[Champion] Alianora, Keeper of the Void

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Ansarum

Member

01-31-2013

added in all the lines i can think of at the moment will continue to tweek them as i go! please let me know if you like them or what i could change to make them better!


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Flanwaw

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01-31-2013

Hello, repaying the favor for the review you did of mine!

Anyway, I am glad you reference portal in this, otherwise i'd be crying foul! But yeah, the goo + portals just screams portal 2, but anyway, yes, onto the actual review.

for the Q: The higher end damage seems a bit much, seeing as it is shredding armor, as well as hitting multiple targets by the end stage, that is quite a bit. Just all in all, too many things get more powerful as this skill progresses, I would consider setting a flat duration on the armor shred, or reducing the damage at higher levels. At this point it provides too much damage and too much debuff to too many targets.

W:
The buff seems pretty damn massive, when combined with the huge debuff it can give, as well as the debuff of q... I am not sure how'd you'd take it down but it feels like one needs to, at least a little. The duration is fine, nunu's is longer after all, but the amount it gives you is considerably greater and armor is arguably more valuable than movement speed, especially in a straight up fight. So i'd say take one of them down.

E: I think the E is honestly pretty good as is, I don't have much complaints. It gives more than thresh's, but at much less range so i think that balances out.

R: Okay, this seems way too much. This does more damage than amumu I believe, is a bit easier to land because it's a cone, so you don't have to get into the middle of people, and the CC is, i'd say, considerably stronger. I think the range needs a reduction as it can be effectively done from out of ward sight which is pretty nuts, and I think the base damage at peek also needs a reduction. Finally, i think the slow needs a reduction, because I am not sure how you could escape that without a flash, so instead of feeling like something to fight against it feels more like something you just succumb to, which is much less fun for the targets.

Aaaand, line number 3 for the R, it just... bothers me. Doesn't sound like people speak. "Don't be a mob of weaklings" feels like your stretching for mob, but that's just me. Maybe sure up your word-choice, make it sound more naturally evil scientist.

And that's about it, for now, I may come back to this later after a bit of thought.


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Ansarum

Member

01-31-2013

hey Flanwaw thanks for the input and catching some of those things!

took most of your advice though the Q was only knocked down due to there only being a 2.5 second timer on the armor reduction, ooze augmentation has been reduced to 8 and the attack speed down since that is more for the armor then the attack speed for the support "shield" buff rather then the attack bonus. and Into the void range was WAY to high that was actually a typo was supposed to be 1100 but is now 1000 even with a 55% slow... the point is to try and catch as many as you can (poke`mon) and displace them so it still needs that massive slow or it will be too east to get out of!

didnt add this in my change log but did remove the "mob of weaklings" line... thanks for that it was 2 am lol


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Ansarum

Member

02-01-2013

working on getting the Idea for the weapon down should be up later tonight if i can get my scanner to work that is! still doing rough sketches now bit if i get good feedback may do the champ and a 3/4 "splash art" later!


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Ansarum

Member

02-01-2013

Added descriptions to the look of the character and her weapons. these will act as placeholders as i actually draw all of this out!


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Ansarum

Member

02-01-2013

totally forgot about the death animations and lines so added those as well! I personally think its up there with Tryndamere and Sejuani! but let me know as well, love to hear constructive criticism!


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Ansarum

Member

02-02-2013

just an update I am working on the February contest here http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/...ts+blue&page=2 but i will still check up on this page as well! wish me luck and If she develops well I may post her as a real champion!


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Zarkof

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Senior Member

02-02-2013

The passive seems like the slowing effect on Iceborn Gauntlet. Personally, I feel like the reward isn't that great for the amount of spells you need to cast to charge this effect.

As for Q:

Quote:
Flame Breath

RANGE: 925
COOLDOWN: 12 / 11 / 10 / 9 / 8

ACTIVE: Shyvana unleashes a fireball forward in a line that affects the first enemy it hits, dealing magic damage to it and reducing its armor by 15% for 4 seconds.

DRAGON FORM: Flame Breath engulfs all units in a cone in front of Shyvana.

FURY OF THE DRAGONBORN: Each autoattack that hits debuffed targets will deal 15% of the ability's damage as additional magic damage.
I personally don't feel like your Q spell is different and unique enough. By fully evolving, do you mean maxing out its rank like Syndra's passive? If it's only for this spell then I really don't see the point. Just make it always pass through targets.


W - The ally cast seems a lot like Nunu's blood boil except with armor instead of movement speed. I guess I can let it slide. The armor bonus is too high for the duration.
-the Enemy cast seems really weak. The duration isn't long at all and the % is too high. Might as well blind them. You could make this deal damage initially with a lower % attack speed slow for 4 seconds, but then it's a lot like Nunu's Ice Blast. What you can do is make some synergy with this and Q


E - I don't like how you based the mechanic of this. Intuitively, the first cast should set a beginning portal and the second cast should set the destination portal while activating both, and the 3rd cast could cancel it. The first portal could last up to 5 seconds before activation, and both could last 3 seconds after activation before disappearing. I don't like the idea of having it be "click to use". That just means that enemies will never want to take the portal at all and if they do decide to then they have a free pass to your back lines. This needs to be uni-directional and forced for enemies (optional for allies, such as Thresh's lantern). The counterplay to this ability would be the required set up time (delay on the effect landing) and range. The cooldown would also need to be more along the lines of Blitzcrank's Rocket Grab (20/19/18/17/16) since it's such a powerful displacer. The range also might need to come down a bit.

I see some really interesting play here, set up in the brush with a tank/initiator and have a portal down, then jump out alone and set your destination portal up and have your allies jump through it.

The other thing you might want to consider for the allied use is making it one time only before the portal closes.


R - I don't feel like such a long range champion should have a melee-centric ability. The alternative to this is a targeted AoE spell with the channel time and high diameter that forces enemies to shift into the void plane for 2 seconds, granting invulnerability but suppressing them, and when the effect is over they are returned for damage and the fear.


I feel that your Passive, Q and W are lacking innovation. Overall, I feel that you are lacking synergy. While your E and R have the potential to be really good abilities, the rest of the kit just falls short and nothing seems to play with each other.


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saniaz

Senior Member

02-02-2013

Interesting lore and champion. So for the Q the first few levels hit the first enemy that gets in the way till it reaches the last level then it passes through enemies to the target? If yes you might want to clear that up or just keep it a pass through attack all together.
As for W add more detail into it in stead of saying heaving weapon or light weapon ect. Just say that that it grants attack speed and armor to an ally and ect. Cause having that info after the boosts made it confusing to me, if some one doesn't notice that tiny bit if extra info then they'll miss the whole concept of the attack.
That's all that I can see that has a problem, great champ. Good luck on completing her


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Ansarum

Member

02-02-2013

Thanks for your input guys it really helped flesh things out! I have only played Shyvana once so i did not know that the ability was a direct copy almost lol so thanks for that, also here are the things i have changed from this bit of information:
[EDIT] changed passive "system backup" from 5 to 3 for more power
[EDIT] added synergy between voidray and Ooze, giving voidray slow if enemy is hit with Ooze first. Slow Duration: 1/1.25/1.5/2/2.5 Slow %: 20/25/30/35/45
[EDIT] Changed Ooze Augmentation enemy reduction from 20/30/40/55/65 to 10/20/30/45/55 and allowed for synergy of Voidray Blast
[EDIT] reworded the Portal E ability and changed the cooldown from 20/18/16/14/12 to 20/19/18/16/14 and added "Champions may only use the portal once. If anything is still in the portals when they close, it is shot out of the portal it was meant to exit."
[EDIT] Dramaticaly changed the ability "Into the Void" from a conic skillshot to a ground Targeted channeled area of effect ability making it a bit more simple and letting it be a ranged attack rather then close range to allow more freedom of movement and not have to build tanky.

also to clairify a few things, I did want the portal to be a high risk = high reward system and also allow enemies to pass through it to get out of the gank if they knew it was coming. this also makes the player responsible for getting the gates open and closed in a timely manner and not leave them open for possible escapes.

again this constructive criticism is really good keep it coming! I was thinking of making the ability "Into the Void" dish out small amounts of Magic damage per second during the initial 3 second channel as well... thoughts?