I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.

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Urobolus

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Senior Member

09-29-2010

I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.

Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby ****, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA.

I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.

On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet worked for Riot Games.


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TheWorstEver

Senior Member

09-29-2010

Who is............Angelina Jolie?


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Acclue

Senior Member

09-29-2010

Is this a Dos Equis commercial?


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TheWorstEver

Senior Member

09-29-2010

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acclue View Post
Is this a Dos Equis commercial?
Maybe he's talking about IceFrog.....


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Paeter

Senior Member

09-29-2010

Quote:
Originally Posted by Urobolus View Post

But I have not yet worked for Riot Games.
Nah, I'm pretty sure Jesse Perring works for Riot


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Postal Twinkie

Wrenchman

09-29-2010

I thought he was talking about the old Ice Climbers game at first.


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Onlyashadow

Senior Member

09-29-2010

Quote:
Originally Posted by Urobolus View Post
Children trust me.
I knew it, teen annie thread.


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gosp

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Recruiter

09-29-2010

It's an old entry into an 'awesome college essays' contest. It's still awesome.


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Twisted

Senior Member

09-29-2010

very cool