Snowflake, The Jolly Portly Yordle

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DragonMilk

Junior Member

12-31-2012

My first concept/post, so all feedback is welcome

Often confused with a portly human child for his otherwise boyish good looks, Snowflake loves a good meal and long walks in places that other Yordles find too frigid. Despite his slow pace, Snowflake has been known to bounce about quite speedily when he's in the mood for it, but never minds a piggy back ride - for those who can bear his burden.
His ability to eat is simply magical - he is able to bounce with greater vigor after a meal, but wants more piggy-back rides too.
Snowflake was recognized by Summoners when he was thought to be found dead for the 43rd time in the northern plains - in fact he was covered to his nose in snow napping, and awoke with greater vigor than before, saving those who were lulled to sleep by his presence.
He earned his name not just for his love of the cold, but in that any brawler who dueled him ended up shaped more like a snowflake.

Passive: Negation - Every time Snowflake uses an ability, his MR increases by 0.5. Every time he is afflicted by an enemy ability, his AP increases by 1. 9 second cooldown for each increase. Utensils glow when on cooldown

Q: Buffet - Snowflake samples a minion or monster, dealing 450/575/700/825/850 true damage, and multiplying attack damage and AP by 1.25/1.5/1.75/2/2.25/2.5 for 2 seconds. If the minion/monster dies from Buffet, double mana is restored
Cost: 50/60/70/80/90 mana
Cooldown: 12s
Motion: Cuts a slice of minion/monster using fork/knife like a steak and eats the piece

W: Bounce - After initially bouncing in place for 0.5 seconds, Snowflake's movement speed is multiplied by 1.2/1.5/1.8/2.1/2.4 times for 3 seconds, knocking up all enemies caught in the path, and dealing 100/125/150/175/200 (+0.7AP) damage (cannot deal more than 1 stun/damage per enemy per bounce). Snowflake cannot auto-attack or use other abilities while bouncing, though he can cancel prematurely by using 'W' again (no mana cost for cancel)
Cost: 65/80/95/110/125 mana
Cooldown: 20s
Motion: Bounces on his bottom, using fork and knife in a rowing motion when moving

E: Burden - Snowflake hops onto the back of any enemy (including champions) within 250 range, dealing 50/90/130/170/210 (+0.4AP) initial damage, sticks to them for 2/2.25/2.5/2.75/3 seconds, and slows their movement by 30/35/40/45/50% (can auto-attack for the duration of Burden). If Snowflake is killed, uses another ability, or is cced, the burden is lifted, with Snowflake detaching and the slow removed (slow only applies so long as Snowflake is on the enemy's back).
Cost: 40/55/70/85/100 Mana
Cooldown: 15/13/11/9/7s
Motion: Leaps and sticks fork into champ, then wraps legs around neck

R: Naptime - Snowflake yawns for 0.5 seconds, and sleeps for 10 seconds, immobilizing himself in place (can take damage but will not wake until 10 seconds are over). An initial 300/500/700 health is restored, plus 2/3/4% max health per second. Enemies caught within 700/800/900 range for 3/2.5/2 seconds (counter reset if steps out of range) are lulled by his snores, and fall asleep for 1 second. Upon receiving damage or naturally awakening, enemies are silenced for 1 second. If Snowflake survives his nap, he yawns again and enemies within 500 range are instantly put to sleep.
Cost: 100/125/150 Mana
Cooldown: 90/60/30s
Motion: Yawns upward with eyes closed, dropping fork and knife, then sleeps to the side with head on hands

Stats:
Damage: (15+35) + (1.2/2.8)/level (has a double attack due to fork + knife)
Health: 400 + 100/level
Mana: 250 + 50/level
Movespeed: 300
Armor: 20 + 3.5/level
Spellblock: 20 + 1/level
Health Regen: 7 + 0.9/level
Mana Regen: 6.5+0.5/level

Look: Imagine the build of Gragas, but downsized to Yordle stature and wearing a fancy winter coat (like Burberry), face of a Disney Prince, and carrying a giant fork and table knife.


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DryRun

Senior Member

12-31-2012

hey I wont hit you with a full review but here are some things to think about. one the passive, very broken if you do some quick math....even at level one or two you get 35-40 bonus armour, even if it were only from bonus health, its way to powerful, then the MR stacking, just spamming your spells will give you like 700 MR by end game. Q - makes him a jungler, the only problem is he has no really spammable skill or rnaged harass in lane, so regaining mana seems pointless. as for the res too many self disables and that cling to their back for four seconds while attack would mean you build him glass cannon melee dps and try to stick to a carry or something and auto kill them over the 4 seconds. I don't see his roll in the league. I think you need some work on the theme and the synergy of this champion.


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DragonMilk

Junior Member

12-31-2012

Thanks for the reply DryRun. Was thinking of him as a Rammus-like tank, but moreso on the MR.
Thought he could be a jungling tank, but can definitely lower the damage on his spells. Really envisioned a bounce and sticker, with in-battle napping.

Kind of how like Rammus starts is Q in bushes, he can start his bounce in the bush, stun, and stick.
Alternatively, he can possibly be a nunu-like support and zone people - his 2 ccs really make bot lanes back away.
Finally, due to his Q, he can top lane as well, as last hitting is easy, and his tankiness and bouncing make him harder to gank.
Will definitely think about his passive. I also was thinking his auto attack would be pretty slow, like Naut. Thanks again


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OmNomNaomi

Member

12-31-2012

dude im sry but the damage needs to be lowered i mean way too much damage dealt


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DragonMilk

Junior Member

12-31-2012

Many tweaks made. Passive changed, Q and R revised, and W/E damage lowered.


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Dzanio

Senior Member

12-31-2012

So fun champ, everyone loves a yordle, and if the Pandarins are anything to judge by cute, rotund, furry creatures are popular as well.

Passive: Erm. So temporary boosts are quite common amongst champions, Udyr gets bonus stats for casting things, Varus's passive gives him stats for killing things; there are even a couple of champs like Veigar and Sion, who get a permanent boost everytime they kill something. No one has 2 permanent boosts, and the few permanent boosts which exist are tied to abilities, not to passives. I think either half of this ability is overpowered considering this, and are most certainly overpowered together. If you made either the AP gain or the MR gain contingent upon killing enemies with a specific ability it would not be so bad. If you want to keep this as a passive, then at the very least it needs to have a long cd added to the effect ~10 seconds. I'd have this cd proc for both halves of the passive, so you have to play carefully if you want one of the passives over the other.

Q: Double AD is a lot. Usually such effects are only applied on-hit to the next auto attack. Having it last for 4.5 seconds would be much too long; similar AS effects usually last at most 2 seconds, and unlike AD they can't affect abilities at all. This ability also lacks synergy w/ your passive. If you're going to aim a champ towards mid lane (MR+AP), then you probably want AP scalings, and AP steroids.

W: 1.33 MS multiplication at max ranks would be more in keeping with existing items and abilities. I would increase the AP scaling to .6-.7

E: This ability are described as anti-synergetic by some. Meaning that it prevents enemy players from countering your gameplay while it's up. In general you want to keep these sorts of abilities out of games because they decrease the net "fun" in the game. In other news, a 50% MS slow should last at most 2 seconds, and a semi-permanent gap closer really doesn't need additional cc.

R: Too much cc. See lulu ult for comparable ability.


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DragonMilk

Junior Member

01-01-2013

Thanks Dzanio! Changes made. I think the key to the R is that the enemy can essentially not fall asleep by stepping out of range (kind of like shackles), though could you clarify which cc you mean by too much?

Also, despite his magic-related passive, I envisioned him primarily as a Tanky CC Jungler, though still flexible enough to sample the other lanes


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Sigismund

Senior Member

01-10-2013

Lore:

Quote:
Flow (4/5):
Lore is good, and no more than one or two mistakes exist
Theme (4/5): Lore fits reasonably well into existing LoL Lore

Interest (2/5): Lore had difficulty catching the reader's attention & in garnering interest in the champion
Total: 11/15 x2 = 22/30
Your lore fits into LoL reasonably well and makes sense, aside from a few grammatical/pacing issues. The only issue I have with it is that it is too short. I would go into greater detail about the aspects of his personality that you mentioned, because they feel as if they were only mentioned for the sake of being mentioned.

Negation:
Quote:
Balance (1/3): Ability is seriously imbalanced (either overpowered or underpowered), and should not exist in its current form

Originality (2/3): Ability differs itself somewhat from existing champion abilities and still adds something to LoL

Intuitiveness (2/3):
Ability is either too complicated or lacking in synergy, but not lacking in both areas
Total: 5/9
This ability doesn’t do much early game, and could very easily become op due to its snowball mechanic. Why not make the buffs gained temporary stacking bonuses (for example: +5/10/15 MR for 4 seconds, or what have you)? It would make the rewards granted by this skill a lot more immediate and noticeable. It would also make the ability easier to balance because you wouldn’t have to worry about the fact that he can potentially gain 5 MR and 10 ability power every 90 seconds. It’s unlikely that he’d gain AP at such a high rate, but it wouldn’t be difficult for him to maintain a high rate of MR gain, especially if he built cooldown reduction.

Buffet:
Quote:
Balance (1/3):
Ability is seriously imbalanced (either overpowered or underpowered), and should not exist in its current form
Originality (2/3):
Ability differs itself somewhat from existing champion abilities and still adds something to LoL
Intuitiveness (3/3):
Ability synergizes well with champion role and is easily understood
Total: 6/9
This ability seems to be a more offense oriented version of Nunu’s Consume, which is fine. The only concern I have with it is the incredibly powerful steroid that it grants. A 1.5 multiplier to both damage and AP is very high (Riven is only capable of giving a 1.2 multiplier to AD, and Rabadon’s gives a 1.25 multiplier to AP), and your ability currently gives up to 2.25 (I ignored the last level because you have 6 values listed). I would recommend lowering the bonus at all levels, and increasing the buff’s duration, because 2 seconds does not seem like enough time to make effective use of it.

Bounce:
Quote:
Balance (2/3):Ability has some minor imbalances that either encourage or discourage the player from choosing it over the other abilities

Originality (2/3): Ability differs itself somewhat from existing champion abilities and still adds something to LoL

Intuitiveness (3/3): Ability synergizes well with champion role and is easily understood
Total: 7/9
An amusing ability, it provides snowflake with an effective form of initiation, although both the move speed multiplier (at higher levels) and the cooldown seem a bit high. 2.4 move speed multiplier would make this ability very hard/nigh impossible to dodge, while a 1.2 multiplier would make it ver hard indeed to catch anyone, especially with the cast time. I’d recommend readjusting the numbers so that it ranges somewhere between 1.4 to 1.8. 20 seconds is a bit of a high cooldown on almost any ability, but you could keep it that high if you made it scale don with levels (similar to most jump/initiation abilities).

Burden:
Quote:
Balance (2/3):Ability has some minor imbalances that either encourage or discourage the player from choosing it over the other abilities

Originality (3/3): Ability is unique and brings something new to LoL

Intuitiveness (3/3): Ability synergizes well with champion role and is easily understood
Total: 8/9
An interesting ability and a cool take on a form of cc. There are only two potential issues that come to mind about this ability: 1) considering that Snowflake is on his opponent’s back, can the effected unit attack him (I’m inclined to guess yes, because the ability would probably be too strong otherwise)? 2) The fact that both the duration and the slow increase makes this ability a little odd, because leveling the ability makes it scale significantly better. Most abilities usually have either the slow or the duration scale with levels.

Naptime:
Quote:
Balance (1/3): Ability is seriously imbalanced (either overpowered or underpowered), and should not exist in its current form

Originality (3/3): Ability is unique and brings something new to LoL

Intuitiveness (1/3): Ability is needlessly complicated and does not synergize well with the champion's role
Total: 5/9
The lack of clarification as to whether opponents can be effected more than once made it a bit difficult for me to rate the ability. Allowing it to debuff an opponent multiple times would make the ability blatantly overpowered, while only allowing it to affect each opponent once would have the opposite effect, and make this ability underpowered.
If this ability is capable of putting the same opponents to sleep multiple times, it would effectively makes it impossible for the enemy to win a team fight unless they immediately bail out once he casts it, although the large AoE would make that very difficult as well (Amumu Ult, for example, only has a 600 AoE). The fact that he’d be able to put all enemies to sleep every 2 seconds (I’m assumed to timer doesn’t count down while they’re asleep), and that they would be silenced for 1 second upon waking up means that they only have a one second window to cast spells. The enemy would almost always be better off disengaging than they would be trying to fight.
Part of the issue with this ability is its duration. 10 seconds is an awfully long time in a teamfight, and your current numbers would allow Snowflake to put each individual enemy to sleep up to 4 times. 2 seconds counter maxing out -> 1 second sleep -> 1 second silence -> 1 second counter maxing out -> 1 second sleep -> 1 second silence -> 1 second counter maxing out -> 1 second sleep -> 1 second silence -> Yawn. Coupled with the fact that it only has a 30 second cooldown at level 3, they enemy would have a very small window of engagement where they could hope not to be caught by it.
On the other side of the spectrum, 10 seconds of self-disable is an awfully long time, especially if he can’t end it early. Snowflake isn’t attacking or casting spells during this time, and opponents who have already been afflicted by his sleep (this scenario assumes it only affects each opponent once) can ignore him completely.
The final concern I’d like to raise about this ability is that sleep is a form of cc that has been purposely excluded from LoL. It can be very frustrating to have a teammate accidentally wake up a target with a stray skillshot or AoE ability, and many items or abilities (Volibear ult, Sunfire Cape) would immediately counter its effects.
I’d recommend shortening both the duration of Snowflake’s slumber and the AoE, as well as changing the sleep to a stun, or even a heavy slow (for example, you could make it apply a stacking slow on nearby enemies, which could culminate into a stun if enemies remain in the AoE long enough). Making it only affect each enemy once would allow you to buff the ability’s values, and would make it a lot more manageable in teamfights.

Champion (Overall):
Quote:
Balance (1/3):
Champion kit is seriously imbalanced (either overpowered or underpowered), and should not exist in its current form
Originality (3/3): Champion kit is unique and brings something new to LoL

Intuitiveness (3/3): Champion's kit has good synergy and is easily understood

Interest (3/5): Champion kit was good enough to catch the reader's attention & in garnering interest in the champion, albeit some difficulties
Total: 7/9 x2 + 3/5 = 17/23
You’ve come up with an amusing and cool champion, and I think that the only issues holding him back are balance concerns. Some of the values on Buffet and Bounce need some tweaking, and I’d recommend making some changes to both Negation and Naptime. You’ve created an otherwise interesting champion who has some pretty good synergy.


Final Score: 70/98

Don't hesitate to argue with me about an aspect of my review, be it a particular score you disagree on or an item that you think should/shouldn't be included. I'm still refining the process, and constructive feedback is always welcome. More information about the scoring rubric can be found here: http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/....php?t=2952952


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DragonMilk

Junior Member

03-15-2013

Looks like a variation of my mechanic was either independently thought of or adopted

http://na.leagueoflegends.com/news/z...eapon-revealed

I hope everyone will brainstorm new and exciting mechanics, looks like the devs definitely browse around from time to time