This Skin (Ahri)

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RedYume

Junior Member

04-08-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoloSeer View Post
We can +2?
Unfortunately I don't think you can do that. But the sentiment is very appreciated. Thank you.


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Sezak

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Senior Member

04-09-2012

The quality of work on this is pretty astounding. In order to make it better for your readers could you please host the story on Fanfiction.net it is a lot easier to read stories there because you don't have to scroll through the forums looking for it just edit the original post and include a link to the Fanfiction and post in the forums whenever you update the Fanfiction it would be much appreciated.


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RedYume

Junior Member

04-09-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sezak View Post
The quality of work on this is pretty astounding. In order to make it better for your readers could you please host the story on Fanfiction.net it is a lot easier to read stories there because you don't have to scroll through the forums looking for it just edit the original post and include a link to the Fanfiction and post in the forums whenever you update the Fanfiction it would be much appreciated.
Thank you for the advice. I already have an account on there, under Ari Rue. I never really considered posting LoL fiction on there. But I think I should. Thank you again, and thank you for the praise!


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Ryugi Kazamaru

Senior Member

04-09-2012

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

This is a great work you've got here, far better than my own in many respects. I tip my hat to your grand writing prowess. You capture Ahri so well, and I don't even play her in game. She always seemed to exude some sort of quiet loneliness despite her flirtatious ways.

She is a fox in man's clothing, and you portrayed that so incredibly well. You really dove into her as a character, and looked deeper than skin to determine what you thought she was. I've seen writings where she was just some sort of lustful fox woman, but you've taken that image of her and turned her into a full and complete person. She does what she does for food and essence. However, that human aspect of guilt and struggling to understand things adds all sorts of new levels of complexity to her as a character, and I really enjoyed that.

Beyond me rambling about character development, which I love like nothing else, your writing style was beautiful and descriptive. I have a tendency to rely on character interaction to drive the story forward, or introspection of past events, but you so easily tell the story of a day in Ahri's life. With just a few simple words, you paint very vivid pictures, and even during "downtime" the words so clearly draw the reader into the world.

From one author to another, great job, really. =)

P.S. - If you have time, I'd welcome a little constructive criticism of my own story from such a talented writer. After all, a good author can never stop improving, right?


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RedYume

Junior Member

04-09-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryugi Kazamaru View Post
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

This is a great work you've got here, far better than my own in many respects. I tip my hat to your grand writing prowess. You capture Ahri so well, and I don't even play her in game. She always seemed to exude some sort of quiet loneliness despite her flirtatious ways.

She is a fox in man's clothing, and you portrayed that so incredibly well. You really dove into her as a character, and looked deeper than skin to determine what you thought she was. I've seen writings where she was just some sort of lustful fox woman, but you've taken that image of her and turned her into a full and complete person. She does what she does for food and essence. However, that human aspect of guilt and struggling to understand things adds all sorts of new levels of complexity to her as a character, and I really enjoyed that.

Beyond me rambling about character development, which I love like nothing else, your writing style was beautiful and descriptive. I have a tendency to rely on character interaction to drive the story forward, or introspection of past events, but you so easily tell the story of a day in Ahri's life. With just a few simple words, you paint very vivid pictures, and even during "downtime" the words so clearly draw the reader into the world.

From one author to another, great job, really. =)

P.S. - If you have time, I'd welcome a little constructive criticism of my own story from such a talented writer. After all, a good author can never stop improving, right?
What can I say. I'm grinning from ear to ear here. It means a lot to have such a well thought out response come my way. I'm really quite flattered, thank you. I really tried to capture a bit of realness about the character and it seems I have succeeded in my endeavor. Any thoughts on what I should consider writing next?

PS: I'd love to critique your writing! Feel free to send me a link and I'll surf on over. I'm excited to read it!


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Sleepy Yoshi

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Senior Member

04-09-2012

Bump for talented artist.


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Sezak

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Senior Member

04-09-2012

RedYume or anyone for that matter would you mind telling me what an Izakaya is I assume its some kinde of japanese pub I noticed that a lot of japanese terminology leaked into the work like torii I'm correct if I think torii are those red archways right? Sorry to ask


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Ryugi Kazamaru

Senior Member

04-09-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedYume View Post
What can I say. I'm grinning from ear to ear here. It means a lot to have such a well thought out response come my way. I'm really quite flattered, thank you. I really tried to capture a bit of realness about the character and it seems I have succeeded in my endeavor. Any thoughts on what I should consider writing next?

PS: I'd love to critique your writing! Feel free to send me a link and I'll surf on over. I'm excited to read it!
Well, I don't think my writing holds a candle to yours, but I'm thankful for the interest in the critique regardless. As for what you should write next, I have no idea. Perhaps look to some of your other favorite champions and write about them. Whatever inspires you, you know?

In any case, the link to my story is below. I hope you enjoy.
http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/....php?t=1792805


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RedYume

Junior Member

04-09-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sezak View Post
RedYume or anyone for that matter would you mind telling me what an Izakaya is I assume its some kinde of japanese pub I noticed that a lot of japanese terminology leaked into the work like torii I'm correct if I think torii are those red archways right? Sorry to ask
No worries. I don't mind explaining at all.

Yes, a torii is an archway, or a series of square arches that usually lead to a temple. In spiritual terms, it is supposed to represent the transition between the profane/sinful to the sacred/enlightened.
In this particular story, it symbolized the transition from the forest to the village in much the same way. There was mention of a shrine in the forest at some time, but for literary purposes, it was the transition between the natural balance of the forest and the constructs of humanity- mirroring much of Ahri's own transition. In the end, her chosen place to kill her prey was within the torii, signifying an inability to cross from one threshold to the other. She is stuck in between, and can't really claim to be a part of either.

An Izakaya is a Japanese pub, yes. A lot of Ionia revolves around the idea of enlightenment and spirituality, with architecture that seems (in my mind) to have a lot of similarities to both Japan and mainland Asia. I kinda ran with it, as it seemed to fit. I further thought it made sense since Ahri is a bit of a homage to the nine-tailed fox demon in Japanese mythology, the "youko".
I realize the reference is a bit more obscure than the torii, but it also didn't seem quite right to say, "and then she walked into the village pub". It didn't quite capture the essence of the scene.

Thank you very much for your interest, your questions, and for reading. Don't ever be sorry for asking questions! I'm more than happy to answer them to the best of my ability!


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KuzAnn

Senior Member

04-09-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedYume View Post
Yes, a torii is an archway, or a series of square arches that usually lead to a temple. In spiritual terms, it is supposed to represent the transition between the profane/sinful to the sacred/enlightened.
In this particular story, it symbolized the transition from the forest to the village in much the same way. There was mention of a shrine in the forest at some time, but for literary purposes, it was the transition between the natural balance of the forest and the constructs of humanity- mirroring much of Ahri's own transition. In the end, her chosen place to kill her prey was within the torii, signifying an inability to cross from one threshold to the other. She is stuck in between, and can't really claim to be a part of either.
Wow, that is so clever. O___O That makes so much sense in regards to Ahri and her current state.

And if you're not too busy... Would you mind having a look at my fan fic too? I'm using it to keep in practice while I'm burned out on my novel and I'm always looking to improve my style, so any critiques or tips you could give would help a great deal.

It's here, in case you're interested: http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/....php?t=1924558