[Champion Concept] Aliara, Child of the Void

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Chamenas

Senior Member

09-12-2012

Aliara, Child of the Void (Open to Critique)
Like this Champion? Find others like it in Chamenas' Champion Index
(includes details on my own review trade process)
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* Post a comment, even if you can't do a full critique.

Index:
1. Core (Attributes, Overview)
2. Mechanics (Abilities, Stats, Gameplay)
3. Appearance (Appearance, Secondary Skins)
4. Background (Lore, Dialogue)
5. Bio
6. Judgment

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Attributes:
Support, Mage, Ranged

Design Hook: Ranged support with high escape/chase potential that can double as an AP Caster if built for it.

Lore Hook: She has four personalities.

Overview:

Gender: Female
Race: Human/Void-Spawn
Origin: Zaun, reborn in the Void
Alliance: Chaos, serves only the Void
Class: Ranged Support
Sub-class: AP Caster
Weapon: Wields nothing, uses void energy.
Attack type: Ranged
Energy Source: Mana

Design Concept:
Aliara is designed to be a support champion with excellent mobility: escaping and chasing potential. She doesn't do a lot of scaling damage, but can be built with ability power to fit that role if needed. Her primary strengths lie in being able to chase and either bring allies to her position or tether an enemy, allowing an ally to come up. Her ultimate can move an entire team to another spot on the map where they have vision in seconds.

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Updates:
Update: 9/21/2012 (6:30pm EST): Updated Void Hole
Update: 9/18/2012 (4:09pm EST): Changed Ability Icons
Update: 9/14/2012 (3:33am EST): Lore updated
Update: 9/14/2012 (3:04am EST): Passive, Q, W, E, and R Abilities updated.
Update: 9/13/2012 (3:17am EST): Thread Posted


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Chamenas

Senior Member

09-12-2012

Index:
1. Core (Attributes, Overview)
2. Mechanics (Abilities, Stats, Gameplay)
3. Appearance (Appearance, Secondary Skins)
4. Background (Lore, Dialogue)
5. Bio
6. Judgment

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Abilities:

Attachment 528253
[P] Through the Void:
When Aliara casts a spell she becomes stealthed for 1 second. There is a 6 / 4 / 2 second cooldown before Aliara can stealth again. Autoattacking or any other non-movement action will remove stealth.

Attachment 528254
[Q] Void Blades:
Type: AoE (non-targeted)
Amount: 60 / 90 / 120 / 150 / 180 (+0.66 per ability power)
Duration: 3 seconds (or until ended)
Range: 300 (max: 600)
Cost: 60 mana
Cooldown: 7 seconds.

Basic Description:
Aliara speeds up momentarily and then lashes out with void blades at nearby enemy units. If an enemy unit is hit, the blades extend once more to hit enemy units nearby the afflicted unit.

Specific Details:
Aliara's movement speed increases by by 40% for 3 seconds. At the end of the duration, or if Void Blades is activated again before the end of the duration, Void Blades does 60 / 110 / 160 / 210 / 260 (+0.6 per ability power) damage to every enemy in within a 300 unit radius. If they strike an enemy unit, they will extend an additional 300 units beyond that unit to strike any other enemy units in that radius, prioritizing enemy champions.

Visual:
Black, silky blades at the end of tendrils appear. Aliara shouts out, “watch out, I can handle this” in the voice of a child, but with confidence and assurance.

Attachment 528252
[W] Shield of the Void:
Type: Target
Buff: Shield of the Void
Duration: 2 seconds or until popped
Range: 650
Cost: 80 mana
Cooldown: 23 / 21 / 19 / 17 / 15 seconds
Target-Type: Ally or self
Cast Delay: 0.5 seconds

Basic Ability Description:
"Aliara places a shield on target ally that lasts 2 seconds or until an enemy champion uses an ability. The shield will absorb the next enemy ability used on the shielded champion. If an ability is block, the shielded target will take reduced damage for 3 seconds."

Specific Details:
The shield will block any enemy champion targeted ability used on shielded ally, but will automatically be consumed for any enemy champion targeted ability that is used on the shielded ally. If the shield is popped, the shield target will take 5 / 8 / 11 / 14 /17% reduced damage for 3 seconds after the shield was popped. Using the shield on Aliara will stop her passive from proccing.

Visual:
The bubble is a black swirling shield similar to Diana's Pale Cascade but more visible and without the floating orbs. Aliara shouts out, “I'll protect you, my love, Malzahar!” in a teenager's voice.

Attachment 528251
[E] Midnight Tendrils:
Type: Skillshot (Linear)
Amount: 50 / 75 / 100 / 125 / 150 (+0.5 per ability power)
Duration: 1 / 1.3 / 1.6 / 1.9 / 2.2 second(s)
Range: 850 (max: 1150)
Cost: 80 mana
Cooldown: 20 seconds

Basic Description:
"Aliara uses the tendrils of her dress to reach out and snare enemies or allies. If an ally is hit, the tendrils will reach out to nearby enemies. She can use her tendrils to pull an ally in, or push an enemy away. Successfully landing a tendril on an enemy champion allows Aliara to pass through terrain during the next second of her stealth.”

Specific Details:
If Aliara lands the tendrils they deal 50 / 75 / 100 / 125 / 150 (+0.5 per ability power) damage to the first target they hit and slow them by 40% for 1 / 1.3 / 1.6 / 1.9 / 2.2 second(s). If Midnight Tendrils is cast on an ally then it will spread out to any enemy targets within a 300 unit radius, slowing them and doing 75% damage. Aliara may activate Void Tendrils again within their duration to pull an ally to her, activating it against an enemy will push them back 100 units but break the tendril effect. If Aliara lands Midnight Tendrils directly on an enemy champion, she can pass through terrain while stealthed for the next second.

Visual:
Enemies and allies are wrapped by an inky black tendril, Aliara shouts out in a childlike voice, “Mommy? Daddy? ...who are you? get away from me!”

Attachment 528255
[R] Void Hole:
Type: AoE (circular)
AoE Diameter: 550
Amount: 100 / 200 / 300 (+0.4 per ability power)
Duration: 6 / 8 / 10 seconds
Range: 3000
Cost: 200 mana
Cooldown: 200 / 180 / 160 seconds

Basic Description:
"Aliara places a void vortex on the ground, which can transport willing allies to another nearby location. Enemies caught within the void are snared and take damage."

Specific Description:
Upon activation, a void zone appears beneath Aliara's feet and she is allowed top place another void zone anywhere within 3000 units. Allies may click on either zone, stand on it for 1.5 seconds, and be transported to the other. Enemies caught in either void zone, or running into either void zone are rooted for 1 second and take damage at the end of the root. Taking damage interrupts the transport timer. Only 1 / 3 / 5 champions are allowed to teleport through the Void Hole simultaneously. Champions will be queued based on when they clicked on the hole to travel through it.

Visual:
A black swirling vortex going downward appears in both locations with Champions getting “sucked” in. Aliara shouts out, “the void heeds my command!” in the confident, self-assured voice of a young woman.

Stats:
- Health: 380 (+75)
- Attack Damage: 40 (+2)
- Health Regen: 5 (+0.55)
- Attack Speed: 0.600 (+2%)
- Mana: 250 (+40)
- Armor: 8 (+3.5)
- Mana Regen: 6.0 (+0.6)
- Magic res: 30 (0.25)
- Range: 550
- Movement: 305

Gameplay:
Aliara should be played as an aggressive support. She can shield herself, stealthing for a second, run in, do some poke damage with her spikes, then become stealthed again for a second due to her passive, and come back out relatively unscathed. Opponents will have to adjust their strategies in order to deal with and shut her play down.

This champion is extremely efficient at chasing and snaring enemies, making her a great support to have in order to cut-off stranglers at the end of team fights. Additionally, with her ultimate, she can make team fights happen when the other team least expects it. Suddenly your entire team can travel fairly decent distances, and, depending on how she positions her ultimate, your opponents will take a bit of damage as well, or be scattered as they try to avoid the ultimate's damage effect.

Aliara can also be played as an AP carry, with a very weak early game (though her stealth passive will lead to some decent harass) but building into a much stronger late-game which can see her jump into a fight, dealing a fair amount of damage, snaring, and shielding at the opportune moment to prevent the most damage.

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Chamenas

Senior Member

09-12-2012

Index:
1. Core (Attributes, Overview)
2. Mechanics (Abilities, Stats, Gameplay)
3. Appearance (Appearance, Secondary Skins)
4. Background (Lore, Dialogue)
5. Bio
6. Judgment

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Appearance:
-Height: 5'4”
-Physical Build: Slender with hints of curves between her hips and waist
-Hair style and color: midnight black with a white streak, falling down just past her shoulders. Straight.
-Eye color: icy blue, almost white
-Weapons: None, her hands crackle with void energy which she tosses
-Attire: Clothed in an unusual, seemingly living garment made of void energy

Aliara is a young woman appearing in her late teens being just below the average height of a human female. She has a very pale complexion which seems unmarred. Aliara has a slender build with a fair bit of contrast from waist to hips but not exceptionally curvy. Her facial features are predominately angular with a medium-sized nose which is thin with a triangle-shaped point. She has icy blue eyes that are nearly white in color. Her lips are thin and black with a white streak down the very center. Hair as black as midnight frames her face and flows down past her shoulders by several inches. A large white swath travels down the right side of her hair and runs down all the way to the tips. Her shoulders are rounded and sloped, delicate. She has thin arms with delicate hands that have long, slender fingers. What appears to be a black dress is actually some strange, unidentifiable material which looks silky in texture but has a feel much more like some solid gel. The “dress” conforms tightly to her body, emphasizing her minimal curvature. The skirt of the “dress” is stylishly ragged, with the individual strands changing in length and, at times, moving, forming the tendrils which are a part of her abilities. Her legs are thin and slender and lead to small, delicate, barefoot feet. Aliara tends to float around rather than walk. Her nails on her feet and her hands are black.

Secondary Skins:
None at this time

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Chamenas

Senior Member

09-12-2012

Index:
1. Core (Attributes, Overview)
2. Mechanics (Abilities, Stats, Gameplay)
3. Appearance (Appearance, Secondary Skins)
4. Background (Lore, Dialogue)
5. Bio
6. Judgment

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Lore:
Aliara grew up an orphan in Zaun, as she grew into a teenager she discovered Malzahar's void cult. Struck with a sudden, passionate love for the dark, mysterious void prophet, Aliara joined the cult in hopes of gaining his attention. The Void was secondary to her aims, but, Aliara knew that progression through the cult would help her towards her goal. Malzahar never seemed to notice her, however, even as she rose quickly through the cults ranks. Aliara's obsession knew no bounds, so that, when Malzahar announced a public gathering in which he would sacrifice a woman to the void, Aliara became convinced that the woman he chose was, in fact, the one competing with her for Malzahar's attentions. Through clever manipulation she found out who the chosen woman was, and informed Kassadin that his daughter was to be the sacrifice.

Kassadin appeared as she hoped, and Aliara, in the disruption, tried to switch places with Kassadin's daughter. However, Kassadin lashed out in a sudden moment, sending both his daughter and Aliara plunging into the Void. As the Void prepared to consume Aliara, it was stopped as it noticed an untapped well of immense magical potential within her. Sparing the girl, the Void warped her mind and tore apart her physical form, giving her a new one similar to what she had been before, but more seductive, and more deadly. Aliara struggled against the mental influences of the Void, causing her personality to split into four parts: a young, deadly woman following the void's agenda; a lovestruck teenager forever focused on Malzahar; a confident young child, eager to deal with the world; and a frightened little girl looking for her mother and father.

The Void spit Aliara back out, but the magical forces surrounding her arrival back in Valoran signaled the League, who sent a team of Summoners to investigate the disturbance. Aliara lashed back, injuring several summoners and nearly killing one, but, with the help of Kassadin, she was subdued and imprisoned. When offered the chance to find some sort of redemption and cure her instability by fighting for the League, Aliara's personalities agreed 3-1.

"I don't want to be here- Shut up, child. Come, welcome to the Void" - Aliara

Dialogue:
Champion Selection
"No- no! Don't pick- HUSH, child! A wise, choice, Summoner." (Starts out with scared child, ends with young woman)

Attacking
"Take that, you stupid!" (scared child)
"Don't mess with me." (confident child)
"Oh. Oh. Maybe he'll notice how great I am." (love-struck teenager)
"Feel the Void ebb your life away." (young woman)
"tag... you're it!" (confident child)
"None can escape the void." (young woman)


Taunt
"Come, taste what the void offers... if you dare." (young woman)

Joke
"Four women walk into a bar- GET IT! It's US! *giggle*" (Starts out with young woman, ends with scared child with a playful voice)

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Chamenas

Senior Member

09-12-2012

Index:
1. Core (Attributes, Overview)
2. Mechanics (Abilities, Stats, Gameplay)
3. Appearance (Appearance, Secondary Skins)
4. Background (Lore, Dialogue)
5. Bio
6. Judgment

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Bio:
Aliara grew up an orphan on the streets of Zaun. However, unlike Janna, she did not find any hidden magical talents to elevate her. Instead, as she grew into a beautiful young woman, Aliara found her time on the streets becoming increasingly more perilous. She was no longer a simple street urchin to be kicked off of stoops or pitied, she was a beautiful young woman that many less desirable elements of Zaun craved. Orphans were also desirable test subjects for many of Zaun's techmaturgist, male or female alike. As a result of her perils, Aliara fled Zaun and embarked southward for Noxus.

In Noxus Aliara first heard of Malzahar and his Void Cult. With nothing to her name, and no reason to support her birthplace or Noxus in all of its thirst for power, Aliara struck out to find entrance to the Void Cult. The young woman took quickly to the ideals of the Void which seemed to preach of a cleansing of the world through a monstrous reckoning. The Void was inevitable, it would not be stopped. All would be consumed, rich, poor, powerful and weak. The sheer equivocal nature appealed to Aliara, who had never been viewed as equal in her life. She rose through the ranks of the cult.

When Malzahar held a public gathering to sacrifice a participant to the void, Aliara had joined, hoping that she would be chosen. Though a part of her was terrified at what might happen, she knew that there was nothing for her in Runetera. She was no one, and she never would be, this was her only true chance of becoming something meaningful. Instead, someone else was chosen. Kassadin arrived and began to clash with Malzahar, in this moment, Aliara saw her opportunity to switch places with the other woman chosen. However, just as Aliara reached the woman, Kassadin's spell hit, sending both of them hurtling into the void.

No one missed Aliara, and so only one woman was reported lost that day. No one had ever noticed Aliara until the Void. Instantly the infinite void began its work on consuming her. Aliara knew only pain in that instant, as if her entire lifetime had been only made of pain and of suffering and all else was forgotten. But, before the Void could completely consume her it noticed powerful magics trapped within that it could put to use if only it were unlocked. Reforming her with a new body, seductive in appearance, but deadly in nature, for her body was infused with the energies of the void, becoming one with it.

The Void unleashed Aliara, spitting her back out in Icathia. But, before she could fulfill her destiny, she was found by Kassadin and the League swooped in. Several League officials were injured in her subduing, but Aliara was eventually contained and swiftly transported to the Institute of War where she was examined. What was found revealed only further mysteries.

First, her skin was an unnatural pale, and yet her lips were black but not painted by any artificial makeup. Her eyes were icy white with only the barest fringes of blue at the edges. She had midnight hair with a large swath of white hair trailing down the right side. What at first appeared to be a silky, tight, black dress was actually an unusual substance which could not be removed from her body and hung off in tendrils When examining it, one of the sorcerers had his hand chopped off as it suddenly formed into a blade.

Stranger still was the woman herself, who seemed to have four distinct personalities: the first was as a child, lost and looking for her parents, completely unsure of herself and ready to cry at a moment's notice; the second was of an older child, more confident and capable with a dose of cunning; the third was that of a love-obsessed teenager, entirely enthralled by Malzahar as her one focus; the fourth was a sinister and intelligent young woman fully capable of her dark powers.

The League determined that Aliara was too dangerous to be released, but, like other powerful prisoners in their possession, they offered her the chance to participate in the League as a Champion. By a vote of 3-1, Aliara's personalities agreed.

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Chamenas

Senior Member

09-12-2012

Index:
1. Core (Attributes, Overview)
2. Mechanics (Abilities, Stats, Gameplay)
3. Appearance (Appearance, Secondary Skins)
4. Background (Lore, Dialogue)
5. Bio
6. Judgment

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Judgment:
The click of metal-soled boots resounded through the granite corridors of this section of the League dormitory. Quite contrary to expectation, fire burned brightly here in rows of torches and large, open windows which let the light of the sun stream in in all of its brilliance. There was no fear of escape from these dungeons, the most powerful magic in all of Runeterra had been gathered here to keep in the select few prisoners kept by the League. If the League's magic could not stop their escape, nothing would. Maive glanced with satisfaction at the tapestries lining the walls. Royal blue with golden embroidery, they were a testament to the authority of the League. Everywhere one went, power and influence followed, it could not be avoided, not even here in, perhaps, the most frightening area that there might be to behold in all the world. Even with some of the most powerful forces in the universe locked up in these very halls, there was no change in atmosphere, no hints or influence from the darkness locked in cells only feet away from where Maive stood.

Finally her destination was reached. The short woman looked down at the sheaf of parchment in her hand, at the top were the words “Room 110: Subject: Aliara”, strands of white hair fell across her vision, but a deft movement of her hand swept them back behind her ear. She looked up once more, her violet irises glinting, Room 110 was inscribed on the plaque that rested on the door before her. To all the world it appeared an ordinary oaken door, one easily burned down by a mere flame. However, Maive knew better, this door was more secure than the steel vault doors of any bank in Runeterra, for it was fortified by the presence of innumerable spells, spells designed not only to keep the door safe and its occupants kept within, but also to lash out at any who might try to remove the spells. Maive placed her hand on a metal piece on the door, it glowed blue briefly and she felt a warm tingle. There was an audible click and the door swung open before her, granting entrance.

Unlike the bright hall which lay only mere inches from the interior of the room, inside it was nearly dark as midnight. Maive waved her hand and summoned forth a spell of light to illuminate the room. Suddenly the cell was lit up as if by a thousand candles, and all was revealed. The cell was not particularly large: it contained a bed, a wash basin, an area for toileting, and a wooden table with two chairs. There were no windows, and the torches inside had been put out. The magic used to sustain the torch flame was powerful but not impregnable. Still, the power needed to overcome the sustaining magic... Maive flicked her fingers and shielded herself just in case. Her mission subject sat before her, huddled up in a corner.

“Aliara is it, yes?” she asked, after a moment. Maive slid into a chair at the table, one hand moving to smooth the skirts of her gown beneath her as she sat. The woman was unresponsive for some time, and it was difficult to ascertain exactly what she was doing.

Maive's purpose, however, was clear. She was here to determine whether or not the woman known as Aliara was competent enough to stand her own judgment, and whether or not there was any hope of restoring her to a place in Runeterra. There had been reports through casual observation of multiple... personalities. The woman seemed deranged and unstable, one second preaching about the impending void as if she were Malzahar's keenest disciple, and, the next, she would be screaming for her “mommy” and “daddy” claiming to be scared, in spite of the fact that she had, at her bidding, an immense power of magic.

Probing just slightly, Maive used her powers to touch the woman's mind. She was immediately met by a formidable mental shield. It was unsurprising, Maive hadn't truly expected that method to work, but, it didn't hurt to try. Well, sometimes it did, but Maive was an expert in mental shields herself and so had little to fear of a counter strike. Aliara's eyes were arresting... such an icy blue, almost white. Maive's eyes lost focus for a moment, but a husky, seductive voice brought her back to the present.

“Don't do that again, dear...” glancing at Aliara, Maive bristled, preparing protection spells as she felt the magic remnants in the room creeping towards a cohesive spell, Aliara spoke again, but, this time, her voice sounded more like a child, though it held tones of assurance, “come any closer and we'll have to play.”

Maive sighed, so this was what they were talking about. Unless this woman was a talented voice actress, there was some definite evidence of at least a second personality. Folding her arms, Maive took a step back. Her shields and the prison magics were likely more than enough to protect her, but she needed to see if she could get the young woman to be less hostile.

“Go away! Mommy and daddy aren't here!” Aliara suddenly screamed at her, the voice even more childish than the last and quivering with a child's fear. The room vibrated, pulsing once, twice, Maive's ears popped as a rush of wind filled the room, tossing the soft pale purple fabrics of her gown back. The protection spell ended and the young woman across from Maive looked bewildered and a bit drained, she spoke again, but, this time, sounded more like the young woman, but, perhaps a bit younger.

“Malzahar... will save me...”

It was difficult to prove, but the evidence was laid out before Maive. This woman, whomever she was, did not appear to be stable. If she was an actress, she was one of the finest that Runeterra had ever seen. In any case, acting insane in order to be kept a prisoner of the League did not seem to be a particularly attractive agenda anyways.

“Ladies...” Maive began, feeling it appropriate to address the personalities as separate entities, for they hardly seemed to work together, “...until such a time as you can be deemed fit to be released among the citizens of our fine world, the League will hold you here for your safety and the safety of others...”

Aliara gave Maive a baleful gaze, and Maive was sure that the lovestruck teenager was still in control at the moment. She wondered at the young woman's oldest personality, and why it had seemed so reclusive after appearing first.

“You are not without options, however.”

A slight shift flitted across Aliara's features, barely noticeable, but Maive's eye caught it. The baleful look was tinged with a slightly curious, more mature gaze.

“Our champions that choose to fight willingly need challenges to face in order to increase their strength for the protection of our world. If you so choose, you may join them on the field of battle as a champion. But, make no mistake, this is not to win your freedom. You do this only for the glory of it, or, perhaps, for the hope that maybe the fighting will redeem your spirit and make you fit to walk amongst the rest of Runeterra's citizenry.” Maive unfolded her arms and turned a little to the side, “do you agree to join?”

Aliara cast down her gaze, but, even from the downward facing position, Maive got a glance at the internal struggle that flitted across the young woman's beautiful features. Finally, Aliara looked up, her arresting, icy gaze fixed solemnly on Maive.

“We agree-” the voice of the young woman began, but was cut-off suddenly by a high-pitched, childish voice, “-I don't!”

Maive blinked. League policy mandated that the entrants be given a choice, and, among such champions as fought together, both participants had to agree. It seemed, in this case, that three of the personalities were willing, but one wasn't. It was an unprecedented case, however. Technically, Aliara was only one being, and she had agreed, but she had also disagreed. Such instability would normally qualify her as unfit to decide for herself. But it was not so simple as that. For though she had agreed and disagreed as one person, she was, in definite ways, more than one person. Most of who she was seemed ready, perhaps even eager, to join the League. It was only a small portion of who she was that disagreed. All champions had their internal struggles.

Biting her lip, Maive nodded as she reached her conclusion, “Then so it shall be. Welcome to the League, Aliara.”

The young woman looked up at Maive, and, after a moment, a small smile curled at the edges of her lips. The smile was framed by her icy blue eyes and intense gaze, giving it a noticeably eerie aura. Maive wasn't sure she liked it, she wasn't sure many of the champions would like it either.

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Chamenas

Senior Member

09-12-2012

EpicFrogNinja

Quote:
Originally Posted by EpicFrogNinja View Post
Ok, I shall review this concept...

Passive: The stealth part of her passive isn't all that great, since a 1 second stealth won't really be all that much. However, the walking through terrain part completely makes up for that, since it makes her extremely unpredictable and unique. You said that the ability procs every 10/8/6/4 seconds. However, you cannot level up passive abilities, so perhaps you could instead say... 10 seconds from level x - x, 8 seconds from level x - x, etc.

Q:There is a typo where you repeated the word "by" two times. Now, this ability may be balanced or kind of OP, depending on Aliara's stats. The ability deals a lot of damage for an AoE skill, However, it is at a relatively short range of 300. I think for the amount of damage this deals, there should be risk factor involved. If Aliara is too tanky, then this risk won't be there, and the skill be probably be too strong. If she's too squishy, then she would die very quickly at that range. Could you please add some stats to this concept? If you don't want to think of stats, then just copy and paste the stats from an existing mage champion and tweak them slightly.

W: This skill will allow Aliara to be safer while using her Q. Its a pretty standard spell shield. This skill is balanced.

E: A unique skill, but will it teleport allies affected too? Because I don't think your team would appreciate you dragging them around. Additionally, if Aliara transported the whole enemy team to the fountain turret using this skill combined with her ult, then it would be OP.

Ult: Basically what I said before. You should add some limits, such as not being able to teleport enemies into your base. Additionally, this skill could be abused by trolls to send their allies into the enemy base. Thus, there needs to be some sort of control over this. For example, an ally has a choice about whether they want to be sucked in. Like, if an ally will be teleported, a pop up on the side of their screen should have a yes/no option. This expires in 1 second, and if they didn't say yes, then they are not teleported.

Additional Notes:
-The lore is well done. I like the "multiple personalities" idea. I like the idea of Aliara's lore, because right now, the Void lore is split. Some champions are natives to the Void (Cho, Kog), and some are humans who worship/fight the Void (Malz, Kass). Aliara seems to tie the two together.

-I would appreciate any feedback on my champion too! http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/....php?t=1856475
DarkPercy
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkPercy View Post
Passive: There is a huge problem with this: A passive that activates by itself. There is no gameplay involved in this you just go invincible-I-Can-Go-Through-****ing-Walls-And-No-One-Can-Target-Me-LOL mode once every few seconds. Also, since this is not controllable, it's very hard to use it to its full potential. For example: You're running away from an enemy when suddenly you see a wall that you could walk through to escape... buuuuuuuuut... nope you gotta wait 3 seconds till your passive activates so nvm just die. + The enemy knows when your passive just ended and know you are weak during X period.

Anyways, I'm gonna stop here because I could go on for a while lol. You should change this passive so you can trigger it by yourself (using an ability triggers it for example). Also, not being revealed by true sight IS overpowered and very unnecessary. I don't like that mechanic at all. That's like creating a way to reduce True damage... It's ''special'' but it doesn't make sense and it's pointless.

Q: First problem: 5 seconds cooldown and the ability has 5 seconds charging time lol. With maximum cooldown reduction this ability would have 3 seconds cooldown... that means you could use this ability while... you're actually already using it? lol.

Second Problem: 5 seconds charging time is terrible. That's VERY unreliable damage. Jax's Counterstrike only has 1 second charging time and Jax players complain it's too easy for the enemy to just Flash/CC you/Run away/Realize what's gonna happen. 5 seconds would make your intentions very obvious and way too easy to counter.

Third ''problem'': This ability does nothing but damage. Pretty much every single ability in League has two effects. Yours only has one ;p.

My suggestion: Increase the cooldown a bit but improve this ability by reducing the charging time or even just removing the charging time. Also add a secondary effect ;D.

W: Very nice! Clear, functional, fun. I like.

E: Quite confusing ._. but I got it after reading 2-3 times lol. Damage could be better I think. Being able to link an ally is a bad idea imo. Allies can already use the teleport by themselves so linking them is pointless. Also, this could lead to trolling/frustration because your allies won't always want to come with you in the teleport.... Finally, linking an ally only gives you 50% damage potential... So just remove the possible to link an ally pls.

R: wat. So like, Twisted Fate's ultimate but global once again... oh and allies can use it too and you can teleport enemies into your spawning pool if you wanna. lol. There is no way to describe how broken and overpowered this ability is. Needs serious rework. Yes being able to teleport allies or even enemies (in your case, both o.O) is very cool but unfortunately extremely hard to balance. The range REALLY shouldn't be global. Reaaally not. Anyways good luck with this..

Overall a very interesting theme. I have no idea what this champion's definite role would be but what I'm sure is that she wouldn't fit the current metagame xD.
Ventrullia
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ventrullia View Post
The reason I think this concept is somewhat overpowered and repetitive is because she could easily escape from ganks and so forth by going through terrain and turning invisible for certain amount of second. The repetitive side is due to the Void orientation, I state this in most concepts because so many people base their champion ideas on void backgrounds. Not only that, but because there are already so many champions that already have that orientation such as Kog'Maw, Cho'Gath, Kassadin and Malzahar as you have stated in your lore.

How I think you should improve however is to keep the same concept, have the child state and the magical/demonic powers but maybe move it away from the void concept. Repetition is not what Riot is looking for, it's originality as I've posted many times. The more original it is the better chance Riot may actually allow the idea to go through.

It is very hard to come up with an original concept, I understand this as I myself have a champion concept thread:
http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/....php?t=2485184

Although I based it on a reality factor, this is how my concept is separated from many other concepts that are suggested to Riot. It may not be the best idea, many people may not like it but that is originality. Even if people don't like it they can suggest ideas to improve your overall concept.

It is a good idea, could be improved to become great. However, don't get me wrong, this is not a bad idea, no where close to it. If it were I would of told you so.

Keep going.
SephirothWontDie
Quote:
Originally Posted by SephirothWontDie View Post
i like this... but the void blades need a max range. also, the passive seems a little op with being able to go through walls. make it so that if you hit a champ with a spell, she gains that effect and can walk through walls. shield is basically nocturne's with a longer duration with which to absorb a spell. no problem with midnight tendrils. ult should make it so you cant cast within spawn turret range or you could insta kill someone. but yeah, seems like a cool concept that i would love to see in game after a few tweaks.
review mine? http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/....php?t=2481261
Skyhawk47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skyhawk47 View Post
Hi Chamenas, I really like the concept and theme you came up with here. The fragmented personalities thing is so cool, and it makes me want to design a champ utilizing that same idea! You can tell you put a lot of work into this champ with all the details you've included. Now for the review:

Lore - Seems pretty good to me. Fairly plausible story..seems a little weak when you explain how the Void thought she was interesting. Maybe fleshing out that part just a tad would help.

Passive - Honestly, I don't know what everyone else was saying when they referred to a 1 second stealth as useless. Vayne's ult provides less than a second of stealth and it's incredibly annoying and makes her a lot stronger as a champ. I know this is one of those situations where you're getting conflicting opinions so feel free to analyze as you wish, but I think 4/5/6 second stealth on ability use is exceptionally strong, and when combined with the ability to ignore terrain is going to be really OP for a passive.

Q - Good synergy with passive (perhaps too good, heh). Decent damage skill and fairly unique. I like it.

W - Compare this to other "spell block" shields. Sivir's lasts for 3 seconds. Nocturne's lasts for 1.5 seconds. Both are self-cast. Honestly I'm not sure that your version is OP balance wise, I just don't think it's very fun to use or play against. The others require timing and precision, while yours is kind of like a "win every trade" kind of deal.

E - Interesting ability, a bit tough to follow. Allied pull is something I personally like, but in the game it would cause a lot of trollish behavior. If the slow is going to be so short duration-wise, I would pump up the actual slow a bit. I like that you can get a little extra range by casting it on an ally, even though it wouldn't help except in very specific occasions.

R - I'm afraid this is a broken concept. Think about other forms of enemy displacement. Urgot has to switch places (putting himself in harm's way). Alistar, Trist, and Lee Sin have to run up to the enemy and push them back towards their team. Blitz is the glaring difference here, but I think most people would agree that his Rocket Grab is one of the strongest skills in the game. Even Blitz has range limitations and a skillshot that is fairly tricky to use. Your ability is 100% broken as I read it. As far as I understand, you can leave a marker in your base and then teleport an enemy to your fountain for a certain death. Now if the time duration counts for that first marker you place, it is a little better, but it still is much, much stronger than any of the examples I listed above. The part that allows allies to move around is very strong too (though it could be fun in the right circumstances). This skill will need a complete rework, I think.

Overall, I love the theme, but I feel like the actual mechanical concepts are a bit lacking. I don't really see what her "niche" is. I don't really see how her kit flows together, other than her skills + passive making her nearly ungankable. I like her Q and E, but I think the other skills could use a bit of fiddling. Another thing that would be nice would be to see the "split-personality" thing reflected in her skills somehow. Just some food for thought. Thanks for the intriguing champion design--it's made me think a lot about some things I'd like to implement in my own champ-crafting!

--Skyhawk47, CCF Council Member--
Kilar
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kilar View Post
Passive: I like the idea of the stealth but I feel like there would be too much stealth, I realize its only one second long but if you keeo hitting with abilities then you will appear and disappear constantly, which now that I think about it sounds pretty sweet haha, but I dont think that would work in the league

Q: I like this ability especially thefact that it hits all surrounding units, but it seems like this does way way too much damage 210 without any ap added seems like a lot to me but I could be wrong not my area of expertise

W: I like support champions so I like the shield idea but it seems too similar to nocturnes ability. Does the shield block the damge or the effects of the ability or both?

E: So far my favorite ability the fact that it can pull an ally in or push an enemy away is a good idea and I really like it. But again it seems like the amount of damage done is really high especially for a support champion

R: Awesome ult I love the fact that you could bait and set up a huge gank for your team who are waiting at a safe distance away. Or that given enough time you could transport allies to a safer location to live another day really like this idea. Maybe it could also transport enemies to a new location so your team could be waiting for them to come out and destroy them, just a thought.

Lore: I really like the story pretty interesting, not much else I can say nice job!

Overall: nice concept I like it my only issue is that she seems really strong for a support character and just in general way too strong but like I said not the best with the numbers aspect.

If you get a chance I'd love to get a review from you for my champion Dredger. Thank you http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/....php?t=2500569
GamersEye
Quote:
Originally Posted by GamersEye View Post
Only comment I have is that she seems a bit purposeless. She has the Passive of an Assassin, the Q of a jungler, at least I think, the W is a shield, which is supporty, yes, and magey, yes, so that one is alright. Her E is again, that of a jungler, and her R is that of an assassin. She is not a mage in my eyes. Her passive doesn't really match the rest of her abilities. I like her passive for her Q and her E. For her W,it doesnt make much sense. That is my two cents. I see her better as a jungler assassin then a mage. Maybe a hybrid AP/AD. Actually, a hybrid seems like it would work well on her, but i'm not sure. I like her theme overall, but she doesn't have a very clear purpose, and I think she would benefit from some W change. Her W, rather then being a shield, should maybe be something to help you target one enemy. Also, I agree with the reviewer on the first page. Pulling allies could easily be used to troll... Sit on the summoning platform, 40% cooldown, max that, and just spam it.
Also, i know I critiqued pretty hard, and it's just a block, but I didn't expect to go off like that, and it never got organized. Could you possibly check out my champion if you got a second? He needs some love.http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/...ighlight=airus


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Chamenas

Senior Member

09-12-2012

New Aliara thread finished, feel free to comment.


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Chamenas

Senior Member

09-13-2012

Comments, reviews, upvotes very much appreciated. :-)


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Poeta Somnium

Senior Member

09-13-2012

Hello Chamenas, Poet Ultima here (again?) representing the CCF Council. It seems my original review was either mysteriously deleted or, -- more likely, -- I closed my browser without actually posting it in a glorious exhibition of my own stupidity. So, I guess we'll just try this again!

As I disclose in each of my reviews, I am not an authority on statistical balance: I'm a conceptual/creative guy, and will therefor be covering the overall theme of your concept and how everything ties together as opposed to nitpicking at your scaling ratios or base stats.

First of all, this is AWFUL..... you don't have any upvotes for this exceptional concept! There, fixed that for you. =P

Passive: The idea of a reactive stealth I like: 1 second is just long enough to dodge a skillshot or for a quick juke; it would lead to a clutch plays. This alone is a very powerful tool. The problem is there has to be a tradeoff; letting her ignore terrain is like letting her spam flash. If it allowed her to move through 'created' terrain (I.e. Jarvan's ult, Anivia's Wall,) I don't think it would be too much of a problem, but completely negating every obstruction in the game is too much; she would be unkillable on Twisted Treeline. Take out the moves-through-terrain bit and I think this is golden.

Q: A primary damage mechanic as a burst caster, and a strong poking tool as a support. The only problem with this is that the bouncing effect would essentially push the lane much too quickly. I understand that she is an aggressive support, but even aggressive supports have to keep positioning in mind. If the second tendril prioritized enemy champions I would like this ability a lot more: it would function like Miss Fortune's Double-Up ability, allowing her to cast the ability behind the safety of the minion wave and still get out some reliable poke to the enemy. Having it essentially hit minions twice is going to lead to a make farming complicated for your carry. Remember that you must take into consideration how your concept will perform in any given role, but also how that concept will perform in interaction with other roles.

W: I like this ability: very clean and very simple. One question though: If she casts the shield on herself, is she still stealthed by her passive? That seems counter-intuitive to me: to the enemy it would look like she simply dissapeared: this falls into a few anti-patterns that Zileas discussed in his massive thread on the subject. Basically, it's a conflict of purpose. Shields offer a visual cue to the enemy that signals that if they target the shielded subject their attack will have a lesser effect, but if she is stealthed the enemy will have no knowledge of this shield, removing the "fun" aspect of landing that blind skillshot on a stealthed enemy. "Yeah! I hit them even though they..... oh, shield negated it." *sadface* The end result is anti-fun. I would say that she can go into stealth when she shields an ally, but remains visible when casting the shield on herself. This leaves room for counterplay, which leaves room for fun. =)

E: This is nicely done. Everyone keeps raving on and on about a "throw" mechanic and ally displacement despite the concrete argument that it isn't feasible, but I've often thought that there was room for a fringe case in which the targeted ally may be pulled in the direction of the caster, aka away from harm. You may want to change your wording in the description however: all it says is that the ability can be activated again to push the affected ally "back", which is unclear terminology. I think the only way this could work would be to have the ally be drawn to Aliara's location; you may want to specify that.

R: This is going to need some tweaks in order to work. Janna's ult is probably the strongest team-wide disengage in the game, but this gives players the ability to remove a teamfight altogether. A large AoE that sped up allies and slowed enemies would be more balanced while still tying in with her role as an aggressive chase support. I just don't see any way that full-team displacement could ever be balanced; it's just too powerful.

Lore: Good story, but the delivery is a little bland. The tone seems very mundane; it's just a statement of facts as opposed to the telling of a tale. It doesn't draw the reader in. Your Judgment doesn't have this problem, and is a very compelling read, but I think that your lore could use a touch up. You obviously have some writing prowess, I feel like you held back in your lore; it's a bit reserved. Like I said, the story, -- the plot, -- is good. Now tell it in a way that makes me want to read it.

Overall: A few things need tweaks, a few things need touchups, but overall.... this is pretty freakin' good. Judgment kicks ass, and I like your format a lot; you have a ton of info but you supply it in bite-sized chunks so the reader doesn't feel worn-out going through all of it. It's well paced.

Side Note: Even though your physical description is pretty clear, cocnept art would be a nice touch to round out all the text. There are a few freelance artists floating around the forum who can lend a hand (though most are pretty swamped.) DeviantArt.com is a good tool for sourcing rough concept art if you invest some time browsing and trying out different keywords and search filters.

That's all I have for you at the moment, but feel free to send me a link once you have changes in place: I would like to follow this concept and see where you can take it. I hope you found this review informative and will be able to benefit from it. If you need any future help, you know where to find us.

~ Poet {CCF Council}