Teemo Diaries

First Riot Post
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w0nderw4ll

Senior Member

05-03-2013

the ending was complete ****. You need to rework it. I really love it but I think you could have made it better.


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Chibi Musashi

Member

05-03-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kachine View Post
SPOILERS ALERT: DO NOT READ IF YOU WANT TO FIGURE THINGS OUT BY YOURSELF MORE

Teemo was tramatized by when he saw Veigar's mangled body, as his mental state degrades, another persona comes in as an attempt to remain sane.
So Veigar's spirit didnt posses Teemo, it was only the other personality from schizophrenia. Shucks, I wanted my tiny master of evil to carry on as a vengeful spirit.

And to all the haters, there are so much worse endings out there, at least he is willing to explain for those of you that dont like openness and want to be spoonfed all the conclusions.


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Milenkov

Senior Member

05-03-2013

Hmmm... It kind of fell flat, sorry to say, it didn't inspire fear, it didn't bring closure, it's just... there.

I was kind of hoping your recent day 20 would be revised to include the Veigar voices not read in the original post.

Still though, good effort all around, I was on the edge of my seat until the end. :S

EDIT: Also, did we ever actually find out what happened to Lulu and Possessed!Tristana? If I recall day 19 was just him stumbling through the woods attempting to come to terms with his situation..


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Romantic Metro

Senior Member

05-03-2013

I loved it, like others said the ending fell flat but I think we really just wanted it to continue to =p.

Good job looking forward to more in the future if it comes around


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Kachine

Senior Member

05-03-2013

I'm enjoying the comments I'm getting. I too think the ending is mediocre compared to the beginning of the story. However, that is mostly due to the fact that I did not plan out the story at all. About half way through the story, I had no idea where I was going with it and I had to think up what to write for each entry. Furthermore, due to Teemo's mental degradation, I was reluctant to write anything fancy and complicated and went for simple instead. Also, mid way through the story, I chose to focus more on psychological development over cheap scares. Lastly, I didn't spend as much time on the end as I did previously. All these factors likely combined on top of it being a cliff hanger to give a weaker ending. Keep the comments and questions coming, I'll try to answer all I can.


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Kachine

Senior Member

05-03-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Milenkov View Post
Hmmm... It kind of fell flat, sorry to say, it didn't inspire fear, it didn't bring closure, it's just... there.

I was kind of hoping your recent day 20 would be revised to include the Veigar voices not read in the original post.

Still though, good effort all around, I was on the edge of my seat until the end. :S

EDIT: Also, did we ever actually find out what happened to Lulu and Possessed!Tristana? If I recall day 19 was just him stumbling through the woods attempting to come to terms with his situation..
They were both found dead by Teemo on different days.


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Milenkov

Senior Member

05-03-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kachine View Post
They were both found dead by Teemo on different days.
Hmm, guess I'm going to have to go back and reread it, I think it was just the spastic thought process between Teemo/Veigar that threw me off a bit.

Oh well, thanks for responding.


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Prototype 13

Junior Member

05-03-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chibi Musashi View Post
So Veigar's spirit didnt posses Teemo, it was only the other personality from schizophrenia. Shucks, I wanted my tiny master of evil to carry on as a vengeful spirit.
I thought for sure it was this! This is kinda how i was seeing/hoping for the story-

Tristana was actually in love with Veigar. After his mistake with the summoning she was driven desperate and turned to dark magic herself and tried to bind Veigar's spirit to Teemo during the night (who else could she have chosen?). Veigar's eyes actually being the ones Teemo see's in his nightmares. Veigar's spirit hadn't completely taken over him (yet) and what we're reading is some of Veigar's thoughts as they both are trying to occupy the same body. I also see that performing dark magic had ill affects on Tristana and thus herself went a little crazy and did some of the killing herself. Or something along those lines.

Great story, glad I bookmarked!


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Silva Neilo

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Senior Member

05-03-2013

Awesome job Kachine! I kept this tab open since your first post :3


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PVRSE

Senior Member

05-03-2013

I usually dont read things that are written like this or of the style because its usually corny as hell to me, but it was interesting. Im not going to say like everyone else that the ending "fell flat" or anything because it is your story! Im sure people are fine with it, but the ending was a definitely off.

I would fix up the last few days to actually work on those days longer and harder than the other days youve written. The goal should be to leave the reader actually "cliff hung" so that even that the story ends as a cliffhanger, you still climaxed it.

overall, good job, kept me reading which was very rare.