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Amumu Looks For Friends

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Cute. I eagerly await more shenanigans.

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Gasp! Page 2 has been reached already? Awesome.

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New post here! I've decided to make each post about... 1000-1200 words long, though this one's actually 1564 words. I'm sorry for all these typos. ._.

A Gentleman's Wisdom - Part 1

Despite neither of them being in a match, Amumu and Annie weren't playing together. Today, Amumu was staring sadly across at Annie as she was contently playing by herself. Well, not entirely by herself. Tibbers was with her, being thrown up and down into the air, the poor bear's arms flailing wildly as Annie giggled.

"Is there something wrong Amumu?" A robotic voice resounded behind him. Blitzcrank was far sneakier than he was given credit for.

Amumu sighed longingly. "I just... wish I could get Annie to notice me."

Blitzcrank tilted his head. "She is aware of your presence and existence. She has already noticed you."

"No no, I mean... oh, nevermind..."

But then there was a voice that neither of them had expected to hear. It was eloquent, yet... monstrous. "I may be able to assist you, my good fellow!"

The pair spun around and just stared in stunned silence. It was none other than Cho'gath, but he wasn't his usual beastly self. Quite the opponent, he was clad in a finely woven tuxedo of only the most expensive materials. A tophat was perched atop his crimson head, and covering one of his emerald eyes was a glass monocle with a golden frame. In his left pincer was a pipe that had remained unlit.

"I... Cho'gath?" Amumu asked in disbelief.

"In the flesh, my good zombie!" He let out a hearty chuckle. "But back onto the matter at hand, my friend, I hear you are rather taken with the beautiful maiden tormenting her stuffed toy."

In response, Amumu firmly nodded. "Yeah... but what about it?"

Cho'gath gave the broadest of smiles and adjusted his tie. "Do you know what you have been doing wrong this entire time? You have not proven yourself to be a gentleman! But fret not, good sir, for I will teach you the ways of the gentleman!" He exclaimed fervently, pincers upraised.

Amumu turned to Blitzcrank to confirmation, who nodded. "Cho'gath is correct. Most societies of fleshlings deem "the gentleman" to be a well respected figure. I believe his lessons will be very beneficial to you, Amumu. I would heed them well. This may also be a chance to befriend this gentleman who appears to be nothing like his old self."

"... Okay." The boy said with a smile. "Let's do it!"

"Marvellous! Come with me."

After they followed Sir Cho'gath for a considerable amount of time, they were eventually taken to his private estate. It was the biggest house Amumu had ever seen. To Cho'gath's delight he had been caught gawking at the surroundings. It had TWO living rooms! No one ever had that many living rooms unless they were very, very rich. He was given a brief tour of Cho'gath's palace before they found themselves in the library.

"Jeeves! Do be a good man and fetch us a chalkboard and a desk, if you will?"

A pale, clean shaved waiter bowed his head deeply and went off to fetch the requested items. When they were brought in, Amumu took a seat on the desk with his hands clasped together in front of him like a typical school student. Cho'gath cleared his throat loudly and tapped a stick against a single word on the chalkboard. It read "IMAGE".

"The most important thing about being a gentleman is image. It is what separates the gentleman from the rapscallions, such as that deviant Twisted Fate. Just look at yourself! You've been naked this entire time." He tutted, shaking his head.

Amumu eeped loudly and instinctively lowered his hands to try covering himself. How did he never realise this? Oh, the humiliation!.

"Jeeves! Be a fellow and fetch us a glass of Jax Daniels. Amumu, come with me."

Cho'gath lead Amumu to his fitting room that was so big, he didn't even need to remember how big his bedroom was to know that the room was twice the size. Every nook and cranny was filled with dozens of suits, fine gowns and more. But the first thing he saw was Blitzcrank sitting in a chair and using a sewing machine with expert precision, creating some clothing at a rapid pace. Where a robot learned to sew, Amumu couldn't say, but before long various items were thrown at him.

"Try these on for size." Cho'gath suggested before exiting the room.

Amumu gave the clothes a quizzical look. He had only worn these types of clothes when he ran for prom king... and lost.

Cho'gath was checking his pocket watch before he saw Amumu emerge from the fitting room, almost gasping. Amumu was wearing a tuxedo not too different from Cho'gath's. The jacket and trousers were plain black, the cuffs were a flawless white and a dark red tie ran down his chest. He briefly took the time to adjust the tophat which had felt slightly lopsided, but it was the smartest he had ever dressed in his life.

"Um, does this look right?" Amumu frowned as tried his best to look up.

"Look right? Good sir, it's perfect! You're already beginning to look the part!" Cho'gath laughed jovially, and Blitzcrank had given a thumbs up of approval. Amumu was smiling widely.

"But, do try not to cry too much on that suit. They don't come cheap you know! But now, onto lesson two: Attitude and Articulation. Looking like a gentleman won't automatically woo the fair lady's heart! No no. You must ACT like a gentleman as well."

There was a pause before Cho'gath waddled on the spot to face an exit. "KOG'MAAAWWWW! Please make your presence known to our guest!"

There was a loud gurgle from somewhere in the manor before the sound of excited feet echoed through the corridors. There was a series of loud bumps, thuds and bangs which had suggested Kog'maw had fallen down the stairs, but this accident didn't seem to deter him. The speedy steps of the void creature were becoming louder and louder before he eventually was at Cho'gath's side, but not before tripping over and sliding across the varnished floor like a ball on a snooker table. But this wasn't what was out of place. No, what was out of place was that he was wearing a wig that looked exactly like Annie's hair. There was a pink backpack on his bag that was half-eaten and covered in goo.

... What is going on here?! Amumu cried silently.

He leapt to his feet and stamped on the ground excitedly. "Food! Hungryyy!" The voidling chirped.

"Yes yes, Kog'maw, you're always hungry. If you stay for five minutes, you'll get a nice treat." Cho'gath spoke to him like he were his pet, but in truth, Kog'maw didn't exactly look far from it. After securing Kog'maw to one spot, he turned to Amumu again.

"Now, my good friend. Imagine, if you will, that this fellow here is Annie. She has taken note of your dashing good looks and you feel now would be an excellent time to court her. What do you say?"

Amumu jaw trembled as he struggled to find words, however Annie'maw was staring patiently at him. He didn't seem to fully understand the situation, but he knew there were treats involved.

"U-um... hi Annie... would you like to... I-I mean we've known each other for..."

"WRONG!" Cho'gath bellowed, and all eyes were upon him. "Good sir, the image of a gentleman is refined and courageous! All Annie would see before her is a bumbling coward! Now, this time, look her in the eyes and confess to her what you feel! Do it with some soul!"

Kog'maw oozing tongue wasn't making this any easier, but Amumu seemed to undergo some sort of freakish transformation. He took hold of Annie'maw's hand and looked him (her? It?) in the eye. Kog'maw looked nothing short of perplexed.

"Annie. I would like to spend more time with you, but as more than friends. I really like you. I could make a hundred more friends but you'll be the only one I want to be with. You make me feel alive."

After Amumu finished his speech... there was a long, long silence hanging in the air. He wasn't sure what just happened. He confessed his deepest feelings to a void monster that barely resembled her.

"... That was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard a fleshling say to another." Blitzcrank finally announced, taking out a handkerchief and passing it to Annie'maw, who was so moved by the mummy's beautiful words that he began crying a little.

"My good sir... that was splendid! You truly ARE a gentleman! ... Well, soon to be, at least, but you're making a jolly good start!"

Cho'gath's praises were cut short as his pocket watch began to glow brightly. "... Oh, bother! I'm being summoned. We will resume this lesson another time. Pip pip, cheerio!"

As he faded away, Amumu looked to Jeeves and handed the suit back. He wanted to surprise Annie with it, so he wouldn't reveal it until he was ready. After saying goodbye to a suddenly lovestruck Kog'maw, Blitzcrank and Amumu left the manor and returned to the institute where they bumped into Miss Fortune. The smile on Amumu's face was one that had never been seen before, so she had to question it.

"Someone's looking rather pleased with themself!" She asked with curiosity laced into her silky smooth voice.

"I'm gonna be a gentleman!"

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Senior Member


Jax Daniels........

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Jax Daniels........

I mean, the whole scene was amusing, but I think that was the cherry on top.

Love-struck Kog'maw also makes me chuckle a bit.

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I'll be posting part two tommorow~

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I'm sorry, your not allowed to leave the frontpage

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I'm a filthy liar, as it turns out. Sorry for the delay! I completely wing these little stories, so inspiration isn't always easily obtained, hah.

A Gentleman's Wisdom - Part 2

Amumu was greeted the following morning by a rather smartly dressed man, who he had remembered seeing from Cho'gath's manor. It was his trusty butler Jeeves, and in his gloved hand he held an envelope. Once it was passed to Amumu, Jeeves had promptly turned around with a curt bow of his head before strolling away at a brisk pace.

After ripping open the envelope, his eyes scanned through the letter.

Dear Amumu,

I humbly invite you visit my manor today so that we may resume yesterday's lesson before we were so rudely interrupted. Summoners these days. So uncivilised!

Anyway, please send Jeeves back with your answer. I eagerly await your return! You showed promise, it would be a shame to see it go to waste.

P.S. Kog'maw made heart shaped cookies for you, but to our dismay, he ate them. He apologises sincerely.

Despite the absence of homemade cookies, Amumu quickly waddled out of his room made for the manor. There was a noticeable change in his personality over the last couple of days. Though he wasn't a completely different person, he was less saddened than he usually was off the fields of justice, and people were more inclined to tolerate his company. He was still the shy and bumbling kid he always was, however.

Along the way, however, he met Annie. If he could, he likely would've gone pale, but she seemed pleasantly oblivious to him freezing up.

"Hi, Amumu!" She beamed. "Wanna play? I got 20 minutes until my next match."

"I-I... uh... n-no. I mean, not today. I can't, I uh... I got plans." The words were said with haste as to not arouse suspicion, but it seemed to do the opposite.

Annie seemed genuinely surprised by this. It was the first time Amumu had ever declined the offer, something she wasn't used to. "Really? Well... okay. Um, I'll be around I guess. Have fun with your new friend."

She shrugged loosely before skipping away, even if her spirits actually seemed a little dampened. Amumu's heart was lodged in his throat. He hated saying no to her, but before he could explain himself, Annie was already out of sight. He shook his head, deciding to learn the secrets of the gentleman and then finding Annie again. Maybe she'll need company after her match if she loses. He'll be there.

After getting lost once or twice, Amumu had finally made it to the doors of Cho'gath's manor. It was more impressive than the first time, and he found himself once more stunned and breathless (though as he's undead, this is a given). After he was greeted and escorted by one of the manor butlers in the household, he beheld Cho'gath sitting at a table and sipping on a porcelain cup of tea. Blitzcrank was sitting beside him and he gave a friendly wave upon seeing his entry.

"Ah! Splendid, you arrived. Care for a spot of tea?" Cho'gath asked, a pincer holding onto a teapot with an oddly gentle touch. He let out a refreshed sigh as he drank from the steaming cup.

Amumu shook his head. "Um... no thanks. Hot things break my bandages."

"Suit yourself, good sir." After draining the rest of the mug and getting onto his feet, he dusted himself off and cleared his throat.

"Now then! Let's get cracking, shall we gents?" Once again, a discipline stick was firmly grasped in Cho'gath's pincer and it was tapped against a green chalkboard loudly.

"I believe lesson two was concluded quite nicely, though you must remove those pesky "ums" and stutters. No woman will love a man who can't speak correctly! Just look at your semi-sentient friend Blitzcrank."

As Amumu took a moment to inspect his friend, he had indeed noticed something was quite different. Cho'gath must've worked some gentlemanly spell, because Blitzcrank was proving to the world that robots can look truly handsome in a suit. He wasted nothing, even donning a monocle.

"I feel fancy." Blitzcrank chimed.

"And you certainly look it, my good man!" He gave a nod of approval. "Now. Lesson three is etiquette. Specifically of the dining variety. It is crucial that you-"

A single hand politely raised into the air stopped his trail of thought.

"... Yes, good sir?"

Amumu lowered his hand with a frown. "But I'm dead. I don't need to eat."

Cho'gath blinked. "Why... yes. Right you are, old chap - BUT! What happens if Miss Annie would like to go out for a lovely dinner at a restaurant? You must be prepared for these things, dear boy!"

Confident in Cho'gath's teaching, Amumu merely nodded and remained silent.

"Ahem. Now then.... KOG'MAAAAAAAAAWWWW!"

Amumu flinched at the loud roar. Almost identically to the first time Kog'maw was summoned, there was a lot noise and commotion when he was being summoned. Vases could be heard smashing and cleaning maids yelping in fright as the beastly thing whizzed past them. How Cho'gath could tolerate the mess was a mystery. But soon enough (after falling down a flight of stairs again), Kog'maw was obediently at Cho'gath's side and awaiting some tasty treat. It came to him in the form of a steak, which he ravenously gorged on.

Whilst this was going on, several human servants were setting up a table for two, complete with lit candles and a bouquet of roses. Amumu was dreading what was going to happen next.

"The scene is set! Magnificent. Now, let us go over the basics." Cho'gath began pacing around the table. "No chewing with your mouth open. Use the correct utensils for the right meal. Sit up straight. Do not reach across the table for food, ask your partner to pass it over."

As Cho'gath began listing off more and more of the "dos and don'ts" of dining etiquette, Amumu had begun to grow increasingly wary of Kog'maw. The food wasn't visible to him underneath the polished silver platter, but he was foaming at the mouth, his mutated tongue twitching. The voidling was visibly shaking, but Cho'gath hadn't seemed to notice.

"And finally, you must-"


Kog'maw couldn't resist the urges any longer. With a monstrous chomp, he had no only eaten the food and the silver it was encased in, but he had also taken a mighty big chunk out of the table. Amumu stared incredulously as he chewed and chewed, at loss for words.

Cho'gath sighed, rubbing his head. "... ... Well, I think you've learned quite enough for the day." He said wearily. "I do believe you're now ready to go confess your love to the mistress!"

"Really?!" Amumu exclaimed, practically bouncing on the spot.

"Why, yes! I've taught you all I need to teach! For now. My doors are always open to you, good sir."

"So..." Amumu twiddled his thumbs. "Does that mean we're friends?"

"Certainly! Now, put on that suit, and go after her!"

After hugging Cho'gath's leg and calling Blitzcrank, he ran into the fitting room and swiftly threw the suit onto himself. He could've been told that there was a cure for undeath or that his family had returned to take him home and there could've been the same reaction. He had almost forgotten what the feeling of excitement was like. Sensing Amumu's great haste, Blitzcrank let him perch on his shoulder as he went into overdrive once he exited the manor, his limbs moving at astonishing speeds for a construct his size, though at the cost of stomping the world "subtlety" into the ground.

Annie was happily munching on a giant cookie, courtesy of Morgana from the Sinful Succulence, when she heard an ungodly racket. Was it... coming towards her? It was like the sound of a hammer upon steel, but five times louder. Blinking, a pudgy fist instinctively clenched to form a small ball of fire around her hand. But when it suddenly stopped and Amumu came walking around the corner, she sighed softly and snuffed the magical flames out.

Then she stopped... and stared. In fact, even Tibbers was gazing at him, brow furrowed in confusion. THIS was something new.

Annie giggled as she saw him, placing a hand over her mouth. "Amumu, what are you wearing? What happened to your bandages?"

She frowned a little as she didn't see Amumu smile back. In fact, he seemed nervous about something, but she couldn't see why. Was there a spider on her head? She looked to Tibbers, and the bear shook his head. Nope, no spiders.

Amumu tried to recall what was taught to him, but it was failing. "I need to tell you somethin-"

"I do too, actually." Annie interjected. "Look... I'm glad you're making friends and all, but I actually kinda missed you today. Don't ditch me again, okay?"

"... Okay. I won't leave you. Promise. But I-"

Before he could finish, Annie was hugging him with a smile despite the stench of undeath. "I dunno what I'd do without you as a friend. Things would be so boring! Everyone is so serious here."

That's when Amumu couldn't do it. He couldn't gather the courage to ask her out after she had just said that. She didn't want to lose him as a friend. That probably meant that it was all she wanted to be. He felt his heart sink into his stomach, his cheery side shrinking away.

"... Amumu?"


"I like your hat!"

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Awwwwwwwhhh. So much sad! We've traveled with him this far just to have her friendzone with a sweet comment. WHY, cruel fate, WHY?!? TT.TT

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There may be hope yet! We'll just have to wait and see~