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LoL champions on Earth

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Ask Irie

Senior Member


Irelia demands for more.


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Ask Gangplank

Senior Member


Yep, MOARRR or get keelhauled.

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Senior Member


Yep, MOARRR or get keelhauled.

Keelhauled and then dunked.

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Junior Member


Bump because I still care.

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Senior Member


Hello ladies and gentlemen! Today we join our heroes, or at least most of our heroes, at Morgana's photoshoot. As Katarina is out of town, Belthazor has taken up Morgana's offer to attend a photoshoot followed by going to Vladimir's art gallery. At the art gallery, the hope is that he will have a chance to meet some of the high figures of Noxian society, as well as some foreign visitors.

<Morgana is buisy modeling swimsuits while a man with a very feminine voice is holding a camera and lights are flashing in a photoshoot studio, meanwhile Belthazor is sitting on a collapseable metal chair, previously unaware that actual modeling involves hours upon hours of someone holding one pose or mildly adjusting their position while a photographer tries to line up the perfect shot - and apparently this is usually a followup to an hour or four of application of make-up. Belthazor is, in fact, quite bored>

Morgana: Look more cheerful or I'm going to throw an energy ball at you.

Belthazor: We've been here five hours.

Morgana: I said we'd be going to Vladimir's gallery right after this. His gallery event isn't until eight in the evening. What made you think this wouldn't take a long time?

Effeminate male: Sless Taalking, more sphotohs! Hoold Stiil!

Belthazor: Who are you again?

EFM: The best sphotographer in all of Nocksus.

Belthazor: What's with your voice?

EFM: <Clearing his throat> Oh, I don't always talk like that. I just do it to screw with new people.

Belthazor: ...I see.

EFM: For whatever reason, all the visitors to Noxus expect a photographer to talk with a lisp. It's very strange. I don't really know where that stereotype came from.

Belthazor: Huh.


EFM: Right.

<EFM goes back to taking pictures of Morgana with the occasional half-centimeter adjustment to positions until the photoshoot is, finally, over - after another 45 minutes>

Belthazor: That was... tedious.

Morgana: What were you expecting? Perfect pose on the first try? Tons of girls in swimsuits? Being a model is a lot of work.

Belthazor: You held one position for over half an hour.

Morgana: Like I said. Hard work.

Belthazor: Why are you a model anyway? You already own your own business.

Morgana: To remind my sister that she could never be a model.

Belthazor: And that's the only reason?

Morgana: Well, we also donate the money to charities.

Belthazor: Really?

Morgana: HAHA Nope. Vladimir does charity stuff sometimes though. Tonight's event will be a charity auction of art pieces. Unless of course you view me one-upping my sister as a valid charity, which you should. So I guess we do support charity. Arn't I a nice person, Bel?

Belthazor: Okay, well I'm starting to get hungry.

Morgana: There'll be some food at the art auction.

<Belthazor raises an eyebrow>

Morgana: Yes, I made food for the event.

Belthazor: I knew you'd never consent to another business supplying food.

Morgana: Nor would Vladimir if he knows what's good for him.

Belthazor: I am starting to suspect that the shootings that keep happening in Zaun's restraunts might have something to do with your business trying to expand in Zaun. Is that a coincidence?

Morgana: Umm... would you believe me if I said yes?

Belthazor: No.

Morgana: Then no. It's not a coincidence. It's a plot by Kayle to discredit me.

<Belthazor folds his arms>

Morgana: Don't you trust me?

<Belthazor has a flashback>

<Morgana is on Earth, out behind a pastry shop that had previously sold stale goods>

<Morgana lights a fire underneath a chair that has someone gagged and tied to it>

Morgana: ♫ So have a seat my dear, and if it's all the same, just sit back and relax, while I fry your brain! ♫


<Belthazor walks around the corner>

Belthazor: ...

Morgana: Umm... this isn't what it looks like? Eeehehe..?


<Belthazor has another flashback>

<Katarina and Morgana enter into the Du Couteau manor main hall while dragging several black trash bags>

Morgana: We need to dump him in the river.

Katarina: We're leaving a trail of blood all over my floor!

<Belthazor comes out into the hallway wearing a bathrobe>

Belthazor: ...

Morgana and Katarina: ...

Belthazor: ...and what's going on here?

Morgana: ...I have to return some video-tapes.

<Belthazor stops having flashbacks>

Belthazor: ...

Morgana: Don't give me that look.

<Belthazor folds his arms>

Morgana: We didn't actually have anyone in the trash-bag! It was just a joke!

Belthazor: I know this.

Morgana: Well gee be all judgemental and hold it against a girl whydoncha'

Belthazor: I'm hungry.

Morgana: Fine. Let's go to the art gallery.

<Belthazor and Morgana take a trip to upper-class Noxus and arrive at the charity art auction that Vladimir is hosting. Vladimir greets them and welcomes them inside, where Morgana leads Belthazor to a table of appatizers, to which he promptly helps himself to a small meal's worth as there's enough food there to feed half the city>

Morgana: Oh, I should warn you, there are a lot of foreigners that will be visiting for the charity auction. You should expect that some will try to court you since you're from Earth.

Belthazor: I was wondering if that was going to happen.

Morgana: You're technically still neutral and not aligned formally with Noxus, most will interpret that as a sign that you're undecided and will try to buy you off.

Belthazor: And how does political wrangling work here on Runeterra?

Morgana: Here comes someone now, you'll get a clear idea from him.

<Belthazor is approached by none other than Mundo, visiting from Zaun to attend the charity event, dressed in formal business attire>

Doctor Mundo: Hi! Mundo think you are person from Earth. Mundo want you to know who your friends are. Mundo here from Zaun. Mundo bring you present.

<Mundo reveals a half-pony-half-monkey monster that has somehow been fit in through the main door>

Doctor Mundo: Mundo make this half-pony-half-monkey monster for you!

Belthazor: It's... ...lovely...

Doctor Mundo: Does Earth person not like it?

Belthazor: Oh, it's great, it's -

Doctor Mundo: Mundo hear you like monkeys and ponies. Maybe you no like monsters so much? Maybe Mundo used too many monkeys?

Morgana: Actually he doesn't like either of those.

Belthazor: Morgana!

Doctor Mundo: Isn't it enough to know that Mundo ruined a pony making a gift for you?

Belthazor: It's a great present. Thank you Mundo.

Doctor Mundo: Maybe you more into business. Mundo also came with Mundo-corp stock options and charts. Mundo think the projections for next quarter should impress Earth-person. Maybe you more into drugs? Mundocorp has pharmacy. Mundocorp can show you how drugs help the world.

Belthazor: Sounds interesting, I'd love to hear about your business.

Morgana: Not now, we have a charity auction to attend!

Doctor Mundo: Many use Mundocorp drugs. Want try?

Morgana: No, we don't.

Belthazor: At least not right now.

Morgana: Let's go. Auction.

<Morgana gets Belthazor away from the good Doctor and brings him into the hallway that has the bathrooms>

Morgana: That was a perfect example of what'll happen.

Belthazor: An interesting experience.

Singed: Hey can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to do drugs here.

<Morgana and Belthazor move out into the main lobby to go peruse other guests, Morgana attempting to situate Belthazor with a group of Noxians>

Morgana: And this is...

Belthazor: Swain. We've met. Hi.

Swain: Ah, good to see you again. Glad you're not dead. You're my favorite representative from Earth.

Belthazor: Good to see you too. And who might your friends be?

Swain: On my left, this is Darius. And on my right, well...

<The lady sitting on Swain's right stands up and walks to Belthazor, and holds out her hand for a hand-shake>

Belthazor: Hello.

Belthazor: Hello.

Belthazor: What?

Belthazor: What?

Belthazor: You look just like me.

Belthazor: You look just like me.

<Belthazor grabs Belthazor's hand and shakes it, noticing that it feels different>

Belthazor: Looks can be deceiving.

Belthazor: I can see that.

<one of the two Bel's vanishes and reappears next to Swain>

LeBlanc: So nice to finally meet you. You may call me Lady LeBlanc, Matron LeBlanc, or just LeBlanc for short.

Belthazor: Is this how you normally look?

LeBlanc: In a manner of speaking.

Swain: And here on my left, is Pat.

Darius: My name is Darius.

Swain: But I like to call him Pat.

Belthazor: ...why?

Darius: Patrick is my middle name. My proper name is Darius. Sometimes my friends call me Patrick. Or Pat for short.

Belthazor: Well, nice to meet you, Darius.

Morgana: Sit down Bel, I'll go fetch Vladimir.

<Morgana runs off while Belthazor sits down at the Noxian table>

Belthazor: So, I know Swain from relations with Earth. But the two of you, I have not met before.

Swain: Darius is my right-hand man and BFF. LeBlanc is my girlfriend.

Belthazor: Nice to meet you two.

Swain: I'm going to go check out the appetizers. Why don't you three get to know each other a little better?

<Swain leaves the table>

Belthazor: So what is it that you guys do?

<And so Darius began to recount the tale of how he rose through the ranks by killing off his former superiors, until we reach the point in his tale where he was no longer being field-promoted due to the untimely deaths of superiors, instead actually terminating people off the field of battle as well. We're at a fellow named Paul by this point. Darius has invited his superior over to a command tent on the field to discuss and upcoming battle with a Demacian regiment, and the two are now alone in the tent together>

Paul: Are you wearing a raincoat?

Darius "Patrick": Yes I am! But we need to discuss strategy.

Paul: We can't engage the Demacians directly. We need to withdraw from this territory.

Darius "Patrick": I see. Hey Paul, do you like Pentakill?

Paul: Can't say I do.

<Darius moves over to a tape recorder>

Darius: Last summer during a tour in Noxus, Pentakill released this.

<Darius turns on the tape recorder and starts moving his hips and his hands from side-to-side>

Darius: It's a song so catchy, most people probably don't even listen to the lyrics.

<Darius moves behind Paul>

Darius: But they should. Because the song inspires courage and a willingness to face down your problems, and not to run and hide. It's not just about the merits of courage, and the importance of bravery, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.

Darius: Hey Paul!

Paul: <Turning around> Hm?

<Darius casts Noxian Guillotine, splitting Paul's head in half>


<Darius begins chopping up the body while listening to the catchy tune that you will get bonus points for guessing>

<Darius's flashback and story ends and we are brought back to the present-day, where Darius is now lightly dancing while sitting in his chair, playing the music in his head and holding his axe out infront of him while moving his arms from side to side, humming the tune>

Belthazor: Interesting career advancement method.

Darius: <Humming with his eyes closed> Hmm-hmm-hmmmmhmmm, hmm-hmm-hmmmmhmmm, da da da hmm-hmm-hmmmmhmmm, hmmm-hmm-hmhmhmmm!

Belthazor: Darius?

Darius: Hmm-hmm-hmmmmmm-hmmmmm! hmm-hmm-hmmmmm-hmmmmmm!

Belthazor: ...okay then.

Darius: Hmmm-hmmmmm-hmmmhmmmm-hm-hmhmhmhm!!

Belthazor: So, LeBlanc. Tell me about yourself.

LeBlanc: What would you like to know?

Belthazor: Well, how'd you and Swain get to know eachother?

LeBlanc: We've known eachother for a very long time.

<Morgana and Vladimir have now shown up>

Vladimir: I'm about to start the event once everyone's found their seats at the different tables.

Belthazor: What charity is this for anyway?

Vladimir: The children's educational fund.

LeBlanc: Oh, what a fantastic charity!

Belthazor: What's it do?

Vladimir: Well, it is very inconvenient for children to be injured and have to be healed before being able to learn combat styles. Here in Noxus, fighting is considered an art form and most learn forms of fighting at an early age, but since our forms of training can involve maiming injuries that require treatment and healing before the child can fight again, a child's learning can be slowed as a result. So this charity is aimed at building a Nexus for a miniature version of summoner's rift at every school so that children can practice their skills without the risk of injury, as it can take some time to re-attach and fully repair, say, a lost arm. For some people anyway.

Morgana: It's all for the children. You see Bel? We're clearly the most civilized nation on Runeterra.

<Morgana sits down at the Noxian table, and Vladimir goes up to start the auction>

<20 minutes later>

Swain: Have you noticed those gentlemen visiting from Demacia havn't made a single bid?

Morgana: I've noticed.

Darius: I bet they came here to mooch food and not do anything.

LeBlanc: Watch this.

Belthazor: Hmmm?

<Morgana and Darius and Swain smirk>

<LeBlanc looks at Belthazor>

LeBlanc: Watch closely.

<An arm at the Demacian table, apparently from a Demacian nobleman, has been raised to bid on an item>

Vladimir: Bid from the Demacian for 2,000 gold pieces, do I hear 2,500?

<The Demacian nobleman looks around, thinking one of his companions must've bid, unaware that his right arm is now invisible and there is a false arm in its place being held proudly over his head waving at Vladimir>

Vladimir: 2,500, do I hear 3,000? 3,000 from the Zaunite table, do I hear 3,500? 3,500 from Demacia, do I hear 4,000? 4,000 from Freljord, do I hear 4,500? 4,500 from Demacia! Going once, going twice, sold to the gentleman in the blue and yellow!

<The Demacian nobleman in blue and yellow looks around, perplexed and confused>

LeBlanc: Classic misdirection.

Belthazor: You're going to do that all night, arn't you?

<LeBlanc smiles softly>

LeBlanc: I didn't do anything. I've been sitting here enjoying my dinner.

Morgana: A lady would never engage in such vulgar behavior.

LeBlanc: But I bet a Demacian noble would...


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Senior Member


Well done Bel, I've been watching this thread, just too lazy to bump.

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Ask Gangplank

Senior Member


Oh look! yay ^^

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which song was the darius killing one?

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Senior Member


which song was the darius killing one?

Bonus points if someone can guess.

But I'll give a hint if no one gets it. after cutting my wrists and going psycho, of course.

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Junior Member


Im going to take a shot at the song and say its

PlentaKill - Backstab (League of Legends Champion Rocks)