ehehCommentaries: I'll be trying to make some kind of comedy series out of this. The main idea is for the OC -- Which will be the protagonist-- to be as interesting as possible, so if I'm making any mistakes, please help me improve. Thank you :B
Episode I – The vile LeFaux
“BOOM” The sound of the explosion resounded within the long hallways until it reached everybody’s ears. I wasn’t doing my job at that moment; instead I was sleeping in some abandoned room I found weeks ago. I had a beautiful dream where I was exactly in the same place, doing the same thing. The only difference is that in the dream, I had a Pentakill T-shirt put on and I was lying next to some strange dude called “Ozzy Osbourne” or something like that. But anyway, the explosion simply woke me up, interrupting my so needed daily nap – Recharging energies, you see, can’t do any kind of work for more than two hours without getting tired.
In that brief moment of absolute confusion one enters when he wakes up so quickly, I didn’t realize that I was sitting on a couch that wasn’t mine, inside a room that wasn’t mine either. It even took me almost half an hour to realize I was in my working hours, and about forty-six minutes to remember why the hell I waked up. But my mind finally started working properly, and now there was only one thing to worry about: What caused the explosion that broke my sleep?
I could hear some chatter coming from the hallways outside the room. Something about “The janitor being dead” and “That accursed anonymous troublemaker playing with booby traps again”, no doubt they were talking about Ziggs. He always does this kind of crazy thing, blowing stuff up. It was obviously his doing; nothing I should worry about. This explosion was probably not my fault. I went outside for some fresh air and to finish my job before someone noticed I was missing. Oh, cleaning bathrooms is so degrading, but at least I can remain a loafer in peace.
The day went somewhat normally, aside from the people that were staring at me as if I was a ghost. It was odd, and kind of rude. But, well, when you work here, you see creepy stuff everyday, so this was nothing to worry about, I guess, just some crazy folks looking at me with those grim expressions on their faces. I kept walking until I reached one big fencing training room which’s construction was ordered by some snot-nosed new champion. As you can imagine, it was empty most days, for this spoiled little demacian girl barely used it and didn’t even reside at the Institute.
Without losing a second, I grabbed my mop and started working real hard to leave the place real clean and niceI’M KIDDING. In truth, I was just standing there, randomly moving my hands while I listened to my music with a device I stole from Heimerdinger’s studio. He called it “MPEG-1 Audio Layer IIl sound data compression format player” I was too lazy to call it that, so I simply referred to the little machine as “MP3.” Anyway, as I pretended to be working hard while I was mentally head-banging to The Kelvins’ heavy rhythms, someone approached me from behind and spent about one minute staring at me. I didn’t mind people thinking of me as a loser, but I seriously can’t stand it when they totally ignore that I’m also (Well, just partially) a human being.
“Well, what’s with you? Don’t you just stand there like an idio-” I opened my mouth just too quickly, but when I turned around to see who was stalking me, she turned out to be the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. I simply froze. I’ll never know why, but I can’t curse nor do something mean to a female. They seem to simply bring the “good guy” in me up to the surface, with their make up, perfumes and such girlish stuff. Not that I desire them in an em, let’s say, “Romantic” way, no, in fact, I’ve never been truly physically attracted to someone, leave alone the fact that I just can’t stand to touch or talk to someone else for too long. But, boy, I have a keen sense for cute things, and they’re my weakness. I can’t say “no” to them.
“What?” Her face showed more concern than disgust “Are you feeling well?”
Hey, wait, I’ve seen this girl before. She’s a champion. And if I’m not mistaking, she’s the one which affections “Change as quickly as the wind.” Well, maybe that’s just a myth, but if the description is accurate, then she’s a bipolar killing machine, I bet. I had to be careful when talking to her; I didn’t want to be killed by a brutal gust of wind. I turned off the music and simply nodded “Yes, I feel good. Why do you ask?” The tension could be seen in my face and heard in my voice, I was nervous and about to begin sweating like a fat kid running circles beneath the sun in a hot summer day. Remaining calm was always my forte, but whenever I’m in the middle of a social interaction, nothing matters. I just get scared and become useless.
She didn’t seem to care much about it, though. When I start acting strange, people doesn’t laugh nor cower in fear: They just walk away and pretend that nothing ever happened. But this woman, on the other hand, just kept looking at me as if she was trying to figure out something. She placed her hand beneath my chin and raised my head slightly to give it a closer look – A brief moment of physical contact that wasn’t of my pleasure; I do not like it when someone else touches me – While staring into my eyes, she came to a conclusion “You’re definitively janitor LeFaux” the woman let go of my head and gave a few steps back “How did you survive the explosion?”
“What? I wasn’t even near the bathrooms when the whole thing happened” She looked surprised to hear that, and that gave me a real bad feeling “Why… Why do ask? What’s wrong?”
She suddenly became even more serious in both her expression and tone “You were given for dead this morning” I froze in place upon hearing that. It explained why everyone was so surprised to see me. The woman simply ignored my reaction and continued “After the explosion, they found a corpse in the scene that was not only very reminding of you, but was also in the place you should’ve been mopping up by that time” She was probably about to ask me where I was then, but I think that she guessed from the look I gave her that, at that time, I was not doing my job as hard as I was pretending now.
“V-ve-very reminding… of me? Heh… Well-” I started sweating like a pig, this conversation had went on for too long, and I was just about to break or run away from her as fast as I could. If I hadn’t been scared to death by the threat of her bipolarity and magical powers, I would’ve succumbed to one (or both) of those courses of action. But I didn’t, and kept on trying to continue talking like a normal human being, although it was already visible how much of a freak I was. “The body surely was burnt, with all that fire… Could’ve been anyone… “
“No” Her eyes began to show clear signs of grief. As she mentally came to some horrible conclusion, I began thinking: Who at the Institute looks like me? Nobody I care to remember. Well, someone once told me that my physique was identical to Twisted Fate’s, but that was just idle talk. Hell, if I looked like Twisted Fate, it would be good looks gone to waste; As I’ve already told you, I’m not one to make contact with others, in either social or physical ways. I simply can’t stand it, to touch someone else, or engage in conversation for too long, it gives me the creeps.
The woman turned her back. As she prepared to say something important, I took advantage of the situation and ran, ran as fast as I could, in hopes of never seeing her again in my life. Those five minutes I spent with her were like a torture to me. She only realized that I was gone when I was long since out of earshot. Whatever she had to tell me, would have to wait.
Again, I tried to continue loafing around while pretending to be doing my job real nice. My MP3 ran out of battery, and man, that just made the whole thing a lot boring. I was still tired; running away from the wind witch was a lot more tiresome than what I expected. And just to make it worse, I couldn’t relax at all because I had to hide from her (And a bunch of angry milk-drinkers who didn’t like it when I didn’t use the “wet floor” sign) for the rest of the day. It was a real bother, not being able to sit around and chill until dusk, like I’m used to.
The good thing about being in hiding in big trash cans is that you get to hear a lot of juicy gossip without being noticed, and the bad thing is that people don’t know you’re there, so they just throw their garbage right into your face – Disgusting. But the information was useful. Apparently, Evelynn is on a strict diet that has made her rather weak but better lookingYEAH SURE. Oh, and there was also something about Twisted Fate; According to most respectable champion Malcolm ‘Son of a *****’ Graves “He got his arse smoked in the explosion this morning”. Well now, I wonder what a smoked arse is. My guess is that it is some kind of rare yordle food.
As I was thinking about the strange taste of yordle cuisine, I forgot that the people walking around the hallway could hear me laugh, **** trash cans aren’t very good sound isolators. I felt a chill going down my spine as an angry macho-man with a shotgun grabbed a handful of my shirt and lifted me outside my hiding place. “Well… Hello there” I greeted him to try and be friendly (And avoid the beat up that was coming to me), but when he threatened to break my nose by closing his fist and pointing an angry look towards me, I found out that the man didn’t like being spied on.
“Whadda you doin’ here, swamp rat?” The man had a cigar on his mouth, a shotgun hanging on his back, the will to kill anyone stupid enough to get in his way… And a sweet beard. **** right. He violently tossed me against a wall, and I fell to the ground. “Are you spying on me, partner? Becuz I like to keep things to myself” As I tried to crawl away, he stomped “softly” on my back to stop me. “You want me to bust you up, fella? You’ve got five minutes to convince me you don’t”
My body was pretty fragile, and all the shaking he had already gave me was enough to rough me up and leave me full of pains. I had to make something up to save the remaining spots of non-bruised flesh I had left. “I… I was just investigating what happened this morning! I swe-”
I tried to lie, but the nervous look on me just gave it away. I wasn’t a complete ignorant on what happened; I knew I had something to do with it. Graves covered my mouth with his hand “Shut up already, kid” The man then looked around him, making sure we were alone and out of earshot from unwanted witnesses, then he grabbed me by the shirt, got face-to-face close to me and whispered. “So, you’re not dead, LeFaux. I though one of your bombs had finally backfired and killed you for good. Don’t try to deny it; I saw you while you were placing that booby trap in the bathroom” I gulped, and kept listening “It worked just well and killed that gypsy son of a *****. Just because you’ve done me that favor, I’ll let you go THIS time... But don’t go around gabbing about this anymore, or you’ll be joining Mastercard in the other world. Got it, wimp?” I nodded, and he ended the conversation by tossing me against a wall again. “You may look like him, but you don’t act like him. Mastercard at least had the dignity to put up a fight” He spat on the floor, and walked away from me.
I spent about an hour sitting against the wall. All my life I had craved the opportunity to be a champion, to possess magical powers and fight in the fields of justice. But now that my own hands had killed Twisted Fate in a failed experiment with booby traps, my soul felt heavy with guilt. I couldn’t find the motivation to get up and continue my day. I had killed a man. For half of my life now I have been nicknamed “the vile LeFaux”, and yet, a true act of evilness has brought me to me knees. Accursed irony: Playing pranks and laughing about other’s misfortune isn’t the same as doing something this serious, it seems that even a vile one has his limits.
As the sun began to hide in the horizon, I picked up my stuff and headed home. I had committed a horrible crime and nobody – Save for Graves – knew of it. I felt like garbage. The right thing would be for me to be in jail. Just like Riven would say, “My hands are stained.” As I headed towards the train station, and then waited for the train to Zaun, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. The whole “guilt” thing was going to consume me; I had never experienced such a strong feeling before. As the train arrived to the the city-state, I walked the few streets to my apartment, and hoped that a good night of sleep would give me the peace I needed.
“One, two, thre, four, five, six, seven thousand dead mother ****ers lie on the ground! Yay! So much fun! ” A little girl walked and sang happily around the ruined streets of what was left of a once great Zaun. She had a teddy bear in hand and a halo of fireballs following her. A team of commandos tried to put her down but the fireballs surrounding the child immediately fired themselves at them and disintegrated the poor fools.
I watched in awe as she hugged my leg and ordered me to keep moving. It wasn’t much of an order; she just pulled me and said “Come on, Régime! We’ve got more things to destroy! “Oh, I just couldn’t say “No” to her, she’s such a nice child. Nowadays most kids do nothing out of their lives, and it’s good to see one of them do healthy exercise, like burning cities to the ground and exterminating their entire population. That’s what youngsters need, to focus their energies on something productive.
After we finished off the last of the remaining civilians, I had the pleasure to personally execute Viktor by overloading his inner circuits and then throwing him into a pool of hot water. There was actually not much flesh left to fry in his body, but it worked nicely. It was also pretty funny, because he begged for his life, a lot. He told me that he had to live because he had just discovered the cure for some disease called “cancer” or something. I Dunno what’s that, so I just stabbed his right eye with a knifegun.
Then, I turned back to see my little Annie. I figured out that she was already tired – a lot of destruction can be fun, but children have limited energy in their bodies –, so I supposed she was going to ask me to take her home. To my surprise, she wasn’t where I left her (Behind me, laughing, watching how I murdered the machine herald). Instead of the girl, a phantasmagoric figure that was alike to a male version of my aunt Agna stood there. He nonsensically waved his arms nonstop, making me think, at first, that he was possessed by some evil force. On a closer look, it seemed more like he had sand on his underwear and didn’t know what to do. Or maybe he was just plain stupid.
“You killed me! Uoh – ouha – ua” He continued moving his arms pointlessly and emitting strange sounds with his mouth. This was obviously genuine paranormal activity. “You KILLED MEEE UA UA UA HUE HUE UA UA JSADSJ” He repeated the phrase over and over again. I had to speak, or the spirit could get angry.
“Hey, aunt Agna, I didn’t kill you. In fact, you’re still alive, so… “As I tried to keep talking, the spirit quickly screamed to the heavens and said something about “brazil”. I couldn’t understand nothing and I was completely terrified, the furious spectral forces of “brazil”, whatever that may be, were coming to get me. That was bad. Real bad. Totally bad.
“HUEHUEHUEHUE YOU’RE GOING TO PAY FOR KILLING ME LARRY” He prepared to throw a magical projectile at me, but I quickly interrupted him.
“My name’s Ville, not Larry, aunt Agna” The spirit suddenly stopped channeling the energy he was about to use to kill me, and gave me a confused look. The moment became pretty awkward for him, I guess.
He just stared at me for some seconds while scratching his forehead “You… You’re not Lawrence Nenalasta della Güerta?” I didn’t need to answer his question, for upon having a closer look on me, he realized that I wasn’t the one he was looking for “OH, sorry dude, this is just… Oh well embarrassing. The underworld’s got a bad calling service, man. It sucks. Urf the manatee has been projecting his image in random places for weeks now.”
I was able to understand this ghost’s problems. I had been in his situation before, trying to make contact with someone in particular only to reach the wrong person. Curse all the companies that provided communication services, they all suck and swallow.
But I digress. The ghost knew that it was about time to leave, but before saying good-bye, he remembered something and told it to me “Ah, you’re the vile LeFaux! Well, before you wake up from this WTFish dream in which you’re a supervillian called Régime, I got a message from Twisted Fate”
“Oh, the gypsy? How is he doing?” I was concerned about Twisted Fate; the other world is a harsh place, and I feared that the poor boy may not do well on his first day. It was just opportune that one of his new afterlife-mates could clarify my doubts.
“He’s fine. Got a little bullied on his first day, but everyone does. He also played cards with Miss Fortune’s mother and got, um, well… Raped. But nothing to worry about.”
How good that things went well for him, I felt relieved “That’s just great! And, he has a message for me?”
“Oh yeah” The ghost took a few moments to remember and then proceeded “He’s gonna come back to stab, maim and eviscerate you in the most harsh, slow, dirty, painful, dramatic and fashion way possible to exact revenge”
“That sounds greatWAT” Before I could even finish that sentence, cards started to fall from the sky. Everything around me banished, and the ground beneath my feet suddenly disappeared as I fell into an endless fall. I awoke screaming and covered in sweat.
“OH! It was just a dream… “ I couldn’t catch any more sleep for the rest of the night.
It was only about 4:00 pm when I started to feel tired. And just to make it worse, today I couldn’t just pretend to be working because some snot-nosed High Summoner was going to make an inspection of all the personnel working at the Institute to make sure accidents like the one I caused didn’t happen again. And, you know, when you’ve gotten fired from so many places, you get to develop a sense for trouble; Everybody wanted me (the vile freak) out of the picture, although they had no idea I was the one who set up the bomb, they did knew that I wasn’t doing my job when the thing blew up, and that was enough evidence of my incompetence as a worker.
So, not only I had to bear all those thoughts about Twisted Fate coming back from the dead to abduct and torture me, I also had to do my job. That was something completely new to me, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it, it seemed impossible to me, renouncing to my traditions of laziness. But I had to hold on, everything depended on it. I needed this job to keep paying the rent, I just can’t afford to live in the street; guys like me end up dead out there. So, just to make sure I didn’t get fired, I hid inside a box in the abandoned room I had slept the day before, no way they could find me there. Maybe I could get some sleep or something, whatever if it made the day pass by.
I don’t know how much time I spent in hiding there, but it was a couple of hours at least. I had avoided trouble this day and it seemed that everything was going to be okay. My peace was, however, interrupted a few minutes after I thought that. The wind witch I had encountered the day before found the room, and it seemed that she was looking for me. Thanks to some super human ability to knock doors i.e. create a gust of wind and send everything flying away, she gained entrance to my hiding place. The spell she used to blast open the door also blew away my box, and that left me sitting in the floor in front of her.
It was an uncomfortable moment. I had a lot to answer: Why was I hiding from the inspector? Why did I avoid doing my job? Why shouldn’t her tell the inspector to just fire me? Why did I ran away from her the day before when she was about to tell me that the bomb killed Twisted Fate instead of me? I was just wondering which one of these she was going to ask; yet neither of them would be pleasant, I had no hope left by that moment. But my worries proved to be unfounded, for she didn’t ask any of those questions.
“What are you doing here, all alone? The inspector’s looking for you. Are you feeling well, Mr. LeFaux?” Again, she was more concerned than angry towards me, which was good. Pity has saved my butt many times. “Are you hiding something from me? You looked quite troubled yesterday”
“I… I… Don’t know what to say… “ In truth, I did, but you know how it is, I can’t really speak properly to other humans outside my dreams, and if they’re pretty, just forget about it. “I just… Have trouble… Contacting with people… “
The woman seemed to feel even sorrier for me. Of course, who didn’t, I was only able to do my job, and now with all this fuss, people was harassing me, the poor janitor who has social problems and is full of traumas. I was just like an innocent child, for god’s sake. People should learn not to judge other without understanding their situation.
“I understand” She kind of smiled, just to make me feel comfortable in speaking to her – A thing she didn’t accomplish, by the way – “But you can’t just run away from everything. You need to do your job. I’ll tell people to leave you alone, but, eventually, you’ll have to get over your fears”
Good, now she was on my side and trying to help me. Nice. “But… I just can’t”
“Whenever you feel like talking about it, come see me. Maybe I can help” Double nice. I didn’t knew how I was going to survive a long session of speaking to the wind witch, neither I knew how I was going to ever become a normal, socially-integrated human, but it was good to know that someone cared about my little problems. “I have to go now, Mr. LeFaux. Get back to work, and don’t you run away from me again if I come to say hi”
You know, it’s strange. As far as I know, regular men are driven totally insane when it comes to women; they want them to satisfy their, um, “romantic needs” (Whatever that may be, never learned it in school), and don’t stop until they achieve it or get rejected in the most humiliating way. But I, in the other hand, was already happy to be friends with someone. Well, the wind witch was the first friend I had made in my whole life, and the feeling seemed pretty new and strange to me, but it was okay.
I went to continue doing what I did best: Pretending to do my job. It was the first time I was smiling while I did it, something that looked awfully unusual to most random passerby. I had started this day with the wrong foot, but now that Janna had helped me with the people that just kept asking me things about why Twisted Fate got killed instead of me, I was feeling a lot better, and this new sensation of friendship was a nice discovery that also gave me pretty much to smile about.
“Hello, Mr. LeFaux, I’m High Summoner Paola. Can we talk?” The inspector suddenly appeared in front of me while I was ‘cleaning’ the gym, putting a stop to my relaxed happiness. I went really tense and nervous, and started sweating like a pig. The inspector asked me some routine questions about my daily activities, education and such, but I was so scared that I couldn’t even talk. Well, I was able to talk, but the words that came out of my mouth just didn’t make sense. Thankfully, and before the inspector thought that I was speaking in some long-lost tongue, my little friend the wind witch saved me.
“I told you to leave him alone. He has trouble dealing with people, and you’re just making him more nervous” She appeared in the gym, like an angel to the rescue.
The inspector seemed comprehensive enough. “I can understand his problems, but he can’t just skip the inspection! There’s many rules to-“ Before he even finished that sentence, he looked at me, and saw how I was already scared, ducking and sobbing in the floor. “Oh, well, I’ll leave, but he’ll have to go through it sooner or later”
“He’ll do when he’s ready. I promise” She waited until the inspector left the room, and turned at me “Are you alright, Mr. LeFaux?”
“Yes… I think so… “ She got closer to me, and tried to help me to get up, but I got startled as soon as her hands touched me “Oh, don’t… Don’t touch me… Please. It s-scares me”
I expected her to be angry (or scared, at least) by this reaction of mine, but she didn’t. She was comprehensive of me, and smiled “How I’m going to help you get up if you don’t let me touch you?” Her face didn’t show anger, and her voice didn’t contain mockery, which was pretty suprising. “Don’t be scared, Mr. LeFaux. I just want to help you” She extended her hand, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel afraid to touch someone else. I took her hand, and she lifted me up.
“Th-thanks… “ I muttered.
She just kept smiling, as if there was no end to her patience “You’re welcome, Mr. LeFaux”
“M-my n-n-name is Ville, Mrs. Janna. It… would be better if you called me that”
She nodded “It would also be better if you called me just ‘Janna’, Ville.” We looked at each other, and realized that, although we were becoming fast friends, we still had a lot of things to do (Well, I wasn’t going to do a thing of what I was supposed to anyway, but being a lazy bum is part of my activities). “I have to go now, a match will be starting soon” She waved her hand, and began walking away. I said ‘Bye’ and went back to my job.
When the day was already over, and I was just about to leave, I ran into Graves in one of the many hallways of the Institute. He approached me, (Thankfully, without his shotgun) “How you doin’, LeFaux? Still getting paid for doing nothing?”
“You… Me… Just… Alone, leave” I was scared, again. My words made no sense, again.
“Okey, okey, before you get all weepy on me, I’m not here to beat you up” Well, that was relieving, although it was most likely a lie. The sobriquet ‘the outlaw’ isn’t exactly gained for respecting rules and keeping promises. “Just here to make sure you don’t tell your new friend about our little secret”
I didn’t understand that, not at all “What do you mean ‘our little secret’?”
He laughed. When I asked him why was he laughing, he just lit a cigar and answered my question with a serious look “You killed Mastercard, and I'm covering your back in this matter. We don’t want anybody to know about that. Are you getting the picture, partner?” He then grabbed my shirt, and whispered “Don’t get on a big mouth if this Janna girl asks you about the bathroom, or we’ll have trouble. Are we clear?” I nodded, and he let me go. I picked my stuff and ran away.
Death threats, inspectors, ghosts, bombs, friendship... Many things were happening, and all so fast. I knew that, whatever was going to happen in the next few days, it wasn’t going to be neither nice nor safe for me... And now, the JANITOR OF LEGENDS would have to build up some courage in order to face the dangers ahead!
ehehCommentaries: I had no idea on how to personificate Janna, so I just made some stuff up. Any suggestions are more than welcome on how to improve that character.
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