Ask the Great Steam Golem

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Ask The Golem

Member

01-27-2013

A large door marked 'Ask Blitzcrank' sits somewhere in the 'Neutral' wing of the Institute of War. Inside is chamber that looks much like a Zaunite corporate Ceo's office, with several human-sized chairs (and a few yordle-sized ones as well) across the barely furnished room.

Near the back sits the marvel of Zaunite engineering, Bitzcrank, the Great Steam Golem. Its (or rather his, as he refers to himself as) large, angular shape whirrs as hidden gears power his golden form. Steam shoots out in spurts from exhaust ports on his back, clouding the glass window behind him.

His voice, artificial yet carrying a hint of anticipation, greets all who would enter with its drone.


"WELCOME-FLESHLINGS- - -PREPARING-TO-RECEIVE-QUESTIONS- - -PLEASE STATE YOUR INQUIRY- - -"

((So, the last Blitzcrank hasn't posted in a month. The Compendium lists Blitzcrank as unavailable but I went ahead and smurfed up to take over anyway.

If that's out of line, let me know and I'll stop.))


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Lexperiments

Senior Member

01-27-2013

Have you ever thought of contacting Viktor to speak about mechanics, along with helping each other become... I don't know.. more mechanical, to become better and stronger?

-Lexperiments, a Random Summoner


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Vice Emargo

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Senior Member

01-27-2013

Vice slowly walks up to the door, conveniently marked "Ask Blitzcrank."
Vice opens the door and walks in, shutting it behind him. "Hello, Blitzcrank, good to see another champion open himself up to questions."
"So, what is YOUR """Breakfast""" of champions?"


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Ask The Golem

Member

01-27-2013

Quote:
Have you ever thought of contacting Viktor to speak about mechanics, along with helping each other become... I don't know.. more mechanical, to become better and stronger?

-Lexperiments, a Random Summoner
-IT-WOULD-BE-ADVANTAGEOUS-TO-CONTACT-AND-COMMUNICATE-WITH-VIKTOR- - - HOWEVER-I-HAVE-NOT-YET-BEEN-GIVEN-THE-OPPORTUNITY-TO-DO-SO- - -

Quote:
Vice slowly walks up to the door, conveniently marked "Ask Blitzcrank."
Vice opens the door and walks in, shutting it behind him. "Hello, Blitzcrank, good to see another champion open himself up to questions."
"So, what is YOUR """Breakfast""" of champions?"
Blitzcrank looks down at the asker, examining him with an inquisitive tilt to his head, before speaking.

"-WAS-THAT-AN-ATTEMPT-TO-BE-'FUNNY'- - - IT-IS-OBVIOUS-THAT-I-POSSESS-NO-CAPABILITY-TO-INGEST-ORGANIC-FOOD- - -I-WILL-NEVER-COMPREHEND-ORGANIC-HUMOR- - -"


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Vice Emargo

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Senior Member

01-27-2013

Speaks like a robot, horribly "NO-IT-WAS-NOT-MENT-TO-BE....BEEP HUMOR" he says, with a giddy smirk. "I was refering to what you actually do when you 'start' your day."


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Ask Köggy

Senior Member

01-27-2013

Hello Robot Blitz~!

It is Koggy!

Koggy keeps wondering if Koggy's Acid spit melts Blitz metal thingy! If it does, Koggy sorry! Koggy only attacks if in danger! Summon-people only work with Koggy's body and works some voo-doo!


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Ask the String

Senior Member

01-27-2013

Sona glides into Blitzcrank's home on a pleasant tune. She approached the Great Steam Golem with a smile.

♪Why hello there, Blitzcrank,♪ Sona's music started, ♪How has the League been treating you lately?♪


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Ask The Golem

Member

01-27-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vice Emargo View Post
Speaks like a robot, horribly "NO-IT-WAS-NOT-MENT-TO-BE....BEEP HUMOR" he says, with a giddy smirk. "I was refering to what you actually do when you 'start' your day."
"WHY-DID-YOU-NOT-SPECIFY-THAT-THEN - - -"

He pauses before truly answering.

"-THE-BEGINNING-OF-EACH-CYCLE-OF-THE-PLANET'S-ROTATION-TOWARDS-THE-SUN-IS-MARKED-BY-AN-EXIT-FROM-SLEEP-MODE- - -"

Blitzcrank allows that to sink in before continuing.

"-THAT-IS-FOLLOWED-BY-APPROXIMATELY-FIFTY-TWO-PERFOMANCE-TESTS OVER-THE-COURSE-OF-THREE-SECONDS - - -DOES-THAT-ANSWER-YOUR-INQUIRY- - -"

Quote:
Originally Posted by ask köggy View Post
hello robot blitz~!

It is koggy!

Koggy keeps wondering if koggy's acid spit melts blitz metal thingy! If it does, koggy sorry! Koggy only attacks if in danger! Summon-people only work with koggy's body and works some voo-doo!
-GREETINGS-INFANT-VOID-FLESHLING - - -

There is a large gap between that last sentence and the next one on the letter.

-YOUR-STOMACH-ACIDS-COLLIDING-WITH-MY-SHELL-RESULT-SIXTY-SEVEN-POINT-TWO-PERCENT-OF-THE-TIME-IN-THE-SLIGHT-DISSOLVING-OF-MY-METALLIC-TISSUE - - -

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ask the Strings View Post
Sona glides into Blitzcrank's home on a pleasant tune. She approached the Great Steam Golem with a smile.

♪Why hello there, Blitzcrank,♪ Sona's music started, ♪How has the League been treating you lately?♪
Blitzcrank tilts the hard corners of his head down to look at the Maven, their size difference obvious-he is nearly twice her height. He freezes slightly as her words penetrate the circuitry of his brain.

"-MUSICAL-FLESHLING - - -HOW-IS-IT-THAT-YOUR-WORDS-REACH-MY-MOTERBOARD-YET-YOUR-FOOD-INGESTERS-DO-NOT-MOVE"

He brings a hand up to his head, one massive finger scratching the sides of the comparatively small 'skull'.

"-THIS-DOES-NOT-COMPUTE - - -"


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makmix

Senior Member

01-27-2013

Mack walks into the room of the Great Golem.

"Blitzcrank, how are you motor receptors and motherboard working? Are they fine or are they in need of repair?"

Mack pulls his hextech tools from his pockets.

"I really think it's time for an upgrade."

He sits on the ground and leans on the wall right next to the doorway.


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Ask The Golem

Member

01-27-2013

Blitzcrank looks offended, what with how he bends forward to nearly bring his 'forehead' in contact with this new arrival's.

"-I-HIGHLY-SUGGEST-YOU-REFRAIN-FROM-INTERFERING-WITH-MY-PROGRAMMING-MEATBAG - - -DO-YOU-HAVE-AN-INQUIRY- - -"


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