This is the review I posted on FF.net:
It's difficult to write a compelling story in first person because of the need for a strong and unique voice, but you definitely pull it off. The narrator has a quirky voice that manages to keep me interested. Your style of writing is very different from mine - almost the exact opposite - but I still enjoyed reading it.
One part did throw me off though. Writing "Demacia is your daddy" just seems a little odd, and pulled me out of the story. It resembles a very modern slang phrase that just seems out of place here.
Overall, this has the potential to become one of the best stories I've read so far on the forums.
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