[STORY/CHALLENGE] My Talks with the League

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MTaur

Senior Member

07-14-2012

I hope the minotaur doesn't get too mad at you for calling him "Alistair"...


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eldricht0golem

Senior Member

07-19-2012

awesome could you do veigar?


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Farnbil

Senior Member

07-20-2012

Someone count how many times Draven says his own name.

You may already know all there is to know about our next guest. Draven appeared in the spotlight performing executions for Noxus' viewing public. Using his twin throwing axes, he dazzles audiences with elaborate scenarios that always end in the death of his victim. As one of the biggest personalities in showbuisness, the League was a natural path for him to further his image. From this position of influence, Draven has recently branched out into many industries including the restaurant game. I had the opprotunity to interview the glorious executioner in his newest facility "Magnifique Draven" over a plate of one of his original desserts: "Draving Cream"

Journal: Thank you for your time, Draven.

Draven: Draven's here, baby.

Journal: What gave you the idea to foray into the restaurant business?

Draven: As an executioner, I provide a service to the masses by dispatching their criminals. I do this with the flair, 'the Draven'. Draven makes it look good. As a restauranteur, I provide a service, only this time with food. And you can bet your arse it's got 'the Draven'!

Journal: Tell us how you incorperate your...'the Draven' into your cuisine.

Draven: These axes can slice a man just like it can slice a pigroast. I can have either of them flung fifty feet into the air and, with the magic of Draven, down they fall as the most perfectly measured slices of guts ever seen in a kitchen. Killing a man and slicing a roast are mundane tasks, but not so when spiced with 'the Draven'.

Journal: It's all in the spectacle?

Draven: Words like that don't even cut it in Draven's book. It's in a whole other tier. Draven tier. It's all in the Draven.

Journal: Are you confident that your restaurant will be able to compete with the big chains and other famous local places?

Draven: The Draven don't compete. The other places are spectating. My restaurant is viable because I run it. It'll go down in history one way or another.

Journal: Do you enjoy cooking as much as you do performing executions?

Draven: Executing people will always be 'the Draven' thing. My thing. But I am a versatile performer. Gotta keep the audience asking "What's he gonna do next? Where's he going?" Hoo-wah, all over the place. That keeps their attention.

Journal: How do you view your staff? Are they performing to your expectations?

Draven: They don't perform. I perform. But the crew does their job right every time without fail, and Draven keeps them up to Draven speed every chance Draven gets. It's a Draven juggling act between upstage Draven slicing and backstage Draven delegating. But as long as we got people watching, Draven can handle any act.

Journal: One last thing. Give us a hint. What's next?

Draven: It's been Draven in the arena, Draven in the kitchen, and from here on it's gonna be the same Draven in the Draven. That's right, whatever my next big show is, expect the Draven you know and love to Draven it up in the most Draven way possible.

Journal: Again, thank you for your time.

Draven: Draven IS the time. And the time is NOW.


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Edasich

Senior Member

07-30-2012

Alistair

Alistair: Ho, summoner! What brings you here?
Issun: I'm just here for an interview, Alistair.
Alistair: That's perfect. I've been dying to talk to see a new face for ages.
Issun: I see. Now, to start this interview, what do you like about the League of Legends?
Alistair: You know, now that I think of it, I think the best thing about this place is...well, the chance to do more than just smash things.
Issun: Such as?
Alistair: I think you're familiar with my advocacy work since the early days of the League, right?
Issun: You mean the work that supposedly earned you several philanthropic awards? Like the time you helped build that orphanage across the street from here?
Alistair: Yeah, exactly.
Issun: I see. What do you dislike about the League?
Alistair: Some of the other champions think I should do more with my [makes air quotes with his fingers] "celebrity status" than I do now.
Issun: Such as?
Alistair: Do I really need to do more than what I have to do in this position? I'm only here because I have to be.
Issun: Okay. Moving on, do you miss anyone in your homeland?
Alistair: If by that, you mean what you humans call the Great Barrier, you summoners should know better than anyone that my family and friends are dead. Crying about them all the time wouldn't do me any favors.
Issun: I see. On another note, what would you say is your favorite food?
Alistair: Food? Beats me; I'm not a picky eater, but I am a pretty voracious one. I pretty much don't care what I eat, as long as I eat a ton of it.
Issun: (amused) Good answer. What about a favorite color, then?
Alistair: Steel gray.
Issun: And what do you like to do in your spare time?
Alistair: I've recently taken to sculpting. I've gotta use my muscle for something, and if not battle, what else?
Issun: You seem like you'd be pretty good at it, too.
Alistair: Yeah.
Issun: Now, then, have you met anyone in the League who particularly interests you?
Alistair: How so?
Issun: Any sense, in general.
Alistair: Then I'd have to say...Annie. She kind of reminds me of that servant girl I met back at Noxus. Ayelia, I think.
Issun: Uh huh. Now, to finish this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Alistair: Hmm. That's a tough one. Initially, I joined it so that I could wreak my vengeance on Noxus for my village, but things have changed a lot since then.
Issun: Really?
Alistair: Yeah. As much as I like stomping enemies on the Fields of Justice, there are much better ways to handle bad situations than with your fists, and I'll stay here as long as those ways permit me.
Issun: Okay. Thanks for letting me interview you.
Alistair: Thank you for talking with me.


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Edasich

Senior Member

07-30-2012

Veigar

Issun: (trying to stifle laughter) So, uh, Veigar, I presume?
Veigar: Yes. [cheesy evil laugh]
Issun: [suppressed snicker]
Veigar: What's so funny?
Issun: (regaining his composure) Oh, nothing. Sorry. I'm sorry. Anyway, to start this interview, what do you like about the League of Legends?
Veigar: What else? The chance to endlessly revel in my enemies' suffering. And keep reveling in it.
Issun: I thought so.
Veigar: Well, I also like the night sky above this place. (half-demented) The sky, the magic, it calls to me!
Issun: Ah, I see. What do you dislike about the League?
Veigar: Do you have any idea how many short jokes I hear? Do you? Do you? Do you?!
Issun: Hey, I don't think they're funny, either; I just think they're racist.
Veigar: (half-demented) You lie! You're laughing with your eyes; I can see it!
Issun: (slightly panicky) Look, I don't... (normally) Okay. Moving on, do you miss anyone in your homela--?
Veigar: [covers his ears] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Don't say that word.
Issun: What word?
Veigar: You know. That word. That one word with the...the... [starts miming crude, bizarre sign language]
Issun: (confused) I...don't know what you're talking about. I just want to know if you miss anyone in your homeland.
Veigar: [covers his ears] AAAAAGH! You said it again!
Issun: Oh, stop it!
Veigar: The word! The word! Stop saying the word!
Issun: Okay. Fine. I'll stop.
Veigar: [breathes a sigh of relief]
Issun: Well, moving on, what's your favorite food?
Veigar: Peaches, I guess.
Issun: What about a color?
Veigar: Black and blue.
Issun: What do you like to do in your spare time?
Veigar: Studying magic. And by that, I mean using it on those foolish enough to face me in...well, just about anything.
Issun: Okay. Have you met anyone in the League who particularly interests you?
Veigar: I'd say Soraka.
Issun: How so?
Veigar: She claims to possess power hailing from the stars, yet she cannot fathom their true potential.
Issun: You mean like what you use?
Veigar: (half-demented) No! Nothing like what I use! My power is still incomplete! The magic! THE MAGIC!
Issun: Well, uh, to finish this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Veigar: (demented) ENOUGH! I grow weary of this interview thingy of yours; I must move on with my work! I must have power! I must! I must!
Issun: ...?
Veigar: I AM EVIL! STOP LAUGHING!!!


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Edasich

Senior Member

08-12-2012

Leona

Issun: So, you must be Leona.
Leona: Indeed, I am. [starts radiating with sunlight]
Issun: [shields his eyes]
Leona: Oh, sorry. [douses the sunlight from her body] Force of habit.
Issun: [warily opens his eyes] I see, being the Chosen of the Sun and all.
Leona: It is why I tell people not to stare directly at me for too long.
Issun: Yeah. Now, to start this interview, what do you like about the League of Legends?
Leona: Among other things, I suppose the rather...interesting wardrobe choices offered by your employers. Apart from my normal Solari armor, the Iron Solari armor is by far my favorite; apart from its being beautiful and sturdy, it's surprisingly lightweight and easy to move in.
Issun: Really?
Leona: Yes. The Defender armor provides excellent protection, but apart from its clunky appearance, it weighs me down too much, even by armor standards. And the Valkyrie armor allows excellent range of movement and is admittedly pleasing to the eyes of some, but it provides too little protection for someone like me. That, and it can get pretty drafty. Overall, though, I find the experience enjoyable.
Issun: I see. What do you dislike about the League?
Leona: Among other things, having to listen to too many of you summoners bicker about pointless things.
Issun: Ugh, don't remind me. Summoners like them give the League of Legends a terrible reputation.
Leona: Indeed. Life can be harsh, sometimes, as I have learned, but the fact of the matter is that there is good in the world; some people just need to learn to recognize it when they see it.
Issun: True. I mean you did prove yourself a worthy successor of the Solari through your selfless devotion to protecting others.
Leona: Yes... (sullenly) but the cost was almost too much...
Issun: Oh, right. I read about that. And within the conversation, do you miss anyone in your homeland?
Leona: As much as it still pains me to admit it, yes, but all of them except my parents are dead. Even now, sometimes, I shut my eyes and pretend they were never there.
Issun: (empathetically) ...That's...really sad...
Leona: There's no need to try and take my burdens; I can share them, but I can't heap them onto you.
Issun: I see. On a more positive note, what's your favorite food?
Leona: (mildly surprised) Huh?
Issun: Oh, nothing. Just something I thought would move this interview forward.
Leona: Oh. Well, I don't know about you, but I think your employers' chefs take the concept of food too lightly.
Issun: You mean to tell me of the whole "wasting food" deal, right?
Leona: Yes. I know firsthand just how important a bite to eat can be, and Pantheon does too.
Issun: Okay. What about a favorite color, then?
Leona: Granite gray, which, incidentally, is the same color as the Iron Solari armor I mentioned earlier.
Issun: Ah. What do you like to do in your spare time?
Leona: I suppose I'd have to say woodworking. It really sets my mind at ease knowing that I can put otherwise destructive tendencies to creative use.
Issun: That's nice. Moving on, have you met anyone in the League who particularly interests you?
Leona: Among others, I can name at least two. First, there's Luxanna; I can see through her jovial facade that she too suffers.
Issun: Uh-huh.
Leona: And second, there's Diana; something about her seems...vaguely familiar. I'd ask her more about it, but she won't even talk to me.
Issun: Considering that she's the Scorn of the Moon, I can see why.
Leona: Indeed.
Issun: Now, to finish this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Leona: As long as I'm needed. So long as I bear the mantle of the Chosen of the Sun, I can keep protecting those in need.
Issun: Good answer, and thanks for letting me interview you.
Leona: You're welcome.


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Edasich

Senior Member

08-12-2012

Dr. Mundo

Dr. Mundo: Mundo!
Issun: Uh, hi, Dr. Mundo.
Dr. Mundo: Why you talking to Mundo?
Issun: I'm just here for an interview.
Dr. Mundo: Inter...view...? What that? In...ter...view tasty?
Issun: An interview isn't a snack, genius. It's...it's, uh... [fetches a dictionary and flips through it until he sees "interview" in a dictionary] Ah, here we go. It's "a meeting or conversation in which a writer or reporter asks questions of one or more persons from whom material is sought for a newspaper story, television broadcast, etc."
Dr. Mundo: ...?
Issun: I ask questions and you give answers.
Dr. Mundo: Oh, okay. Mundo will let you interview him.
Issun: Thank you. To start, what do you like about the League of Legends?
Dr. Mundo: Mundo like pain. Giving pain. Taking pain. Pain is Mundo's friend. It makes Mundo big and strong.
Issun: Uh...
Dr. Mundo: No pain, no gain. Mundo say that a lot.
Issun: I see.
Dr. Mundo: Mundo also say own name a lot, or else he forget.
Issun: And I'd dare not think about how many times that's happened before.
Dr. Mundo: Mundo see.
Issun: Well, moving on, what do you dislike about the League?
Dr. Mundo: Mundo think summoners big sissies. Also very loud and annoying.
Issun: Really?
Dr. Mundo: Some summoners say "go this way", others say "go that way", and Mundo's head hurts.
Issun: Ah.
Dr. Mundo: Also, Mundo think summoners big sissies for not fighting own fights. They think they can do a better job, they fight. It's that simple.
Issun: I know, right? Well, moving on, do you miss anyone in your homeland?
Dr. Mundo: What's a homeland?
Issun: For now, let's just say it's where you came from.
Dr. Mundo: Zaun say Mundo good man. Mundo doesn't miss anybody.
Issun: I see. Well, what's your favorite food, then?
Dr. Mundo: Mundo likes puppies. Puppies are soft and fuzzy. Puppies bark and play with Mundo.
Issun: Uh, I said "food", Mundo.
Dr. Mundo: (confused) Huh? (struck with a realization) Oh! [laugh] Mundo thought you said favorite toy.
Issun: That... (dumbfounded) ...doesn't make any sense.
Dr. Mundo: It makes perfect sense! Mundo likes puppies! Mundo likes food! Mundo likes puppies!
Issun: ...You...said "puppies" twice.
Dr. Mundo: Mundo did?
Issun: ...Um, never mind. What's your favorite color, then?
Dr. Mundo: Blah.
Issun: What's "blah"?
Dr. Mundo: Blah is Mundo's favorite color.
Issun: ...?
Dr. Mundo: Next.
Issun: Oh, right. Have you met anyone in the League who particularly interests you?
Dr. Mundo: Mundo met Varus, once; Mundo regret it.
Issun: Really?
Dr. Mundo: Mundo fear no man or woman, but that thing...it scares Mundo.
Issun: I see. Well, to finish this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Dr. Mundo: Mundo will stay as long as he pleases.
Issun: I see. Well, thanks for letting me interview you.
Dr. Mundo: Mundo!


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Edasich

Senior Member

08-12-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Farnbil View Post
Someone count how many times Draven says his own name.
Uh, 26?


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Trolosaurus

Senior Member

08-13-2012

Bumping this for Trundle or Poppy.


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Edasich

Senior Member

09-02-2012

Poppy

Poppy: Hi there, summoner.
Issun: Ah. Poppy, I presume.
Poppy: Yeah. I hear you've been conducting interviews with the other champions lately.
Issun: Yes, I have, and as long as you're here, would you mind if I conducted one with you as well?
Poppy: Nope. I've got plenty of time.
Issun: Okay. Now, to start, what do you like about the League of Legends?
Poppy: You mean besides my chance to fight for more than just myself? If so, then I'd have to say the chance to help make gear for the Fields of Justice.
Issun: Really?
Poppy: Yeah, really. My father was Bandle City's finest smith, after all, and I really took after him. Besides, that Doran guy's equipment is kind of...how should I say, "sub-par". And a lot of your own smiths have apparently said very nice things about my work.
Issun: Very interesting.
Poppy: True.
Issun: What do you dislike about the League?
Poppy: I seem to notice that a lot of summoners think that fights are won by whoever has the best gear. From my experience, that's only partly true.
Issun: I see.
Poppy: Of course, it would be nice if someone managed to fix Doran's brain, but who knows when that'll happen?
Issun: I don't, but I'm sure somebody does.
Poppy: Maybe.
Issun: So, moving on, do you miss anyone in your homeland?
Poppy: Hmm, not really. You've probably heard the other yordles answer that question the exact same way already.
Issun: I see.
Poppy: You heard of what happened to Veigar, right? Well, he's an extreme case of what happens when yordles become isolated.
Issun: I've heard that too.
Poppy: I see.
Issun: So, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Poppy: You mean besides working with your smiths? If so, then I'd have to say fixing things. Wagons, doors, summoning circles, the works.
Issun: I see. So, what's your favorite food?
Poppy: ...You know, now that I think of it, I've always been partial to bananas.
Issun: How about a color?
Poppy: Orange.
Issun: I see. Have you met anyone in the League who particularly interests you?
Poppy: What do you mean?
Issun: I guess in any sense in general.
Poppy: Then I'd have to say Galio. To think that we first met while I was sleeping in his shade on my way to Demacia. I'm surprised he didn't scare me when he moved.
Issun: I see.
Poppy: There's also Jarvan IV. He's quite the class act, not entirely unlike his father. I just wish he'd lose some of that arrogance of his.
Issun: Okay. To finish this interview, how long do you plan to stay in the League?
Poppy: Well, somebody's gotta represent Demacia and Bandle City, and if nobody else will, I will.
Issun: Good answer. Thanks for letting me interview you.
Poppy: You're welcome.