Necrotic [My last chance at fame]

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Deimus144

Senior Member

07-19-2012

My name is Deimus Underdark. I will not go down in riots history as the guy who could not write a good ****ING fanfic! This is the moment. My last chance at fame.


Necrotic

Prologue

Forever strong.

It was as simple as that. And he was not doubting it now. His whole life told him to be strong. And now he will be stronger.

Updates:
20/7/2012: First update. Added Chapter 1: The Art of Becoming.


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Oçtøpus

Member

07-19-2012

Nice Fanfic.


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Astraltar

Senior Member

07-19-2012

Just saying, but you write really good fanfics.


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HuggableZombie

Senior Member

07-19-2012

I'm gonna give you a quick tip.

Don't write to be famous or remembered. The point of writing is to express yourself through words and fiction or nonfiction in some cases. If you are writing to become popular, then you aren't truly putting your heart and soul into it. There is a certain link between writers and readers that can be felt through the words the writer uses. I never started Disrupting the Balance to become popular on here, I started it because of certain events that had happened when I started writing it. And some of the events that happened in the story happened to me in real life or are happening. So, don't write to be remembered, write because you love to do it, write because you want to express yourself.

tldr: write for the sake of writing, not because you want to be famous.


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Deimus144

Senior Member

07-19-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by HuggableZombie View Post
I'm gonna give you a quick tip.

Don't write to be famous or remembered. The point of writing is to express yourself through words and fiction or nonfiction in some cases. If you are writing to become popular, then you aren't truly putting your heart and soul into it. There is a certain link between writers and readers that can be felt through the words the writer uses. I never started Disrupting the Balance to become popular on here, I started it because of certain events that had happened when I started writing it. And some of the events that happened in the story happened to me in real life or are happening. So, don't write to be remembered, write because you love to do it, write because you want to express yourself.

tldr: write for the sake of writing, not because you want to be famous.
I...... I see. You know, a lot of people dont even look at my fan fics. So that must have been the catalyst that made me desperate. I forgot why I write.

Thank you zombie.

As for chapter one will be done soon. Ill give you a hint on its plot. It has to do with innocence. It will be posted later today or tomorrow.


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Deimus144

Senior Member

07-20-2012

Chapter 1:
The Art of Becoming


He did not mind the pain. Just as long as he got what he needed.

The skin ripped away like the ashes of fire in the wind. His clothes, torn and ripped, burned rapidly. His eyes cried blood and his brain boiled. His mouth, if opened, would show a fire kindling from his throat like an over burned candle. The chains also burned, but showed no signs of melting. They cringed onto his flesh mercilessly, bounding him in place. They hooked onto the sides of his mouth and the openings of his nose. If he moved, they would grip on even more. His feet were enveloped with embers of the burning hell, scaring them horribly. Any man would have died or gone insane.

But he was not any ordinary man. Not at all.

He was known by many names. Child, brother, and soldier were some of them. His birth right was in Noxus, a city that favored few and devoured many like its brother Zaun. The beginning of the road was not a favored one. He was born an orphan with only his sister to take care of him. Though they had hard ships, none were compared to the dreadful disease he carried. The Arcane hunger. It removed any hope he had of any kind of normal life. It made him go berserk whenever he was near pure arcane energies.

Soon, his beloved sister realized that the Noxian military wanted him. They wanted him so he could become their ultimate weapon. She tried to take him away from those beasts. But they found her and executed her. This, however, was done in the most manipulative way a person can think of. They made it look like Demacians had done the crime through clever trickery, bringing with in the boy a sense of hatred to those who did not shed the blood of his only family.

And so, he trained for the campaign Noxus would soon begin on the world.
Now, there were (As with any other soldier,) two paths laid for him. The path of the steel might of the sword and the path of the blackest of magics. He chose the latter. Necromancy did not trigger his Arcane hunger, but it certainly was useful. But he not only relied on it. He trained physically, giving him the strength to brawl against five men at once. And by the age of 21, he had more than what it took to join the military.

There was only one better than him. Riven, the white haired woman who could hold up a giant blade twice her size. She was seen as the poster child of Noxus, the great hope. But were was he? Were was the Necromancer who could even outlast his captain? And so he became her rival. He trained even more harder than before and put himself in many rituals to strengthen his magic.

And yet, she always proved to be stronger.
He challenged her to a fight, were if he loses, he would acknowledge her as a better fighter. The match was long, severing both of them. It included no magic or steel, just their fists. He gained the upper hand half way through, but she had will. No matter how much he hurt her, she never lost consciousness or surrendered. And then, she threw a lucky shot straight at his face, breaking his nose. She proceeded her attacks till he found himself on the ground. He was defeated.

And so he went on his knee, acknowledged her as a better warrior, and received a spit from her. She said:

"You have no right to call yourself Noxian."
He rose, gave her a grim look (he stands one head higher than her), and leaves.

And now, he was going to get stronger.

His innocence screamed for mercy as the chains suddenly pulled harder.
He did not listen as it let out a yell before vanishing to oblivion.

He fell onto the temple floor. His body was in perfect condition. His raven shoulder length hair that came down like fangs blew with the cool breeze that came from the demonic statue that stood before him.

"You are no longer who you used to be." Its echoing voice rang out. "Your name is like the name I gave to men who came before you. You are now The Shadow."

The Shadow then left the temple.
He has become free. And he can do whatever he wanted.


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HuggableZombie

Senior Member

07-20-2012

A few grammatical errors but overall, I'm interested. A bit curious as to where its going, but it kind of makes me want to know more.


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MiaoLong

Senior Member

07-20-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deimus144 View Post
[B][I][U][CENTER]... he not only relied on it. He trained physically, giving him the strength to brawl against five men at once. And by the age of 21, he had more than what it took to join the military.

If he ever expected to see admiration, which he never really cared for, then he was wrong. There was only one better than him. Riven.....
Just a quick suggestion; I would say just remove the bolded line here. The sentence itself is a bit awkward, and it's a different idea that breaks up the flow of thought.


Without it, you go from "He had more than what it took to enlist," to "He was so good, that there was only one person better, and she's a Champion..."


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Deimus144

Senior Member

07-21-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by HuggableZombie View Post
A few grammatical errors but overall, I'm interested. A bit curious as to where its going, but it kind of makes me want to know more.
It really is going on a good course. Thanks for the thumbs up man.

As for MiaoLong, I fixed that part just now. Thanks for the heads up.