Hi, I wrote short stories called “Renekton Decides To Tank” and "Jarvan Decides To Help" a few months ago, and they seemed to receive some critical acclaim from the masses. This is yet another story along those lines, and it features RAMMUS, THE ROLY POLY BALL OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION.
Once upon a time, in a land where no water champions or fox girls had yet been introduced....
It was a bright new morning, and the League of Legends press conference room was filled with a bunch of excited people, for today was the day to pick champions for an upcoming ranked match! Not only were various members of Runeterra news media present, but many champions were in attendance as well. In a corner of the room, Warwick and Nasus were carrying on a conversation as they waited for the picks to start.
Warwick: “Sup dawg.”
Nasus: “What up, dawg.”
“Nothing much, dawg. Heard your brother ain't here today, dawg.”
“Yeah dawg, he on a honeymoon trip to Fiji with his blushing bride, dawg.”
“**** dawg, props to your brother.” Warwick solemnly nodded. “Dat Ashe.”
Nasus solemnly nodded. “Dat Ashe.”
“Guess he didn't invite you to his wedding, dawg?”
“Nah, dawg. He did send me a text, though. Said 'NO CAKE FOR YOU. U MAD BRO.' ”
“**** dawg. None of the usual death threats or pictures of dead puppies?”
“Nope, dawg. Love be making him soft already, dawg.”
“****, dawg. Speaking of love, you hear about the new champion they gonna introduce today, dawg?”
“Yeah dawg, she be a dragon champ.”
“Not just a dragon, dawg. She be half dragon, half lady, dawg!”
The half dog half man Nasus rubbed his paws in glee. “Oh ****, dawg! She sounds super hot, dawg!”
The half wolf half man Warwick also rubbed his paws in glee. “**** right, dawg! I can't wait to sniff her butt, dawg!”
“Naw, dawg, I be sniffing her butt first, dawg!”
“Nah, dawg, I be the one teaching her tricks, dawg. I be the one teaching her to shake. Then I'll teach her to lie down and roll over, dawg. Get my drift, dawg?”
“You don't got the game, dawg. Your voice ain't sexy like mine, dawg.” Nasus suddenly started using his sexy in-game voice. “Once she hears my voice, she will be mere putty in my paws.”
Warwick scowled at Nasus, but then he noticed a familiar roly poly figure ambling by. And he grinned maliciously as he yelled, “Yo, Rammus! Come over here, buddy!”
Rammus, the Armordillo, looked up from the floor at Warwick's voice. “Ok.”
Rammus walked on over to the two dog men, where Nasus and Warwick grinned at each other. And Warwick said, “Hey Rammus, buddy! How you doing today!”
Rammus shrugged. “Ok.”
“Good to hear, buddy, good to hear! Say, can you do me a favor and go buy me some cigarettes? I'd buy them myself, but...” Warwick pulled out empty pockets from his furry legs. “I don't got any money right now. You think you can do this for me, buddy?”
Rammus nodded. “Ok.”
“Thanks a lot, buddy, I appreciate it!”
Rammus rolled up and power balled off to go buy some cigarettes, and as soon as he was out of hearing range, Warwick and Nasus started laughing.
Warwick was crying, he was laughing so hard. “Har har har! ****, dawg, dat Rammus! He always doing whatever we ask him to do! He just can't say no!”
Nasus was laughing hard also. “Yo, dawg, remember when we dared him to lick Anivia's ice wall? He couldn't pull his tongue free for several hours! Dat Rammus, dawg, dat Rammus!”
“Dat Rammus,” Warwick agreed with a guffaw. Then he quieted down as a bunch of Riot employees walked into the conference room with trumpets in their hands. “Oh ****, dawg, I think they about to introduce the new champ, dawg!”
All of the other champions and media members also quieted down, as Phreak announced from his podium at the front of the room, “Good morning, champions and members of the press! As all of you know, for years upon years upon years, people have been clamoring for a dragon champion! Well, today, we are delighted to announce that our dragon champion has finally arrived, and, well, without further ado, here she is! Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Shyvana!”
The other Riot employees formed two rows by the front door, flanking a long red entrance rug decorated with numerous Riot logos. And they lifted their trumpets to their mouths and started tooting on their instruments, heralding the arrival of their new champion as the door swung open to reveal a huge red dragon belching flaming breath!
Shyvana lumbered into the room with a terrifying roar, and she reared back her mighty head to blow a gigantic blast of fire up to the sky. Her majestic wings spread wide and churned the air about her, kicking up great gusts of sweltering wind as her powerful spiked tail swished this way and that.
And she shouted to the world, “Greetings, everyone!”
Much to Riot's and Shyvana's surprise, though, the crowd's applause was half-hearted at best. And when the trumpets' din stopped, the room was filled with hushed voices already whispering back and forth, and Shyvana stopped to listen.
“Mundo think she look like wyvern, not dragon.”
“Why does she only have wings, and no arms? Wuju agree that dragons should have both arms and wings?”
“Not only is my right arm a lot bigger than my left arm, but the dragon at bottom river is a lot bigger than she is!”
“Jokes? I don't know any jokes! But if that's supposed to be a real dragon... what a joke!”
It was hard to tell for most people, but, underneath her scaly red hide, Shyvana was becoming a rosy red from embarrassment as harsh criticism bombarded her sensitive ear holes from all directions. She stood awkwardly, not quite sure what to do, and unaware that a couple of Riot employees were struggling off to the side.
“No, Morello, it's too early!” Zileas had his arms secured around Morello's waist, keeping him away from Shyvana. “Don't nerf her, we don't even know what she can do yet!”
An unkempt and unshaven Morello ignored his co-worker's pleas, his rabid red eyes wild and unfocused behind his glasses, and his breath was heavy and disturbed as he extended his magical schoolgirl nerfbat wand as far as he could, struggling to reach his target. “Must... nerf her... must reduce... HP gains per level...”
Meanwhile, a sheepish Shyvana had decided to change to her human form, hoping that maybe, this way, she would gain more approval from her peers. And so she shrunk down from a huge red dragon to a tall blue babe in armor. And she waved to the room.
At the sight of tall blue babe, Warwick let out a loud wolf whistle, as a bunch of the male champions suddenly gathered around her, and they all said with big smiles: “Well, hello there, Shyvana!”
Tango Twisted Fate waltzed up to her with a beautiful red rose dangling from his mouth. “Bonjour, ma chérie, would you care for a dance URRRKK!”
Twisted Fate clutched at his back, where a dagger had just been planted, and he turned to see Tango Eve glaring at him. Then Graves blasted him away from point black range with his Q, and Graves then sidled in with a devilish smile while he twirled his manly mustache.
“Well, hello there, my darlin' Shyvana! You new to these parts 'round here?”
Shyvana ignored Graves, because men who carried guns that big were usually compensating for something. And now she could hear the jealous female champions talking trash behind her back.
“Look at that lousy splash art of her default skin... it's so mundane and monochromatic... and you can't even shoop in a motorcycle...”
“What about her Bone Claw skin? Doesn't that remind you of something a cheap stripper would wear?”
“What the hell, her Iron Scale skin looks exactly like me, minus my scar! How unoriginal!”
Shyvana did not really care about the mean girl gossip behind her back. She was used to being treated differently, her being a half dragon and all. But right now, Warwick was wolf whistling nonstop at her, and it was getting really annoying.
She turned to the wolf man and said, “Could you please stop that? You are being exceptionally rude.”
Warwick stopped whistling and wiped the drool from his mouth. “Sorry, babe, I can't control myself sometimes! Hey, let's play a game!” He held up a pair of yordles with his paws, Teemo and Heimerdinger. “If you had to punch one of these yordles, which one would you hit?”
Shyvana looked at the yordles in front of her. And a smiling Teemo wiggled his hips at her as he said, “Never underestimate the power of the scout's code!”
Meanwhile, a flailing Heimerdinger shouted as he angrily shook a wrench at her, “Back, you dirty ape! Back!”
“Hmm.” She thought for a moment, then lifted both arms and punched them both in the face. “There. Are we done playing?”
Warwick cackled as he tossed aside the black-eyed yordles. “Excellent choice, babe! I like ya already, we got a lot in common!”
Shyvana sighed in exasperation. Then goosebumps popped up on her neck as she heard Nasus's super sexy voice from behind her.
“Please forgive my unruly companion here. He means well, but I am afraid he has no tact when dealing with members of the opposite gender.”
She turned around to see the tall dog man, and he bowed his head in greeting. “Salutations, my fair lady. My name is Nasus, and I bid you welcome to the League of Legends.”
“Why, thank you, Mr. Nasus.” His uber sexy voice was clearly having an effect on her, as she was doing her best not to blush. “I am so excited to be here, and I – hmm?”
She looked down to see a half-dead Heimerdinger crawling by. “Oh, here, let me help you up.” She pulled the yordle up to his feet and dusted off his bloody coat. “I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have hit you so hard while Warwick held you. But you did call me a dirty ape, you know... so, hey, no hard feelings?”
The dazed Heimerdinger mumbled something in agreement as he tottered about on unsteady legs... and Nasus's eyes glowed red as he noticed that Heimerdinger's HP bar above his head was quite low...
Shyvana jumped in shock as Nasus suddenly lashed out with his staff, using his Q to deal the killing blow to Heimerdinger. As the yordle scientist crumpled lifelessly to the ground, she yelled at Nasus. “Why did you do that? That poor yordle was defenseless and posed no threat to you!”
Nasus shrugged. “My apologies, my fair lady, but when I have an opportunity to increase the damage of my Siphon Strike, I always seize the moment.”
Shyvana didn't find Nasus so attractive anymore, as she knelt down to check Heimerdinger's nonexistent pulse. Then her ears pricked up at the sound of a little meow, and she turned her head to see an adorable black kitten with white socks.
“Why, hello there, cutie!” Shyvana reached out to pet him on the head, and the kitten purred as he happily rubbed his forehead against her fingers...
A giant shadow suddenly loomed over them, and Shyvana looked up to see a towering Nasus with glowing red eyes. She sighed in irritation, “Now what do you want – no!!”
She snatched up the kitten just in time, before Nasus's staff could strike down the little furball. And she shouted as she cradled the hissing kitten inside her arms, “What are you doing, Nasus! Stay away!”
“The cycle of life continues,” Nasus intoned in a deadened voice as he raised his staff. “We will live. Kittens will die.”
A flustered Nidalee suddenly burst into the scene. “Joey! Joey, where are you! Oh, there you are!” The cougar lady sighed in relief at the sight of the kitten inside Shyvana's arms. “I'm sorry, has my nephew been bothering you?”
“No, he has not.” Shyvana glared at Nasus as the kitten jumped from her arms into Nidalee's arms. “But Nasus here just tried to kill him!”
The cat lady's eyes narrowed, and both her and Joey hissed at the dog man. “Consider yourself lucky, Nasus! If you had harmed my nephew, I would have gutted you and fed your entrails to the vultures!”
Nasus replied with the hint of a growl, “If your precious Joey wishes to lead a long and healthy life, it would be wise of him to not cross my path again.”
Nidalee scowled at him. “Why are you trying to add stacks to your Q right now? The match has not even started yet! Heck, we still have to do picks and bans!”
Shyvana pointed at Heimerdinger's corpse. “He already added a stack to his Q just now, FYI.”
“What!” Nidalee looked down at the dead yordle, then up at Nasus. “You cheater, you can't add a stack to your Q before the match starts! That is totally an unfair advantage!”
Nasus crossed his arms in defiance. “The admin says it is okay, therefore you can't do anything about it. So there.”
“Pssht.” Nidalee placed her hands on her hips. “Scumbag Nasus.”
Nasus realized that everyone nearby was giving him the stink eye. And he could hear people start to mutter “Scumbag Nasus” over and over. Even worse, Shyvana wasn't just giving him the stink eye; she was walking away while glowering at him with blatant loathing and revulsion, as if he was nothing more than a fresh pile of steaming cow pie deposited by Alistar onto Heimerdinger's front lawn after a wild night of drinking.
Nasus opened his mouth to protest, but then noticed Rammus rolling back into the room and power balling to a stop beside him and Warwick.
Rammus grunted in his usual low gruff voice: “Alright.” And he handed off a pack of cigarettes to Warwick.
“Oh man, Rammus, thanks, buddy!” Warwick took the cigarettes, looked at them for a moment, then tossed the box over his shoulder. “Oh wait, but I forgot! I don't smoke! Har har har har! But thanks for buying them anyway, Rammus buddy ol' pal! Ha ha ha ha ha!”
Nasus was also laughing at Rammus, and the Armordillo hung his head, turned away, and sadly shuffled off to go sit in a corner by himself.
However, it wasn't long before an outrageously and fabulously pink gem knight skipped over to sit next to Rammus. And Taric exclaimed, “Oh my god, Rammeth, seriouthly, why do you let those mean boys treat you like that! Stand up for yourthelf, don't let them pusth you around!”
Rammus shrugged. “Ok.”
Taric sighed, as his message clearly wasn't getting through. “Look, Rammeth, I know you feel alone in thisth world because you're the only armordillo in exithtence and all that jazz. And I know you're justh trying to make new friends by being so nice all the time. But if you want to be friendth with other people, you can't just roll over for them all the time! People won't be your friend if they don't respect you!”
Rammus shrugged. “Ok.”
Taric sighed again. “Look, believe me, I know what it's like to be different from the other boysth. For the longest time, the other boysth were always giving me guff about my affinity for all things pink! But one day, I said to myself, you know what? I don't have to take thisth! I'm so fabulous, and I'm so fierceth, all those boysth are just jealousth of how outrageously fabulous and fierceth I can be!”
“Fierce,” Rammus said.
“Yes, Rammeth dear, fierceth! Believe me, honey, you may not know thisth yet, but I know that you can be soooo fierceth. You're like a cocoon that's just waiting to blossom into a beautiful Butterfly Kog'maw!”
“Fierce,” Rammus repeated.
“Yes, Rammeth, that's the spirit! Fierceth! You're bold, you're fabulous, you're the one and only Rammeth!”
“Excellent! Now let's work on your new fiercethness, Rammeth!” Taric looked around, then nodded to Shyvana standing off to the side. “What do you think about the new champion?”
Rammus blushed from inside his shell. “Pretty.”
“Oh, she is a gorgeous one, yes? And she is sooooo fierceth, just look at those burning eyes! I think she's perfect for you! Now, how about you just go up to her and introduce yourself? You're famous in Runeterra, I'm sure she'll know who you are!”
Rammus shook his head as he pulled his shell over his eyes. “Nope.”
“Oh for goodness sakesth!” Taric threw his hands up in exasperation. “Of all the timesth for you to not say ok!”
A loud belligerent voice then shouted from across the room, “Yo, step back, b1tches! ACE crew coming through!”
Taric was interrupted by the loud slamming sound of doors being violently opened, and everyone turned their heads to watch Brand, Malzahar, Xerath, Karthus, Gragas, and Kennen swagger through the opened doors. The six mages were the group known as the A.C.E. crew (AP Carry Elite), and they were basically a bunch of *******s who thought they were better than everyone else. They were all wearing black leather biker jackets that had the letters “A.C.E.” stitched onto their back. And Kennen was wearing old-school cardboard red and blue 3D glasses like that one guy from Back to The Future.
Everyone groaned under their breath as the ACE crew made their way through the room. All of the ACE members were swaggering, but their leader, Vandal Brand, was swaggering the most at the forefront.
As Brand passed by Riven, Kat, and Cass, he reached out to smack Riven's butt. “**** baby, I don't know what's got more bounce, your butt or your Q whooaaaa!” He ducked under a sword swing from the irate Noxian. “Relax, baby doll! I'm just kidding around!” Still squatting, he then licked the hand that had just made intimate contact with her posterior, his eyes fixated on her fuming face. “Mmm, baby, you taste good!”
Kennen bounced around the Noxians, imitating Riven's Q spam, as he chittered obnoxiously, “What is broken can be reforged! What is broken can be reforged! Ha ha ha ha!”
“I wonder if she said that after she got her cherry popped,” Gragas guffawed as he splashed some wine onto his face and beard. “Haw haw!”
All of the ACE crew laughed, and the three Noxian women simply shook their heads and turned away from the immature *******s. Brand then headed over to the bench where the tank champions usually sat, his crew following close behind.
Currently the bench was occupied by Shen, Leona, and Amumu. Alistar was nowhere to be seen because he was currently serving a month-long ban for trolling in-game and pooping on other people's lawns. Brand ignored Shen, because no one gave a **** about Shen anymore (this is pre-buff Shen, btw). Amumu was already crying for whatever reason, but Brand kicked some dirt into his face, just to rub it in some more.
Then Brand turned his focus to his prime target, Leona. A little red parrot stood in front of Leona with his wings stretched wide in a display of protectiveness, squawking angrily at the leader of ACE crew. Brand snorted derisively, swatted the parrot aside, and sat down next to the apple of his eye, letting out a big fake yawn as he lifted his arms up high, then dropped one around her shoulders.
“Hey dollface, how you been doing? Miss me?”
Staring straight ahead, Leona brusquely removed his arm from her shoulder. “Touch me again, and I'll drop my ultimate onto your head.”
Brand recoiled at her harsh words. “Oooh, baby! For someone so freaking hot, you can be so freaking cold! Brrrrr!” He looked to his ACE crew boys. “Maybe I should have worn my Cryo Core skin today, huh, fellas?”
The other AP carries laughed, and Karthus asked everyone, “Do you... feel a chill?”
The ACE crew laughed some more, then Brand got serious as he placed his arm now on the backrest behind Leona. “Come on, Leona baby, you know we should be an item. You're sun, I'm fire, we're like peas and carrots! We just make sense, ya know! Heck, we're so compatible in game, even! You tank, I carry? We're totally a match made in heaven!”
“Lightning bolt, lightning bolt, lightning bolt!” That was senile Xerath shouting random stuff.
Brand yelled, “Shut up, Xerath! I'm talking to my lady here!” He turned back to Leona. “Now, where was I? Oh yeah, look, baby, you may not feel like talking now, but trust me, I can make you sing, if you know what I mean. We can be like Sona and make beautiful music together, yah? And if you're into that sort of thing, I can ask Sona if she wants to join us whoooaaaa!”
Brand jumped up from his chair to dodge a sword stab from her. “Phew! Man, I'm glad Riot hasn't removed dodge from the game yet!”
Gragas looked down at Brand's feet, then gave Brand a strange look. “Why are you wearing dodge boots?” (this is before dodge was removed from the game)
“I wear my dodge boots when I'm hitting on chicks. For precautionary reasons.” Brand winked at the scowling Leona. “See ya later, babe. I'll be around.”
Malzahar poked Brand in the shoulder. “Yo Brand, check it out.”
Brand turned back to his crew. “What is it?”
“Check out the new champ, man. She's a blue babe who breathes fire!”
“What? Fire??” Brand shoved his way past the others. “Where is she? What's her name? Does she look like a Navi from Avatar? I loved that movie!”
Shyvana raised an eyebrow as the ACE crew headed over to her now. “Who are you ******bags, and what do you want?”
“Ooooh, daaamn!” Brand and the rest of the ACE crew looked at each other with smirks. “Ain't she a feisty one!” Brand grinned. “It's ok, babe, I'll let that one go since you don't know me yet. Hey, let me introduce myself! I'm Brand, the world-famous leader of the world-famous ACE crew, and we the best at the pew pew! So what's your name, doll face?”
“My name is Shyvana of Demacia, and I've never heard of your crew.”
“Aw, that's too bad. So, baby doll, do you prefer top lane or bottom lane?”
“Oh yeah, baby, I'd let you be on top anyday, if you know what I mean!”
He and the ACE crew laughed like goons, and Shyvana was becoming visibly pissed off. But then Brand felt someone tap his shoulder, and he turned to see Rammus.
“Huh? Rammus? What the hell do you want!”
Rammus said, “Stop.”
Brand was shocked, because Rammus never said anything other than ok. “Stop? What the hell are you talking about? Me and her are just having a chat, nothing more!” He grinned broadly and knelt down to gingerly put an arm around Rammus's spiky back. “Look, buddy, ain't nothing going on here that's any of your business.” He patted Rammus on the head. “Now why don't you go back to your seat and wait for me to call for a gank, ok? Ok?”
The armordillo tried to stop his lips as they went into auto pilot. But he failed miserably, as he heard himself say, “Ok.”
The ACE crew laughed at the armordillo's chronic condition, and Rammus hung his head as he turned to walk away. But then Shyvana exclaimed out, “Hey, aren't you Rammus, the world-famous Armordillo!”
Rammus looked back. “Mm hmm.”
“Oh really, wow, I can't believe this!” Shyvana clapped her hands excitedly. “I'm a huge fan of yours, Rammus! I've watched you gank and tank in so many previous League matches, and I must say, I enjoy watching you more than any other champion!”
Rammus's eyes turned to hearts, as he turned to face her and gave a thumbs up. “Alright!”
Off to the side, Brand was sputtering in rage. “What the hell, you don't know who I am, but you know who he is? What's so amazing about him, he's just a round ****** who is always second to last on the 'damage dealt' chart! And Rammus, why are you even here, you never mess with ACE crew! Never! What the – oh, wait one freaking minute! I know who put you up to this! It's your **** pink pal over there!”
Brand turned to the bench where Taric was sitting. “You! You **** fairy! You told Rammus to do this, didn't you!”
Taric sniffed as he turned up his nose at the ACE crew leader. “I did not put him up to anything, you flaming fool. He wanted to talk to her on his own accord.”
“Likely story! It's freaking Rammus! He never does anything unless someone asks him to do it!” Brand and the rest of the ACE crew stomped over to the gem knight, and the fiery mage bent down to scream, “Listen up, support champ! Quit trying to make Rammus anything more than what he is! Rammus is our gank b1tch, and nothing more! Got it??”
“You are so wrong, Brand, it almost makesth me sad. Rammeth is much more than what you think he is. It may not look like it on the scoreboard, but he can singlehandedly win games too, you know.”
Everyone on ACE crew snarled, refusing to acknowledge the wise knight's words. Then Karthus sneered, “Hey guys, you know who was the first female tank?”
Xerath scratched his head in confusion. “Leona?”
Karthus chortled, “Nope! It's Taric with a Randuin's Omen!”
Everyone on ACE crew laughed, as they slapped Karthus on the back for his super witty and super clever joke. Taric sighed in disappointment, and said, “All right, I guess you boysth asked for it!”
He threw out his infamous stun at Karthus, and the lich stopped in mid-guffaw. Karthus's eyes were still able to move, however, and they bulged in horror as they rotated downwards to see an iron-jawed yordle trap with a cupcake suddenly appear beneath his feet.
He started to wave his book and wand frantically, and his stunned jaw started to wiggle as he tried to ask his friends to help. But then a red dot laser sight from a faraway sniper rifle appeared on his forehead, and the rest of the ACE crew scattered like flies, because they were squishy b1tches who didn't want to tank the incoming Caitlyn ultimate.
Taric put on his cellphone headset and started to apply lotion to his hands as Karthus's head got blown off and his skull fell to the ground, bouncing and rolling to a halt by the quaking feet of a horrified Kennen. He sighed into his headset's mouthpiece:
“Thank you, Caitlyn honey, for helping me with these utterly dreadful miscreants.”
Caitlyn's voice crackled into his ear. “No problem, girlfriend. Let me know if they're still bothering you.”
As it turned out, though, ACE crew was pulling back for now, as Kennen helped the decapitated Karthus put his head back onto his undead shoulders. Meanwhile, Brand thrust an angry finger at Taric. “This ain't over, support champ! This ain't over by any stretch, ya hear me!”
He then turned to Rammus. “And you! You **** ret4rd! We'll talk later, Mr. Barely Positive KD Ratio!”
ACE crew swaggered off, but not before Gragas picked up the cupcake left behind from Caitlyn's trap. And Shyvana relaxed a bit now, as she said to Rammus, “Wow, those guys are total ******bags.”
Rammus nodded. “Mmm hmm.”
“Shyvana!” Jarvan was now walking up with the rest of the Demacians behind him. “Come, my good soldier! The picks for today's match are about to start!”
“Yes sir!” Shyvana saluted her fearless leader, then turned to wave goodbye to Rammus. “Bye, Rammus, nice meeting you!”
Rammus waved back. “Ok.”
The rest of the champions were also settling into their seats now. There was a small ruckus near the back of the room, however, where Nidalee had climbed up a tree and was now hissing at Nasus, who was running around in circles down below, barking at her nonstop as he tried to reach her with his Q.
The feline hissing and canine barking was annoyingly loud, and a Riot employee had to step in now. “Hey, you two!” Pendragon shouted. “Knock it off, and sit down!”
“Yeah, you scumbag!” Cat Form Nidalee stuck her tongue out from the safety of her tree. “Knock it off!”
Then the tree turned around, and Maokai sternly said, “Both of you, knock it off. And Nidalee, stop climbing onto me all the time. I am a tree, not a tree house.”
Nasus slunk away with his tail between his legs, but Nidalee purred as she started to scratch the back of Maokai's itchy neck with her claws. “Are you sure you want me to climb down just yet?”
“Oooohh... ahhhh... fine, you can stay up there for now.”
While Nidalee used Maokai as a scratching post, everyone else was seated by now, more or less. The only two people still moving about were Morello and Irelia; an innocently-whistling Morello kept trying to sit down next to her, and the wary Irelia, with her eyes on his nerfbat wand in hand, kept changing seats whenever he got close. Finally, after two minutes of musical chairs, an exasperated Irelia finally got up and snappishly stalked into the women's restroom, slamming the door behind her.
An undaunted Morello started to go in after her, but Xileas grabbed him by the collar and dragged him off, while Phreak and Rivington, the shoutcasters for today, tapped on their microphones to make sure they were working.
“Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3!” Phreak leaned forward now with a big smile. “Hello, everyone, and welcome to today's League of Legends ranked match! Our summoners are already in champion select, and without further ado, let's start with the picks!”
“Looks like the first pick is already in, Phreak,” Rivington noted. “And it is Shyvana, our brand new champion! Can't say I'm surprised, really. Our players are always itching to try out new champions on the very first day.”
Shyvana, who was sitting up at the front row between Jarvan and a large green bush, pumped her fist in excitement. “Yes! I can't wait to show off my stuff!”
Jarvan nodded in approval and clapped a hand on her shoulder. “Go forth and make us proud, soldier!”
An arm extended from the bush next to her to give a supportive pat on the other shoulder, as Garen's muffled voice said, “I have no doubt you will display great feats of strength in today's battle, Shyvana!”
“Thanks guys, I won't let you down!”
Meanwhile, a couple rows behind her, Rammus was nervously rocking back and forth in his chair, dearly hoping that he would be picked for Shyvana's team...
TO BE CONTINUED
WILL RAMMUS BE ON SHYVANA'S TEAM? OR WILL HE BE ON THE OTHER TEAM? WE WILL SEE!!!
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