How to play league of legends: A guide for veterans!

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Darion Mograine

Senior Member

05-03-2012

How to play League of Legends: A totally serious not sarcastic guide.

Lesson 1: Choose a name that makes you look like your twelve, that way when you do really well, the enemy team gets scared, and when you feed, people expect it, because they think you're twelve. Something along the lines of xXIaMgOdXx should do.

Lesson 2: During champion select in ranked games, immediately type in all caps; "[insert champion name here] OR FEED/AFK". For those of you less savvy people, NO YOU DON'T ACTUALLY TYPE OUT INSERT CHAMPION NAME HERE! That's where you put the name of the champion you feel like playing, whether or not it fits the team comp. Because your a boss, if anybody asks.

Lesson 3: First blood is the whole game. If you don't get it, immediately type GG and rage quit. If playing ranked, just start "assisting the natural process" because the game is over. You're not feeding, because they would've won anyway.

Lesson 4: If your bot lane is 0/2 they are feeding. Doesn't matter how many assists they have, or how much farm they have. All that matters in League of Legends is kills. The only reason they didn't call it League of Teamdeathmatch is because it doesn't fit the LOL acronym.

Lesson 5: If you are 21/26 you aren't feeding, because you have more kills than anybody else on your team. If the enemy wins because they have 32 kills, and you are 26 of them, it's not your fault. You got the most kills, therefore you technically won the game, you're only losing ELO because RIOT doesn't like how skilled you are.

Lesson 6: If anybody says your feeding, or a noob, or anything that might implicate you are playing poorly when you have a ridiculous amount of deaths, immediately call them a fa****, say reported, and then type in all chat about how bad your team is. If you don't, then you will lose 10 internets.

Lesson 7: Don't ever play support! Why would you play a worthless role in the team comp that is designed to give somebody else kills and farm? If anybody mentions this new-game+ or meta-game or whatever they are calling it nowadays you tell them to stfu, because their mother. If they continue to complain, pick Heimerdinger with smite and revive, and go camp at baron. Bring several wards, because you don't want to get caught, and then just place turrets. Not near baron, just outside of his wall, that way you don't aggro him and any unsuspecting opponents get killed. Instantly. Shame you can't hit your teammates, that would be even MORE kills!

Lesson 8: If you're playing mid as an AP, make sure you refer to yourself as the carry. Always take every kill and never give them to anybody else. If you split your gold with other people than you can't be fully tech'd at 30 minutes, and besides, your team would've just fed anyways. Never bring flash either, survivability is overrated, and you need clarity so that you can regen even more mana with Blue buff.

Lesson 9: If you're playing jungle, quit! It's always your fault, period. Are you in all five lanes ganking at once? No? You fail! There aren't five lanes? LOL NOOB!!!!

Lesson 10: Uninstall and go play DotA 2. It's way better and you're waaaay too good for League of Legends. No really. Just move on and get to the better game and show all of them your manly killing skills. No need to stick around with the rest of the horrible LoL community. No, seriously, just get the hell out!


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Darion Mograine

Senior Member

05-03-2012

I would hope I don't need to say this... but this is meant to be funny, and not serious. Though, I'm sure a good portion of the community will laugh at how many times they have already seen all of these things happen... hopefully not the heimer thing... o_O


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Maragi Accel

Senior Member

05-03-2012

You forget to mention to yell at your jungler for needing smite and leash because only noob jungler needs those things