The Worst Joke Ever (one-shot)

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Two of the League's very own Champions were sitting in a prison cell together one day. Their names were Darius and Amumu.

Darius was in the cell for punching a Summoner in the face. His reasoning: He was a terrible strategist.

Amumu was in the cell for losing his temper, wrapping Heimerdinger up in his mummy bandages, and body slamming him all over the room that the Enforcers found Heimerdinger and Amumu in.

Heimerdinger was unconscious, and Amumu was crying his little mummy eyes out in the corner.

So Darius and Amumu were sitting across from each other on old wooden benches. Darius was glaring at Amumu, while the little mummy avoided eye-contact as much as he could. He wanted people to pay attention to him, but not like this.

Amumu was getting more and more uncomfortable under Darius' glare, so he tried to make light talk with the Noxian warlord.

"Um, do you like jokes?" Amumu asked him. He didn't answer. Amumu decided to tell the joke he most recently heard. "How many Noxians does it take to win a war?"

Darius' eye glinted. "How many?"

Realizing his folly a moment too late, Amumu tried to change the subject. "Uh, how are you today?"

"How many Noxians does it take to win a war?" Darius sounded bloodthirsty and curious at the same time. He didn't have his axe on him.

"That wasn't what I meant to--" Amumu started to say, until Darius cut across him.

"How many Noxians does it take to win a war?"

Amumu was about to break under the pressure. He decided to just deliver the punchline and let Darius vent his rising anger sooner, rather than later. "It... can't be done?"

And then, Darius gave Amumu his mightiest dooming glare... but he didn't attack the mummy. Instead, he just said, "Now I have a joke for you."


"What's short, green, and about ready to die a second death?"

Amumu gulped. "Me?"

"No, Teemo."

"Uh... Teemo, sir?"

"No, not Teemo! He's not green!" Darius stood up and roared, "Do you think I'm colorblind?"


Following Darius' outburst, the Noxian heaved a sigh and sat back down. After what felt like a year of silence, he finally said, "Amumu?"

"Y-yes, sir?"

"When we get out of here..."


"...I'm going to kill you."

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Legacy of Xion



How do you kill an animated cadaver?