my lesbian friend

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Mista Jangles

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11-21-2012

I have a friend from high school that I would spend several hours each day hanging out with. She about fell apart when I started college.

Just recently I got in contact with her on facebook. She is now a lesbian, in a committed relationship, and has a four month old daughter. (Well she's not the biological mother, but you get it) However, last night I was talking to her and she told me that if we started hanging out again she would fall in love with me all over again. She said that her time with her partner is about over and that the most important thing to her is her daughter. She even told me that she doesn't want a relationship with me because I deserve someone better. She said that "the most amazing guy deserves the most amazing girl."

This is a girl who comes from a rough background. Her dad sexually abused her, she was taken from her parent's home and grew up with her grandma who would physically abuse her, and every guy she had been with had treated her like dirt. Except for me. Though we never dated I was the only guy who cared for her unconditionally.

What would be the best way to respond to this situation?


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Memorylame

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Postal Twinkie

Wrenchman

11-21-2012

Holy **** that is a lot of baggage.......

The first question to yourself is "Am I ready, in my own life, to deal with this kind of baggage?". If you can't say "Yes" to that question, then you need to be extremely careful. I am not talking about from the perspective of getting in a relationship with her, but simply being friends with her again. The truth is, her problems can easily creep over into your life if you get close to her again.

Anytime a child is involved in a relationship that goes south, it gets ugly in a hurry, and the amount of pain and problems that come from it are often underestimated. If you put yourself in a position to be this girls go to shoulder, you are going to be carrying a lot of weight, and for a long time.

If you can say that this wouldn't negatively impact your life and get in the way of your goals, then reach out to her. You just have to be honest with yourself.


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Mista Jangles

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11-21-2012

I can deal with a lot of her baggage. I've become hardened bu my own life experiences to the point that I am not an emotional person, but at the same time I have taught myself how to sympathize with others. She doesn't live in the same town as me anymore, but I still talk to her every now and then on facebook.


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Mista Jangles

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11-21-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Memorylame View Post
Lol


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Semper Damnatus

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11-21-2012

i love it when stuff like this happens between people, in an emotional sense, always excited whats going to happen next, what is nomine going to do!


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Legomasta

Senior Member

11-21-2012

Damn, son. If that's not a cool story, bro - I don't know what is.

I'm in a similar situation. Sort of. This girl I've known for a long time has had a ****ty life and has only realized now that she's been doing everything impulsively, which ended up hurting her over and over again. The difference with her is that she actually had a good relationship with a man, who was a great guy and wasn't abusive at all, but she ended up pushing him away because of who she really is once he started seeing it. She did not see it soon enough and I kind of helped her figure out how to learn from the experience rather than resorting to beating herself up constantly or finding an alternate blame of some sort. Because of that, she managed to find the good in some people, such as myself and a handful of others, and has learned to be less crazy when it comes to friends (since she always ended up losing them due to her compulsive behavior.)

It's funny - many years ago, she was a morbidly obese wild girl whom I avoided like the plague. 150 less pounds later on her part, we've become best friends and I learned that I was afraid of her because she had a wild, uncontrollable and completely spontaneous personality. She began to see that more and more, the closer we became, and even managed to somehow develop feelings of attraction for me. However, we've established that it would never work out between the two of us for reasons unknown so far - other than the superficial type.

So, my suggestion is: see how you feel being 'that one guy', as I am with my female friend, if you're willing to still be friends with her. If that doesn't work out on her part - then there isn't much else you can do.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that my friend is considering becoming a lesbian and claims to be in love with a girl she's seeing right now. I don't believe her. She's mentioned a lot of things like this many times before in the past and I had a difficult time believing any of it so it's natural for me to react with "Really? That's cool. Just like the last one? And the one before that?"


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OTLegend

Member

11-21-2012

As Postal stated, that's too much baggage to be ****ing around with.


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Mista Jangles

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11-21-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by SemperFedeles View Post
i love it when stuff like this happens between people, in an emotional sense, always excited whats going to happen next, what is nomine going to do!
I'm going to Disney world! And I'm probably going to see where our current relationship goes. There is a good chance that it won't go far, but who can know these things?


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OTLegend

Member

11-21-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by E Nomine View Post
but who can know these things?
Everyone who clicked on this thread and read it.