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How to mentally dominate your own team

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MysteryLordddddd

Master Recruiter

08-12-2010

First thing I thought of.... Maclaren


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Samurro

Member

08-12-2010

Somehow I feel like many ppl followed all the recommendations in this guide, lately... sad story!


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Asnei

Junior Member

08-12-2010

It's so sad, but so true.


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ThreeLittleBirds

Senior Member

08-12-2010

This is bull****, all he does is quote "The art of war" - Sun Tzu.


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Svartfal

Member

08-12-2010

Quote:
Dissonance119:
Good intent, poor delivery I'm afraid. It's a little bit sour tasting, after having an average of one of those each game.


The obnoxious tards who do the things in my guide don't get that it's not helping them win, and it's not helping them get laid either, so pretty much they're wasting their lives *****ing at other players and not having a good time at all.

I do not have a magic formula for dealing with the mental midgets who trash talk their own teammates, but I have a few things that amuse me so I'll share them:

First, do your part to create a better environment for your team. For example, when you hear that sexy LoL chicks voice announce that "Your team has destroyed a turret", type a quick "gj" and go back to thumping the other team.

When playing pickup games you may not ever play with those teammates again but for those 45 minutes you are a team, and teammates need to respect and trust each other to function effectively.

If you are on the receiving end of some pinheads insults, the most important thing to remember is that even if you aren't playing well, having a low caffeine day, struggling with a new character, being distracted by amazing oral ***, or the other team just pwns, these are all temporary issues.

The other guy's small weenie is permanent.

Always react from this viewpoint. He's the one with the size issues or he would just play to the best of his abilities and realize it's a just a freakin game, played with a team randomly put together by a computer.

If someone is trash talking another player I'll try to come to their rescue with something smarter than "OMGWTF! STFU TARD!", though that's not too bad a response either.

"Talk less, fight more!"
"Hey, when you're done telling us how awesome you are and how everyone else sucks, let's try to win this k?"
"Clearly he did that on purpose just to piss you off. Instead of wasting our time complaining about it, let's just kill him after the game."
"Your constant complaining is helpful, and mature too! Keep it up!"


When someone on the other team is complaining in /all:

Tard - "My team are ****hats and feeders"

Me - "My team has too much class to complain in /all"
or
Me - "My team is winning because they spend less time *****ing about their teammates and more time killing yours"

Even if you have some loudmouth on your team poisoning your mental space, you probably have 3 other teammates who are pretty cool but are also feeling a little harassed. You can poke back at the the loudmouth, and while it may not help you win it might make the game a little more fun for you and the other teammates.


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Hannor

Senior Member

08-12-2010

Quote:
WWRaptorJesusDo:
lol funny stuff. but sad as it is to say, i dont believe in casual gamers playing this kinda game. stick to single player games in your own little world. this game isnt really noob friendly, and as far as difficulty, these kind of games are the hardest to get into. a casual gamer in LoL or HoN or DotA is kinda like a 120 lb kid goin to play a football game with the Colts. Sure he might be good at sports with his friend, and sure maybe hes determined. Doesnt change the fact that hes gonna get killed but hey at least he tried? sorry dude but noobs need to gtfo. sure nobody is just magically good at this kinda game, but its very easy to tell when this is just not the type of game for you.

Sidenote: If you are indeed feeding or noobin it up on your team, and you are lucky enough to get someone on your team who is willing to help you build/stratagize, you should really listen to them. If the other team is solid tankage, and you are twitch or teemo or somethin and someone tells you to get madreds or last whisper, and you dont, then you feed, then you are a scrub noob and need to die. people arent tellin you this for fun, they see you dont know what you're doing and they are taking time to help you. be ****in greatfull. and be lucky it isnt me. some people are nice, but im an ass and i have no patience for noobs. Common sense is not all that common and arrogant as it sounds, 90% of the time i DO know the build for their hero better than they do, or at least i understand the concept of this game and the champs abilities enough to improvise one. use your ****in head, if they are all dps, ninja tabai is a good thing, if they have tons of stuns, merc treads is ftw. if you get berserker greaves every match with every carry you get then you should be shot and hung. in summary, eat a **** noobzillas


This guy must win every game he plays.


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Svartfal

Member

08-12-2010

Quote:
WWRaptorJesusDo:
...blah blah... play to win. If you do not have that mentality then you need to gtfo my ENTIRELY COMPETITIVE GAME. sorry but if you want to play for "fun" go to an arcade, go play some mario or legend of zelda. This is a competitive game for players who want to play to win, all the rest can bail.


BWAHAHAAA! ! And I thought I was funny. This is great!


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Taeryn

Junior Member

08-12-2010

Also, always remember that grammar, spelling, and punctuation are your worst enemies when earning the respect of your team mates.

Some very good tips, OP. Here's my favorite strategy, using your very insightful guide:

"Initiate" a team fight in the middle of the jungle as AD Shen (best if done by trying to get Golem buff, then pretending that you actually meant to get ganked by 4-5 of the enemy team). Die immediately, watch as your team that tried to come save you gets aced (it's good if you throw the spasmodic pinging in at this point), then be sure to complain (in all-chat) that your team is comprised of you + 4 scrubs/noobs who don't know how to win a team fight after you put it on a silver plate for them with your initiating. When one of your teammates responds that "initiating" when by yourself, in the middle of the jungle, it's not really what tanks are supposed to be doing, be sure to point out that you are a hybrid tank/carry/dps Shen and they are stupid. Use profanity, but misspell everything to get the point across. If you have more kills than any of your team mates, congratulations, you have the moral high ground, and be sure to point this out now, as well as in the lobby after the game for full effect (also point it out every few minutes in game, with some choice profanity and insults directed at a random teammate, and remember, all-chat ftw).

This strategy has gained me a great kill/death ratio that is almost positive (assists are stupid and only scrubs care about those), and although my win percentage is only 25% or so, keep in mind this is due to constantly being on teams full of idiots and it's only my amazing and magnificent skill that allows me to single-handedly win a game every now and then in spite of teammates.


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Bombast

Member

08-12-2010

I would laugh, but I know somewhere out there, someone read this and took it seriously.

And I weep.


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fakeFetus

Member

08-12-2010

this was god-****ed hilarious, i still am chuckling - so perfect