Hit a new low today

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gankas kon

Senior Member

11-15-2012

Recently I realized that I've gotten to the point where sleep is an escape. I wake up, I'm happy for about half a second while I still don't know what's going on, and then I remember how ****ty my life is. I lost all my friends after highschool, I've tried desperately to make new ones since starting college but it hasn't worked, I've developed horrible social anxiety, I'm depressed, no life what so ever, no one cares about me, even my family seems very apathetic towards me. I play league all day because it keeps my mind busy. I'm so desperate for friends that when I do meet someone I smother them and drive them away because I always want to hang out and I get unjustifiably offended when they don't show me the same care that I show them. Its not right because they have a life outside of me bit I don't have a life outside of them. I have one person who is kind of a friend. She will at least listen to me and offer advice, but she works three jobs, goes to school and has a boyfriend. Doesn't leave much room for me. I see her maybe twice a month

Anyways, today I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. I saw that I hadn't shaved in a few days which surprised me. I used to care very much about my appearance. I worked out every day, always dressed very well, kept very clean cut, etc.

Today I realized I didn't even have a reason to shave. No one to impress or look good for. So I threw on some sweats and a beanie and went to class where I sat by myself because I tried talking to the people by me the first day of class but they all moved because I was so awkward so now there's a ring of empty seats around me.

I sleep 12-14 hours a day just so I don't have to think about being alone.


Fun fact, I play teemo sometimes just because I know it will make at least one of the nine people playing with me mad. I feel better when they share my unhappiness


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Memorylame

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Senior Member

11-16-2012

stop expecting your life to revolve around 'friends' like you are 14 like you need the hand holding and you should be fine in your new life as a hermit...


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IS130d109c04756628c7529

Senior Member

11-16-2012

I'm sort of the same way. I moved away from all my friends and although I still stay in touch with them, I have been unable to make new ones where I live now, despite my efforts. My entire life consists of school, video games, and sleep. I'm hoping things will change when I go to college in a year, but my parents want me to do college online from home because we don't have much money and we can't afford for me to actually go off to college somewhere.

But yeah, your situation sounds a lot worse. That really sucks man, sorry : /


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Amberleh

Senior Member

11-16-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by gankas kon View Post
Recently I realized that I've gotten to the point where sleep is an escape. I wake up, I'm happy for about half a second while I still don't know what's going on, and then I remember how ****ty my life is. I lost all my friends after highschool, I've tried desperately to make new ones since starting college but it hasn't worked, I've developed horrible social anxiety, I'm depressed, no life what so ever, no one cares about me, even my family seems very apathetic towards me. I play league all day because it keeps my mind busy. I'm so desperate for friends that when I do meet someone I smother them and drive them away because I always want to hang out and I get unjustifiably offended when they don't show me the same care that I show them. Its not right because they have a life outside of me bit I don't have a life outside of them. I have one person who is kind of a friend. She will at least listen to me and offer advice, but she works three jobs, goes to school and has a boyfriend. Doesn't leave much room for me. I see her maybe twice a month

Anyways, today I got out of bed and looked in the mirror. I saw that I hadn't shaved in a few days which surprised me. I used to care very much about my appearance. I worked out every day, always dressed very well, kept very clean cut, etc.

Today I realized I didn't even have a reason to shave. No one to impress or look good for. So I threw on some sweats and a beanie and went to class where I sat by myself because I tried talking to the people by me the first day of class but they all moved because I was so awkward so now there's a ring of empty seats around me.

I sleep 12-14 hours a day just so I don't have to think about being alone.


Fun fact, I play teemo sometimes just because I know it will make at least one of the nine people playing with me mad. I feel better when they share my unhappiness
Honestly I'm trying to think of some advice I can give you, but it's hard- I imagine it's difficult to pick yourself back up when you're that down. However...

They say you have to hit rock bottom before you rise up again. My boyfriend kind of went through what you are going through right now, before we started dating. However now he's really happy and is moving forward with his life really well. He's older than me and graduating college after me, but he did a lot to get that far. He's going to be going for his Master's in Social Work next year.

What's your major, if i may ask? Do you not have one yet? It's a long shot, but maybe in your case, try looking into something like social work too? People in that major are from all walks of life and they mostly end up being older people who came back to college. As a whole they're much less judgemental than other majors because most of them work, have kids, and have other lives on the side and as I said, are older. They're also from all walks of life. Also, like 80% of your fellows will be female- Most likely moms with kids and jobs. Not a plus or a minus, but just something you should know.

Also, while it will be hard, social work is a necessity and you have the knowledge that you're helping others. You'll have to do some things you don't want to, especially if you go into working with kids, but overall you'll be doing good work. Maybe that's what you need?

Or, if you're computer/electronics savvy, consider going into Engineering? My brother and my boyfriend's brother are both engineering majors and they tell me that engineers are like the least judgemental people. A lot of them are neckbeards, a good portion of them are gay, and it's like 80% male so they really don't care about appearances. My female friend goes to New Mexico Tech and they're ALL like that and the whole school has a 7 to 1 male to female ratio, haha.

I know changing majors just so you can fit in is a bit drastic, but you might be happier doing either one of those jobs as is. Just think about it and think about where you want your life to go.


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DJChernobyl

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Member

11-16-2012

Hey, if you need someone to talk to, reply to this with quotes and i can find a way to talk to you one on one. I've had some experience with depression, depressed people, suicidal thoughts, and have worked with people a lot.I would be happy to talk with you if it would help.


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Dobagoh

Member

11-16-2012

lol another unemployed liberal wanting help


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the flail

Senior Member

11-16-2012

I thought Kon was heavily conservative?


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Yummy Blueberry

Senior Member

11-16-2012

sorry.

I guess if I were to really examine things I'd say things aren't all that great for me either. I've made incremental improvements and changes though.


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Reconsul

Senior Member

11-16-2012

if people don't want to be you're friend because they're losers then that's not you're fault.


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gankas kon

Senior Member

11-16-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by the flail View Post
I thought Kon was heavily conservative?
Nope. I just like bugging dobagoh about how he is a liberal leech sucking my tax dollars down


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