Chapter 1, top lane
Teemo waddled his way through the tall grass, scouting the area for any enemies in the top lane. Some would say a top lane Teemo is silly, but Teemo knew better. He'd seen at least two "breaking the meta" videos. He took out his magic League of Legends cellphone and pinged to his teammated that enemies were missing. Somebody repeatedly put the Danger ping, but didn't seem to have any idea where to put it, which was strange and annoying, but it let Teemo know. Things were not as they seemed. He took a moment to stealth himself in the bushes, making him twice as invisible as before. This situation reminded him of The War.
He was in that bush for uncounted days, waiting. He got no cs, and did not reply to pings or the chat, which made his teammates threaten to report, but he knew this was the right decision. Something was oh so very wrong.
Suddenly Teemo could smell something. Was it... poison? Not, it was something different. It reminded him even more so of The War. Suddenly he knew what it was. He lifted his tiny straw, and took a drink of some red soda, then shot one of his poisoned darts out into the other bush.
"Ow!" a raspy, jattery voice called from the bush.
There was a moment of silence, before a crossbow's bolt came flying by Teemo, barely missing. This person was less experienced than Teemo, somebody who did not participate in The War.
"Ey!!" a thick English accent shouted from the bush.
"Hello?" Teemo replied.
There was another short silence, before the Englishmen continued.
"D-did ai get yew?" he said, sounding a bit confused.
Teemo hesitated his reply.
"Nawt by a lawng shawt, ey? No mat-er, ai can just fawr again, ai can." and the sound of the crossbow being loaded echoed through the empty lane.
Teemo knew what he had to do. It was risky, fighting an invisible enemy, but Teemo was stealthed and in the bushes, making him twice as invisible. He only had one, maybe two shots to blind his enemy, and make himself three times as invisible. He quickly placed his dart in his straw, and blew in the other end, firing his dart.
"Ahh! Me eyes!? What's yer problem!?" Twitch stumbled out of his bush, still invisible. "Yew best look at me when ai'm tawking to yew!" he suddenly scolded.
Teemo was kind of upset by this. "Excuse me, but first off, I'm probably much older than you, and secondly, you're still invisible!"
"Am ai!? Well... ai'll uncloak if you uncloak."
"Fine, but only to talk."
And so Teemo left his bush, and the two unstealthed. However, before they began to chat, several pings came in from their magic cellphones. The two looked to see which team was signaling, and saw that it was in fact both teams signaling for danger. Unlike most things, this did not remind Teemo of The War.
"So what are you doing in the top lane, Twitch?" he asked his opponent. Teemo top lane was not unheard of, but Twitch?
"Ai been watching them brayking the metah viteews all week." Twitch replied.
Suddenly, from out of the jungle, a strange new creature appeared. It was mechanical, and reminiscent of Blitzcrank, but feral, as if it had malfunctioned and yet evolved. Both fighters shot their projectiles, but poisons would not work on a machine. Why would they? That wouldn't make any sense.
"We 'otta get outta 'ere!" Twitch said, his accent suddenly changing to more of an Australian than an English one. Teemo could tell it was fake.
"You go left, I'll go right, and we'll---" Teemo was suddenly cut off, as two mechanical hands shot out and grabbed them both, pulling them into the Berserkrank.
Suddenly the mecha began to glow, and a vortex consumed the three of them...
Chapter 2, mid lane
Meanwhile, in the middle lane, Ahri was fighting another Ahri, which confused them both. As they proceeded to exchange blows, get CS, and occasionally cast Flash for no logical reason, the Ahri on Twich's team struck up the conversation.
"So, can you explain how we're fighting each other...?" she pointed to her opponent, then to herself. "We're both... me."
The other Ahri stopped to shrug. "I don't read the lore, dude, I just play for the sexy girls."
Suddenly, from both of their cellphones, the "enemies missing" ping came up. They looked to their phones, then to their opponents phones, then to their opponent.
"Is Twitch missing?" Teemo's Ahri asked.
"Yeah. Teemo?" Twitch's Ahri replied.
Suddenly there was a chill in the air. Followed by a nasty smell, and then a fog. It was different than the Fog of War, or Nocturne's spooky darkness thing.
"Should we, like, ping? Or report or somethi--" Twitch's Ahri suddenly vanished.
Teemo's Ahri jerked her head back and forth. Where did her opponent go? Was this all some strange metaphor for fighting yourself? If so, it made no sense to her. Then, in an instant, Teemo appeared. He was different than before. The goggles on his hat had been replaced with Twitch's, and his straw was a crossbow with a straw attached to it. His fur had become green, and his body constantly flashes on and off between invisible and visible.
"Teemo!?" Ahri was quite surprised. "How did you change skins mid-game!? Hacks!!"
Teemo glanced up at her, which was hard to tell, as his eyes were always closed.
"I'm very sorry, please don't report me, Ahri. Something is wrong with this match, and we really need to fix it." he said in a fake Canadian accent.
Then, their cellphones pinged for help in the bottom lane.
Chapter 3, bot lane
Caitlyn had been left alone, since her supp, Blitzcrank, had vanished. It wasn't much a problem, because her opponents were Miss Fortune and Jinx, which is kind of a silly combo, considering they have been randomly attacking and fighting over CS the entire time, instead of paying attention. Cait was quite fed, but not enough to last her the entire laning phase, and she had signaled for help, earlier. Hidden behind her turret, she drank a red soda, followed by a blue soda, and prepared for the next flurry of attacks from both sides.
Caitlyn swung out from her turret, and took aim. Only the enemy was gone. No Jinx, no Miss Fortune.
Caitlyn took advantage to grab some cs. She pulled out her cellphone and signals the missing enemies, just to be safe. Then she heard it. The laughter of both MF and Jinx, in one laugh. One chuckle, who maddenly cocky joker's jitter. Suddenly, thousands of E: Flame Choppers! fell from the sky, in a manner reminiscent of Sarah's own E: Make It Rain. There was no where to go. She was caught in one of them! That's when she appeared. Jinx, dressed in Miss Fortune's attire. Or perhaps, Miss Fortune, wearing Jinx's flesh. She had no reason to doubt either scenario. She signaled for help once more.
The Miss Jinx was suddenly right in her face, as if both Strut and Get Excited were constantly active simultaneously. They spoke with both voices at once, the same way Gotenks from Dragon Ball Z™ does.
"How do you like my gun, Hat Lady?" she pointed her Pow-Pow/Shock and Awe hybrid shotgun in Caitlyn's face.
Her finger on the trigger, Caitlyn's killingspree on the line, suddenly a solid gold crossbow bolt shaped like a dart launched from the woods, exploding into the essence of darkness itself all over Miss Jinx's eyes. At point blank, in Caitlyn's face, the shotgun fired, and the bullets moved through her head, as if Caitlyn was a ghost, and the word "blind" appeared for a split second.
This bought Caitlyn just enough time to Flash out and retreat to the jungle.
Suddenly before Miss Jinx stood Tweetchmo. Though she was no perminately blind, the two starred one another down.
"So it seems he got you, too." Tweetchmo said.
"I cannot see you, tiny creature, but I can tell that you're tiny!!!" Miss Jinx screamed in a mad rage, pressing her R, and releasing waves upon waves of Super Mega Death Rockets in random directions on the map.
Chapter 4, jungle
Tweetchmo flashes one millions times and avoided every rocket, before turning invisible. But this wasn't normal invisibility. Tweetchmo was ten times as invisible as previously thought possible, so much that even the server didn't know he was there. With his movement speed of one million, he tackled Miss Jinx to the ground, Flashed one more, sending them both out of lane, and into the dragon's camp. Or so he thought.
The dragon had become long, and otherworldly. Somehow he had been combined with Baron. The beast instantly began to attack, and Tweetchmo and Miss Jinx were forced to fight as a team. Tweetchmo used his 0 second cooldown on his Q to perminately blind Bargon, while Miss Jinx fired her W: Zap! and Q: Double Up hybrid, so that she would never miss, even while blind, because it is both a burst and a target skill, which apparently fixes that problem. Ahri and Caitlyn came in to back them up and just as the Bargon was about to die, Master Yi appeared and use Smite, to steal the infinity gold/all stats are tripled buff. Yi was on Jinx and Miss Fortune's team, but because Miss Jinx was neither, she did not get the buff. Needless to say, everyone was really mad at Yi, because that would have been really cool if they got the kill.
"Get dunked." Yi said, before Flashing away.
Everyone Flashed after him, but Caitlyn and Ahri were too slow to keep up with Yi's max speed. Miss Jinx's passive let her catch up in no time, and Tweetchmo had infinite speed and flashes, so this was no problem for him. Tweetchmo tried to blind him with his perminate Blind attack, but Yi had too many eyes. Miss Jinx tired to slow him with W: Zap!, but "cannot be slowed" is OP, please nerf.
Yi eventually made it to the fountain, which even Miss Jinx and Tweetchmo weren't crazy enough to dive into. Yi bought everything. Every single item. Every soda, every sword, even the guns and bows. Everything. The Bargon buff had given him infinite inventory. Now able to move at infinity, the same as Tweetchmo, Yi was no longer afraid. With his Q: Alpha Strike he killed Miss Jinx, because Miss Fortune and Jinx combined is the squishiest concept ever conceived, and she had 100 hp at 18.
Tweetchmo and Yi took the skies, firing sword lasers, and bolt-dark explosions, while also performing martial arts katas that blocked every attack coming toward them, excluding the occasional hit the gut and face. Tweetchmo was lower on health than Yi. Infinite poison was no enough to take on Yi's infinite hp. He signaled for a gank.
"Akali... KICK™!!!" Just then, Akali flew out from the jungle, in the longest flying kick R: Shadow Dance anyone had even seen, because Akali had been watching "breaking the meta", and Akali gets a secret buff from being a jungler. Her foot made contact with Yi's face, and Yi fell to the ground.
"It seems... I am the one who has been dunked..." Yi said, before exploding in a super sentai style.
Chapter 5, end game
Tweetchmo, Caitlyn, Akali, and Ahri all gathered outside the enemy base. After a quick headcount, the recalled the entire event. Twitch and Teemo had become one, and the same goes for Miss Fortune and Jinx, who had been killed. Yi and the enemy Ahri were also down. This meant they no longer had anything in their way. But before they could take that Nexus, they had one last mission; Berserkrank had to be stopped.
"We'll split up, so that there's a higher chance of us all dying." Tweetchmo said. "Ahri and Akali will take top lane. Caitlyn, go stand in a bush in bot. I'll take mid." he explained his plan.
The team split, and in no time at all, Caitlyn was killed not once, but twice for a double kill in that bush.
"Twice in one move!?" Tweetchmo exclaimed. "He's down bot, move out, team!" he said again.
However, his command was not noticed, as Akali and Ahri had a secret romance that needed to be expressed in time of horrible crisis, just like in all terrible American films. Deep inside this reminded the half of Tweetchmo that was Teemo of The War. Berserkrank leaped from the bushes, as Tweetchmo approached bottom lane. A Slam Jam remix played loudly in the background, as Berserkrank launched it's two hands out, but Tweetchmo Flashed out of the way. Berserkrank continued to spam his 0 cooldown grab, and Tweetchmo continued to Flash. He needed to stall time for Ahri and Akali to stop making out and come die for him. From his straw he shot basket balls, and from his crossbow, he shot lasers, causing the basket balls to explode on a nuclear level. But Berserkrank had too much defense late game, please nerf.
"It seems I have no other choice." Tweetchmo said. "Ahri and Akali may not make it in time," he paused his sentence so that I could add this descriptive part. "so I'm going to have to use my Ult." he pointed his crossbow and straw at Berserkrank. "Poison and Toxin may not work under normal conditions. But I'm no normal Teemo, or Twitch."
Suddenly thousands of Mushrooms flew from his weapons, explosion on contact. Berserkrank was slowed down to -999 speed, and poisoned for infinite true damage.
Berserkrank fell to the ground, and Tweetchmo turned away, posing sentai style. "I am... Determinately Invisible Mushroom King Tweetchmo!!" he cried, and Berserkrank exploded the same as Master Yi.
He thought it was over. But he was wrong.
Just then, three mage minions arrived. Had they been behind it all!? They raised their little stick things, and Berserkrank returned from the grave, only he was one thousand Teemo's tall, almost as big as a level 18 6 stacks Cho'Gath that got hit by Lulu's Ult, but not quite. Tweetchmo was lucky, because Akali and Ahri arrived just in time.
"We gotta make the Mega Teemo!" Ahri exclaimed.
Tweetchmo nodded. "It's Morphin' time!™"
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