Vision Wars : The life of a Ward

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UglyFragit

Member

12-11-2011

-Welcome to Summoner's Rift-

A typical match, much like any other, but today the fog of war was extra foggy and all the tryhards would definitely be needing their wards. The Shopkeeper, Doran, had just finished laying out his wares, most of which were stolen from D.O.T.A. and renamed, As the summoner's champions appeared on the summoning platform.

"What do you mean, I'M the solo?!?!?!" shouted Garen angrily at his team.
Brand, Alistar, Ashe, and Trundle all seemed to ignore his complaint, but he wouldn't let it go. "You're FORESTING?!?! Or whatever the hell you call it, what does that even mean you stupid orge-thing??"

-30 seconds until Minions Spawn-

"Go badkid somewhere else!" replied Trundle as he moved off the platform towards the blue spawn. The champions moved to their respective lanes as the battle was about to begin.

-Minions Have Spawned-

"Alright, I'll be fine, just have to play passively and get those last hits" thought Garen to himself as the minions began their perpetual battle in the middle of the lanes. "Alright minions, fear my COURAGE!!" he shouted diving into the fight, with a magical shield floating around him. Irelia quickly dashed out of the bushes, exhausiting Garen and bashing him with her floating sword OP thing. "YOU *****!" He howled as he went down into a bloody pool of what was once his body.

-First Blood-
-An Ally Has been Slain-

"Really, Garen?! It's been like 23 seconds you nub!" Raged Brand.
"Irelia is ****ING OP, am I the ONLY ONE WHOS SEEING THIS?!?!" screamed Garen from the graveyard, "and NICE ****ING GANK TEAM!!"
"Why are all Garen players such *****es?" Alistar thought to himself, "Just buy a **** ward and hump your tower!!"

Garen looked to Doran, "I need a ward and I need it ****ING NOW!"
Sighty the green ward was new. He was excited to help the mighty champions who fought so bravely on the field of justice. Garen grabbed Sighty by the throat and look him right in the eye. "DON'T **** THIS UP FOR ME!"

Garen wandered his way back into lane and was quickly dispatched by Irelia and Warwick who were waiting for him. The last words he heard before his second death, "I can't believe it, he really was that dumb... well I'll hold your lane so you can back and buy"

-An ally has been slain-

"STILL NO GANKS?!?! FFS, SHREK, GET UR ASS UP HERE!!!" Garen continued to rage. Reentering the lane Garen dropped Sighty into a bush whispering death threats and terrible things that should never be repeated to children. (He threatened to castrate the ward which seems a bit uncalled for)

Sighty's heart began to race at a rate that was uncomfortably high. It began pulsing to the point where you could almost see it protruding from his skin. He activated his stealth skill and began to wait. At the rate his heart was pounding, Sighty would only live for 3 minutes. The initial shock began to wear down as sight watched his new master receive his third ass-kicking from the enemy Irelia.

-An ally has been slain-

"Really? Just really noob? Go back to Brazil!" fumed Brand. "I'm kicking a Kassadin's ass and you're feeding?! 0-3 in 5mins? How the hell do you even have an ELO?!"

"I'm coming top, be ready!" sighed Trundle.

Sighty watched as Trundle, armed only with red buff (Still OP) took down Irelia with what seemed like relative ease. He then left lane cursing Garen for incompetence. Sighty began to feel weary, he didn't have much time left in this world. Garen appeared to still have no ****ing clue what he was doing but Sighty had preformed his duty to almost the fullest. Suddenly, Kassadin and Warwick stepped into Sighty's bush. "They're here, back up!! Look at your map!!" cried Sighty, but there it was to no avail. Garen was too busy spinning and badding like most Garens always are, so he had no time to look at his map. Warwick looked at the ward, a demonic purple eye glowing over his head.

"You're done your job, but sadly there's no time left for you on the fields of justice little ward" Warwick stated with a solemn resolve and a sense of regret. "I wish only it didn't have to end this way"

Warwick's claws dug deep into Sighty's flesh, twice and once more. Three deadly blows eviscerating Sighty's tiny and frail body. "Master RUN!!" Sighty cried with the last of his breath. His vision quickly began to blur as darkness overtook his body. Kassadin and Warwick jumped out of the bush with blood in their eyes ripping the flesh right from Garen's bones. Sighty's entire life flashed before his eyes. He remembered long ago when Garen was buying him from Doran, then when Garen choked and yelled at him. He remembered the sodomy his master had made him endure to "Strengthen his resolve". He slipped towards death's embrace with nothing but silence and the gurgling noise from Garen's blood seeping from his mangled corpse. The last thing Sighty heard in his entire life was the reassuring voice of his master. "WTF MID NO MIA OMFG!>@#>@>$ YOU ALL SUCK!@!@!!!!!"

-An ally has been slain-
-A summoner has disconnected-


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Rabid Meese

Senior Member

12-11-2011

I wept, I thought the part where the ward took an arrow to the knee was heart breaking


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Invictrix

Senior Member

12-17-2011

I Laughed +1


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CountAllister

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Recruiter

12-17-2011

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA, I dont tend to like LoL fanfics this short, but dude this was funny as ****, goodjob.


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Baluranha

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Member

12-17-2011

Quote:
Originally Posted by UglyFragit View Post
-Welcome to Summoner's Rift-


"Really? Just really noob? Go back to Brazil!" fumed Brand. "I'm kicking a Kassadin's ass and you're feeding?! 0-3 in 5mins? How the hell do you even have an ELO?!"

i liked, but it was kinda racist...


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Jaykoboy

Senior Member

12-17-2011

Gary could've payed a BIT closer attention...and not all are noobs. I know from experience.


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Eredaar

Senior Member

12-17-2011

I'M NOT A NOOB AT GAREN /dies ok you got me I suck as him for now xD that's why I don't play him


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Mister Foaly

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Senior Member

12-17-2011

Doran isn't the shopkeeper, btw.


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Jaykoboy

Senior Member

12-17-2011

Yeah, common myth. He's a weaponsmith whose mind got addled shortly after he joined the league by a forging accident. The shopkeeper is just a Manbaconian. It may not even be the same one each time.


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AngrySoviet

Senior Member

08-31-2012

Bump dat fecal poop


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