Why you're 1800+ and I'm not.

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bongofrog

Senior Member

09-13-2012

A repost from the General forum. As already said A guide this good has never graced the forums before:

Thought i'd throw a few things out - a list if you will, of things that I personally do to ensure I stay at a low elo, and continue to propagate the false notion of an "elo hell"


First and foremost. (to you illiterate peeps that means impoh-tentest)

WARDS: Don't waste your gold. You're better off spending that hard earned gold on things like more attack speed.

SOLO!! "/all 1v1 me brah!" This is your ticket to excellence. If you can prove you're top dog, you win. See that wave of creeps coming? Fuk baron! go get em!

PUSH PUSH PUSH! The more you push the better you are. Keep the other team pinned down at their towers.

Last hitting is for b**ches and p*ssies! Auto attack is your friend. Remember, if you auto attack that life steal will heal you, which brings you to my next point:

Pots: Don't bother. Dorans blade gives you 3% life steal! thats at LEAST enough to solo a fed yi. If you get 3 of them, you're ti*ts!. Just focus on attack speed next. get 3 or 4 phantom dancers and you'll be stealing so much life you'll be able to solo towers two at a time!.

Buy something EVERY time you go back. Got 500g? nuther dorans baby!! You can always sell it later on craigs list for profit.

TANKS must be your primary focus. If the tank doesn't die, you can't ace em. and you certainly can't get that coveted ultra leet status PENTA KILL! Soon as hes in view BOLT AT HIM! Think of it like the charge in the movie troy. "See whats laying beyond that turret?! ITS THE TANK! it is immortality! ITS YOUR! TAKE IT!!! The tank is the hardest to kill so naturally you should focus him. The rest of them scrubs will die in a few hits once hes down.

PING EVERYTHING! Someone not pushing their tower hard enough? Ping the everloving jesus juice out of them! How else will they learn?

Mini map? Thats for cheaters! Good players NEVER look at it. The best will be able to follow the last rule WITHOUT looking at the mini map. You are at LEAST as good as them.

ALWAYS!! ...no NEVER!! EVER let anyone get away from you! Chase that freak all the way to the nexus if you have to! if the enemy finds out that they can just run from you, you'll lose all credibility with your team, and command of your enemy. FORCE them to die.

Remember that you MUST be the ADC. if you are not, you can't win every game. Its better to have 3 ezreals than to have a tank -remember they might have read this too, and will target your tank first, so guess whats gong to happen if you don't have one? Oh yeah! they will be so confused, you'll be penta killing all game!

Last but not least: YOU ARE THE BOSS!! Remember that! Your team will follow you, if they dont they are scrubs, noobs and not worth a damn. Report them. To help insure that everyone respects and fears you, TYPE IN ALL CAPS!! ALL THE TIME! IT WILL GIVE YOU THAT EDGE YOU NEED TO CONTROL THEM. IF YOU LET THEM THINK THEY ARE IN CHARGE YOURE GOING TO DIE, AND LOSE, AND GG.



I hope this helps you as well as it has helped me. This is what the pro's don't know. Its the secret to playing as awesome as me!

EDIT:

I cant believe I forgot one! one of the most important ones!! (Thanks to neverlucky who reminded me about the jungler....

JUNGLERS ARE *ALWAYS* AT FAULT! Lost your tower? ****ty jungler! Didn't get that kill? Jungler KSED!!! *Ping, ping,ping,ping,ping,ping,ping,ping,ping,ping,ping, ping,ping,ping,ping,ping,ping,ping,ping,ping,ping, "WFT JUNGLER!!?!" /all REPOR JUNGLER!! NOOOB KS, WONT HOLD MY LANE!!!!1 NEVER GANKS BOT!!!" You can't win the game with a crappy jungler. I would HIGHLY recommend taking the jungle from him. He sucks and doesn't deserve it.

Thank you Crazylockdown for adding another protip:

Don't forget to callt he other teams noobs every chance you get, ESPECIALLY if you die (lol NOOOB!! u got boots stead of nuther dorans blade dinnit u?) /all NOOBS!! TAKES AL 2 OF U TO KIL ME?! 1V1 ME BRAH! REPORT 4 HARASMENT!!!!1 FUK U NOOBZ!" remember caps for best results. This will kill the enemy psyche giving you another edge, in the military its called Mental Warfare...use it!

Another from Lord Puppy Fury! (lolz name brah!)

Supports are for crappy players! only noobs who cant carry like a baws play support! Since youre the top god player on the battle field naturally you'll be playing EZ, or Ash, or Sivir (dat boobs!!) and so should everyone else on your team! They suck dink if they dont all roll ez! If you died chasing a tank through a couple turrets (you got boots lol! dorans blade would have given you enouhg life steal to win dat fight!) If your **** Support wasn't playing some **** champ they would have been able use EZ ult to assist you in your killing. Carries make best support! /all FUK DAT SONA !!! REPORZ 4 NOOB!!!!

Also make sure you call out everyone who needs reporting. Specifically in the natural leader format of ALL CAPS. IF YOU ARE FEELING SHY USE ONE OF THESE TEMPLATES, JUST COPPY AND PASTE THEM:

/ALL REPROT DARUS! FEKING NOOOB! KS TEEM!
/ALL EVRY1 REPORT TEEMO 4 FEEDING! DOESN'T PUT SHOORM WHERE THEY GO!!11
/ALL FUK DIS NOCT!! NOCT IS 4 JUNGLE! DOESN'T HAVE DORANS BLADE REPORTZ FOR HARRASSSEMENT!!!1

those should give you an idea of what needs to be done.


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Lord Puppy Fury

Senior Member

09-13-2012

Hey, hey! What about yelling at the support? When you tower dive at level 2 and the support doesn't follow you in he's a total noob. If he'd come, you probably could have gotten a penta kill or something.


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ApathyWolf

Senior Member

09-13-2012

I laughed so hard I choked on a starburst.


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bongofrog

Senior Member

09-13-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by ApathyWolf View Post
I laughed so hard I choked on a starburst.

Laughed at all those nooobs wasting gold on wards right?

yeh me 2! LOLZ!!!1


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Sereg Anfaug

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

09-13-2012

Remember, if you don't see your lane opponent on the minimap, he's probably backing - no need for alarm.

When your other lanes get triple ganked by your lane opponent, it's absolutely their fault. Make sure you stop playing to type out an angry message to them.

This leads nicely into my next point - the more you type, the better your team will do. Make a point of typing quite alot, and using /all chat as much as possible - the other team wants to know how bad your teammates are, too.

When you're queueing up, make sure to call something someone lower in the pick order has already spoken for - after all, you're more important then them. You also don't need them to counterpick - when you click the Play! button, you should already know what champion you're going to use.

If you're a later pick, make sure you stay completely silent. Everyone should know what you're going to pick, so if they take a champion for the lane you were going to play, it's their fault, and they're going to have to work around it. If that happens, autolock your pick before they can protest.

The best time for a baron or dragon attempt is when you have no wards, no oracles, and the other team are all alive.


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bongofrog

Senior Member

09-13-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sereg Anfaug View Post
Remember, if you don't see your lane opponent on the minimap, he's probably backing - no need for alarm.

When your other lanes get triple ganked by your lane opponent, it's absolutely their fault. Make sure you stop playing to type out an angry message to them.

This leads nicely into my next point - the more you type, the better your team will do. Make a point of typing quite alot, and using /all chat as much as possible - the other team wants to know how bad your teammates are, too.

When you're queueing up, make sure to call something someone lower in the pick order has already spoken for - after all, you're more important then them. You also don't need them to counterpick - when you click the Play! button, you should already know what champion you're going to use.

If you're a later pick, make sure you stay completely silent. Everyone should know what you're going to pick, so if they take a champion for the lane you were going to play, it's their fault, and they're going to have to work around it. If that happens, autolock your pick before they can protest.

The best time for a baron or dragon attempt is when you have no wards, no oracles, and the other team are all alive.

This guy knows his ****! PROGUIDE!!!


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bongofrog

Senior Member

09-14-2012

Need to spread the word. Tell the noobs n game to follow this guide!


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sambobsam

Junior Member

09-14-2012

legit guide... sadly it took me till you mentioned tanks to realize what you were doing.... then i had to go back and reread the first few... guess i should reconsider my stance on pots... ( i like wards but i let others buy them for me


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bongofrog

Senior Member

09-14-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by sambobsam View Post
legit guide... sadly it took me till you mentioned tanks to realize what you were doing.... then i had to go back and reread the first few... guess i should reconsider my stance on pots... ( i like wards but i let others buy them for me

Its completely sarcastic....to an extent.

This is just my way of explaining how some people are so terrible at this game.


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bongofrog

Senior Member

09-14-2012

Note: These examples are ACTUALLY things I have heard while in game.


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