"Lol Naut sucks no dmg"

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Letsgetcooking

Senior Member

11-20-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dredge Mammus View Post
Interesting new fic man.
Wanted to try something different


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Letsgetcooking

Senior Member

11-20-2013

Here's a teaser for the next fanfic
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SummonerMan Matt

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Senior Member

11-20-2013

Ok so I have read every page. A lot of self bumping but the fanfic were absolutely of a CaptainM or Iaw standard, which from me is saying something. Of course this is a different genre entirly then any of their work, as theirs were different to eachother. +10 man Keep up the work

My best recommendation is you need to get in character a bit more. You have the sadist behavior down perfectly but in the Graves+lulu part you seemed like you wouldnt know what each champ would say.

Lulu is extremely upbeat and silly, she came off as an attention seeking shy person.
Graves is a western cowboy, rugged and tough but he came off as a jerk.

This really took away from your story and made it less believable.

NautV5 - 8.5/10
NautVT - 9/10
MordV2 - 6.5/10 (easily a 8+/10 with Graves/lulu fixes)
Other - 4/10 (what was this?)


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RockJockey

Senior Member

11-20-2013

Grammar and spell check my friend would do wonders for this.


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Letsgetcooking

Senior Member

11-20-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by SummonerMan Matt View Post
Ok so I have read every page. A lot of self bumping but the fanfic were absolutely of a CaptainM or Iaw standard, which from me is saying something. Of course this is a different genre entirly then any of their work, as theirs were different to eachother. +10 man Keep up the work

My best recommendation is you need to get in character a bit more. You have the sadist behavior down perfectly but in the Graves+lulu part you seemed like you wouldnt know what each champ would say.

Lulu is extremely upbeat and silly, she came off as an attention seeking shy person.
Graves is a western cowboy, rugged and tough but he came off as a jerk.

This really took away from your story and made it less believable.

NautV5 - 8.5/10
NautVT - 9/10
MordV2 - 6.5/10
Other - 4/10 (what was this?)
Thanks for your opinion!

As for the characters themselves,let's start with Lulu.I did not take this one seriously, going all kawai and such. I just tried to make her...cute?By Gd standarts?Idk i just wanted to get to the part where mord gives her a massage...with blood included.

Now,about Graves. I'll be honest,this on i tried to give him a character. But it sounds like it didnt work: i should read a few books and learn how to make a tough guy right. Maybe i should read CM's fanfic about Zaun again: could pick up some ideas for character.

Finally the other fanfic...i like to try different ideas. Try to find my style of writing. I know my sadistic ones worked better but this is a forum where i believe i can try different styles and such.
Maybe one day i'll go back to simply pure gore. Right now i need to find my pros and cons and fix thoses.


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Flamewolf75

Senior Member

11-20-2013

Bookmarked. Love your sadistic writing style.


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Haon450

Member

11-20-2013

Spoiler Alert


Where was the Announcer proclaiming "PENTAKILL!" ?!


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Ouroboro DFGAREN

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Senior Member

11-20-2013

This is good


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Auryiel

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Member

11-20-2013

Thought I would try my hand at this, it looks like fun ^_^

Well, here goes (p.s. english is not my first language :|)

The small creatureís body twitched uncontrollably as it slowly rose in the air. With a sudden spasm, the rodentís fingers closed around his blowgun, crushing it. The fragile weapon fell to the ground with a soft thump as the yordleís fingers went limp. Vladimirís delicate, pale lips twisted into a wicked grin. His victimís eyes rolled inside his skull, exposing the white sclera. The Reaper raised his hand towards the sky, lifting his puppet further up. He could feel the rush of the blood in the yordleís veins, calling to him, signing the sweet lullaby only he could hear. His own heart started pumping faster, mimicking the panicked rhythm of the tiny heart he now controlled. Vladimir could wait no more. He commanded the blood to come out. The small championís skin ruptured and crimson gushes rose in the air, staining his beige fur, twisting and dancing with inhuman elegance to the tune in Vladimirís mind. A helpless, feeble cry escaped ruined lips and crimson nectar cascaded down the ratís throat. Vladimir had to stop the blood from choking its host. He did not want it to end so soon.

The Reaper could feel the summoner in his head struggling feebly to regain control of his chosen vessel of destruction. He was probably a novice, uneducated in the secrets shared between those of his order. Clearly, he had been unaware of his championís taste for cruelty. Vladimir was usually chosen by summoners with sadistic instincts or those cold enough to withstand the sights of his methods. He preferred the presence of the formers in the dark recesses of his mind. He could always feel them silently exulting as he feasted upon the life of those he was pitted against. But this one was weak and foolish, unable to stomach the ruin Vladimir wrought upon his foes. The cretin wordlessly begged him to put an end to the rodentís sweet, exquisite torture. Vladimir ignored him.

The blood swirled in mesmerizing patterns around its host, responding to Vladimirís silent commands. Droplets caught the artificial light that shone upon the Rift. The blood was set ablaze and cast a ruddy shine on the puppetís distorted features. Vladimirís eyes widened in admiration. Such beauty, he thought. To his sorrow, it lasted but a moment. Even after so many years, the blood still delighted him when it yielded such unexpected results.

The scarlet ribbons suddenly froze, then slowly took the shape of sharp blades. A quiet laugh escaped Vladimir as the blood rushed back towards its host, stabbing the yorlde in a dozen different places. The creatureís tiny heart fluttered and missed a beat, but Vladimir was not done yet. He refused to let the flame of life be extinguished so easily. The blood came back out and drove itself back in with mindless violence. Vladimir had come to learn that, when left unbound, blood could be more malevolent than even he. The process repeated itself several times until all that was left of the annoying rat was a ruined, withered husk. Only then did Vladimir allow its pitiful heart to stop beating.

Its body fell to the ground, the sound muffled by the grass. The precious blood flowed out, feeding the hungry earth with rich, glorious life and staining the emerald perfection of Summonerís Rift. He wondered if the summoner that was wildly trashing about inside him would ever be the same after sharing in the pleasure of a drawn out exsanguination. Maybe the experience would awaken a dark thirst inside him, one the poor man had never even suspected of existing. Or maybe his mind would slowly shatter as the memories of that day came back to claw at the very fabric of his sanity day and night. These thoughts only served to further enflame Vladimir. His hunger was never ending and this third kill had not satiated him. He craved more.

If you guys like it, tell me what Vlad should do next : Farm, invade jungle or gank and I'll see if I can come up with something XD


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Jean Never Wins

Member

11-20-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vesh View Post
such story
wow
so bump
vesh confirmed for hero of GD