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What'd you think of the story?

Great! 41 49.4%
Good 19 22.89%
Average 7 8.43%
Poor 5 6.02%
Sucks! 11 13.25%
Voters 83 .

[YOUSO1337 FANFICTION] The Dragon of Desolation (Leona-centric + OC)

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Youso1337

Member

02-28-2013

@Magister: I'd appreciate your critique more if it weren't blatantly meant to flame my writing.

You don't like it? Maybe you could try to do better with a similar fic. What I write is what I want to write, and if you've got a problem with what I put out, you can go back to whatever it is you find is good literature.


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Magister Gir

Senior Member

02-28-2013

Quote:
Youso1337:
@Magister: I'd appreciate your critique more if it weren't blatantly meant to flame my writing.

You don't like it? Maybe you could try to do better with a similar fic. What I write is what I want to write, and if you've got a problem with what I put out, you can go back to whatever it is you find is good literature.


one I've honestly thought about it if I ever did I would get someone like Zabii, a very good and old Fanfic writer, to help me write it and tell me if my idea is a good one or a bad one. I don't mind you write what you want but that doesn't mean I can't call out the faults, which there were. Oh, yes me flaming is the case because I pointed out A LOT of your faults and holes in your story and how poorly written your OC is completely. Did I blatantly say it was bad? No I said mediocre at best, you have your usual all powerful, cheesy script, villian and the hero who goes through a lot of problems, finds love, but amazingly you don't give it but change it and make it a sister complexity which was good I guess you built A LOT of hype for it just to let it die like that was a bit.... I don't know disappointing.

Again, calling someone out that doesn't like your story, well I kinda... liked it I guess. Yes tell someone who points out all your problems in your supposedly GRAND and BEST writing oh oh and I forgot to add in THE BEST FANFIC HERE, to go F'uck himself. Right because you know you didn't write some stupid half assed story that honestly reminded me of a kid.

A little kid who brought a knife to school one day and used it to bully kids, don't ask about the teachers because who cares. This little kid continued to do this through the day till finally one boy stood up and walked up to him saying "you know you should stop that" the kid just laughed at him and asked why, he could just cut the boy and the kid responded "well I would then tell the teachers and I also have two knives in my pockets" fearing the boy now the kid draws his knife back and tucks it away in a pocket but continues to go around flaunting he's the toughest even though the boy was actually LYING he didn't have two knives he just simply outwitted the other kid till everyone went home and everything was normal again teh next day.

honestly your character is just that, a little kid with too much power who is EASILY tricked mind you even though he can sever connections between minds AND other peoples connections as well, did you even think of that part before putting it down? This is why I say mediocre, you do cheesy and silly stuff like that that make this a mediocre to bad story.


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Youso1337

Member

03-01-2013

Quote:
Magister Gir:
one I've honestly thought about it if I ever did I would get someone like Zabii, a very good and old Fanfic writer, to help me write it and tell me if my idea is a good one or a bad one. I don't mind you write what you want but that doesn't mean I can't call out the faults, which there were. Oh, yes me flaming is the case because I pointed out A LOT of your faults and holes in your story and how poorly written your OC is completely. Did I blatantly say it was bad? No I said mediocre at best, you have your usual all powerful, cheesy script, villian and the hero who goes through a lot of problems, finds love, but amazingly you don't give it but change it and make it a sister complexity which was good I guess you built A LOT of hype for it just to let it die like that was a bit.... I don't know disappointing.

Again, calling someone out that doesn't like your story, well I kinda... liked it I guess. Yes tell someone who points out all your problems in your supposedly GRAND and BEST writing oh oh and I forgot to add in THE BEST FANFIC HERE, to go F'uck himself. Right because you know you didn't write some stupid half assed story that honestly reminded me of a kid.

A little kid who brought a knife to school one day and used it to bully kids, don't ask about the teachers because who cares. This little kid continued to do this through the day till finally one boy stood up and walked up to him saying "you know you should stop that" the kid just laughed at him and asked why, he could just cut the boy and the kid responded "well I would then tell the teachers and I also have two knives in my pockets" fearing the boy now the kid draws his knife back and tucks it away in a pocket but continues to go around flaunting he's the toughest even though the boy was actually LYING he didn't have two knives he just simply outwitted the other kid till everyone went home and everything was normal again teh next day.

honestly your character is just that, a little kid with too much power who is EASILY tricked mind you even though he can sever connections between minds AND other peoples connections as well, did you even think of that part before putting it down? This is why I say mediocre, you do cheesy and silly stuff like that that make this a mediocre to bad story.

=_=

Not a lot of people are going to take what you say seriously when it's all sh*t and cr*p.


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Magister Gir

Senior Member

03-01-2013

Quote:
Youso1337:
=_=

Not a lot of people are going to take what you say seriously when it's all sh*t and cr*p.

I'm just pointing everything that's screwed up,i don't do it in a friendly is all. whether they honestly take it or not is up to them though i hope they do, go back and re read through their own story and realize their faults. your story had its up and downs and your OC is one of the downs while your support cast is one of the ups. honestly go back and reread your own story and come back saying your story is still grand and the best as you stared earlier. i like your idea,i just think it could of been done better.

ps: I also find Koggles and Morgana's wtf love story a lot better than this but if you want a very good piece of literature with very few faults, look up Shyvanna x Cassiopiea. A very good story, plot, main characters and support cast.


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Yousonerfed

Member

03-04-2013

You have made your point.

To tell you the truth, I have been thinking on possibly making a sequel fic for this one, and I would try to expand Plagueis' background in said sequel. Give him a bit more of a "fell from good" image rather than him just being pure evil (something like Alduin or Deathwing's pasts).

I just didn't feel the need to give Plagueis much background in this fic when it was more focused around Leona's battle with him. He was meant to fill a role as an evil antagonist, not much more. If I had wanted to give him more personality in this fic, I definitely would have. But he was meant to serve as the enemy, and I feel he did that well enough (despite being OP).

EDIT: Also, some more bad news. My Youso1337 account got fragged by the forum moderators (somehow I broke the Summoner's Code again). Can't use it anymore, so I can't edit the story posts here. If I make any new modifications, you'll need to see them at the link below:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8422210/1/The-Dragon-of-Desolation


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saladeo

Senior Member

03-04-2013

Well that sucks
make a ticket so if they made a mistake they make it up


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Yousonerfed

Member

03-10-2013

Quote:
saladeo:
Well that sucks
make a ticket so if they made a mistake they make it up

Did. They don't take back forum bans.

Oh wellz...


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Eyowyn

Senior Member

03-12-2013

Looking forwards to reading the end, YSG.


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Yousonerfed

Member

04-14-2013

Bump. Still working on the epilogue sequence...


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saladeo

Senior Member

04-20-2013

bump