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[YOUSO1337 FANFICTION] The Dragon of Desolation (Leona-centric + OC)

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Youso1337

Member

02-07-2012

Chapter 12 Continued

For the next few minutes, Leona walked slowly through the halls with Lux in her arms. At Lux’s prodding, she did her best to avoid drawing too much attention, though they could not avoid getting some strange looks from others as they went by.

The whole thing served to embarrass Lux, who was helpless to do anything about the situation. She was too tired to break free of Leona’s hold.

Then, a familiar voice made her heart sink. “Well, well, what have we here?”

“Oh no…” Lux groaned, turning with dread to the source.

Her hand over her mouth as she smirked, Leblanc strutted toward the two women as she said, “Now this is a feast for the eyes. The little Crownguard princess in the arms of her ‘prince’, so to speak. It’s so adorable I almost want to laugh.”

“What do you want, Deceiver?” Leona said confrontationally.

“My, my, touchy today. I just felt I needed to remind little Lux of the debt she owes me.”

“Debt? What do you mean?”

“She didn’t tell you? I gave her back her wand during the battle. But she needs to understand that, for me, helping out the enemy doesn’t come cheaply.” Noticing Lux’s distress, Leblanc added, “Oh, I’m not here to collect now, little Lux. Just a reminder, that’s all. Hmm… but what to ask of you… Maybe I’ll have you dress up like our dear Exile did at last month’s party.” With a snicker, Leblanc said, “That would be a sight. Ta-ta, lovebirds.”

Lux cringed as Leblanc turned and walked away, laughing and gazing absentmindedly into the crystals over her staff. Leona, on the other hand, lightly blushed to Leblanc’s last comment.

“Umm, Lux?” asked Leona. “What did she mean by that?”

Lux didn’t answer, but groaned as she buried her face in Leona’s shoulder, her face red with shame.

She couldn’t bear to tell Leona that Riven had been in a bunny suit at that party…

-----

Soraka paced about the Solarium nervously. She had only turned her back for a moment and the next thing she knew, Lux was gone. Now she had at least ten members of the medical staff out looking for her, and it was creating quite a large fuss.

The door to the Solarium opened, and Soraka turned to see who had entered.

“P-Paladin Leona! I–” Soraka stopped as she saw Leona carrying Lux in her arms.

“Uhh, hey there, Soraka… eh hehe…” Lux said sheepishly.

With a groan, Soraka said, “If you plan to leave my care again, Luxanna Crownguard, would you please ask my permission next time?”

“Just to have you say ‘no’?”

Knowing Lux was right, Soraka sighed. She then said to Leona, “Thank you for bringing her back. She still needs a great deal of rest. I need to inform the doctors that she has been found. Can you please watch her for me until I return?”

“Of course, Soraka,” said Leona.

Soraka briskly strode down the stairwell as Leona walked over to the bed with Lux and settled the girl down. Realizing Lux was still wearing her boots, Leona knelt down to remove them; she couldn’t go to sleep wearing them, after all.

As Leona busily removed Lux’s boots, Lux said, “Thanks for bringing me back here, Leo. I didn’t want to admit it, but I’m, uh, feeling kinda tipsy.”

“Well, you needn’t worry,” answered Leona. “I know Soraka will try to see you recover as soon as possible. But please, do get some rest. You need it.”

“I know, I know…”

Lux sighed as Leona slowly settled her into the bed, even going so far as to tuck the blonde in.

But as Leona was doing this, Lux asked, “Hey, Leona? I gotta ask you something.”

“Hmm? What is it?”

“Do… do you l-love me?”

“W-What?”

Leona had not expected such a direct question or the nature of it. Her cheeks turned red as she was taken aback by it.

“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. It-It’s just what Leblanc said. I–”

“Oh, I see…”

A moment of silence passed between the two, with Leona staring into Lux’s eyes. Then, to Lux’s surprise, Leona leaned toward her, her head nearing hers.

“L-Leona, w-what are you…!”

Lux froze as she felt Leona’s lips press against her forehead. It wasn’t at all what she was expecting; somehow, she had been expecting a kiss on the lips.

“E-Ehh?”

As Leona pulled back, she said, “You might say I love you in a way, Lux.”

“H-Huh?”

“You see, families in Rakkor aren’t allowed to have more than one child. It strains our food supply too much, so we don’t get to have brothers and sisters.”

“What does that have to do with this?” Lux asked, confused.

“I… I’ve always thought of you, Lux, as the little sister I never had.”

“…R-Really?”

“Yes.”

Lux paused. She had thought for a long while that Leona had been in love with her. Learning it was more of a familial love made it feel a great deal less awkward, but she appreciated it just as well.

Rising up from the covers, Lux embraced Leona in a hug as she said, “That means a lot, Leo.”

Leona smiled as she stroked Lux’s hair.

“Can you stay? Just so I can–”

“Of course, Lux. Not even Soraka will make me leave this time.”

With a sigh, Lux said, “Thanks… big sis…”

Leona blushed as Lux said this, but smiled as she sat next to the girl.


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Jaykoboy

Senior Member

02-07-2012

I DID warn you...I think...my post may not have posted...


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Youso1337

Member

02-07-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaykoboy View Post
I DID warn you...I think...my post may not have posted...
I think the Rioters deleted the topic before I could see it.


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Youso1337

Member

02-08-2012

Chapter 7 is up. Had to put it in a different post because of space limitations. Oh well.

You might notice something in the chapter that's... interesting.


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Youso1337

Member

02-09-2012

Review from nyttyn. Thanks!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nyttyn View Post
Oh boy. Let's handle this one thing at a time.

The prolouge is absolutely LOADED with purple prose. While this isn't a bad thing when a tale is being told by a narrator or someone who is obviously looking to give reality a edge of flair, it seems like here that you're having words just for the sake of words. Also, whoever this hero guy is, if he can take something on who's "the most powerful being in valoran," it makes you wonder what that makes him. A void denizin?

Chapter 1 improves dramatically in terms of purple prose. No overbearing descriptions, always good. ...And then you go right back to purple prose in the second section. You don't NEED to overdescribe things if nothing's going on. Plagueis REALLY likes the world Yes. Reminds me of M. Bison. We get a good insight into the dragon's overall viewpoint, but at the same time, it gets a bit repetitive.

Chapter 2....Well, i'm surprise the league didn't limit his power, to say the least. That's a bit of a OOC moment for the league. Dohavakiiiin. Mostly fight fight fight. There's a interesting plot arc brought up with Syvana, but then I go :< because I know it's not going to come up again.

Chapter 3 starts off with more purple prose. It's getting better, but you're still going slightly overkill with the fancy words methinks. Leona using Lux's full name is a good nod to her noble persoanlity. Yay for pantheon being a jerk! Corki isn't using his usual jibberish, and that makes me sad. Lux avoids Garen, so minus points for breaking lore.

Chapter 4...Well, Leona is a noob for not using her ult properly. WENCH! Less of the description overkill. You overuse the word relic though.

Chapter 5 explains the earlier OOC moment with the league, which is good. Otherwise this is a pretty idle chapter. not much to say.

Chapter 6 went on for longer then it needed to. Yessss, we get it, Plageuis is a utter badass who has a short temper. Lux becomes a plot cupon. Sudden lesbian shower scene.

Chapter 7 was good, but the purple prose returrns! More borderline lesbianism! A epic battle is about to commence. And urgot is a robot.


Overall, I liked it, but the lesbian smut seemed to sudden, too many yessses, Paleguis is overhyped, and there's a bit too much purple prose.
Wow, nice review.

I've never heard of the term "purple prose" until now, but I see why you used it. I guess making extravagant descriptions is a weakness of mine, but that's what I get for reading Bernard Cornwall's King Arthur Trilogy. He uses purple prose in SPADES. That said, I'll keep that in mind in future chapters.

Same thing on the repetitiveness. I'm afraid it's just something I do unconsciously; high-functioning Autism (a.k.a. Asperger's Syndrome) tends to cause that.

As for the "yeessss", that is because Plagueis is meant to mirror the personality of Megatron from Beast Wars. Megs had a tendency to say "yeessss..." just to make himself look like an eloquent badass, and I loved his character.
---You can check out a video on Youtube of Megatron here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWWXw5SMIP0

As for other nitpicks:
- I simply could not resist the Skyrim references in my fanfic. IT'S SUCH A GOOD GAME!

- Lux's disdain toward Garen is sorta based off FrostMagi's little manga found in the Lore Discussion board. And it was more of a "enough with your constant patriotism" thing in Lux's head; she had had enough for one day.

- What I meant by point 4 was that the Champions could use techniques and abilities that you don't see in gameplay. For example, Lux could use her light magic to turn herself invisible, or Wukong (doesn't appear in my story) could use multiple clones in combat to trick his enemies or perform a multi-pronged attack. The same thing goes for that light beam Leona tried against Plagueis in Chapter 4; she doesn't have that move in the game, as it's something she would only use in desperation. (Also, they were inside a dark cave, so Leona couldn't use Solar Flare; she can only use it outdoors.)

- Point 3 might seem wrong, but most Champions would be skilled enough to avoid or deflect instantly-fatal blows. That said, I would also make it a point to keep the number of cheap-shot instakills very low.

- Sorry about Corki's lines. I don't play him, so...

- The "lesbian shower scene" was from watching too many particular anime scenes. I simply could not resist the temptation of making it, though I did my best to also make it a slight character development moment for Lux. It's certainly gotten me some odd looks, though.

And don't worry; I never intended for Plagueis to be unbeatable. He's just really frickin' powerful!

Again, thanks for the review. Gives me some things to think about for possible improvements.


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Sarkan of Arkham

Senior Member

02-10-2012

Honestly was hoping to see Karthus continue to have a role in the story. League officials making him finish what he started and such. After all, if he was able to bring Plagueis back, he ought to at least have the ability to be instrumental in his demise. After all, necromancy works both ways, able to take life as well as grant it. Even still, can't wait to see how things progress.


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Youso1337

Member

02-10-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarkan of Arkham View Post
Honestly was hoping to see Karthus continue to have a role in the story. League officials making him finish what he started and such. After all, if he was able to bring Plagueis back, he ought to at least have the ability to be instrumental in his demise. After all, necromancy works both ways, able to take life as well as grant it. Even still, can't wait to see how things progress.
Karthus may get a small appearance in the next chapter, but he's not involved in the fight against Plagueis. It'd be more of an "on the sidelines" appearance.

Besides, I didn't want there to be two mages on Leona's team; bad team composition if that happens.


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Sebastianthefrog

Senior Member

02-11-2012

What happened to the old one? Why was it deleted?

And did you respond to my comment about XERATH on it? Out of interest.


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Youso1337

Member

02-11-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sebastianthefrog View Post
What happened to the old one? Why was it deleted?

And did you respond to my comment about XERATH on it? Out of interest.
Check the opening post for details.


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Youso1337

Member

02-11-2012

Lol, troll attack. Thumbs down on every post of mine.

Good thing I set the poll to "show names" this time around. What do you have to say for yourself, Verbvertebrate?


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