The reason why Riot will never have a champ beginning with D or Q

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Decklan

Senior Member

01-12-2012

Before you start saying, "HAHA NOOB DR. MUNDO BEGINS WITH D!" I will explain that situation later on in this post.

Brandon Beck and Marc Merrill co-founded Riot Games. This is just the surface of the story. What no one knows, until today, is the mystery behind the third "partner" who helped both forge and almost destroy a start-up in the summer of 2006.

Before you ask, here are my credentials. I have been a QA Tester my entire life (earning upwards of 11 dollars an hour at one point) across many different studios and publishers. Activision, Blizzard, Blizzard/Activision, EA, 2k Games, THQ, you name it, I've been there, in the middle of it, testing games. Many of my co-workers said I was born to test, some say I was born to die, others just said I was born, but none of them said I would get a job at Riot Games. Boy were they wrong. I joined the team in 2006 unbeknownst to them. I hid in corners, bathroom stalls, air duct vents, secretly leaving tidbits of information regarding bug reports on post-it notes throughout the office. I wasn't paid, I didn't need to get paid, I was drawn to the company.

My life proceeded normally throughout the coming months; sleeping in an air-duct, scavenging left-overs in the company fridge, running through the 2 AM sprinkler system with a bar of soap and a bottle of Pert (had to keep the hair clean); all fairly normal things you'd expect from a reasonable member of society, until I met him. Daniel Quirrell. Yes I know, he has the same last name as that Harry Potter instructor, and yes, before you ask, he was in the midst of a massive lawsuit. That is not important. What is important is how Daniel Quirrell almost drove riot games into bankruptcy, and is the singular reason why we will never have a champion that begins with the letter D or Q. Once again, I know Dr. Mundo techincally starts with a "D," but that was merely a feint concocted by Brandon Beck to assuage the masses.

Before I begin, Daniel Quirrell was an interesting character. He was a bit of a mix, a hodgepodge of cultures and nationalities. If one would stare into the eyes of Daniel Quirrell, one would see a kaleidoscope of uncertainties, perhaps even a portal to the fifth dimension, or even the intangibles of the universe. When he opened his mouth a symphonic euphony would erupt in your ears as if the barriers of all language and tone became unraveled. If he merely touched you on the shoulder the dialectic of joy through pain would make perfect sense, hot and cold would become one, and you would experience true sensation. He was their accountant. Daniel had an eye for numbers and figures. He could balance a checkbook, both add and subtract, and no one was faster at endorsing a monetary note. It was these reasons Brandon and Marc loved Daniel, and these reasons they eventually had to let him go.

You see, Daniel was born to gypsy parents during an ancient rite of passage. I don't want to get into the details of this rite, but lets just say Daniel had seven mothers. Daniel would be gifted with incredible insight, but it would come at a price. One day he would betray a friend so dearly, that they would never, ever, ever, forgive him. Daniel didn't know about this prophecy until the actual day when he betrayed Brandon Beck in such a monumental fashion, that the company and him, had to part ways.

It was a Friday. I was in the northern air-duct above Marcs desk. Daniel walks in with Brandon. They close the door.

"Hey Daniel, what do you make of this?" asked Brandon as he lifted up his shirt.
"I don't know, spider bite?" replied Daniel.
"Yeah probably," muttered Brandon as he turned and walked away.

That day Brandon went to the doctor. The doctor told him it was the early stages of Pityriosis Rosea and that a simple injection of medical steroids should cure it right up. "But what if it was a spider bite?" asked Brandon.
"Well," replied the doctor, "If someone diagnosed you incorrectly and treated you for a spider bite, then there would've been a chance you'd get injected with spider anti-venom, and believe me, if you're injected with that stuff and you don't have a spider bite..." the doctor paused, a furl of sweat beaded across his brow.
"...well what!?" screamed Brandon.
"...well...then you'd probably turn into a giant spider and lose your company as you slowly mutated into a hideous beast."

And with that Brandon rushed back to Riot games. Daniel had tried to turn him into a giant half-spider half-man beast by giving him a false diagnosis. This would NOT fly. Not here, not at Riot games. Marc and Brandon fired Daniel on the spot.

So there you have it, that's the reason why we don't, nor will we ever, have a champion whose name begins with the letter "D" or "Q."

Oh yeah, the Dr. Mundo thing. Well you see, it's actually a clever joke. Dr. Mundo is no doctor. That's just a title he gave himself after falsifying records, ergo the actual Doctor title is fake. So, by all accounts, he is technically just "Mundo," a name that begins with the letter M. And besides, Dr. Mundo is actually an anagram for "Odd Mr. Nu" who was the magic time travelling janitor that worked in the basement of Riot Games.

edited for grammar


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Pelican Jesus

Senior Member

01-12-2012

10/10


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WagBoss

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

01-12-2012

upwards of 11 dollars an hour nice troll

what is this post even...


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Mojoman

Senior Member

01-12-2012

10/10
I believe every word.


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Josh123212321

Senior Member

01-12-2012

Ok


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domine

Senior Member

01-12-2012

should make a Daniel Quirrell champion. maybe he can be support.


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Mùdkíp

Junior Member

01-12-2012

So about that Q....


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Kewww

Senior Member

01-12-2012

I don't know why I even bothered to read that...


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Two Become One

Senior Member

01-12-2012

Wall of text; gotta upvote


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IS12be053530723e9888235

Member

01-12-2012

believed you till "7 mothers"


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