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CaptainMårvelous's Guide to the Freljord Conflict

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CaptainMÃ¥rvelous

Member

04-30-2013

Hello GD. It's me, CaptainMårvelous. There's a lot of confusion about Freljord's conflict.
"Oh who do I support? What faction do I go with? What will they do for me? Horde or Alliance?"
I'm here to talk about each faction, explain their motives and help you decide which one is right for you!
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THE TRIBES /ARMIES /FACTIONS /HIGH SCHOOL GROUPS EMBROILED IN DRAMA

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The Avarosan
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"Avarosa guide us to a new age of peace. Guys stop arguing. GUYS. GUYS STOP TH-"

The Avarosan faction is a tribe of peaceful people led by what sounds like a fourteen year old girl thanks to the VA change.
They believe Freljord should rule through peace, diplomacy, kindness and Saturday morning cartoon morals.
Their symbol is the bow because Ashe is selfish and narcissistic.
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Leader: Ashe
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A young girl with a bow, she's everyone's first ADC. She's all frosty and cold too but then again everything is. Also blonde...or...old? White hair?
Greyor says she looks like Avarosa. I bet Avarosa was a drow.
Ashe uses a magical ice bow that shoots a lot of little arrows or one big one that stuns you. It's kinda specialized, eh?
Her main items are Last Whisper because it's a bow, Runaan's Hurricane because it's a bow and Elise's Miracle because it'd be a miracle if she stays this way.
Her main strength is redic' kiting and being married to the president of Riot Games.
Her main weakness is Riot constantly changing her art, VA and everything. Also crying and not having a passive.
Worth about 450 IP.
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Allies
675031 Tryndamere: Ashe's hubby and rage master. He also owns Riot so they'll probably win. Right arm is stronger than left so probably in trouble with Ashe.
675027 Nunu/Wilump: JESUS CHRIST GET IT AWAY FROM ME. GAH WHAT THE HELL IS THAT IT WANTS TO PUT SOMETHING INSIDE ME.
675025 Gragas: Like beer? Like getting drunk? McDonalds your main source of food? Uncover repressed memories with beer!
675023 Anivia: Bird bird bird yeah bird is the word bird bird bird don't you know about the bird? Oh she's got a legendary skin so she's way stronger now.
675016 Morello: Dude has an Anivia icon. I'm probably wrong but he might love the Avarosan. If Morello wants out he can just post in this thread and say so.
675017 Riot Taco Storm: Dude aligned with Avarosa. I asked him. I am sad now. :c
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Strengths: Peaceful, Compromising, Largest Tribe in Freljord, Has been in the League the longest, lots of skins, Ashe is Miss Freljord 2013.
Weaknesses: Tends to cry a lot, most Avarosans aren't picked in professional scene, no tanks.
Preferred Game Mode: Summoner's Rift. The most intellectual, often played map of the three as the Avarosan say. Really it's because that's all that's left.
Pick The Avarosan if: You're peaceful. You talk things out to reach compromises. You like birds, creepy faces, beer, bows and big swords. You cry baby tears often.
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The Winter's Claw
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"BEER. STEAK. FIGHTING. AAAAAAAAAAW YEAAAAAAAAH."

The Winter's Claw aren't your daddy's tribe. They're rough. They get into fights. They like to slap people around, hate reading and spit on literacy.
They're led by this chick riding a boar. She's kinda hot asides the man face. I wish she had kept the bikini though.
Their symbol is two axes. One for cutting a head off and the other for cutting the axe out of that guy's head.
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Leader: Sejuani
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A babe on a boar (I like to call her "Dat wani&quot, she's a mean tank boarvalier (Boar cavalier) She looks kinda warm if you give her a hug but good luck.
Greyor says she looks like Serylda. Serylda was probably hot and had a six pack.
Sejuani's weapon of choice is an icy flail, her boar, her "rugged good looks" and five o'clock shadow.
Her main items are Warmogs because it has war in it's name, Iceborn gauntlet due to fisting and Sunfire cape to keep warm while covering her embarrassing muffin top.
Her main strength is getting what she wants. She wants you. You don't wanna be with her? Too bad. Sejuani is on top every night, trophy sub.
Her main weakness is that she's always the butt of jokes about being ugly and being terrible. Personally I think it's boar-racism.
Worth about 6300 IP.
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Allies
675028 Olaf: Joined because he likes fighting lore-wise. He really joined because he got salty at Ashe's kiting and wishes to groom Sejuani's mustache.
675032 Udyr: Originally he was mad he's from Freljord and not Ionia but Riot said if he shuts up and goes with it he gets a new skin. Udyr accepted.
675033 Volibear: Sejuani's got a gene that makes her sweat a pheromone that attracts bears. Volibear hopes one day she will mother (father?) a litter of cubs.
675014 IronStylus: It's a woman in armor do you honestly think he's not all over that? Leona is crying and Diana is laughing at her.
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Strengths: Everyone is manly, tons of junglers, beards, probably has the market cornered on bacon.
Weaknesses: Woman beards, everyone is pretty much nerfed to hell, breeding in the Winter's Claw will break your pelvis. No ADCs or APCs.
Preferred Game Mode: Crystal Scar because a lot of fighting really quickly. Don't have time to wait twenty minutes for farming.
Pick The Winter's Claw if: You're a manly man. When someone says talk it out you punch them in the face. You like armor, bears, boars, beards, war.
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The Frostguard
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"Zzzzz....zzzz...h-huh? What? Riot wants to put us in the game now? Finally, that took forever."

The Frostguard are dark, mysterious, really cold and they're by far the weirdest looking faction. I mean look at her plane head.
They believe in freezing the world because that was an episode of Courage the Cowardly Dog.
Their symbol is an....eye? An arrow pointing down? I got no clue.
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Leader: Lissandra
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A woman-stealth bomber hybrid, this mean lean icy sex machine is the most powerful of the three in flat-out magic.
Greyor doesn't really like her or something. I don't blame him, she's creepy and has been alive for way too long. She's probably like a hyper-grandma. GMILF?
The tool of Lissandra is ice. Magic ice. Throwing ice. High-C (H-ICY) tropical fruit punch.
Her main items are Frozen Mallet because frozen, Shard of True Ice because ice and Frozen Heart because armor. (What? Because it's cold? Racist.)
Her main strength is her ability to change the entire League (New Queue, New Champ, New icons, New lore) with her mere presence.
Her main weakness is temperatures above forty degrees.
She's worth about 7800 IP for this week, then she'll be worth less soon™.
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Allies
675030 Trundle: Ahahahaha nobody likes you Lissandra. You get stuck with Trundle. Trundle and his dumb looking ice club.
675015 Kitae: Lissandra's introduction gave Kitae all the chances to push Freljord on everyone. Kitae may or may not be Mr.Freeze or Killer Frost from DC comics.
675234 Nikasaur: Kog'maw enthusiast and mistress of the showcase. Nika why none of what I make appear on the showcase? :c (I kid I kid)
675455 Xelnath: Xelnath made a bargain with Lissandra that he can eat those who fail her. He is extremely content.
675752 Montag: Enamored with the frosty good looks of Lissandra and her cold attitude makes him just shiver with delight. Yet a Brand avatar, oddly.
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I think some others like her but IDK I don't wanna upload more attachments.
If you're a Rioter who likes her I'll add you to this list if you post in this thread.

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Strengths: Magic out the ass, frosty, Lissandra is the most recent release, Kitae leads the lore team so she controls the universe I think.
Weaknesses: The butt of all the Freljord-ize your last champion jokes, not many allies, everyone but the Rioters look creepy.
Preferred Game Mode: Howling Abyss because ICE EVERYWHERE!!!
Pick The Frostguard if: You like ice. You like airplanes. You like trolling both in-game and on the lore.
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Wait. Wait that's it? That's seriously the only three!? You're joking.
Not one of these people looks like they could govern a god damn steak dinner, much less a country.
NOBODY wants to step in? Nobody? Ionia? Demacia? Noxus? THE LEAGUE? Oh my god you're all so lazy.
That's it. I have to take action everyone. No way am I leaving this frosty wonderland to a threesome of raging PMS armies.

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The Mårvelous Armada
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"Ok all you crazy b*tches need to sit down and shut up. We're gonna captain this country."

The Mårvelous Armada is a group of forum-goers who feel that none of these people could lead a damn thing.
They believe that in securing Freljord, they can further expand their influence and one day work for Riot Games.
Their symbol is the Mårvelous flag as they are united under it's pirate banner.
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Leader: CaptainMårvelous
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A handsome pirate captain and GD regular, CaptainMårvelous literally announced his bid for Freljord about six lines ago.
Greyor doesn't know him because he literally announced his bid seven lines ago.
Tools of his trade include attachments, the marvelous saber and marvelous gun, plot devices, the reply/quote buttons and sarcasm
His main items are Innervating locket to possibly sway Udyr to his side, Van Damm's pillager because it was broken and Heart of Gold because he's just that noble.
His main strength is the unstoppable charisma that brings forum goers to his side in droves, as well as baiting Rioters to talk to him.
His main weakness is the forums deleting all his attachments so he has to reupload them one at a time and terrible posters (See: The first comment in the thread).
Worth about ∞ IP or two cans of Mountain Dew.
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Allies
675036 Shogun Megazord: SHOGUN IS LOVE. SHOGUN IS LIFE. ALL HAIL SHOGUN MEGAZORD'S FLAME BLADE OF JUSTICE.
675037 Jetstream Sam: A dashing cyborg samurai and Mårvelous's BFF. He needed money after being killed off in D&D so he joined up.
675034 Batman: Look at how happy Batman is that he was mentioned. Look at him. He's also the person funding this entire gamble for Freljord.
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Strengths: Funniest of the four tribes, their leader actually exists IRL, Upvote button, portrait comics and references.
Weaknesses: They existed for one post, only one person is actually in the League, Downvote button, deleted attachment glitches, copyright infringement?
Preferred Game Mode: Forum because you can't link pictures in the client.
Pick The Mårvelous Armada if: You are awesome, smart, cool and want upvotes. You like pirates, cyborg samurai, growling all your lines, robotic shogun gods in the sky.
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I hope this has helped you all reach a decision on which faction is truly best for you. I am certain you will make the right choice.
Want to join the Armada? Have FEK (http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/showthread.php?t=2757820)? Use this image (http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/attachment.php?attachmentid=675069&d=1367347335) as your icon and pledge your strength to the Armada!
Wanna support the Armada AND make Riot Points doing it!? (http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/showthread.php?t=3400087)

EDIT: Riot there are huge, glaring errors with your client that I must address!!!

1.) The Mårvelous Armada icon doesn't seem to be in the selectable options. This is greatly hindering our efforts and making it nearly impossible to continue onward.
2.) CaptainMårvelous nor any of his supports are in the game, further making it difficult to secure a foothold in Freljord. A skin for Gangplank would be acceptable.
3.) By far the worst offender, there is an EVENT (http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/showthread.php?t=3392679) that happens when Ashe/Sejuani/Lissandra fight it out and reach 16.
They are tasked with killing the opponant. The winner will get a crown and the title/passive "Queen of Freljord".
You have 100% excluded the Mårvelous Armada from this game and I demand a fix for this, as seen below:
  • Gangplank is now eligible for this quest until CaptainMårvelous or one of his supports is in the game.
  • Killing opposing sister will give you the title/passive "King of the Freljord" on Gangplank(Transitioned to CM once added).
  • For the rest of the match Gangplank (Again, eventually CM) will have a crown above his head as well as the buff "King of Freljord"
  • The description will read "Things are about to get mårvelous in Freljord."

Thank you for your time. I would report this to the bug forum but I feel GD gets more attention and this will be rectified sooner.


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Caítlyn

Member

04-30-2013

TL;DR
downvoted


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Surfer Ahri

Member

04-30-2013

The Marvelous Armada 2013


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Morello Nerf Bat

Senior Member

04-30-2013

+1 for effort

Quote:
Caítlyn:
TL;DR
downvoted

This thread is about Freijlord. Go back to Piltover.


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SlumlordThanatos

Senior Member

04-30-2013

Finally, a faction for me!

GO TEAM MARVELOUS ARMADA!!!


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SadKeanu

Senior Member

04-30-2013

Room for one more on the Marvelous Armada?

I'm a certified full-body masseuse.

EDIT: I wear your flag with pride captain.

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Darkness4910

Recruiter

04-30-2013

Thanks for this insightful guide.


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Kyrrion

Senior Member

04-30-2013

Joining the Marvelous Armada!

LEAD US TO VICTORY, CAPTAIN!

Dibs on being the group bard!
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Rathour

Senior Member

04-30-2013

Quote:
Caítlyn:
TL;DR
downvoted

We all know you secretly love your Marvelous-senpai.
Edit: I'm gonna get downvoted by the people who don't know Caitlyn's relations with Marvelous, sweet.


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Map Awareness

Recruiter

04-30-2013

Can I be the Pink Ranger?