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The Tides That Bind [Vlad x Lux]

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Loso

Senior Member

08-25-2012

First time writing a Fanfiction but not my first time writing. Please leave any comments, critiques, criticisms or questions below. And, most importantly, enjoy.

Chapter 1: Blood Offering

Vlad sat in the middle of a small clearing just in front of an ancient cobblestone temple. His blood essence spilled out of his body and hovered above his hands. A breeze flew through the night air during and sent a rustling into the wind.

On the outside, the Hemomancer was as still as a statue. On the inside, he struggled to quiet his mind and reach out to his surroundings. His thoughts cried out over each other and caused bells to ring in his head. He took a deep breath and thought of darkness. Finally, his thoughts were silenced and he could reach out and try to detect the beating hearts of others. He maintained this position for what seemed like hours, until, finally satisfied that no one was around, he got up and strode towards the temple.

Vlad stopped just before he reached the temple and stared at it. It was ancient. He wondered how it still even stood. The outsides walls were covered in moss and vines hung from the rooftops. This was the correct place though. One of the many places his masters private journals spoke of. He supposed that this place had looked better in its prime all those years ago. He shook the thought away and headed up the stairway and up to the double door entrance.

Once inside, he surveyed his surroundings. Dust covered anything on the ground level. Some walls were lined with torn tapestry, while others bore cracks in the cobblestone. There was a huge library in the room. Vlad walked toward the battered bookcases and found his way to the back of the room. In the back, he found a bookcase larger than the rest. The wood it was made of was rotten. There were only a handful of books on the case. Vlad looked at the second layer of the case. He pulled back the only book there and the case slid out like a revolving door. The only thing he could see was black. Vlad pulled a lighter from his pocket and walked forward and down the staircase.

The staircase led him to a medium sized room. In the middle of the room, there were four statues. One of them was much larger than the rest. It depicted a Hemomancer with his essence out. At his feet lay the rest of the statues. They all lay on their knees with the vein covered part of their left wrists held upwards. A slit was carved into each of these wrists. Behind the statues, there was a pedestal that held a small glass vial in a glass case.

Vlad recognized immediately what this strange arrangement of statues meant. This pose has appeared in his master's journals many times. They were the clue to unlocking the glass case. He stepped forward and held his left wrist over the glass case. He positioned his wrist to match the statues and pulled out a knife from his robe pocket. He placed the knife on the left side of his wrist. The knife pressed down and dragged the blade across his veins. Pain seared though his nerves as the blood spilled from the wound and onto the glass case. A hissing sound filled the room and the glass melted as if Vlad's blood was acid. Vlad grimaced in pain. His fist clenched and his arm muscles bulged out of his skin. His essence poured out of him and dived into his left wrist. After the essence had poured through, he looked down at the wound. It had healed nicely. Content with everything that had transpired, Vlad grabbed the vial, turned, and walked back up the staircase. Only one thought rang out in his mind:

'One step closer.'


A/N: Chapter 1: Re-worked. Why? Because I wasn't satisfied with it.

________________________________________________________________________________________

I won't be posting any more of this story on these forums. But they will be posted on FF.Net

Link to story on FF.Net: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8473841/1/The-Tides-That-Bind


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AerithRayne

Senior Member

08-25-2012

I like the idea you've got going on. I am curious to keep reading, which means you did it well.

As for nitpicking, just a few minor things to mention.
First, I think numbers should be in their word-form (ex. 4 to four). Visually, they just kinda stand out, and they're not the main focus of the story. But I think that may be my preference, so really minor.
Second... 'I just want what I came for.' Was the first word supposed to be in italics?
Third... At his feet lie the rest of the statues. Everything so far's been in past tense, and the verb "lie" is in present tense.
I hope that helps a little.

I'm excited to see where you take this.


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Loso

Senior Member

08-25-2012

Quote:
AerithRayne:
I like the idea you've got going on. I am curious to keep reading, which means you did it well.

As for nitpicking, just a few minor things to mention.
First, I think numbers should be in their word-form (ex. 4 to four). Visually, they just kinda stand out, and they're not the main focus of the story. But I think that may be my preference, so really minor.
Second... 'I just want what I came for.' Was the first word supposed to be in italics?
Third... At his feet lie the rest of the statues. Everything so far's been in past tense, and the verb "lie" is in present tense.
I hope that helps a little.

I'm excited to see where you take this.


1: I know what you mean. That was just me being lazy D:

2: Yes it was.

3: I read that multiple times as I was writing and it still felt wrong. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

Thank you very much.


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AerithRayne

Senior Member

08-25-2012

Quote:
AhLoso:
1: I know what you mean. That was just me being lazy D:

2: Yes it was.

3: I read that multiple times as I was writing and it still felt wrong. Glad to know I'm not the only one.

Thank you very much.



No problem. I'm happy to finally return the favor! And now.... for the wait.... XD


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Loso

Senior Member

08-25-2012

Quote:
AerithRayne:
No problem. I'm happy to finally return the favor! And now.... for the wait.... XD


About that. I'm um trying to work on the next part. Writing stories is harder than I thought. (I usually write poetry)


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Giannoulias

Senior Member

08-25-2012

I like this already, looking forward to more!


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AerithRayne

Senior Member

08-25-2012

Quote:
AhLoso:
About that. I'm um trying to work on the next part. Writing stories is harder than I thought. (I usually write poetry)


Writing stories are kinda hard, yeah. I know two good ways to help with the process. One, in your head, live through the characters. Sometimes they just write themselves. Or two, plan out a couple of key scenes you think you *need* in the story, then work up to them.

You could always make your next fanfiction poetry style.


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Loso

Senior Member

08-25-2012

Quote:
AerithRayne:
Writing stories are kinda hard, yeah. I know two good ways to help with the process. One, in your head, live through the characters. Sometimes they just write themselves. Or two, plan out a couple of key scenes you think you *need* in the story, then work up to them.

You could always make your next fanfiction poetry style.


I've kind of been doing a bit of both. Hopefully this gets easier.


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Loso

Senior Member

08-25-2012

Quote:
Giannoulias:
I like this already, looking forward to more!


And more there shall be.


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Giannoulias

Senior Member

08-27-2012

Quote:
AhLoso:
And more there shall be.


so...about that...


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