Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.
FFS All is OP
It was that time of the year again. The crowd of summoners was bloodthirsty for nerfs. Their roars were louder than usual and could only be satiated by an offering.
All high winrate/pickrate/banrate champs as well as high % in LCS games were gathered up, as is customary for this ritual. The crowd chanted for its first offering of the season: "Riven! Riven! Riven! Riven!"
She looked in horror, knowing what would befall her. The stage below Morello still had dried blood from Diana, Gangplank, and Singed from many seasons ago. They are still recovering in the infirmary.
The guards grab Riven and drag her in front of the crowd. The chants grow louder. A kangaroo court session begins, claiming everything that used to be a quirk of Riven was now overpowered, and her weaknesses no longer existed.
Riven had virtually no time to speak on her behalf. The OP charges came loud and quick:
-"You have too many AD scalings including on your shield!"
"But I've always had that!"
-"Summoners who play you are generally dbags!"
"But I can't control tha-"
Morello waved his arms, getting the crowd noise louder before he laid down the bat on her.
SMASH SMASH SMASH
Riven is knocked out. Her teeth are rolling off the stage. She is dragged off into the abyss where the infirmary is to begin her long road to recovery.
Leblanc, Leona, Wukong, looked on in horror. Leblanc saw Lee Sin quietly sitting in the corner smiling. She slowly approached him and asked how he can be so calm. How does he always avoid the cries for blood? He grinned and replied that he takes too much skill to use and makes too many flashy plays for the masses to want his blood spilled.
Lee had been through a lot of these. He somehow was never picked. There would be mute groans from the crowd, but generally before a chant picked up they'd move on to someone else.
Today was different. A few voices confidently yelled for Lee to be the next offering. He just sat there smiling, thinking that the crowd would pick someone else as what usually happens. Little did he know, Irelia, Shaco, and Nocturne, some regulars who take bat swings instead of him, weren't present today.
The chants for Lee grew louder. There was pent up angst built up over years of Lee avoiding the nerf ritual. The guards finally grab him. His smile quickly turns to a look of horror, knowing that his time had come.
Morello is going to enjoy this one. The crowd had never stirred up this loudly. Two years is a long time to avoid the blood offering. Morello will want to make up for lost time. He summons an assistant to give him the spiked nerfbat. This hasn't been seen since Urgot, who few even know if he's still alive.
The crowd is thrown into a wild frenzy. Lee is smashed again, and again, and again. Morello even gets a few extra smacks in before others intervene to take Lee to the infirmary. He will have to learn how to eat through a straw for the next few months.
The crowd is satiated, for now. Chants start to rise up again, quietly. This time the chants are split. Fiora seems to be gaining a bit of traction but none is loud enough to dominate the arena. Morello retires to his lair after a job well done until the next time when another ritual of blood is necessary.
Originally Posted by Spitsonkittens
Hey, if you want the exact post links, here they are: