very attractive. Be grateful for what you've got!” He gave them another glare. “Let me tell you, nobody was face-checking my bush last night!”

“Can we not say that?” Swain's voice was pained. “That's not a thing. That's not a thing people say.”

Even in this mood Talon grinned at the memory of discovering the one thing that could shake Swain's renowned composure. Terrible euphemisms. Who would have guessed?

“It's not?” asked Darius.

Swain shook his head, two fingers pressing his right temple.

Darius frowned at Talon. “Talon. I trust you to be a reliable source when it comes to cutting-edge slang. Don't disappoint me in this.” Draven was the only one who could tell when Darius was joking, and he wasn't there, so they all observed a moment of silence (in case it was a joke) and then continued on without comment (in case it wasn't a joke).

“Back to the actual topic then, shall we?” Cass smiled to smooth the transition.

Talon and Katarina settled back into their surly poses. The rest of the group ignored them for the remainder of the meeting.

Next morning Talon waited until he could smell the bacon before he came out of his room, which turned out to be a tactical error.

“Oh, that explains it,” he heard Lux say, and looked up to see them sitting with Cass and Kat.

Garen looked over at Lux. “What?”

She pointed. “Talon's room.”

Garen looked over to smile at Talon and wiggle his fingers in a little wave. Talon finished closing his door behind himself instead of bolting back inside like he wanted.

Garen looked back at Lux. “What?”

“Talon has your room.”

Garen glanced around the suite. “Oh! He does! That does explain it.”

“Explain what?” Talon was already out of temper. Mysterious conversations about him weren't improving things.

“Well,” said Garen, looking up at Talon from under his lashes. “You kept insisting that it was your room, even when we both told you it was mine.” Maybe he should have left it a mystery.

Lux pulled her arm off Katarina's shoulders to grab a big basket and offer it to Talon. “We made muffins.” They certainly had.

“That's a lot.”

She shrugged, still holding the basket out. “Garen-sized batches.”

He took one of both kinds, to reduce the strain on her shoulders.

Garen grinned. “What can I say?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “I have a healthy appetite.”

Was Garen trying to pull him into his lap? No. Just... no. Talon dropped into the chair beside him, which bumped the hand on his hip up to his shoulder.

He watched Lux trying to feed Katarina a muffin, horrified and yet fascinated. She leaned in to kiss the crumbs off her chin, and he saw Katarina's eyes widen. Talon was very careful to eat neatly.

“These are good,” he said. He didn't want to be antisocial. Lux had probably worked hard on these. “I like the ones with the... purple?”

Lux laughed. “Those are cherries.”

Garen gave him a squeeze. “You sound like Lulu, beautiful.”

Talon was pretty sure only years of diplomacy and deception kept Cassiopeia's face straight.

“Garen,” Lux said. “Laying it on a little thick, are we?”

Garen laughed and pulled away a little. “Sorry, sorry.”

Talon hoped the blatant gratitude he was feeling didn't show too obviously.

“But you're having fun too, right?” Garen nodded at Katarina.

Lux looked back at Katarina and grinned. “Well, I can't say “No” when you put it that way.” She batted her eyelashes. “Right, sweetie?”

Talon forgot about eating neatly and stuffed the last of his remaining muffin in his mouth so that he could go. He shoved his chair back under the table, then gave Garen a lightning kiss on the cheek and dodged for the door.

Katarina was making “No! Don't leave me!” eyes at him. Halfway out, he leaned back to say “Kat, you promised...” He didn't know what. He didn't even know where he was going.

But Katarina jumped at the opening. “Right! Sparring! Be right there!” She gave Lux a quick snuggle, which turned into maybe a grope on Lux's part from the glassy look on Kat's face.

Outside, he looked at her, relief palpable in her posture. “Guess we'd better go spar, huh?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“Maybe we should just admit...” he ventured.

“No! If we say it was a mistake, everything will go wrong!” She tightened her jaw in determination. “We'll just wait things out, and when they get tired of us we'll go back to the right way.”

“That's never going to work.”

She turned on him, punching him hard in the arm. “Shut up! You got the good end of the deal!”

“That's from your perspective,” he said, gingerly poking the sore spot she left behind. Yep, that was going to bruise.

“Whatever.” She glared at him.

At least it was going to be a vigorous sparring session.

Later that afternoon, during the bustle of teams switching out between matches, he heard Garen call out “Hey, sexy!” across the chamber. Draven silently repeated the phrase, and gave Talon an amused look that made him grit his teeth. And then Garen was next to him, petting his hair.

He glared up at the larger man. “What was that about?”

He stiffened when Garen leaned over to whisper in his ear. “I thought if I called you “beautiful” your friends might tease you.”

Talon shoved himself away. He would have liked to shove Garen, but, ugh, seriously, it was like shoving a house.

“If you don't want my “friends” to tease me, maybe you shouldn't pet my hair.”

Garen looked amused. “But you have nice hair.”

Talon snarled. Katarina and her plans.

Garen's eyes lit up. “You're so...” Aw, man, he was about to get called “cute” again.

“I hear you give a great ****-***, Crownguard,” Darius interrupted, thank all that was holy.

If he was trying to embarrass Garen though, he failed. Garen struck a pose, hand on hip, sword over his shoulder. “I like to think of myself as a man who can take on all comers in any arena.” His voice was pompous, but then he grinned. “I'm sure Draven feels the same way.”

Draven, obviously not feeling the same way, muttered “You're thinking of Darius,” before slithering away into the dispersing crowd.

Garen laughed, at Draven or Darius, Talon wasn't sure. Then Garen's hand whipped out to slap Talon on the ***, which, thanks to immense self-control, he did not dodge. “Good luck on your match...sexy.” Garen grinned at his glare, and swaggered off, whistling.

Darius sighed. “Talon...” He shook his head. “Enjoy what you've got, kid.”

Talon shot him an indignant look, but he was already turning to take his position for the match.

And, of course, once his matches were over, when he returned home, sweaty and disgruntled, there they were. Garen was sitting on the lounge, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. Lux was rolling around on the floor, laughing and holding her stomach, occasionally gasping “No! Oh, no!” Cass was also laughing, albeit with more reserve.

Garen looked up at Talon, eyes crinkling. “They don't believe me, beautiful! Tell them what I said to Darius.”

Lux sat up, wiping her eyes with the heel of one hand. “Did he really?” she choked. “All comers? Any arena?”

Talon nodded, eyes on her red, tear-stained face.

“I can't believe I missed it!” she said. “His face must have been epic!”

“Oh, it was all right,” said Garen, a smirk on his lips. Then he beckoned to Talon, and patted the seat next to him. “Come here, lover.” Okay, that was worse than “beautiful”. Talon went and sat, but his stomach flip-flopped as Garen's arm encircled his shoulders.

Lover. It had been two days. Was that a hint? He didn't want Garen in his room. He could handle it in Garen's room. He could. He just didn't want Garen... That would be... Ugh. No. His room was private.

He caught himself not looking at Garen. He didn't want to be called “shy” or “cute” again, so he turned, and yes, Garen was looking right at him. Their eyes locked. Garen's small smile broadened, and his thumb started brushing circles on Talon's shoulder. “Hey,” he said, voice low.

At that moment the door opened, and Talon glanced over to see Katarina goggling at them. He was not going to blush, but Garen did start to pinken up the longer Katarina stared.

“Oh, sweetie! You look worn down. Come let me give you a foot-rub.” Lux broke their standoff, and scooting over toward the lounge, patted the remaining seat beside Garen.

“I'll just leave you love-birds alone, shall I?” Cassiopeia said as she deserted the field. So much for having a chaperon. Talon watched her go, longing to call her back, but refusing to succumb to that weakness.

Katarina came and sat, looking bemused as Lux worked the boots off her feet. Talon watched Lux's hands stroke, and squeeze, and knead Kat's feet and ankles. Watching was a little mesmerizing, almost soothing.

He relaxed against Garen, who leaned in to nuzzle his neck. It wasn't... it wasn't bad. He could do this. Still... “I had a rough day too. Do I get a foot-rub?” he asked.

Garen glanced up, a gleam in his eye that made Talon uneasy. “Oh. I know how to get the tension out.” He moved up to Talon's ear, gave it a nip. “Wind you up tight,” he gathered Talon close in an embrace. “'Til you can't help but release it.”

Talon wasn't sure who was hyperventilating, him or Katarina. And then Garen was kissing him. On the mouth. He frantically kissed back, trying to keep it sexy without engaging tongues.

“Garen,” Lux's voice was cold, but not cold enough to deter him. “Garen.” It grew some icicles.

Garen released Talon with a laugh. “Wow. You are hilariously bad at kissing dudes.”

Talon realized he had been holding his breath, and resumed breathing. “What?” he asked.

“Garen.” Lux sounded less cold and more exasperated.

Garen leaned back away from Talon, grinning. “I'm just going to put you out of your misery before Lux shivs me for getting all up on her man. We've been playing you, Talon.”

It took Talon's brain a minute to finish processing “No longer being kissed by Garen” and move on to the actual content of this pronouncement. “You what?” He jumped up off the lounge and glanced at Lux, who shrugged and gave him a smile that wasn't nearly apologetic enough.

“What the ****?” Katarina yanked her feet away from Lux.

“We did give you an opportunity to object,” Lux said, looking at Katarina. Her voice was placating at first, but then a tinge of reproof crept in. “We would have 'fessed up right then if you had said something.”

“Yeah,” said Garen, still grinning. “As a commander you really need to pay attention when one of your men is looking all “Make the bad man stop touching me!” at you.”

“You!” Talon snarled at Garen.

“Listen!” Garen pointed his finger at Talon's face, voice going hard. “You had *** with my sister in my bed. This is the gentle version of what I should do to you.”

“And let us not even speak of the events that transpired in my bed,” said Lux. “Those were some of my favorite belts!”

“Also,” Garen continued, coloring faintly. “Aren't assassins supposed to be silent? I could hear you through two closed doors!”

“I learned to turn Talon into white noise a long time ago,” Katarina said, smiling as she ran her fingers through Garen's hair. Garen leaned back to smile up at her. The hand running through his hair tightened into a fist, and she leaned over his face, stroking his exposed throat with her other hand. “If it was all about Talon, what was I in all this?” Her smile was very... sharp.

“Uh... collateral damage?” Garen mumbled.

“You were my price for not defending Talon,” Lux clarified. The two women held each other's eyes for a long moment.

“I like your evil smile,” Talon said to Lux.

She looked away to grin at him. “I'm reliably informed that my mouth is a national treasure.” Yeah, that sounded like something he would say.

“Another thing I didn't need to learn about my sister, at high volume, through two doors,” griped Garen.

“Well,” Talon reached out to take Lux by the wrist. “Things are about to get educational, so if you don't like learning, I suggest you leave.” Lux smothered a laugh and allowed him to tow her toward his room. Things were looking up.

Author's Notes:

Questions and comments are welcome. Feel free to alert me to any word crimes (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Gv0H-vPoDc) I've committed, although if it's in dialogue (or even internal monologue) it might be intentional.

I'm eager to improve, so please make criticism as constructive as possible.

Not very constructive: Your writing stinks. / Your writing rocks.
Semi-constructive: Your spelling stinks. / Your place descriptions rock.
Very constructive: I noticed you misspelled the word “separate” on several occasions. I use a mnemonic to remember it! “There is a rat in “separate”.” / I thought the way you used multiple senses to evoke the setting for each scene was well done, although it could easily become overwhelming, so I'm glad you didn't go overboard!