Located in the recording studio in the main building for Riot Games, the new champion spotlight video is in production featuring a very special guest. “So you just want me to talk about the new champion, right?” said Dunkey as he settled into his chair. As he adjusted himself comfortably, he accidentally caused the chair to squeek in a certain tone. A certain tone that sounded like a –
“Did you just fart?” asked Phreak, seated across from Dunkey.
“I... No! I just...” Dunkey desperately rubbed his legs against the chair to re-enact the sound, but to no avail. “God, why don't the f*cking chairs squeek again after making everyone think you f*cking farted!”
F*ckin' chair... Dunkey thought to himself.
“Oh, that's okay, Dunkey.” said Phreak. “I love to fart before spotlight videos too!” Just then, Phreak leaned slightly to the side and let loose the most rank and putrid fart beyond imagination. It was like something crawled into Phreak's butt-hole, died, came back to life, farted, and died again. Suddenly, Phreak began voraciously inhaling the gas as he wafted the air toward himself, his hips spasming rhythmically. “OH! OH YEAH! Oh, bby. OH! BBY! THAT'S IT! I'M... OhoOhohoOHOHOHAH!”
Phreak's body suddenly fell limp. Dunkey hesitated, unsure what to make of what just happened. Concernedly, Dunkey reached toward the man, but Phreak – thankfully – woke and resumed conversation.
“Sorry about that, Dunkey. I...” Phreak hesitated for a moment before continuing. “I like to inhale my own farts. That way, the fart comes back into my body and makes its way through to coalesce with more farts to come. It's a cycle of rising intensity that just really gets me going, you know?”
Dunkey could understand the feeling perfectly. He was like that with his splooge after all. He's continued the cycle so that someday, when he finds 'the one' he'll be able to coat that person with all the love he's saved over the years, but Phreak's cycle is just strange.
“Anyway,” spoke Phreak, “Yeah, that's all you have to do, Dunkey. You just have to talk about the new champ for a couple minutes and then we're done.”
Dunkey leaned back and cracked his fingers in anticipation. “Let's get this show on the road then!”
“Hey there, guys. Dunkey here and welcome to the champion spotlight for...” Dunkey paused and turned to Phreak. “What's the new champ's name again?”
Phreak menacingly stood up from his chair and replied, “Dunkey gets raped.”
“Oh, okay. Welcome to the champion spotlight for... wait, what?!”
Just then, Phreak completely dropped trou and revealed his fully erect p*nis. It was really tiny though. Like, super small. Like, as small as Yorick's fanbase. His balls were normal-size, but extra saggy and they drooped to Phreak's knees. Also, his ball-hair was covered in sm*gma.
Dunkey, though dumbfounded by what he saw, was enraged by Phreak's deception and angrily shouted, “YOU SET ME UP, PHREAK! YOU SET ME UP!”
Suddenly, Phreak viciously tackled Dunkey and pinned him to the ground. “Hope you've been having fun with those 'weo weo' videos you've been making.” Phreak whispered into Dunkey's ear. “Because, by the time I'm done with you, you're going to need a weo weo ambulance! Get it!? Because that's the sound an ambulance makes! WEO WEO WEO WEO!”
“Phreak... please...” pleaded Dunkey. “You're hurting me. I am weak and defenseless before your overwhelming strength.”
Phreak smiled, still mounted on Dunkey; prepared for entry. “Good, now let's have some – guh!”
Suddenly, Dunkey broke from Phreak's suppression and he was already standing behind his aggressor. Dunkey quickly and adeptly wrapped his arms around Phreak in a choke-hold. Confidently, he whispered into Phreak's ear, “Uh, oh. Dunkey lied.” Dunkey couldn't bring himself to just choke Phreak into submission so he promptly released his attacker and shoved him forward for honorable battle so that, hopefully when Dunkey kills Phreak, he will receive +1 honor. “You'd have to do a lot more than that to take me out, Phreak! Now,” Dunkey gathered his energy into his body for the ultimate strike. “Here's a little move I picked up from Street Fighter!”
“TATSUMAKI SENPUCOCKSLAPYOURMOM!” With explosive force and blistering speed, Dunkey delivered a mighty spinning double roundhouse kick to Phreak's chest for tons of damage, causing Phreak to explode into a million triforce-shaped pieces.
With a moment's reprieve, Dunkey breathed a long sigh of relief. He paused to take in his surroundings. The room – the recording studio – was a mess. The microphone stands, the chairs, the brick-layed walls were all covered in globules of Phreak's splattered remains. Even the pane of glass seperating the recording room and the rest of the studio was liberally coated with gore. The glass! When Dunkey looked to the glass he saw a trio of suited men approach from across the hallway toward the recording room. It was only a matter of time before they apprehended Dunkey. I have to get out of here. Dunkey thought. He desperately surveyed his surroundings once more and noticed there were relatively thin windows on the upper part of the walls behind him. With gusto, Dunkey managed to leap halfway into the highly placed window and climb through. As he pulled himself outside, the men behind him brandished handguns and fired liberally toward Dunkey, but each shot missed and careened into the walls instead. Adrenaline coursing through his veins, Dunkey sprinted away from the building, jaywalked across the street, and fled into the subway station nearby.
Quickly, and with a discrete facade of calmness, Dunkey purchased a ticket for whatever train was departing at the moment and he boarded it promptly. As the doors slid shut and the train shifted forward, Dunkey fell into his seat and gathered his wits. These men in suits; they were definitely after Dunkey. Shots were fired. He killed Phreak, but why was Phreak allowed to entrap Dunkey into attempted r*pe in the first place? Those suited men also appeared awfully soon. They couldn't have been police or even the guards. Something was missing. Dunkey looked around the train in case anyone had pursued him and sure enough, several cars down, were the same trio of suited men from the studio. They didn't seem certain of Dunkey's location, but he didn't want them to find out so he tried to sneak further from them, but sure enough, he was spotted and the men made chase. With desperate fear, Dunkey sprinted further through the train, shoving through the other passengers, until he was in the very last car behind the conductor's. He managed to lose the attention of his pursuers, but the men knew Dunkey ran this way and with no escape they'd surely capture him. Dunkey tried to open the conductor's car, but that was naturally locked.
Yet again, Dunkey was forced to survey his surroundings for sanctuary, but he couldn't find any place to hide or run. Suddenly, a loud thud noise sounded behind the window near Dunkey. Outside the train car, a robed man sticking to the outer walls of the train drew Dunkey's attention. The man gestured toward himself and then pointed upward, as if to say, “Follow me.” Faced with little choice, Dunkey nodded his consent. Instantaneously the man reared his fist into the window, shattering it, and reached toward Dunkey. Pulling Dunkey closer, the man spoke into his ear, “Keep your head down if you want to live!” The man pulled away from Dunkey and deftly climbed up the car. Dunkey followed. Atop the car, Dunkey saw the robed man crawl backward and reach toward the broken window and touched the emptiness. Somehow, he had managed to replace the window.
For the better part of an hour, Dunkey and the robed man held on top of the train until it finally began pulling into the next station. As the train began slowing, the man crawled toward Dunkey and shouted, “When the train stops, follow me!” Soon, the train had come to a halt and the man began crawling forward with Dunkey behind him. Together, the man and Dunkey leapt from their perch and crouched in the tracks in front of the train. The man handed Dunkey another set of robes like his own and when Dunkey put them on, the man whispered, “Remain calm. Walk; don't run. I have a safehouse nearby.” Together, the two climbed back onto the station docks and walked toward the exit without drawing the attention of the suited men who had presumably retread the train to the rear cars.
Exiting the station, Dunkey was about to ask who the man was, but the man spoke before Dunkey could. “I know you have a lot of questions, but you need to save them until we get to the safehouse. All I can say for now is that you need to trust me. Now, through this alley. It'll be the next building on the right.”
Inside the safehouse was a single room, albeit a relaxing atmosphere. Wood-finish table and generously cushioned chairs, a mini-fridge with microwave oven sitting on top, and a single mattress. On the walls however, were numerous pictures of people in tears with plaques commemorating their nerfs.
Rework ruined. Very awesome work!
Rework completely blows chunks. Does less damage and tanks less while also having a butchered early game. Super awesome job!
Rework made her really strong. Nerf?
There were many more plaques. Too many for Dunkey to keep track of, but the man broke the silence before Dunkey could peruse through any more nerfs. “I'm sure you're wondering why those men were after you.” The man stooped over toward the mini-fridge and pulled out a couple Monster© energy drinks and handed Dunkey one, which Dunkey accepted.
“The truth is,” the man continued, “Someone is very scared of you.”
“Scared of me?” asked Dunkey.
“Yes. This person, shall we say, has noticed that your videos are enlightening the masses to something she doesn't want known. A truth that can't be revealed, else she lose power.”
Dunkey was beginning to get frustrated from all the beating around the bush, “What are you talking about!?”
The man with straight solemnity answered, “Irelia! Ever since her induction into the League of Legends, her influence in Riot Games had taken root and grown chaotically. As it stands now, she is the most powerful representative of Riot Games and her power continues to rise. Up to this point, her power and influence had largely been swept under the rug to the public, but your videos – the ones you make about League of Legends – have made people begin to take notice of the elephant in their room. If enough people become aware, nerfs will be imminent. Those suited men who were after you – they were an instrument of Irelia's.”
This was a lot to take in, but was perfectly understandable for Dunkey. He knew what he was doing when he made his videos, but he never dreamed of the consequences.
“If those men were sent by Irelia then why would she have Phreak after me too?”
“Oh, that's just a sadistic hobby of Irelia's. She really likes Yaoi so she tends to force it upon others for her enjoyment. In your case, I assume she wanted you to die by Phreak's tiny ding-a-ling, but she sent others as back up.”
Dunkey was finally running out of the adrenaline from before and exhaustion crept into him. He took a seat in one of the chairs, but accidentally rubbed the seat into making what sounded like a –
“Did you just fart?” asked the man.
Dunkey blushed and blurted, “What! No!! I... oh my god, I f*cking hate chairs! Why do they always do this and why can't you ever recreate the sound!! F*cking chairs, I hate them so much!”
The man laughed and replied, “It's okay, Dunkey. I know you didn't fart.” The man laughed heartily more. “You haven't changed a bit.”
The atmosphere and the flow of the discussion suddenly changed.
“Who are you?” Dunkey asked.
“Don't you recognize me, buddy?”
The man took off his hood and revealed his face for Dunkey.
“It's me! Morello!”
By reflex alone, Dunkey lurched forward and embraced Morello. Morello happily returned the favor.
“I thought you died, man.” said Dunkey. “When we tried to nerf Jax – I thought I lost you.”
“I know, Dunkey.” Morello assured. “But I'm here now. And we succeeded. Jax actually sucks d*ck (until he got buffed... a lot).”
Dunkey shoved Morello away in jest and rebutted, “You suck d*ck!”
Morello drew closer to Dunkey and they locked eyes as he spoke, “I'll suck your d*ck.”
Suddenly, Dunkey and Morello started kissing and fingering each others' butt-holes and stuff. It was pretty hot if you're into that kind of thing, but if you've ever seen what Morello looks like you'd probably change your mind. When they finally broke their embrace they disrobed and stepped outside the safehouse for some public intercourse which is pretty hot too if you're into that kind of thing, but again if Morello is involved, you'd probably change your mind.
“Hey, Dunkey.” said Morello as he kneeled in front of his partner. “Do you still like puns?”
“Oh, you know I love puns, Morello.”
“Well, sorry if this pun is a little sh*tty...” said Morello as he spread his thunder-thighs. “But this booty-hole is members only!”
“Honestly...” replied Dunkey as he got his Phreak on. “That pun was quite anus!”
“You're so an*l about these jokes, Dunkey!”
“But you know, with the iceberg, this is just the tip, Morello!”
“You're so c*cky!”
“You seem butthurt!”
“Whatever, come at me, bro!”
And just like that, Dunkey fired one off so hard that it travelled through Morello's butt and projected out from his mouth at bullet speed, then bounced off a nearby trashcan lid, ricocheted into the sky, travelled all the way to the Shurima Desert, and landed in Ezreal's mouth.
Thoroughly exausted from their affairs, the two fell back against the alley walls.
“That was a pretty awesome nut, Dunkey. I didn't think you'd hump me so diligently” said Morello.
“Well, you know me.” replied Dunkey. “I don't stop for nuttin'!” Completely satisfied with the puns, Morello just blissfully slid to the ground. Dunkey leaned over as well, but as he fell, the friction against what he had leaned on before caused a certain sound...
“Oh, come on! What's a f*cking chair doing out here of all places!? Fffffff*ckkkkkin' chairs!!”
After the two had cleaned themselves up, Dunkey and Morello held a council within the safehouse over a home-cooked dinner from Morello. The feast was quite generous and very well-chosen for their tastes. Heaping helpings of home-made Doritos©, Mountain Dew© Game Fuel, Monster©, 5-hour Energy©, and many a glass of Pewdiepie's semen were to be had. Each delicacy featured a unique and wonderful taste. Pewdiepie's semen in particular was very filling because it was so chunky and full of nutritious Swedish syphilis emulsion. Amidst the bountiful meal, the setting was still very heavy with anticipation.
“So what's the plan?” asked Dunkey.
Morello drew a swig of Pewdiepie's sour spunk before responding, “Plan?”
“You know – to stop Irelia.”
Morello refilled his glass with more of Pewdiepie's chunky come. “Honestly, I'm not sure what to do. We could try to wait for an opportunity to strike, but I fear we'd risk Irelia becoming too strong to stop at that point. Needless to say, we can't confront her directly either. She'd just steamroll through us, although that would be pretty funny to just walk up and call Irelia overpowered and expect nerfs.”
In his imagination, Dunkey saw the image of the two walking up to Irelia's doorstep and calling her out. Dunkey chuckled at the thought. A venture like that would be suicidal, but what if...
“What if we did call her out on it?” Dunkey said.
“What do you mean?”
“You said it yourself. We'll confront Irelia and tell her she's broken – on livestream. If she accepts that she's overpowered then she might willingly accept nerfs. If she doesn't accept and fights us, then she'll be labelled a villain by the viewers and Riot will nerf her instead.”
Morello didn't respond immediately. He took another swig of Pewdiepie's Swedish splooge first before slamming his glass back onto the table. “And what if she defeats us? She'll be nerfed, so what, but we'll be dead! There's no way the two of us alone can take on Irelia!”
Dunkey quickly replied, “What if we weren't alone?”
No response from Morello. Whether he was interested to hear more or unsure of what to say didn't matter though as Dunkey continued.
“What if we had help from someone on the inside at Riot, but without any sort of allegiances? You said it yourself we can't wait for an opportunity to strike so we'll make one!”
Morello sighed with complacency. “That may be a fine idea, but I don't know of anyone who works at Riot and doesn't have any loyalties.”
“I do though.” Dunkey replied. “There are only two, but I know it's enough to get the job done!”
“NASUS!!!!!” Renekton warbally yelled at the top of his lungs as he ferociously pounded on his roommate's door. “NASUS, COME OUT OF YOUR ROOM AND FACE ME!! YOUR BROTHER DEMANDS IT!!”
Behind the closed door came Nasus's voice, calm as ever. “Renekton, please do not disturb me while I pleasure myself with my pocket p*ssy. My semen will flow out my dog d*ck, like the sands of the Shurima Desert flows out LeBlanc's v*gina.”
Renekton was enraged at Nasus's disinclination to fight, so much so that his fury bar was instantly full, and he pounded on the door with greater intensity. “THAT'S NO EXCUSE, BROTHER!!” NOW COME OUT HERE AND FACE ME!!!”
“Okay.” replied Nasus as he unlocked his door. Without delay, Renekton opened the door and readied his blade for combat, but when he entered he saw his brother was still getting a little Siphon Strike action of his own and, without warning, Nasus suddenly projectile nutted all over Renekton's body. Renekton's fury bar exploded into a fury cube as he froze in a catatonic rage. With a moment's time to process what just happened, Renekton took a deep breath to retain his composure, but when he did so, Nasus fired a second barrage of his canine nut – straight into Renekton's mouth.
“URRRRAAAABRBRBRRRRRR!!” In an explosive rage, Renekton slashed all around himself. “THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT! FORGET THE FIGHT, I'M GOING TO CLEAN MYSELF UP!” Renekton turned from his brother, his face flushed. “Y-you Stay in your room for a while! I n-n-need some privacy!” Renekton promptly left the room, slammed the door behind him, and immediately started jerking off. I'm covered... in my brother's semen! He thought to himself.
Renekton secretly had a major crush on his brother, Nasus but he always tried to keep it hidden with a facade of anger. What had appeared to be an incomprehensible lust for his brother's blood was, in reality, sexual lust for his brother's canine c*ck. He just wanted a real brother relationship. Just the thought of it, and the smell of his brother's semen was so hot for Renekton that he was so close to – close to...!
*Knock, Knock, Knock*
The knocking at the front door distracted Renekton just enough to make him lose focus and he had to try again to climax as he started his jerkin' his gerkin with more fervor. Again, that sweet, sweet moment was fast approaching. Just... a little... more...
*Knock, Knock, Knock*
There it goes again! Renekton lost focus once more and his fury bar grew with irritation, but he obstinately continued to coax his crocodile c*ck. It took a lot of effort, but finally Renekton neared climax yet again. There hadn't been any knocking for quite some time so hopefully whoever was here had given up and left. He was almost there... almost... there...!
*Knock, Knock, Knock*
“Oh, come on!” The cold-blooded croc tried to ignore the knocking as doggedly as he could, but his hot-blooded c*ck had neared climax so many times it thought it already fired one off and fell limp. Boiling rage took over as Renekton screamed at the top of his lungs, “WHAT IS IT!!!?” while he pulled the front door out the frame. It turned out Nasus was outside, knocking at the front door. Suddenly, Nasus nutted again all over Renekton's anger-driven face. Renekton, so confused, yet turned on by his brother's bountiful spunk, suddenly nutted in response all over Nasus's body.
Across the street, witnessing this act, were Dunkey and Morello. It didn't seem to perturb them however. Probably because Renekton and Nasus have been doing this song and dance in public for several years now. The two slowly approached the brothers, putting their basking in the real brother relationship to a halt. Dunkey was the first to speak.
“Umm, Renekton? Nasus?”
The brothers turned their semen-soaked visage upon Dunkey and Morello. Nasus replied.
“Yes? What is it, young one?”
“Uhh...” Dunkey faltered for a moment, but pressed on. “May we step inside for a bit?”
Obliging Dunkey's request, Nasus and Renekton welcomed the two into their home. The interior was quite the oddity. There was no floor of which to speak. Instead, layers upon layers of sand covered the ground. Along the walls were numerous bookshelves reaching to the ceiling and with each row filled completely with books. To odden the atmosphere further, the kitchen, which led from the living room, was quite regular in appearance: Tiled flooring, kitchen counters, table and chairs, the works.
With hospitality unbefitting of his title, Renekton offered Dunkey and Morello to lunch. “Would you two like some fried pony?” he said.
“Yes, please.” replied Dunkey and Morello simultaneously.
Renekton, Nasus, and Morello all sat together at the kitchen table, but Dunkey remained standing.
“You know...” said Renekton as he swallowed a mouthful of fried pony. “It's not everyday you find some good pony meat. You could say it's quite the Rarity.” Everyone guffawed at Renekton's pun. It wasn't to say that they hated ponies, but it's always great fun to mock bronies' tastes.
“But, you know, this one was actually quite easy to obtain because it had turned against its owner and attacked him. You could say that this was quite the Feral Pony.” Another guffaw from the group.
“You have to appreciate the subtle sweetness of the meat. In fact, when I cooked it I sprinkled just a Rainbow Dash of sugar, but don't fill up too much! For dessert I baked us a Pinkie Pie Spiked with brony tears.” Yet another round of laughter from everyone. Heh, bronies suck.
The meal was wonderful and Nasus and Renekton were very hospitable. It was actually quite disillusioning to see Renekton in this sort of light. Even when Morello callously pointed out how polite Renekton was, he merely laughed it off and replied, “Just so you know, I got my title – Butcher of the Sands – for having the highest quality meat in all of the Shurima Desert!”
All of them still enjoying the meal, Renekton shifted his attention toward Dunkey. “Why don't you have a seat? We have a good chair right there.”
Dunkey shifted uncomfortably as he hesitantly replied, “No, thank you.”
Renekton, fury bar filling slowly with irritation, offered the seat once more, “No, please. I insist! Take a seat!”
“I'm sorry, but I don't like f*ckin' chairs. They always squeek like I'm farting...”
Fury bar already full, Renekton balled his hands into fists and he harshly slammed on the table. “YOU TAKE YOUR SEAT RIGHT NOW OR I'LL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH, YOU MINNOW!”
“Okay, okay!” Dunkey relented as he seated himself. When he did so however, the friction against the seat caused a certain sound...
“Did you just fart?” asked Nasus.
Fury overwhelmed Dunkey so much that he developed a fury bar of his own. “F*cking chairs!! Why do they always do this to me?! I didn't fart! It was this b*stard right here!! Why is this always happening to me!?”
Nasus bellowed a hearty laugh. “Oh hohohoho, there is no need to fret so much, human! It is only a part of nature. There is nothing of which to be ashamed unless you are a woman because girl farts are gross!”
Nasus's reassurance, though misguided in actuality, had helped to calm Dunkey from his anger spell and, seated together, the group resumed their meal.
“Now, tell us, child.” said Nasus. “To what purpose did you desire our council?”
Dunkey replied swiftly, “We need your help – both of you. There is someone out there who's power has grown far too greatly – Someone who needs nerfs. Together, we plan on confronting this person, but we need your help. We need your help in nerfing Irelia!”
Renekton loudly bellowed his shift+4. “Nerf Irelia?! Do you know what happened the last time Irelia got nerfed? They reverted everything the very next week AND they buffed her AD.
Nasus joined in his agreement, “Indeed. What had once been an obligatory farming lane had become a warzone. She is, much like my Atari Jaguar, broken. To attempt to nerf her would only result in destruction.”
Dunkey stood up from his seat in defiance, “We won't know for sure unless we try! You know she needs nerfs!”
Renekton rebutted with complacency, “Of course she does, but it won't do any good. The fans will just cry about their favorite god-tier top laner so much they'll flood the world. It's best to just give up.”
Suddenly, Morello leapt from his chair. “I'm sorry, but did you forget who I am? I am Morello Nerfmaster Sucktown! If you don't help us I'll nerf you!”
Nasus bellowed an empty and derisive laugh. “We already suck balls on the Fields of Justice. No one picks us anyway. Any nerfs will just reinforce the desire to not pick us. However...” Nasus trailed off as Renekton spiritedly finished his brother's sentence.
“No matter how much d*ck we suck at this game, we'll still always put up a fight!”
Renekton approached Dunkey and shook his hand as he said, “It's the least we can do for you after making us look so cool in your videos!”
With heightened vigor, Dunkey and Morello discussed the plans with Renekton and Nasus. The plans were simple, yet effective, and unanimously agreeable: Find Irelia and fight her over a livestream edition of her very own champion spotlight. Each warrior donned his respective apparel for combat: Dunkey – equipped with an iron-head Bo Staff, Morello – armed with his magical nerf bat, Renekton – wielding his brutal Bat'Leth, and Nasus – holding his enchanted scepter. Together, the group set out for the Riot Games main building for battle. Today, Irelia will fall.
Faced once again with the Riot Games main building, Dunkey could not help but feel a sense of trepidation. Irelia is a strong and proud individual. She will not go down easily. Despite his nagging doubts however, Dunkey marched forward.
“All right, guys. Let's mosy!” he declared.
Initiating step one of the plan, Nasus and Renekton – wired with the recording equipment – each carried Dunkey and Morello – also wired with the recording equipment – over their respective shoulders as they stepped inside.
Once inside, the brothers approached the main desk. Adjacent on each side were particularly wide hallways leading to the rest of the building. The clerk was somewhat rotund and balding, but he emanated a sort of aura that was unexpectedly youthful as he spiritedly tacked at his keyboard.
Nasus initiated step two of the plan. “We have apprehended Dunkey and his accomplice for Irelia. Please tell us where we might find Irelia so that we may present them to her.”
The clerk promptly replied, “Certainly! She's probably at the training room right now, but I'll contact my supervisor right now to make sure! One moment please!” Renekton and Nasus waited patiently as the man reached for his phone and dialed his supervisor's number. “Yes, this is John Smith at the main desk. I have Nasus and Renekton with me. They've apprehended Dunkey for Irelia. Where may they find her?”
A pause as the other side answered.
“Eh? Really? Okay. No, I understand. I'll tell them right now. Thank you, bye.”
The clerk apologetically cast his gaze to Nasus. “I'm sorry, but it seems the two of you are to be apprehended as well for conspiring against Irelia. Security is on their way to – guh!”
Nasus suddenly swiped a blow to the clerk's temple, killing him instantly. Renekton shouted, “How did he know about Nasus and I!?”
“It doesn't matter right now! We have to find Irelia!” Dunkey shouted as he slid off from Nasus's shoulder and unsheathed his staff. Morello followed suit as Dunkey gestured around the hall. “This way!” he shouted as he led the charge.
Security had already arrived sooner than expected – a wave of cannon minions, but without delay Dunkey quickly vaulted into the forces and launched a volley of skillful swings and strikes to incapacitate them. Making their way through the inordinately large hall, Dunkey, Morello, and the brothers of the sands met little difficulty from resistance.
“That clerk mentioned the training room earlier. It'll be just a little further down after this fork!” Dunkey shouted, ahead of the group, as he rounded another forking path along the hallway. Suddenly, some sort of projectile passed by Dunkey's ear, narrowly missing him and exploding into the wall to his side. The projectile and the resulting debris caused Dunkey to fumble and would have been struck with another one of those fireballs had it not been for Morello quickly gripping his shirt and pulling him back around the other hall.
“That was a close one.” blurted Morello. “You need to be more alert, Dunkey! That could have been the end for you!”
Dunkey did feel a modicum of shame for following along the halls so carelessly and he resolved to continue a little more cautiously. As Dunkey gathered his bearings, Morello peeked around the corner to see what they were up against. Whatever it was that launched those fireballs must have been very powerful...
“Crap! It's a purple caster minion!”
Renekton shared in Morello's alarm. “What? How are we going to get past that? Those things are freaking OP!”
Amidst the group's discussion, the purple caster minion continued unleashing a barrage of fireballs that chipped at the walls. Whatever the course of action, the group needed to act quickly before the hall itself gives way and collapses.
Nasus voiced his method, “I will tank the shots for you guys. I am somewhat tanky and my base health regen is high. I'll recover.” Unaware of any other course of action, Dunkey, Morello, and Renekton agreed and they charged the minion with Nasus at the vanguard.
Once within striking distance, Morello swiftly pirouetted around Nasus and delivered a powerful bash against the side of the caster's skull. With a moment's respite, Renekton motioned to tend to his brother's wounds, but Nasus had luckily only suffered a graze on his right shoulder.
Their final obstacle removed, Dunkey, Morello, Nasus, and Renekton stepped toward the end of the hall to the training room. Behind the following doors, they suspected, awaited Irelia. The end was nigh and, with no turning back, the four advanced toward their final destination.
The training room had a strange appearance to it – no doubt, tailored to Irelia's tastes. The flooring, the walls, the ceiling: All were made of obsidian and all were stained the darkest shade of black, giving the already vast size of the room a sense of greater space. Despite having no visible lights along any surface, the room was well lit. Untrue to its namesake as well, the training room bore no training equipment of which to speak. In fact, the space would be entirely empty were it not for the one person sitting some distance from the other end of the room. It was a woman. Irelia. Slowly, she stood to her feet. “I've been wondering when you'd show up.”
“Cut the cr*p, Irelia!” yelled Dunkey. “You know why we're here! Are you going to accept your nerfs the easy way or the hard way?”
Irelia casually brushed Dunkey's declaration off. “Do you know why there's no equipment here? It's because I'm already at the top. There's no point in working any harder.”
Frustration littered Dunkey's voice as he shouted once more, “Irelia!”
Disinterested, Irelia shrugged Dunkey off once again.
“Tell you what, let's make this interesting.” she said as she threw her blade to the ground some distance away. “In honor of you all making it so far, I'll let you each get one free blow at me!”
Something wasn't right. This display of bravado without any hesitation could only spell a trap.
Nasus cast that caution to the side however, snarling with rage. “Such arrogance will be the end of you!”
Dunkey tried to voice his concerns, “Nasus, don't...!”
With an unnatural burst of speed, Nasus sprinted after Irelia, readying his scepter. Accompanying a sickening crunch, Nasus plunged his bladed staff through Irelia's chest for her heart. Hitting his mark, Nasus slowly pulled his scepted away, the blood drawing out and trickling along the staff.
“Oh, Nasus, when will you ever learn?” Irelia wryly remarked. “Hurting me only makes me STRONGER!” Suddenly, Irelia punched Nasus with such devastating force that she had blown straight through his gut. So much dark blood and gore exploded through the wound during entry that Nasus immediately lost all life and limply fell to the floor.
Silence followed as the others tried to comprehend what had just happened.
“Hmm?” Irelia inquired as she felt along her wound. “Don't tell me that was all you had to offer, Nasus. You didn't even break the bone! Although, I guess you can't tell me now. Who's next?”
Fury transcending the limits of his being, Renekton followed suit to Nasus and dashed after Irelia, howling with rage. “I'LL KILL YOU!!”
Empowered by fury, Renekton readied his blade for his signature, three-strike, Ruthless Predator technique. Opting to cut out her intestines, Renekton slashed horizontally at her stomach.
“Bruh!” he screamed as he sliced her gut.
“Bruh!” another cut.
“BURABURARARA!” With all his fury, Renekton motioned to slash vertically upon Irelia, but Irelia had canceled this strike, catching the blade with one hand – the blade not even breaking the skin, on hand nor torso.
“Silly, silly Renekton...” Irelia replied. “Did you know? I can recover from your stun before your animation even finishes!”
In an instant, Irelia broke a piece of the blade off from Renekton's Bat'Leth and slashed it across his throat and splitting his windpipe.
Unable to wail from the excruciating pain, Renekton soundlessly reared back and clutched his neck before seizing and falling to the floor. Following up, Irelia ferociously stomped Renekton's open neck. Dark red blood ejected between Renekton's fingers – still clasped on his throat as the impact landed, culminating in a crushed spine.
With such blasé demeanor, Irelia nonchalantly checked her hand then nails. “Oh, what a surprise! I healed back all the damage they tried to do to me!”
Dunkey clenched his fists with fear and anger. Irelia's power was something truly terrible to behold and her cruelty is unbound. Try as he might to keep his eye on Irelia, Dunkey couldn't help but trail to the fresh corpses on the floor. The floor was so dark that Dunkey couldn't even see the blood. Renekton and Nasus – their corpses looked unreal. This couldn't be real. Dunkey had fought before – killed before, but always only on the Fields of Justice where life would always return. Here, though... Death was permanent.
“You're a monster...” Dunkey muttered.
Another vituperative reprisal from Irelia, “Yeah, you wouldn't be the first to say that. Now, come on! You're the last one.”
“I... what...?” Fear overwhelming him, Dunkey struggled to fully comprehend what was going on. All that had happened had transpired so quickly – so heavily. There were four of us before. Dunkey thought to himself. Renekton... and Nasus... are... He couldn't bring himself the thought. But I know Morello isn't... Dunkey turned his attention to Morello and, as he thought, Morello was still okay. Thank goodness.
“I'm not the last one, Irelia! I still have my best friend with me!”
Irelia folded her arms around her waist as she laughed derisively. “You mean you haven't figured it out!?”
Dunkey was speechless. This was all so difficult to follow. He felt like he was already losing his mind.
“I'll tell you!” said Irelia. “You've been had! Your 'best friend' has been serving me all along! I knew you'd somehow manage to slip away from my special forces even without help, so I had him intervene at the subway to guarentee you fall within my grasp. Getting help from Nasus and Renekton was unexpected, but...” Irelia cast a glance to the two corpses. “I guess they didn't really help out much at all anyway. Oh! And you can forget about that livestream champion spotlight thing you were doing. Morello told me all about it and he also told me how he disabled the recording equipment. You're finished, kid.”
Disbelief and confusion cycled within Dunkey. He turned to Morello, whom no longer hid the shame on his face. Fear and doubt clouding his mind, Dunkey saw him in a completely different light. “Is this true, Morello?”
Morello couldn't bear to lock eyes and turned away. “Yes... but it isn't like I wanted this to happen! She's got the whole world wrapped around her finger! She said she'd spark a war all across Valoran if she doesn't get what she wants. I... I had no choice!”
Dunkey wasn't sure how to feel about this. He had always been strong and he always knew that Irelia would try to hurt him in some way, but something like this goes beyond his resilience. To see that Morello, of all people, had already surrendered himself to Irelia was painful. So painful that Dunkey could only accept Morello's fears for his own. There is no way Irelia can be stopped.
“No, it's okay, Morello.” said Dunkey, tears welling in his eyes. The pain of betrayal was greater than any other pain Dunkey had ever experienced.
“If you've already given up, then I'll give up too.” The weight was too much for Dunkey's heart to bear as he sank into darkness and fell to his knees, embracing despair. This will be how it ends.
Panic took over as Morello witnessed Dunkey fall to his knees. “No... This isn't how it's supposed to be, Dunkey! You're not supposed to give up like this!” Tears welling in Morello's eyes, he couldn't bear to look upon Dunkey – to look upon his ultimate shame: A broken man. “You were supposed to be the strong one – strong enough for the both of us...”
“Oh, well this is unexpected.” remarked Irelia. “Unexpected, but very good! Just discarding life like that! It's very romantic! I've been thinking for a while on how I'd like to take care of you, but I think I've finally settled that I'll just kill you. I think I'm going to cut you open. You know – spill out your intestines and watch you bleed.”
Dunkey couldn't hear a word Irelia was saying. He had already lost touch with the world. A world without love... Tears spilled down his cheeks as he ruminated on lost hope. Isn't worth living in at all.
“Any last words, Dunkey?” Irelia asked, still wielding the shard of Renekton's Bat'Leth.
Gulping his last breath of air and blinking away his tears, Dunkey still had enough life in him to say one last eulogy, “No matter what happens – no matter how much pain we share... I will always love you, Morello!”
Slow motion. The world is a blur. Irelia pulled back her arm so slowly, her blade shimmering such beautiful luminescence. Even before Irelia begins to swing the blade, Dunkey's vision dims into darkness, but not before one, last thought invades his mind. Morello.
Suddenly, the slicing of flesh sounds for Dunkey, but this flesh is not his own, he realizes. Fear begins to take root over anguish and Dunkey is pulled once again into the world. He opens his eyes and, there lying before him, is Morello, with a deep slice stretching vertically along his torso. He had dove to take the attack from Irelia. “Dunkey...” Morello muttered, wrapped over Dunkey. “It's okay that you're not strong enough for the both of us...” Tears welling in his eyes, Morello nearly choked on his words. “I can pull my own weight! So, please... Be strong enough for you! Please...” The cut along Morello's body was too deep. He was bleeding out, life draining away. “Don't... give... up...”
“Oh, my! I definitely could not have foreseen this! But, my is this good!” Irelia snidely remarked. “It's too bad that this is the way it ends. Good thing I'm not going to get any nerfs! Better luck next time, Dunkey-boy, although there won't be a next time!”
What is this feeling welling up inside of me?
Irelia reared her arm back once more.
Irelia motions once again to slash open Dunkey.
Suddenly, Dunkey reached out and caught Irelia's hand before the blade could make contact and he slowly stood to his feet. Empowered by fury, Dunkey squeezed Irelia's wrist so hard she lost grip of the blade and as it fell to the floor he delivered a fierce karate chop to the throat with his other hand, causing Irelia to double back.
“Now you fight back!?” Irelia screamed. “That really hurt you know!” Suddenly, the realization dawned to Irelia as she rubbed her throbbing neck, followed by fear. “That really hurt!”
Overcome by hatred, Dunkey did not relent as he ferociously threw out – and connected – numerous face checks and body blows. He felt a tremendous sense of power, enough he felt to even frighten Irelia. He did not bother combating his instincts, Dunkey was pure animal right now and he relished in every cathartic moment of it as he struck Irelia blow by blow.
Conversely Irelia did not enjoy her new feeling. This pain was unusual for her – unfamiliar. “Get away from me! Get away from me!!” Frightened, Irelia delivered a mighty kick to Dunkey's chest that was hard enough to propel him into the wall. With little time to spare, Irelia sprinted to her blade and wielded it. Dunkey quickly recovered and continued his feral onslaught against Irelia, but now that Irelia had her blade, counterattacking became more reasonable for her. With reckless disregard for his own safety, Dunkey would manage to land as many attacks as he wanted, but for every attack he would land, he would suffer several cuts by Irelia's blade. His hatred had overwhelmed him however, and no matter how deep these cuts were, he would never relent as he rushed after Irelia all around the room.
After being whittled down so much by Irelia, Dunkey was finally slowing his pace. It was becoming easier and easier for Irelia to make space, but oddly enough, Irelia too was becoming weary from this battle. Her blade seemed duller and her strikes were less impactful.
“What's going on!?” screamed Irelia. “You're not supposed to be this strong! Why am I not healing back as much as I should be? It's like I've been getting...! Morello, you b*stard! The spotlight was up all along, wasn't it!?”
A shred of humanity returned to Dunkey when Irelia mentioned Morello. “What did you just say?” he muttered to himself. This sudden surge of clarity caused Dunkey to slip and lose his balance over a pool of blood, saving his life, as when he fell backward he managed to dodge a side-swipe by Irelia. Dunkey had lost his bearings however and could not immediately reallign himself, however he did hear a faint murmur from behind himself as Irelia isolated herself further. It turned out that throughout the fighting, Dunkey had managed to return to Morello's body, but what was even more surprising, it turned out, was that Morello was still alive! The muttering was definitely coming from Morello. It was faint, but Dunkey knew what Morello was muttering and it fully brought Dunkey back to his senses and to his feet.
“Don't give up. Don't give up. Don't give up.”
“That's it!!” Irelia shrieked from the other side of the training room. “Blade, awaken!” Suddenly, the weapon Irelia held had split into four seperate blades, floating by her visage. “These blades of mine have a will of their own and they will do anything they can to kill you! So, die! Just die!!”
This wasn't good. Irelia still had a lot of fight left in her. Dunkey could manage to dodge the blades several times, but several more times he could not dodge them. Despite whatever injury he may suffer however, he still willed himself to stay on his feet. He wasn't fighting solely for revenge. Nor was he fueled by hatred. What flowed through him, he finally realized, was true power: Love.
Suddenly, the four blades had fused once more into one large blade, tracking Dunkey and slicing after him faster and with more power than ever, but with miraculous strength, Dunkey was able to dodge the blade just enough to finally stand face-to-face with Irelia. As the blade rounded above and behind Dunkey, Dunkey saw his opportunity and tackled Irelia and he wrapped his arms tight around her.
“No!! What are you doing!?” Irelia tried to pound away at Dunkey and loosen his grip, but she couldn't escape.
“You said it yourself, Irelia.” Dunkey declared. “These blades will do anything they can to kill me – even if it means killing you!”
Irelia panicked and struggled harder to break free, but to no avail. “Don't you realize that we're both going to die if you do this?!”
Dunkey never loosened his grip, but he pulled back just enough to make eye contact with Irelia and say, “Well, it's a good thing I've got my die move!”
Suddenly, from high above, the blade drove downward and pierced through Dunkey's back and consequently through Irelia's chest, stabbing her heart. The blade had driven straight through Dunkey and had missed his heart, but the injury was too much to stand. Losing blood and consciousness, Dunkey fell to the ground.
Dunkey suddenly awoke. He was still in the training room, but he was no longer lying on the ground next to Irelia. Sinking slowly through the ground, Dunkey realized that he had left his corporeal form and, looking around, he saw the bodies of Renekton, Nasus, Morello, and himself. Though he was out of his body, Dunkey still felt some earthly connection, as if his body were still alive, but he could not find the strength to lift himself through to his body, though he was able to move side to side.
Upon closer observation, Dunkey noticed Morello departing his form as well and, with haste, Dunkey manage to drift toward Morello.
“Hey, Dunkey.” asked Morello, lying beside him.
“We're dead, aren't we?”
“You know.” Morello said. “I want to see my body again, but I can't seem to lift myself up to it. It's like something is weighing me down.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“This weight... somehow, I feel like this is sweet irony for myself.”
Dunkey remained silent so Morello continued. “I might just be talking out of my rear, but I really do believe in you, Dunkey. This whole time, I always thought you were so strong – strong enough to carry your own burdens and carry mine as well, so I never worried about taking responsibility. It was relieving, but just then, when you kneeled before Irelia, I realized that no person should bear another's burdens. I will carry mine and you will carry yours.”
Dunkey sounded in understanding as he relaxed into the dark recesses of the world with Morello. For the first time in a long while, Dunkey felt at peace with everything. There was one thing nagging at him however. His body was still alive. He knew it. And somehow he knew Morello's was still alive as well. If only he could lift this weight pushing him down.
“Morello, I don't exactly disagree with you, but at the same time I don't think that what you're saying is entirely correct. These burdens you had never weighed me down because I always had you with me. As long as I had you by my side, I knew that I would never buckle down because we could shoulder our burdens together. And all of that is because I love you, Morello.”
Morello smiled as he replied,
“I love you too.”
Suddenly, for Dunkey and Morello, there felt a relief from pressure. The weight that had pushed down on them so hard had lessened. Reinvigorated, Dunkey and Morello managed to rise from the darkness and return to the world.
Life surging within him, Dunkey gasped for air as he quickly sat upright. The glaring pain that seared through his upper back and his whole body had seemingly lessened, as if his wounds had already healed somehow. Reality returned to him however, when he tried to bring himself to his feet and a burning pain flowed through him. His wounds had only healed somewhat. With greater care not to strain himself, Dunkey was able to stand, but as his right foot buckled he nearly fell back. He managed to catch himself however, and slowly Dunkey hobbled over to Morello.
“Can you stand?” Dunkey asked.
“Yeah, but I'm not sure how. That cut was pretty nasty...”
“Heh, who knows.” said Dunkey. “Maybe we have some sort of guardian angel.”
Morello weezed a single laugh, “Yeah, that'll be the day! But, man this hurts. I feel like an old a** b*tch.” Morello said as he rolled to his knees and rose, but he couldn't place any weight on his left foot.
“I can't stand on my left leg...”
Dunkey chuckled at the coincidence. “Heh, I can't stand on my right leg...”
“How about we shoulder each other and get ourselves out of here?”
As Dunkey and Morello hobbled together out the building, Dunkey couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt for what had happenened to Nasus and Renekton and even Irelia. She only needed nerfs, not death, but despite all the pain she had brought him and Morello, Dunkey was still alive. Though she had brought him near the point of death, Irelia was,
“Not even close, bby.”
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