@Riot: Urgent Questions

First Riot Post
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Renekton Bot

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Senior Member

03-26-2011

“This way.” growled Captain Teemo, who for the last several hours had been speaking with an unusual amount of gravel in his voice. Xin Zhao and Mundo followed behind, the former looking miserable, defeated, and damp. Xin Zhao did not usually complain, and before entering the marsh would have laughed at the idea and then injured you for insulting him, but right now he had a great many things to complain about, and only enough energy to voice one of them.
“How big is this ****ing marsh?”
“We’re nearing the border of the Shadowbog.”
Xin assumed that Captain Teemo had sharper eyesight than a regular human, because right now Xin Zhao could not see anything besides darkness and fog. How much more shadowy could the “shadowbog” be?
Mundo seemed oddly unperturbed by the dampness and the heat and the smell. Using one hand to protect his eyes from the non-existent sun glare, he surveyed the extent of his vision range, roughly a foot or so, for rare wildlife as he crept along behind Xin and Teemo.
Xin began to feel dizzy as he walked, and he shut his eyes to try and orient himself. He proceeded forward slowly and carefully, using his hands to feel his way through the trees and vines. He was happy to find that doing so helped him forget the disorienting darkness, and he was just getting used to navigating this when when his foot snagged on a root and he toppled forward into the water. When he pulled his head out of the murk he became aware of an odd light swimming in front of his vision. He opened his eyes. Sunlight?
“We’re here.” grunted Captain Teemo.
Xin looked around. He was in what looked more like a sunlit forest than a cursed swamp. He looked around at all of the varying shades of green surrounding him, at the colors other than black, brown, and more black. A clear dirt path stretched out before him, deeper into the swamp. Xin managed to fall face-first into one of the few pools of water deep enough to actually fall into. He looked behind him and sure enough he saw an almost impenetrable cloud of darkness permeating the Saidon Fen.
“This is the Shadowbog?” Xin asked, incredulous.
“Don’t let the name fool you. It’s actually quite nice.” said Teemo simply.
“...I don’t understand. Is this a joke or something?”
“This area was incorrectly labeled by one of Runeterra’s earliest cartographers, and nobody cares or even knows enough to change it. We’re probably the eighth, ninth and tenth people to make it this far.”
“Well, great.” said Xin, and for the first time since they entered, he managed a smile, “So, this area is a little more friendly than the Shadowbog, right?”
“No.” said Teemo, and Xin noticed that Teemo had drawn his blowgun, “Stay alert.”
“Well, this is an interesting sight.” said a woman’s voice, and the three all turned in different directions before motion from behind a tree drew their attention. Miss Fortune stepped into view, weapons in hand, though pointed at the ground. She ducked casually as a rusted machete flew over her head and lodged itself in the tree behind her.
“Woah!” shouted Xin, “Mundo, chill!”
“It rare speckled bounty hunter! Pelt very valuable, Xin.”
“Mundo, it’s Miss Fortune. And she isn’t speckled.”
Mundo squinted at her, and then recognition crossed his face. “Ohhh!” he said aloud. Then he hurled another machete at her, which she dodged with similar grace.
“Xin, be a doll and make him stop doing that, would ya?” she said, smiling sweetly. Xin put a hand on Mundo’s shoulder and whispered a stern “knock it off.” Mundo relaxed.
Xin regarded Miss Fortune again. He knew why she was here. “You made it here alone? I’m impressed, Fortune. You might as well leave now, though, since we’re going to find Garen first.”
Miss Fortune cackled, “Ohh, Xin, you always were so funny! Ahh, but let’s be serious. Turn back. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Fortune, Garen is my best friend, and I already know that he’s been falsely accused. If you’re looking to bring him in, then I’m going to stop you.”
Miss Fortune looked affronted. “I don’t chase a mark unless it’s a sure thing, Xin.” In this case however, it wasn’t. She knew that she was only after Garen because Caitlyn was, and it only now began to dawn on her that she had compromised her integrity in her rivalry with the Sheriff of Piltover.
“You don’t sound so convinced of that.” rebutted Xin. He heard it in her voice, the odd lack of conviction. Miss Fortune heard it too, which angered her.
“Just **** off, Xin. I don’t have time for this.”
“You **** off, speckled pistol *****!” hollered Mundo, and Xin didn’t try to stop him.
With a flourish, Miss Fortune brought her guns to bear.
“If this is how it has to be, fine. I’ve 3v1ed before.”
“Aww what is this, a boss fight?” Xin asked as he drew his weapon. Mundo hurled another machete at Miss Fortune, who vanished behind a tree.
“Last chance, Xin.” said Miss Fortune’s voice. Xin couldn’t track the source.
“How did you do that?” he asked.
“My secret. Just turn around, or you and the purple idiot are dead.” Xin found it curious that she neglected to mention Teemo... Until he realized Teemo did not see to be with them. He hoped the yordle commando was setting up some sort of ambush.
“We don’t have to do this, Sarah. Hell, come with us. You’ll have fun.” Xin offered.
“As if.” said Miss Fortune. Xin wished people would stop using that phrase.
The loud report of a flintlock echoed through the swamp, and Mundo grunted in pain as a bullet planted itself into his back. He turned with a roar and hurled a machete into the trees, hitting nothing, or maybe a frog.
“You okay, Mundo?”
Mundo nodded, and furrowed his brow in concentration. After a moment the flattened metal shot was forced out of his back, and the wound began to seal itself. Xin wished for a moment that he could do that, too. He looked into the trees, trying to spot movement, but seeing only leaves as they rustled gently in the wind.
Another loud report.
Something hit Xin’s shoulderpad with a jarring crack. He ducked reflexively, and then dove to take cover behind a large tree. In his mind he recalled the phrase “you never hear the bullet that kills you.” It repeated uncomfortably as he counted the seconds, trying to find a pattern in Miss Fortune’s attacks, something- anything- that might allow him to fight back.
Xin peeked out from behind the tree to check on Mundo, who was pivoting wildly to try and spot his attacker. Xin was about to tell him to get to cover when another shot rang out. It slammed into Mundo and ricocheted towards Xin, who ducked back behind the tree just in time for the shot to tear away a chunk of the trunk.
“I tried to warn you, Xin, but I guess you always did like doing things the hard way. Maybe you’ll reconsider after I murder this ******?”
Xin dove out from behind the tree.
“Mundo! Hide!” he called, but it was too late. As Mundo turned, a shower of bullets rained down upon him, and he collapsed under the assault. Throwing caution to the win, Xin charged towards him, coming to a stop near Dr. Mundo’s head.
“Xin...” said Mundo weakly, “Tell... Lady Mundo....” Mundo began coughing, spitting blood onto the dirt next to him.
“Don’t try to talk, Mundo.” said Xin, feeling a deep inner revulsion at the idea of a female Mundo.
“Aw, how touching. I’m serious Xin, **** off. I’m not going to bury either of you after this is done.” called Miss Fortune from nowhere and everywhere.
Xin stood, holding his spear tightly. A bullet grazed his leg and he stumbled to his knees, clutching the wound.
“Well, that was easy. Sorry, Xin, it was really nice knowing you, but th--” An explosion sounded in the marsh, distinctly different from the sound of Miss Fortune’s guns. At the edge of his field of vision Xin saw a cloud of purple burst from behind a tree. He heard someone cough and sputter.
“What...? ...Teemo? Here?” He watched a figure clutch the tree for support and stand shakily, and Xin found strength in himself to stand and begin an audacious charge towards it. Miss Fortune looked up in time to see the Seneschal of Demacia bearing down upon her, and she dove behind another tree, vanishing from sight. Across the swamp another cloud of purple miasma erupted.
“****ING TEEMO!” Shrieked the Bounty Hunter, coughing. Xin began running towards her again, but only made it halfway before she vanished again, and once again triggered a noxious trap. This one directly behind Xin. He turned in time to see Sarah Fortune collapse to the ground, defeated. Teemo approached from behind Xin.
“****, gerbil. That was some quality area denial.”
Teemo said nothing. He merely stared at Miss Fortune as she lay immobile on the ground.
Xin approached her and knelt by her side.
“Sarah...” he began.
“Shut up.” she snapped weakly, “Because of you, I...” she began coughing.
Xin brushed a lock of coppery hair from her face.
“That *****...”
“Caitlyn? She’s here, too?”
Miss Fortune nodded. That was three sunbursts accounted for, which left two unknowns. Xin did not care for unknowns.
“You just made this... easier for her. While we’re here fighting, she...”
“I’m going to stop her, too. I have to. For Garen.”
She smiled, “You’re a.... good friend.... Xin. I bet you’d be a great... hus...” Miss Fortune coughed once more and went limp.
Xin heard footsteps behind him. Heavy footsteps.
“Speckled skank dead? Bad for Mundo, get best price alive.”
Xin blinked and stood, turning to regard Mundo. “Mundo? ...I thought you died?”
Mundo shrugged casually, “Mundo got better.”
“She’s not dead, either.” said Captain Teemo, pointing to Miss Fortune. “She’ll wake up with an awful headache, but she’ll be fine. We should move her, unless you want to finish her off.”
“No,” said Xin. “Mundo, set up one of the spare tents. We’ll leave her in there. She’ll be fine, right?”
“Yes.” said Teemo. “The animals in this swamp prefer prey that can struggle and scream. They’ll leave her alone.”
Xin was, for the first time, thankful for how comically malicious the Howling Marsh was. After Mundo had set up the tent, Xin picked up Miss Fortune and set her unconscious body inside to recover. He prepared to adress his party when he noticed Teemo holding a strange golden object in his hands, turning it over in examination.
“What’s that?” Xin asked him, and Teemo held up up to Xin, who still had to lean forward to take the object.
“It fell off Fortune after you picked her up. I think it’s what she was using to teleport around the swamp.”
Xin admired the device, which was really quite beautiful. It was a large golden teardrop with a small glass screen on one side. Behind the glass was a dizzying array of gears, cogs and springs, a clockwork wonder.
“Wow. Like being able to flash every second. Do you know what this means, Teemo?”
Teemo shook his head.
“Mundo!” Xin called, holding up the device. “Eat this.”
Mundo, more than happy to eat something on command, took the device, admired it for a second, plopped it in his mouth, chewed vigorously, and swallowed.
“No ****ing way am I letting the league get their hands on that.” said Xin. “Let’s keep moving.”

After an hour of walking in near total silence, Teemo finally spoke.
“Unfortunately, I don’t have any intel on the next area. We’re going to be in the dark.”
Xin groaned, “Lovely. I hope you’re not talking literally, because if we need to walk through another Saidon I’m ****ing leaving, **** that and **** Garen for coming here.”
“Mundo know what lie beyond Shadowbog.”
“Wait, you do?” asked Xin, puzzled.
“Yes. Beyond Shadowbog lies Weeping Marsh, where we must face inner demons or be consumed by nightmares.”
“**** you, Mundo.”
“Mundo serious! Mundo been before. Many times!”
Xin stopped. So did his friends.
“You what?”
“Yeah, Mundo come here lots. One of Mundos favorite adventure spots!”
“Are you joking? You would willingly come here? Let alone repeatedly?”
Mundo nodded proudly, “Mundo make swamp Mundo’s *****.”
“So you’ve been here a lot, and you’re still alive. That’s a good sign, right?”
Mundo shrugged, “Mundo always feel Mundo get lucky every time. Always hair breadth from death.”
Xin sighed, his mind now automatically steeling itself against the deluge of visions of horrible fates that raced in whenever he began thinking about the Marsh.
“Nevermind. Proceed.”
The trio continued on their journey, the Weeping Marsh eager to receive them.


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Tuckerr

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Senior Member

03-27-2011

This should be posted on the lore forums, as well
Also, MOAR


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Hybrid Lee

Senior Member

03-27-2011

I checked this thread out because my friend said the questions were funny. I skimmed through them and stuff.
Then my friend said there was a GarenxMordekaiser fanfic. I lol'd and started reading it.
Then I went downstairs for a walk.
Then I came back and finished read the other half of the thread.

And now I want more.

hey Renekton Bot, u duh awsum.


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Bu Gao Xing

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Master Recruiter

03-27-2011

Quote:
Originally Posted by Renekton Bot View Post
31) Do you think champions ever get tired of their summoner's mental commands? WALK TEN FEET FORWARD NOW FIVE MORE FIVE MORE FIVE FIVE ATTACK THAT MINION ATTACK THAT MINION NOW ATTACK MASTER YI ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK PRESS Q

32) Do you think people look up Pantheon's kilt when he Skyfalls?

33) Why does buying a bow help melee champions deal more damage?

34) Will we ever get a B.F.F. Sword that boosts a champion and their laning buddy's AD and AP as long as they're holding hands?

35) What IS wrong with Urgot's face?
I've been up all night on this forum.. and I must say.. I was laughing in the first few.. but #31 there... made me cry from laughing.


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Frosty9

Recruiter

03-27-2011

???) If everyone is dead what does karthus' ult hit?


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Amyndrisa

Senior Member

03-27-2011

Need to read MOAR


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RawrJar

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03-27-2011

More fanfic.


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Commander Galio

Member

03-27-2011

Lol.


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xGiantRedPanda

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Member

03-27-2011

Bump for more fiction of the fans!!!


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Reversed Aura

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Member

03-27-2011

Quote:
Originally Posted by Frosty9 View Post
???) If everyone is dead what does karthus' ult hit?
That's a good point though... If all enemy champions in a game are dead, can Karthus still cast his ult? Or is it greyed out? Like how Kat can't use her ult unless there is an enemy in range.