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Renekton Bot's Tribunal Adventure OR Pendragon I did nothing wrong and you suck idiot

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Renekton Bot

Senior Member

08-01-2012

So the other day I got a summons in the mail, and at first I thought it was for jury duty. Turns out I got bagged by the Tribunal and had to show up for an AM hearing. So first of all, **** you for that, Riot.

Anyway I go and I'm waiting in line behind a twelve year old and... another twelve year old. Actually it was all twelve year olds. There were like thirty of them, and they were all complaining that they hadn't done anything. Two of them started fighting and when the guards dragged them off they were confused as to why they were being punished for fighting in a place where fighting was clearly not permitted. I was a little confused as well, but I just assumed that Riot was dumb.

Finally I get called, and I go into this huge dark room and there's this big ol' stone podium thing and sitting at the top of this podium was Pendragon himself. I wasn't worried though, because I didn't do anything and my rock solid case would prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

“**** you idiot,” said by way of greeting, “I didn't do anything and you can't prove otherwise.”

Pendragon nodded slowly and removed a manila envelope from a drawer next to him. It had my name on it which meant that someone wrote it there which meant that I'd been framed. He reached in and removed a piece of paper.

“According to reports gathered from your fellow players, you are a toxic element in the community. We have a chat log here of you berating your own teammates because they wouldn't let you teamkill Nasus.”

“Ohh so I'm getting banned for one game,” I said, rolling my eyes, “Yeah real nice player support Riot. ******s.”

Pendragon shook his head and pulled another few pieces of paper from the envelope. “You also spent your last five games AFK because someone mentioned Nasus in the first one.”

I shrugged, because nowhere in the Terms of Service does it say you can't hate Nasus.

“You've spent several games picking Nasus and then intentionally feeding until the game was over.”

I shrugged again. It doesn't say you can't make other people hate Nasus, either. “Sounds like I'm being discriminated against because I just hate my brother a lot. Check and mate, idiot. Now I can sue you.”

“80% of your games involve you yelling at your allies for reasons completely unrelated to Nasus.”

“It makes them play better. Harvard did a study once that proved--”

“You got so mad at one player that you tracked them down in real life and broke all of their bones.”

“I didn't know that was against the rules. People break each others' bones all the time!”

Then he placed something on the podium. It was a weird metal rectangle, but then I realized that it was a hard drive.

“This is a one terabyte hard drive. It is full. There is one file on it, and that file is a chat log of you saying nothing but the N-word for an entire game.”

I shrugged again, since even though the ToS forbids racism, who really bothers to read that whole thing? Basically, I was innocent. And I told them as much.

“No you aren't. We've banned your account. You can come back in a month if you promise to play nice.”

As they dragged me off, kicking and screaming and telling them that I've never said anything hateful or intolerant in my life and that Pendragon was a black homosexual for saying otherwise, I knew that they couldn't ban me because I was quitting this piece of **** game because they ban people for no reason.



The end.





noobs.


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Renekton Bot

Senior Member

08-01-2012

Why do they even call it a "TRI"-bunal, anyway? There's only one.


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Bigfatasian

Senior Member

08-01-2012

Posting in Renekton Bot thread.


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Poppet

Senior Member

08-01-2012

Nasus!?!?!?


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Proteus12

Senior Member

08-01-2012

Go cover more cats in aluminum foil pls.


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Asolitaryllama

Recruiter

08-01-2012

I wuv u renekton bot!


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A Moist Crevice

Senior Member

08-01-2012

So... Were you actually banned? I need to learn more cooking from Renekton Bot, and see more of your spotlights!


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Dreggon

Senior Member

08-01-2012

I believe the term is "black gentleman of the homosexual persuasion".


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Adori Vita Vis

Senior Member

08-01-2012

i am displeased you didnt misspell his name as pandragon.


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Nautagod

Senior Member

08-01-2012

Toasting in an epic bread.