Capitalism! Makes sense now.

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TheBriggz

Senior Member

03-29-2011

How to see Capitalism

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of Vodka.

A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A WELSH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
That one on the left is kinda cute...

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.


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Powerstoned

Member

03-29-2011

not funny?


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UnderAchiever

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Senior Member

03-29-2011

you got the french wrong. its :

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You surrender.


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Fropsi

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Senior Member

03-29-2011

Why is Hindu listed amongst a bunch of nationalities?


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SuperStomper

Senior Member

03-30-2011

Because Indians only exist in America HARHAR
USA SOCIALISM

What's health care?


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Elan Tedronai

Senior Member

03-30-2011

I lolled. The Chinese and Enron ones were the best.


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Xnot

Senior Member

03-30-2011

Enron one is full of epicness. It's like "you have 2 cows, you sell your 3 cows then buy your 4 cows then register all 5 of them."


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Enialis

Senior Member

03-30-2011

I only regret that I have but one T-Up to give for this thread.


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Powerstoned

Member

03-30-2011

Quote:
Originally Posted by SuperStomper View Post
Because Indians only exist in America HARHAR
USA SOCIALISM

What's health care?
and the police and public education and the commodities market.


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Zenbear

Senior Member

03-30-2011

A CANADIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows
You trade them all to US and get back far less than what their worth.
You than sell your company to the US because your making **** money.