Another underrated Champion Concept

Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Stvn0603

Senior Member

09-06-2012

Hey, this is my first champion Concept and this is just a demo of what this person will be. Below are the Moveset, Bulletpoints for lore, and what kind of person he is. This person is named Jos', the Spacial Messenger and is a Melee, Mage, and an Assassin.
Moveset
Settlement of Energy: (His passive) After 4 seconds of casting no spells, Jos gets significantly increased Magic Regen until another spell is cast.
(Q) Primal Rift/Primal Flash Primal Rift: On Activation over a certain range, Jos' teleports to target location after a short channel, creating a mark on his original location where he automatically teleports back to after 12 seconds. On teleport, he does a small radius of damage similar to Kassadin's Riftwalk on the target location. The mark he will return to can be seen by allies and enemies. The cooldown for Primal Rift (this is in the works, subject to change) is at a flat 24 seconds. Does Magic Damage.
Primal Flash On Activation UNDER a certain range, Jos' does a small Flash similar to the summoner spell, leaving no mark but also doing no damage. The cooldown is of course shorter than Primal Rift, only 6 seconds. If you catch a Spacial Blade, the cooldown is doubled (subject to change)
(W) Spacial Blades: Jos' fires 3 pulsing blades in a small radius similar to Scatter the Week (Syndra) and/or Force Pulse. If an enemy is hit by one of the blades, he is stunned for a few seconds. An enemy cannot be hit by more than one Spacial Blade. If an ally champion is hit by the blade, the champion gets 50/70/90/110/130 Mana. If Jos' catches one of the Spacial Blades, the cooldown is instantly refreshed back to 0. (Can do more damage by AD and AP)
(E) Kalamanda Reckoning: (Passive) Every 7th autoattack makes his next spell do 6/8/10/12/14% increased magic damage. (Active) Jos' does 3 powerful attacks, with his third knocking the enemy back and stunning the enemy for a couple of seconds. After the stun is over, the enemy is 'Frayed', giving him an after-effect slow and a flat 5 damage per second for 5 seconds.
(R) Black Hole: (Active) Jos' summons a black hole, drawing enemies to it while dealing 10/20/30 damage per second for 5 seconds. If an enemy is able to make it out of the Black Hole's pull (Flash or Teleport) the enemy gets a shield that blocks 50/100/150 health but takes 50/100/150% increased damage for a short time. If an enemy would be unfortunate enough to get caught in the center, he gets a mark that stacks for each dps he gets from the spell and is stunned for the rest of the 5 seconds. After the end of the 5 seconds, the Black Hole channels for 2 seconds and releases, causing a spacial rift, doing TONS of damage. The Damage increases on the one(s) who is (are) marked.

Thanks for Reading: and this is what i need help for.
1. I need AP Ratios and AD ratios for this champion
2. I need to know how much damage I SHOULD put for these spells
3. Any Nerfs or Buffs I should do for this champion idea :P
4. Help on the Lore, which has a few ideas below.

Lore
So far, this is all i have for the Lore right now.
The boy/man (still thinking about it) is a refuge from Kalamanda, who grew with a talent to be able to teleport objects to certain locations. When the war between Demacia and Noxus was put on the battle of Kalamanda, Jos' hid in a nearby shelter, only to see his brother get lost in the battlefield. In a fiery rage, Jos' slaughtered an entire battalion between Demacian and Noxus into a Black Hole. He became unconscious, waking up later with the battle deserted after the intervene of the League of Legends. Angered by the war, Jos' discovers the League of Legends' plan behind the war. He teleports to the League, only to be put down by Summoners. After they calmed Jos', he agreed to fight on the League of Legends, for Kalamanda. He made friends with Skarner, and is willing to fight for justice against Demacia, and Noxus for bringing the fight to his neighborhood.

Note: His brother never actually died. I'm working on an actual champion idea for HIM.
(Quote for Lore in progress :P)

Please comments on ideas to either change the lore or do one of the 4 i really need help with


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Stvn0603

Senior Member

09-06-2012

Bump


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Stvn0603

Senior Member

09-06-2012

double Bump


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Lyria Eternal

Senior Member

09-07-2012

Hello, this is Flames of Terror, Concept Adviser for the CCF Council. I took some time from my day to review your concept that you posted on our review thread. I will warn you that I don't hold biases, and report directly on what I see and give ideas on how to fix or improve such. So let's begin.

------------------------------------------

First thing I like to discuss is Lore. Lore is a key part of any champion because, here in the CCF, people link the concept to the Lore to determine how it should be played. A good lore can make a champion famous. While a bad lore can destroy any chance the concept has. To begin with, I want to say that I understand your lore isn't complete.

Firstly, the ability to move objects between places is stylized by Le Blanc, and as such perhaps having a link to her and her group might be useful. Second, being a human I find it unlikely that they would allow someone who slaughtered a bunch of people to live unless they couldn't kill him. This ties in with point 1 as you could make that because of Le Blanc's past connections with him or his family. Lastly, what is his stance? Is he wanting to kill everyone? Does he want to protect those he cares about? Does he want to simply keep people away? These moods will determine how his abilities should work.

Another thing I like to discuss with people is their layout. I understand that this is only a Demo of your final product, however that is all the more reason to have it look as good as possible. The CCF Council has a layout you can use that is very effective. Now with those parts out of the way I will discuss your abilities.

--------------------------------------------

Innate:

I would change this into a mana Garen passive. So remaining out of combat (using no spells) for 5 second he begins to regenerate a % of his max mana. Since he does have any non-combat abilities this would be effective for him.

Q:

See this is un-original. It's very much like Le Blanc's Distortion (Another reason to tie her into the story). The idea of a primal rift of magic would be something more dangerous to people than him moving and dealing magic damage. Silencing and dealing damage based on their max health would be more accurate (Would say their max mana but not all champions are mana-based). Also as a user of space magic he wouldn't open rifts, but fold space.

W:

I do not understand this ability well. It's support mixed with a standard cone attack with a potential to catch them? How is he able to caught blade flung out in a cone? Do they remain on the ground or what? He's a support now, so his abilities should reflect that, but he's a burst caster. This ability screws up the concept of your concept. Making it hard to tell where you want him to go.

E:

Now he's an auto-attacker? Nunu is the only champion with a similar ability, and he is a support. This concept looks nothing like an Assassin, a little like a mage, but mostly a hybrid Auto-attacker. 5 damage per second for 5 seconds is only 25 damage even if it's true damage it's next to nothing. The stun he deals makes him even more a support/auto-attacker.

R:

So combining Galio and Nunu (Again) to create an ulti. Alright that's fine, but the ability does very little damage at first, but then a high amount of damage? Only to those got trapped in the Center? Again we come back to the fact that space mages don't rip space they fold it. Otherwise they wouldn't be able to move things around in it.

--------------------------------------

Overall, the concept is a good one but you have a long way to go before your concept it ready. You seem to be all over the place with what you want him to do. There is also nothing to do with the fact that he's a messenger. I am disregarding the fact that he opens a black hole with his ultimate for now as it doesn't fit with the idea of a space mage.

I would suggest that you visit the "ChampConcepts" chat room on Live, and ask the members there for some advice and help. I'm not saying you should give up, but getting some tutoring in the art of Design would be a great help for a neophyte like yourself. All of us went through the stages you are going through now, and it was people who taught us. That made us able to make the concepts we do now. So don't be discouraged by what I said. Take it as a learning experience, and seek out the resources available to you. Within no time I will expect to see you around the forums posting masterful champions for us to enjoy.

Until that time, and perhaps even after that time look to the Council Main thread for ideas, learning tools, or even just to drop an idea to help the forums our way.

Your's in Fellowship,

Flames of Terror