[STORY/CHALLENGE] My Talks with the League

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Edasich

Senior Member

01-18-2012

Brand

Issun: I take it that you're Brand?
Brand: You're on fire, summoner. If only I meant that literally...
Issun: Well, to start this interview, what do you like to do in your spare ti--?
Brand: (sets off a small flame at Issun's feet, prompting him to hop back in shock)
Issun: YIPE! (stares at the flame for a moment) Good answer...
Brand: (chuckle) Actions do speak louder than words, don't they?
Issun: I see. Well, what do you like about the League of Legends?
Brand: It's either that or wait for ages for a new host, all the while imprisoned. At least in the League, I can burn relatively free of consequences.
Issun: What do you dislike about the League?
Brand: That all who look upon me tremble with fear at the thought of their world coming to an end. They need only realize that it's inevitable before they stop.
Issun: Well, I think I have a pretty good idea why people don't think about it.
Brand: And that would be...?
Issun: Put simply, they either don't want to because they get terrified if they do or they just don't care.
Brand: Hmph. I thought as much.
Issun: Moving on, is there anyone you miss in your homeland?
Brand: If you mean Lokfar, what do I care for a land that turned down my gift of renewal so harshly?
Issun: Apparently, what you call "renewal", Lokfar's people called "total annihilation".
Brand: The latter of which being just the first step in the former.
Issun: I see. Well, what's your favorite food? No, wait. That's a stupid question, isn't it?
Brand: Yes, it is, and unless you can somehow talk directly to Kegan Rodhe right now, I don't think you'll have an answer to it any time soon. Even I don't know what he'd say, actually.
Issun: Well, what about a favorite color, then?
Brand: Dark gray, the color of blackened ash.
Issun: Uh...well, who have you met in the League who particularly interests you?
Brand: In what sense?
Issun: Any sense, I guess.
Brand: Then I'd have to mention the ice phoenix, Anivia. She should know better than anyone that this world is just one of many more to come, yet she too stands in my way.
Issun: I guess you won't know the reason for sure unless you ask her yourself, now will you?
Brand: (chuckle) I guess not.
Issun: So, anyway, to finish this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Brand: Until I am free to do this to all of Runeterra and renew the world from its ashes.
Issun: Until you're free to do wha--?
Brand: (sets off a massive pillar of fire at Issun's feet, burning him)
Issun: AAUGH! I'M ON FIRE!! AAAA!!! AAAAAAAAA!!!!


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Zunqivo

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Senior Member

01-18-2012

Ooh! Do Gentleman Cho' Gath next!


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Edasich

Senior Member

01-25-2012

Cho'Gath

Issun: So, you're Cho'Gath, correct?
Cho'Gath: (gentleman voice) An astute observation indeed, summone--(series of hacking coughs)
Issun: ...
Cho'Gath: (normal voice) Oh, sorry. I had something caught in my throat. Continue.
Issun: ...Um, okay. To start this interview, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Cho'Gath: When I'm not busy devouring any creature foolish enough to come near me, I'm hiding in shadows to scare anyone who passes by. I love the look of terror on their faces when I do that.
Issun: I see. What do you like about the League of Legends?
Cho'Gath: The chance to strike fear into the hearts of all who behold me and the rest of my kind.
Issun: You mean the Voidborn?
Cho'Gath: That is not what we call each other, but correct.
Issun: What do you call each other?
Cho'Gath: ...It is unpronounceable in any of your languages.
Issun: Okay. Well, what do you dislike about the League?
Cho'Gath: Those idiotic costumes I sometimes have to wear. I am surprised anyone can take them seriously.
Issun: Well, I don't design them, and I think they're kind of silly myself, but there's not much I can do. I'll tell you that.
Cho'Gath: (irritated growl)
Issun: Moving along, do you miss anyone in your homeland?
Cho'Gath: No. The Void is a savage place where one must eat or be eaten. I care not for such fallacy.
Issun: So it's not that different from the wild lands of Runeterra, then.
Cho'Gath: I guess not.
Issun: So, speaking of eating, what's your favorite food?
Cho'Gath: (creepy chuckle) Human flesh is most delicious...but I prefer the eyes; each pair is quite unique. I wonder how your eyes would taste...
Issun: ...Uh, well...what's your favorite color?
Cho'Gath: Do not know. Do not care.
Issun: ...Well, have you met anyone in the League who particularly interests you?
Cho'Gath: Several, but one in particular: the so-called "Preserver of Valoran", Kassadin. He thinks he alone can stave off the coming of the Void to your world. Arrogant fool.
Issun: Well, if other creatures like you and Kog'Maw do come, who knows what would happen?
Cho'Gath: Ha! As if you have any say in that matter.
Issun: Then again, neither do you. By the way, to finish this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Cho'Gath: Only for as long as your precious "Institute of War" is able to contain me. When it no longer can, I will bring your world crashing down. And trust me when I tell you that you cannot contain me forever.
Issun: Then I can only hope you're kept in check for a long, long time.
Cho'Gath: ...
Issun: Well, thanks for participating in this interview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to use the restroom.
Cho'Gath: ...
Issun: aboutahundredmilesaway. (runs away)


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Edasich

Senior Member

01-25-2012

Pantheon

Issun: You must be Pantheon.
Pantheon: Hmph. Do what you came to accomplish, summoner.
Issun: Well, to start this interview, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Pantheon: I know only one thing: preparing for war. And of course, I do not mean this pathetic farce of a battlefield we both reside in. I mean true war, a simpler time that truly decided who was the better man. No bureaucracy, no legal document, simply shining metal and blood painting the scorched earth until only one remains standing in triumph.
Issun: I guess that means you don't like anything about the League of Legends, huh?
Pantheon: Far from it, summoner. I live for battle, however hollow, and the League provides it endlessly.
Issun: Well, what do you dislike about the League?
Pantheon: Aside from what I just told you, I have heard the 300 jokes told to death, all of which, I assume, are in reference to me. I detest them with a burning passion.
Issun: I'm no big fan of them either. Anyway, do you miss anyone in your homeland?
Pantheon: We of the Rakkor fight bitterly for survival on a daily basis, yet we are not above lasting friendships. I did miss my friend, Leona, until she too joined the League.
Issun: I see. I even heard rumors of a blossoming romance between you two.
Pantheon: Rest assured that they bear no weight before us.
Issun: Okay. Moving along, what's your favorite food?
Pantheon: Souvlaki, a rather easy but nonetheless tasty dish to prepare.
Issun: What about a color?
Pantheon: Orange, the color of my shield.
Issun: I see. Who have you met in the League who particularly interests you?
Pantheon: I have recently become sparring partners with the self-proclaimed monkey king, Wukong. He repeatedly insists on challenging me, but I beat him every time.
Issun: He does say he wants to become Runeterra's greatest warrior.
Pantheon: Then he must be willing to heed the advice of others. If nothing else, he should know this: focus not on vanquishing your adversary, but instead on becoming the best you can possibly be and then some.
Issun: Good words to live by, if you ask me. Now, to finish this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Pantheon: I plan to stay until its end. My people know more than anyone else that it cannot stave off violence forever. When war returns to Valoran, I must be ready to fight to my last breath.
Issun: One can only hope that day doesn't come for a long time.
Pantheon: Perhaps...
Issun: Well, thanks for letting me talk with you.
Pantheon: Think nothing of it.


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Edasich

Senior Member

01-26-2012

Orianna

Issun: So, you must be Orianna.
Orianna: (creepy giggle) I am. And this is The Ball. Say hello.
Ball: (ominous clicking and whirring)
Orianna: Forgive me. The Ball is not used to you, summoner. Give it time.
Issun: Okay. Now, to start, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Orianna: We break things. Then, we put them back together. (giggle) It is fun.
Issun: Uh, what "things" are you referring to?
Orianna: Anything. Clocks, tables, buildings. You name it.
Issun: Oh. Well, what do you like about the League of Legends?
Orianna: We love playing with other champions. It is fun.
Issun: You mean fighting them, right?
Orianna: No, I do not. (giggle)
Issun: Well, um...what do you dislike about the League?
Orianna: Sometimes, I move to others on the Fields of Justice, and they run away. Why?
Issun: Typically, it's because they don't want you to kill them. That's why.
Orianna: Even if we cannot kill them, we can still keep killing them.
Issun: ...
Ball: (ominous clicking and whirring)
Orianna: The Ball does not like that look.
Issun: Yes, I noticed. So, moving on, is there anyone you miss in your homeland?
Orianna: My father, Corin Reveck. I wonder why he never talks to me anymore.
Issun: Shouldn't you go and talk to him?
Orianna: I do not know. The Ball does not know either.
Issun: I see. So, what--oh, wait a minute. Never mind.
Orianna: What is it?
Issun: I was going to ask what your favorite food was, but seeing as you're a robot, I assume you don't actually eat. Do you?
Orianna: I do not. The Ball does not, either.
Issun: So, what's your favorite color?
Orianna: Silver.
Issun: Okay. Who have you met in the League who particularly interests you?
Orianna: We are very interested in Jax. I wanted to be a champion like him, but how did he even become one?
Issun: He does seem very tight-lipped about that. I guess it's just a mystery we'll never know the answer to.
Orianna: Too bad.
Ball: (slow clicking and whirring)
Orianna: The Ball is sad, too.
Issun: Okay. Well, to finish this, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Orianna: I want to stay forever. My father wanted me to be here. I am a good girl, and The Ball is a good ball.
Ball: (menacing energy crackle)
Issun: Well, then. Thanks for letting me talk with you.
Orianna: It was fun. For both of us. (creepy giggle)
Ball: (ominous clicking and whirring)


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VannyB

Junior Member

01-26-2012

Maokia

Van: So Maokia how are you doing today?
Maokia: As dreadful as always.
Van:Oh, sorry to hear that, could i liven up your mood with an interview?
Maokia: If you insist, summoner.
Van: So, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Maokia: In my spare time i like to go visit my old friends at the twisted treeline or sit around andd wait for the summoners to finally right the wrong they forced upon me.
Van: Well, i'm sorry that it happened to you. What are some of the things you like about the League of Legends?
Maokia: I like crushing the puny "champions" who misuse their magic and corrupt everything around them.
Van: Well then, next question. What is your least favorite thing about the League of Legends?
Maokia: Everything but destroying the magic users.
Van: You seem very intent on your goal to destroy the magicians.
Maokia: My goal is nothing but to return to my former state of peace. I enjoy showing that nature fights back sometimes.
Van: What was it like before you gained consciousnesses? What do you miss?
Maokia: You people seem to think plants have consciousness. We are alive and can feel, we feel peace and total tranquility. I miss my tree brethren and that feeling of peace.
Van: Moving on. What is your favorite food?
Maokia: My mouth does not allow me to taste food so i only drink water and fill my insides with anything.
Van: Really?!? You can't taste things? Uhm, well, onto the next question. What is your favorite color?
Maokia: I am particularly attracted to green. It is a lush and beautiful color, most others are dull and ugly.
Van: *hushed* As expected.
Maokia: What was that summoner?
Van: Nothing. Who in the League interests you?
Maokia: Master Yi. Mostly because he is dressed in all green, but also because he is powerful without using any magic. He is balanced with the world.
Van: How long will you be staying in the League?
Maokia: I will stay until i die or until you summoners can return me to my former state. My glorious, true, form!
Van: Well that concludes our interview. Thank you for your time.
Maokia: Yes, you are... welcome, is the word. Goodbye summoner.


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Edasich

Senior Member

01-27-2012

Update with a list of champions left to be interviewed.

P.S. VannyB, one minor note: you misspelled Maokai's name.


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Ozimul

Recruiter

01-27-2012

Hehe. That Orianna one was awesome.


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Skagwatcher

Senior Member

01-27-2012

I vote Shaco have another interview. One where he does not stab his interviewer into submission imediatly after.


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Edasich

Senior Member

01-28-2012

Shaco

Shaco: (mock evil laugh) Summoner, welcome to die!
Issun: Wha--? That doesn't make any sense.
Shaco: It makes perfect sense. Now get on with your interview thing.
Issun: Oh, right. Well, to start, what do you like to do in your spare--?
Shaco: (disappears)
Issun: ...(feels a tap on one shoulder, then the other, prompting him to look both ways behind him)
Shaco: (reappears in front of Issun) That. And of course, other stuff. But that's for me to know and you to never find out.
Issun: Um, okay. Well, what do you like about the League of Legends?
Shaco: This. (sets off a jack-in-the-box in front of Issun, prompting him to stumble back in surprise) (laughs gleefully and diabolically)
Issun: Okay. Well, um, what do you dislike about the League?
Shaco: Some people just have no sense of humor at all. Come on. Death is just another part of life. Laugh it off, people! Laugh it off!
Issun: Most people don't find death funny, and I think I understand why.
Shaco: Why?
Issun: Because they don't know what'll happen to them afterwards, and they're scared of what might happen.
Shaco: I'll tell you what happens afterwards. People cry. They do stuff to the corpse. Then they forget about the dead person in a few years. Or if you mean what happens to the soul of the deceased, I have no idea, but it's hysterical all the same.
Issun: ...Uh, moving on, is there anyone you miss in your homela--?
Shaco: (screams in mock agony) Don't say that word.
Issun: What word?
Shaco: I can't tell you, suffice to say is one of the words I, Shaco, the Demon Jester, cannot hear.
Issun: Okay. I get it. You don't want to talk about it. So, what's your favorite food?
Shaco: My left.
Issun: ...
Shaco: Oh! (laugh) I thought you said "foot". My mistake. To answer that question properly, I don't exactly have a favorite food, but I can tell you what my favorite drink is: PUNCH! (fires a spring-loaded boxing glove into Issun's face, knocking him down) (laughs hysterically and diabolically)
Issun: (moaning in pain) What was in that thing?
Shaco: Oh, nothing. Just my rock collection. And my bone collection. And I think I put my miscellaneous heavy object collection in there too.
Issun: (staggers to his feet) Okay, so what's your favorite color?
Shaco: Black and blue, the colors of your face right now.
Issun: ...Oh, I get it.
Shaco: You'd better.
Issun: Well, moving along, who have you met in the League who particularly interests you?
Shaco: There's a buck-load of people and other creatures I've met here, but none strike my fancy quite like Ryze, Karthus, Kassadin, and Mordekaiser. I swear, those four have the exact same voice as me, except that their versions are all warped! I don't really sound like that, do I?
Issun: ...Uh...
Shaco: That's what I thought. Now get on with it.
Issun: Oh, right. Well, to finish this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Shaco: Who cares? I'm here, am I not? No, wait. I'm not. (disappears)
Issun: ...Uh...
Shaco: (reappears some distance behind Issun, doing the chicken dance to the audience)
Issun: (turns around to try and see Shaco)
Shaco: (disappears)
Issun: (scratches his head, then starts walking away only to trip and fall on his face) Nmmpth... (realizes that someone tied his shoelaces together)
Shaco: (reappears on a tree branch in the distance and laughs hysterically at Issun before falling off)