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Yes 49 74.24%
Meh 12 18.18%
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-FanFic- Dark Coalition

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DarkfirePheonix

Senior Member

07-31-2011

Quote:
Originally Posted by LegacyOFtheVoid View Post
I like this the only critique is have is maybe make Brand a little bit more 'evil' I mean, he was is a vengeful spirit during the Rune Wars Also put more 's' when Malzahar speaks
assumpiomns = assssumptions.
just a personal preference, ur choice
For Brand I wanted a hot headed jokester villain, the way he talks IG fits it sooo well
And yesss, more ssss to the Malzahar ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sssssssssss


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DarkfirePheonix

Senior Member

08-02-2011

Bumpz


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Most Morgana NA

Senior Member

08-04-2011

Bump


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SpongeWaffle

Junior Member

08-05-2011

Oh my God.

This is the best League of Legends Fanfiction I've ever seen. I can't even see what's wrong with it, nor can I name all the things I like about it.

Keep writing, I'll give you full support.


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Anhi

Senior Member

08-05-2011

You have a dark monotone figure like "the spy" saying things like "buttering up". The character clashes are pretty harsh on the reader. In your last part of your first chapter Renek gets into a squabble with Brand after just shooting one down. He doesn't seem very focused or calculating. That's not the behavior you would expect from some one like your renekton.


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DarkfirePheonix

Senior Member

08-05-2011

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anhi View Post
You have a dark monotone figure like "the spy" saying things like "buttering up". The character clashes are pretty harsh on the reader. In your last part of your first chapter Renek gets into a squabble with Brand after just shooting one down. He doesn't seem very focused or calculating. That's not the behavior you would expect from some one like your renekton.
Ah, but you see good sir, your idea of "character clashes" implies you know all there is to each character. You assume the dark monotone guy is the same copy paste monotone guy in the world, I make characters a bit more interesting then that, I could have said "Swains influencing them as we speak." or something else less interesting, but "buttering up" implies he's more then your average monotone man. He shot two down, and the last one wasn't much of a squabble. Brand was acting smug, Renekton asserted his dominance, he's calculating and MAD and somewhat primal (As you'll see both in game and later in series) asserting his dominance is what you gotta do when running a group of bloodthirsty monsters from hell ;P


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DarkfirePheonix

Senior Member

08-06-2011

Bumplez


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VoidBro

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Senior Member

08-06-2011

new chapter please


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DarkfirePheonix

Senior Member

08-07-2011

Quote:
Originally Posted by LegacyOFtheVoid View Post
new chapter please
I'll work on it friend, just for you!


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TheNarvalOfDeath

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Senior Member

08-09-2011

Nice story, i think im gonna steal some of your ideas for news... you know like the relation between Yi and Lee Sin or the fact that a few Summoners might have been killed