Quick, peer review this narrative before my class starts!

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I AM GØD

Senior Member

09-20-2012

I have class in an hour and I forgot to write up a narrative which was our assignment. I jocked the title from that short story and I need some suggestions on a new one. Don't just tell me how badly it's written, I'm in a remedial English class for a reason. I'm not so good at writing >_< Help me review !

The Lottery
My father winning the lottery was the single most influential change in my life. I remember the moment when I found out. My brother and I were out getting our hair cut when out of nowhere my father walks into the barber shop. I remember thinking something bad had happened, why else would he have come all the way from home? Even my mother said to him "Oh my god...honey, what happened?”. We all knew something big had to have happened. With a huge grin on his face he sputtered to my mother "You know that house you wanted? Well you can have it…and whatever else you want." He had hit the jackpot on the Little Lotto, over a half a million dollar prize pool and he was the only winner. Everyone in the building burst into joy and praise, it was glorious news. It wasn't until later that I realized how much this had changed my life. We had lived in a very poor neighborhood in Pasadena and had barely enough food to eat on every paycheck. Our house was rented just to keep up on where my father held meetings with potential clients for his new business. My brother and I were happy to get anything for Christmas before then, even those little toys from the quarter machines when you go into a liquor store, but now this was no longer the case. We had bought a gorgeous home with a pool in a very nice neighborhood in Covina just a few weeks later. A month after that was my birthday and I remember getting exactly what I wanted for the first time in my life, a bicycle. We had a jumper and a clown and all our friends from Pasadena came over to congratulate us. It was really at this moment I realized my life would never be the same.


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Jack of Death

Member

09-20-2012

quick, blow me before my class starts!


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Exentrick

Senior Member

09-20-2012

tl;dr


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Narato Master

Senior Member

09-20-2012

i dont review middle school word spewing

go write gang signs in your blue notebook like a good middle school kiddo, ok?


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I AM GØD

Senior Member

09-20-2012

No one reads anything anymore, I didn't ask you children. I'm asking men.


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I AM GØD

Senior Member

09-20-2012

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narato Master View Post
i dont review middle school word spewing

go write gang signs in your blue notebook like a good middle school kiddo, ok?
You would be surprised to know this is a college course , English 1A. Sad I know, but I must pass it to graduate. It's ridiculously easy.