Is this better?

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Fireside Poet

Senior Member

03-17-2013

Hey folks.

Below I have posted 2 things. First, a link to the original Ahri biographical lore on the champions page.

Second, a copy edited version I have written in an attempt to provide a cleaner, easier to read story.

I do this simply to see if the copy edits I have mad actually do produce a "better" product in the opinion of others, or if the changes are simply about catering to my own preference of style.

In other words: do you think the changes I made are good, or necessary? Or are they simply nit-picky?

Ahri's Lore as it stands

My copy edit:

Quote:
Unlike the other foxes that roamed in the woods of southern Ionia, Ahri always felt a strange connection to the magical world around her; a connection that was somehow incomplete. Deep inside she felt the skin she had been born into was ill-fitted for her, and dreamt of one day becoming human. Her goal seemed forever out of reach until the day she happened upon a grisly scene of human battle. The land was obscured by the forms of wounded and dying soldiers, and as she walked softly among the bodies, she felt herself inexplicably drawn to one soldier in particular. The robed man lay encircled by a waning field of magic, and his life was quickly slipping away. As she approached him, the deep feeling inside of her triggered, reaching out to the man in a way she could not understand. His life essence poured into her, carried her on invisible strands of magic. The sensation was intoxicating and overwhelming.**As her reverie faded, she was delighted to discover that she had changed: her sleek white fur had receded and her body was long and lithe. She had taken the shape of the humans who lay scattered around her.
*
Though she appeared human, she knew that her transformation was incomplete. Still a cunning creature, she adapted to the customs of human society and used her profound gift of beauty to attract unsuspecting men. She could consume their life essences when they were under the spell of her seductive charm, and feeding on their desires brought her ever closer to her dream. But as she took more lives, a strange sense of regret began to develop within her. She had reservations about taking actions that would never have troubled her as a fox. She realized she could not overcome the pangs of her evolving morality alone, and sought out a solution. It was during this search that Ahri found the Institute of War, home of the most gifted mages on Runeterra. These mages would offer her humanity without further harm through service in the League of Legends.