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The Champion manliness scale

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Delete Teemo

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Ahri- She's a woman. A fox-woman. -10/10

Akali- Could be mistaken for a man without the hair. Being a ninja also gives her bonus points. 2.2/10

Alistar- You can't milk those. 5/10 in manliness. 13/10 in cowliness

Amumu- Real men don't cry. Also hes a yordle. Chuck Norris despises yordles -3.3/10

Anivia- Ice chickens aren't manly. at all. -9/10

Annie- A small female child in a dress. -10/10 Tibbers gets a 5/10 because he makes me pee a little.

Ashe- Dat A$he -6/10

Blitzcrank- *** robot loses some points for not having a soul, but hes still pretty manly. 6/10

Brand- A manly viking possesed with an evil rampaging CAPSLOCK FIRE DEMON.

Caitlyn- As manly as females get. 4/10

Casseopia- Snake ladies are worse than cat ladies -8/10

Cho'gath- Chuck Norris made dinosaurs go extinct because they weren't manly enough. -3.21/10

Corki- His mustache bumps him up a bit 3/10

Darius- This guy lifts. the epitome of Noxian manliness 9.99/10

Diana- Sounds like a teenage boy going through puberty, so ill give her a 1/10

Doctor Mundo- Mundo goes wherever he god damned well pleases. 12.3/10

Draven- League of Norris > League of Draven. Heredity bumps him up a bit 5/10

Elise- On the same page as Ahri. If you mistake her for a man then you should go to some serious counselling. -10/10

Evelynn- She's a man killa. Deserves bonus points for that. 0.1337/10

Gayzreal- He's ghey. That is all.-9001/10

Fiddlesticks- This guy can't even lift. His arms are like sticks! -4.5/10

Fiora- Wishes she was a man. 5/10

Fizz- Real men don't trollpole. 2.34/10

Galio- Chuck Norris uses Galio as a weight while he's liftin. So, he technically lifts with the Norris. 6/10

Gangplank- He's a pirate. And not a butt pirate, either. Automatic man mode. 12/10

Garen- Under all that armor, he's actually just Lux with shorther hair. Soils the great name of Jarmacia. -2/10

Gragas- He's like the kool-aid man, except with beer. Chuck Norris approves. 8.8/10

Graves- He don't take **** from anybody. 9.4/10

Hecarim- He's more at home with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie than he is at the gym. 3/10

Heimerdinger- The epitome of yordle immasculinity. -13/10

Irelia- She wishes she had some gonads. 5/10

Janna- A woman who specialises in running away. -50/10

Jarvan- Jarman is the manliest man in all on manmacia. So manly, Chuck Norris considers him a demigod. 90001/10

Jax- Fights with a lamp-post because he was pimp-slappin too hard with real weapons. 77/10

Jayce- An Extraordinarily manly man at first glance, though I think that hammer might be compensating for something.... 50.7/10

More to come when I'm done lifting

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Your scale confuses the **** out of me

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Senior Member


Your scale confuses the **** out of me

I lol'd.

EDIT: I see what you're doing though Phizz. Just make it a bit more concise and not all over the place. A range from -9001 to 9001 out of 10 is a bit.. umm.. yeah.

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I was agreeing with this until I hit Draven and then I stopped. For the sake of all of us, exclude all women from the Man-Scale, it's the god damned Man-Scale. Plus, you rarely kept the scale between 0 and 10... that's a mathematical issue. Now let me show you how it's done.

Alistar- He's purple and he's proud. With biceps the size of a mid-sized Sedan, he grabs an 8 out of 10 by the horns.

Amumu- He cries, throws tantrums, and throws band-aids at people. Everything about this wuss sends him running home for his mummy with a 1.

Blitzcrank - Deep voice, big fists, and a grip to make his daddy proud. This tin can has a 7 under his belt.

Brand- Looks like a guy you'd see at comic-con. I doubt he can lift the bar. Go play with candles, little man. 2.

Cho'Gath- He might not be a man, but by Joe he is a man. He can eat anything you throw at him, and gains it all back as dinosaur muscle. Barney has a 6.

Corki- Standing at 3 feet tall and a whopping 70 pounds, this whiney old man had to build a jet around his power chair. 2.

Darius- This man rocks that white streak in his hair like a champ, crushing anyone who calls him "Skunkhead" or "Gramps" between his meaty fists like a peach. 9.

Dr. Mundo- He might be big, but steroids are for cheaters. 5.

Draven- The last person to ever wear a stache like that with so much finesse was Genghis Khan. He knows he's the best, and he's not afraid to make sure you know it. 10 for Draaaaaaaaven.

Ezreal- He plays soccer, hasn't gotten a haircut in a year, couldn't shave if he wanted to, and he knows your shoe's designer on a first name basis. 1.

Fiddlesticks- Sitcks are this guy's bones, and he has a thing for birds. No man keeps a bird as a pet. Go get a dog. Or a rock, 2.

Fizz- He plays patty-cake with Annie. He might have an awesome shark, but when you're making seaweed cupcakes in your easy-bake oven, you can't score anything higher than a 2.

Galio- Stone-cut abs, stoic demeanor, and pecs you could land a jumbo-jet on. 9.

Gangplank- He's not a sissy Will Turner Pirate, no, this man walks the walk and talks the talk, and he's got a sailor's tongue if there ever was one. Too bad all he eats are oranges. Fruit is what food eats to become food. 8.

Garen- I've never seen someone who can walk off a hit like this guy. 9.

Gragas- He's a bit on the morbedly obese side, but he's got muscle under those rolls, and he's proud of his gut. He could drink a storm drain under the table too. 8.

Graves- Receding hairline? More like buckshot to your ugly face! He rocks that retro-old west Manly Man like it's his dayjob. 9.

Hecarim- He might squat more than anyone else in the gym, but real men don't "Trot" or "Gallop" or whinney for oats. Take your 5 somewhere else, Ponymagic man.

Heimerdinger- He uses 6 bottles of shampoo a day for that afro. Worst of all, he uses conditioner. Go smell like Cucumber-Lilacs over with the little girls. 2.

Jarvan IV- If he can't out-dunk you, he'll beat your face in in the arena. He made. Out of the pavement. That's a man. 10.

Jax- Bashing in someone's face with a lamppost is respectable, and he doesn't goof off with no sissy talk. 9.

Jayce- His gun is a hammer. If he spent as much time using that hammer and built something rather than shop for fancy coats with his mother, maybe he'd get something done. 8.

Karthus- He carries a book everywhere and strolls about in a bathrobe. Nothing wrong with being educated, but no time for bathroom reading in the fields of justice. 3.

Kassadin- I tried to count his abs, but he was awfully busy cutting the boogey man in to kibble n bits. 9.5.

Kennen- This little boy-man-child-chipmunk thing was throwing stars at me. Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder how old you are. The answer? 2.

Kha'Zix- I can respect a hunting man, but this bug drools too much. 4.

Kog'Maw- He's a caterpillar that spits his food at you. And when you beat him to a bloody pulp? He tries and blows you up. Sore loser. 2.

Lee Sin- This man doesn't need to see to show you the door. Yoga almost looks manly when he does it. Almost. 8.

Malphite- Him and Galio must be work out partners, those abs are solid. Needs to do something with rock tentacle things on his back though. 8.

Malzahar- A little on the skinny side, but he's got spirit. 5.

Maokai- First time a tree-hugger wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty doing work. I don't like how one hand is much bigger than the others though... too much free time. 6.

Master Yi- You know what they say about big feet, too much time spent shoe shopping. Samurai gets a 7.

Mordekaiser- If a man is going to work on my car, I don't want little Afro-Heimy doing it. This guy could use one hand as a car-jack, and the other as... whatever the hell he wants. He's big. 9.

Nasus- Ditch the flip-flops, we're not at the pool. And that silly dress. Come on man, have some dignity. 4.

Nautilus- That anchor really weighs him down, but he doesn't go blubbering the blues all day long. He picks himself up and walks in to that jungle like he owns the place. 8.

Nocturne- Oh, that was YOU hiding under Kennen's bed? Sorry about that facepounding Kassadin gave you. Maybe you should stop lurking in the shadows and face your problems with some self-respect! 3.

Nunu- A boy that rides a yeti shows potential. You're a 3 for now, but I have faith.

Olaf - He has a long beard, and a girthy belt buckle. but put some pants on. You're not watching the game any more, you're playing it. 8.

Pantheon - Mantheon, Nipple Inspector is on duty! 9.5.

Rammus- Strong silent type, I can respect that. Leave the kinky nipple-spikes at him though. 6.

Renekton- THAT's how you use a crescent blade, Nocturne. 9!

Rengar- White as they come but rocking those dreads, you go Rengar! King of the jungle roars a 9.

Rumble- Get out of you're high chair, little boy, it's nap time. 3.

Ryze- You may have served some time in the slammer, tattoo man, but don't hoard the toilet paper on your back. 4.

Shaco- You're a clown. Why are you on this list? 1.

Shen- A ninja that won't hide in the shadows, but brawl one out with you over the last beer? That's a man if I ever saw one. 9.

Singed- He might drink lady drinks, but he can drink. 6.

Sion- Arnold-Wannabe, but you got close. 7.

Skarner- I hate bugs. Slimy little bastards. But you got some stlye there, bugman. 6.

Swain- Crazy old bird men often marry crazy old cat women, contrary to common belief. Go limp back to Polly, maybe he wants a cracker. 2.

Talon- Your puny little arm knife couldn't cut my sandwich boy. 3.

Taric- Oh, it's super sparkle tinkle time? I'm sure the ladies never have to ask you to put the seat down after you leave the bathroom. Do you even know how to use a urinal? YOU sir, are outrageous. 1.

Teemo- Sitting in bushes all day, hiding and eating shrooms. 2.

Thresh- Chains and whips do not excite me, you can take your 3 and play with that all you want.

Trundle- Even men shower. Sometimes. Well, maybe not as often as others, but would it kill you to use some Axe or something? 3.

Tryndamere- You have some decent arms, but you're not big enough to be swinging THAT sword around. If you have to drag a sword to move it, time to downgrade. Overcompensate with this 4.

Twisted Fate- You might not be a manly man, but the ladies sure like you. That's worth SOMETHING, 6.

Twitch- No. 1.

Udyr - Broad shoulders, check. Deep, manly, authoritative voice, check. Rugged, check. You may still like to play dress up, and you may run like a girl, but you're getting there. 8.

Urgot- What... what even... can you even be classified a man with 3 nipples and no man parts? 1.

Varus- Skinny jeans... or... whatever those are... crush your mini-men, but you got some style. 5.

Veigar- Did your mommy say the kids at school would like your new jammies? SHE LIED! 1.

Vi- She may not be a man, but man she's the man. 8.

Viktor- When you need a third arm because your own arms just can't do it for you, there's something wrong. 3.

Vladimir- Dracula was kinda cool, but after Twilight, vampires hit a rough spot. You're not helping. Your ultimate is dropping a pool of your period blood under your enemies. 2.

Volibear- Big, burly, manly men are often called "Bears". You're a bear. By association, we can call you a big, burly, manly man. 9.5.

Warwick- You're no pup, i'll say that. You are one mean rotweiler. Slashing apart youor foe with such fury they can't even move? THAT is spirit. 7.

Wukong- You're a bit too tricky a monkey to be a man, but you've got fire. 6.

Xerath- Stop licking 9V and get some real damage, you glorified poke-machine. 3.

Xin Zhao- You need a hair cut, but other than that you've got that man-scent about you. Probably from 1v3ing those guys at dragon. And winning. 9.

Yorick- Stop playing with dirt. Alas, poor Yorick, can't even fight for himself. Has to call on his imaginary friends to do all the hard work. 2.

Zed- Even if you do get all of your ideas from Shredder, you've got some hefty Y chromosome to go with that X. 6.

Ziggs- Normally, i'm against children playing with fireworks, and you're no exception. 3.

Zilean- Senile old men are still men. I'm not sure if you're past your youth or before it, but whatever the case is, you're old. But you're still out and about teaching them youngsters to stay off yer lawn, and I respect that. 6.

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I am sorry, but you tell Nocturne to go face his problems with self-respect when he clearly jumps in people's faces. Wouldn't that merit at least 2 extra points? >.>

Also, Thresh pulls people to him then encloses them in a box and he collects souls. wouldn't that merit an extra 1?

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Senior Member


I am sorry, but you tell Nocturne to go face his problems with self-respect when he clearly jumps in people's faces. Wouldn't that merit at least 2 extra points? >.>

Also, Thresh pulls people to him then encloses them in a box and he collects souls. wouldn't that merit an extra 1?

Nocturne has to turn off the lights ON THE WHOLE MAP to do it. That cancels out his jumpingness. As for Thresh, way too much kinky there.

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Jax fights people with a freakin' lamp post. Made of brass. And he still jumps all up in your face. I'd say he's a 10.

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He wears a skirt

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Exactly, he is so comfortable in his masculinity, that he can wear a skirt. The Romans wore leather skirts into battle- increased movement capability.

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Garen is more manly than Jarmander