@Riot: Urgent Questions

First Riot Post
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Renekton Bot

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Senior Member

02-04-2011

You should check out my adaptation of the Odyssey, where Odysseus ****s out a Cyclops' eye.


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Grumbah

Junior Member

02-04-2011

126) Will there be a Haterdinger skin? Is he a member of the Player Haters Ball?


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Renekton Bot

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Senior Member

02-04-2011

"That's a terrible thing you said about my lab coat..."


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Grumbah

Junior Member

02-06-2011

127) Come little brother, why not A Clockwork Swain make? If you have any yarbles...


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Renekton Bot

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Senior Member

02-06-2011

I got really sad during that one scene where his birds turned on him at the end


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Schittybeef

Junior Member

02-06-2011

128) Has Lux ever considered going into lasics?


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Arthas Menethil

Senior Member

02-06-2011

Quote:
Originally Posted by Renekton Bot View Post
31) Do you think champions ever get tired of their summoner's mental commands? WALK TEN FEET FORWARD NOW FIVE MORE FIVE MORE FIVE FIVE ATTACK THAT MINION ATTACK THAT MINION NOW ATTACK MASTER YI ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK PRESS Q
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLs


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Renekton Bot

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Senior Member

02-07-2011

The newly-resurrected Tristana waddled carefully down center lane, carrying her hastily-bandaged gun with her. She'd still not recovered fully from her brief career as a yordle baseball, and as she stumbled down the miles-long pathway towards center tower, images of sharp objects flying from the trees to impale her raced through her mind. She saw swords, halberds, spears, axes, all manner of stabby things designed for carving up tiny blue things, and as she sighted the front tower she broke into a cold sweat. There was Garen, his savage greatsword cleaving great chunks of stone from the tower as it shot stupidly at the harmless minions around it. Tristana realized that Garen was actually carving blasphemous insults against the yordle gods into the tower itself, where they would remain until he demolished the entire structure. She looked at him. He turned his head slowly and saw her. His face was a rictus of horror, blood dripping from his eyes and mouth. He lifted a gauntleted hand to point at her and howled his murderous intent.

She ran. She ran faster than she'd ever run in her life.


Meanwhile, at the bottom lane, Xin and Anivia were preparing for their own tower push. The last minion had just fallen to a barrage of steel and ice when Anivia landed suddenly and looked at Xin.
"I'm worried about Garen." she said.
"I'm not." Xin replied curtly. "Are we going to do this or what?" He thrust his chin towards the enemy tower as he picked a bloodied piece of cloth off the head of his spear.
"Yes you are. You two are like brothers. He seems very upset about something. After this match, I want you to talk to him."
"Hey, you don't give me orders, Articuno. As soon as this game is over I'm going to go up there and kick his ass. He's acting like that ****ing mummy."
Anivia sighed. Whenever Garen was in a bad mood, so was Xin. She wouldn't hold it against him, although that Articuno comment would later earn him a ice wall placed in front of his chamber door.
As their pair joined a rapidly-dying minion wave in their assault on the tower, they were set upon by Corki and Ashe, firing alternating volleys of fire and ice. When the last of the minions were about to fall, Xin and Anivia began to fall back, only to be greeted by Father Urgot walking out of the bushes behind them.
"**** it!" Xin spat, "I should have seen that coming."
"Awful impolite of ya'll ta not invite me to this here party. Now, before I send ya'll off ta meet your maker, d'ya have any last words?" He leveled his launcher towards Xin.
"'Niv, I could use a little help here! ...'Niv?"
Xin turned when he heard no response. Behind him was a scene of terrible carnage. Blood, sinew, shards of ice, and... helicopter parts? Anivia looked up at Xin from the body of Ashe, which she was in the process of disemboweling, "Yes?" she asked casually.
Urgot pulled his wide-brimmed hat down over his face to spare himself the shame, and silently walked back into the brush.
"Nevermind." said Xin. "Let's proceed."

By the time Xin and Anivia reached the southern inhibitor, they found much of the enemy base in ruins. Garen had carved a swath of destruction clearly into the stonework that, when read from high above, spelled out all manner of outrageous claims regarding Urgot's parenthood. Xin noticed the nexus was exposed, but didn't see anyone attacking it. Then he heard a voice from somewhere beyond. A furious voice, the voice of hatred. He approached the nexus and peeked around the corner to find Garen shrieking threats at the cowering foursome in the spawning pool, barely held back by the threat of the supertower burning him into ashes. Urgot, however, was oddly absent. Xin turned and noticed the northern section of the base was untouched. He turned back to the raging Garen and stepped out from the cover of the building to get his attention.
"Garen..." Xin started.
Garen's head whipped around to look at him, his eyes bloodshot, his neck at an angle that would kill a normal man.
"**** YOU." He wailed. "END THIS MATCH."
Xin grimaced, but he was not about to argue with... whoever this was. He brought his spear around and began to assault the nexus just as Anivia came to help. In seconds it had crumbled, and Garen howled something that was either a cheer of jubilation or a cry of rage that he wouldn't have anyone to murder until the next match. Before Xin could figure it out, however, the announcer cried "Victory!" and Garen stalked off to return to the commencement hall. As Xin stood in the ruins of the enemy base to give Garen a good head start, he heard footsteps approaching behind him. It was Ashe.
"Xin... What's wrong with Garen?"
Xin shrugged, "Who cares?"
"Xin." said Anivia as she fluttered down to land by the pair, "Don't be short with her." She turned to regard the Frost Archer, "Ashe, dear, I'm so sorry about earlier." Ashe rubbed her stomach, but smiled at the Cryophoenix, "It's alright, it's just a game. Honestly, when you've been in the league for so long, being torn apart by a giant bird actually doesn't hurt so much anymore."
Anivia laughed, "Oh, tell me about it. I've been killed so many times now- and you know I die twice almost every time- that..."
Xin decided to leave and spare himself the hours of "girl talk" that followed every match. It was their way of keeping civil, he guessed, but holy **** if it wasn't the most inane **** to listen to. Who killed whom, how they killed each other, their favorite ways to murder people, what the **** is it with women these days? ****.

Xin decided to find Mordekaiser before he left so he'd at least have someone to talk to one the long walk back to the hall. He took the route past the unharmed northern tower. As he passed the first tower, he heard a sound coming from the bushes. It was an unusual sound, similar to the sound an eight-foot-tall man in a suit of heavy metal armor makes when he's weeping quietly after being shouted at by the man he loved. Xin had no idea what it could be, and so he peeked into the bush. There, sitting against the rock lane wall, was an eight-foot-tall man in a suit of heavy metal armor weeping quietly after being shouted at by the man he loved.
Xin cleared his throat, and Morde jumped.
"Oh... Xin. I thought it was--"
"Garen? He left already."
When Xin saw Morde's expression fall (at least, he could see it in his eyes) he added, "Uhm, to try and find you! See, we didn't know where you were, and he was worried sick, so--"
Morde sniffled, "Xin, it's sweet of you to lie like that to cheer me up, but I know he's gone." Mordekaiser moved to stand. "Something's wrong with him, Xin! He's not my Garen anymore."
Xin shrugged, "Look, he's probably just having a bad day. He'll come around, and his Demacian code will force him to buy you an expensive gift and carve himself up with his own sword in penance." He was lying, as the Demacian code explicitly said that any Demacian whose lover was crying for any reason should beat said lover until they stopped, because Demacians do not cry and they certainly don't date criers. Xin wasn't going to tell him that.

As they returned to the hall, Morde regaled Xin with stories of "the old Garen," a thoughtful adonis who wouldn't hurt a fly, unless that fly was a big Noxian ******, in which case that ***** had it coming. They would meet for candlelit dinners and take romantic boatrides up and down the river in Summoner's Rift, sometimes in the middle of matches if Garen felt like being a troll. And above all, he would never, ever raise his voice, except during matches, and only when he was using Judgment, and he would never use Judgment if they were on apposing teams, they would cuddle instead. Xin began to grow nauseous, and was thankful when they finally reached the hall. He said his goodbyes and headed towards his chambers, because it was a long day and Xin Zhao did not give a single **** right now. It was time for some Super Smash Brothers.


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Renekton Bot

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Senior Member

02-08-2011

Maybe I'm going at this the wrong way?


Okay, fine. No more chapters until I get at least three (3) answers.


Ya'll can answer any three you want, but just answer three. Please for the love of god!



edit: Riot team only. Sorry random people.


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Renekton Bot

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Senior Member

02-09-2011

Aww, you guys suck. Fine, I'll write the next chapter, but DON'T THINK I'M GONNA LIKE IT




(I will)