The Mailbag of Justice

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The Mad Dunkey

Senior Member

01-20-2013

How is Veigar going to take over the world?


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Renekton Bot

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Senior Member

01-20-2013

Greetings, summoners. I have awoken once more, and I am delighted to find that you all actually sent me mail! Maybe i was wrong about how useless and lazy you all are.

Hahaha, nah.

Let us proceed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zerglinator View Post
How much do you hate Nasus, in the form of a song?

What does Elise think of Yordles?

Can Zergs and RuneTerrans ever live in harmony, by which I mean allowing the Zerg to infest them?

If Vi has the punch, who has the falcons?
1) Elise, much like myself, finds few things in life can truly match the nearly-erotic pleasure that is tying up yordles and slowly draining their delicious life-juices as their shrieks of pain gradually weaken.

Seriously, it's fun stuff.

2) What is a Zerg I do not even know

3) Currently nobody, as apparently crows are the League's avian of choice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cha0sniper View Post
"Dear Renekton Bot,

What ever happened to you assuming the presidency of Riot Games? Did the thought of battling against Tryndamere turn your bowels to water and make you chicken out? I await your snivelling, cowardly response."

(Also, yay Renekton Bot)
I will not deign to honor this insult with a reply.

P.S. You smell.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DrTemptragon View Post
Does Zed play board games with his clone?

Does Shaco or LeBlanc?

Does Shaco's clone actually exist? I mean, it's called Hallucination...

Does Skarner sleep curled up like a kitten, and what's his attitude toward Taric?
1) Zed's shadow shares much of its caster's knowledge and malice, so it is extremely unlikely that the two would ever desire to play a "board game" in the first place.

Although if they did, they would both cheat (regarded by them as "unlocking forbidden board game techniques") so the winner would likely be determined by whoever knocks the board over first.

2) Same deal as above. It's interesting to note that the ability to summon a ghostly duplicate is considered by the Runeterran Psychologist Society to be a symptom of Chronic Evil.

3) Shaco's clone is actually constantly following him around. The "Hallucination" in this case is simply that it is no longer invisible.

4) Skarner sleeps by burying himself in the ground, which oddly enough is the way Nasus is going to sleep once I catch him.

Relations between Skarner and Taric have been frosty ever since Taric tried to socket the Crystal Vanguard in his chestplate.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goshg View Post
Boss, how hot is it back home?
Zaun lies very close to the Northern edge of Valoran's temperate zone, which means that temperatures normally fall within the "chilly" to "**** this" range.

However, due to Zaun's unique opinions on pollution regulation the temperature remains a constant, balmy 80-115 degrees Fahrenheit.

Oh, wait. Did you mean my home? Well, on my homeworld technology had not quite advanced to the point where mercury thermometers ever became a "thing," so we measured temperature in a way that's a little difficult to translate to Valoranian standards.

Suffice to say that your average day was what we would have called a "bask on the shore with your mouth open" sort of day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marnelos View Post
Who's your favourite IEM Kantowice Summoner and why?

Also how's your bladder doing?
1) Obvious

2) Still going

Quote:
Originally Posted by ShadeeFan View Post
Why are a lot more champions coming out of the Shadow Isles now? Also, how does it make you feel now that there are so many Shadow Isles champions that want to spread fear into people's hearts. I think that's direct competition.

Has Ahri broken up with you yet?

Why is it that champions that have wings/can fly cannot change altitude? Is there a law that doesn't allow them to fly above a certain limit?
1) I personally hold nothing against champions who hail from the Shadow Isles, though I would consider some of their newer champions to be total bandwagoners. Still, you can never have too much fear or tortured yordles.

2) Absolutely not. If anything, I'm dating three times as many Ahris now as when I began.

3) When the League was first established there were no regulations regarding maximum altitude. This led to a number of extremely one-sided matches and a great deal of enmity between champions who were earthbound and champions who were not. Eventually a meeting was held between the high summoners, rules were set in place, and Corki was waking up in the morning to find his R.O.F.L. Copter dismantled far less frequently.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lionant View Post
The inhabitants of Mount Targon possess a thirst for war that is perhaps only surpassed by your own thirst for a steaming hot cup of Nasus's blood. How do you feel about the Rakkor and the champions that hail from the mountain (Pantheon, Leona, and Diana)?

How would you fight Hecarim or Thresh outside the League? I am assuming they are both ethereal, and as such are immune to physical weapons. Please correct me if I am wrong.
1) The martial prowess of the Rakkor is spoken of in Valoranian legends, which is appropriate because like legends in general they are massively aggrandized. Claims of their supposed "courage" are contradicted by the fact that most of them still cower behind gigantic shields like great big armored babies.

Diana is a different case, however. In this humble crocodile's opinion, any girl willing to forgo a shield in favor of a blade that big is definitely deserving of some respect/a snuggle.

2) Despite popular opinion, Hecarim and Thresh are not actually ethereal. In order to interact with the material world a given entity must also exist in the material world, therefore both Hecarim and Thresh have tangible physical forms.

Once you blow up those forms, though, that's a different story.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Borkcire View Post
Do you think Riven would date a guy like me?
Nope. In fact, according to many accounts, Riven wouldn't date a guy at all.

This is false, of course. Riven, like many female champions, has simply been spoiled on men after repeated exposure to myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by H3llion View Post
Hows the whole Ninja order war affecting Ionia? the old Ninja Order was attacked and nearly wiped out by Zed's order of shadows. Has the Ionia government stepped in, do they have any ties to the ninjas or is this an internal conflict, are things across Valoran slowly spiraling into chaos without the old ninja order to keep balance from the shadows?
The war between the ninja orders is a complicated issue. It is certainly having an effect on the Ionian economy thanks to an increase in the demand of enchanted steel for magical swords, breathable mask-fabric, black dyes and throwing stars, but due to the nature of ninjas nobody actually knows that anything is even happening.

Currently the Ionian ruling party, a collection of pacifist monks, has taken an extremely hands-off approach to the matter since, for one thing, Ionia does not have an official military. This is due to the Law of Inverse Ninja Strength which makes any large gathering of uniformed ninja soldiers completely useless. For another thing, there's the fact that they are pacifists and do not wish to enforce their way of living on anyone else, preferring that those seeking enlightenment come to them willingly. It is not known how these monks came to be in charge.

Lastly, like I said, they don't even know there's a war going on.

The Kinkou have expressed an interest in keeping Zed and his students in line, but in adhering to the tenets of their order they are unwilling to actually eliminate him. Balance dictates that good and evil must exist in equal quantities, which means anyone who threatens that balance, be they saint or sinner, must be dealt with. Many Ionians find this completely stupid. Many crocodiles do, too.

Fortunately these ninja battles are kept entirely between involved ninja clans, so none of the carnage has left the shores of Ionia.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisDerpina View Post
How is Veigar going to take over the world?
Veigar will attempt to absorb the power of the Shadow Isles before being ensnared in a gigantic web and having his organs turned to liquid. Then he will be drained like a packet of Capri sun and discarded.

**** yordles.


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Ophirr

Senior Member

01-20-2013

1). So I hear you and Nasus have a sister...
2). How's writing/typing with those giant, very manly and intimidating claws?
3). Where is our lore?
4). What has Kassadin been doing since Kha'Zix's arrival? Why aren't they dead yet?


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Khourey

Senior Member

01-22-2013

Dear RenektonBot,

I have in the past 6 months fallen in love with a scaly lizard like yourself. She's quite hotheaded and burns the ground around her so approaching her is to be taken lightly. Recently she just hasn't been herself and feels like she can't be the Half Dragon she once was. Is there any suggestions you have to have my love reciprocated and maybe for her to reach to her success she once had.

-Dragon-Lover Anonymous.


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Galgus

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Senior Member

01-22-2013

Does your world have more awesome crocodiles, and how awesome are they compared to you?


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H3llion

Senior Member

01-23-2013

lol love the answer to my first question.

exactly what does the league define as cheating? It was mentioned that Mundo, sorry, i mean DR.Munado almost got ejected for using adrenaline steroids(which he still does). In a competition where competitors can turn invisible, teleport and slow time, exactly what counts as being below the belt? also has anyone ever been kicked out?


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Geokhan

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Senior Member

01-23-2013

How does one know anything about the ninja? They are ninja and thus Are a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in riddles, lovingly sprinkled with intrigue, express mailed to Mystery, Alaska, and LOOK BEHIND YOU! But it is too late. You're dead. For They are the Ninja — globetrotting rogues, ladykillers and mankillers. Also hate Pyros... Wait...are they behind me now?

Looks behind himself and sees nothing. Wipes forehead and turns around. Gets impaled by a katana.

SON OF A *****!


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Renekton Bot

This user has referred a friend to League of Legends, click for more information

Senior Member

01-23-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ophirr View Post
1). So I hear you and Nasus have a sister...
2). How's writing/typing with those giant, very manly and intimidating claws?
3). Where is our lore?
4). What has Kassadin been doing since Kha'Zix's arrival? Why aren't they dead yet?
1) Yes. I have many siblings, and out of all of them of COURSE Nasus is the jackass I get stuck with on your stupid planet.

2) I have a series of gigantic, Nasus-shaped keys arrayed across my wall which I depress by slamming my weapon into them. I enjoy typing.

3) Right here.

4) When Kassadin isn't fighting on the fields or screaming bloody murder about the coming of the Void, he spends his time on the tennis courts, where his ability to teleport and skill with a great big thing attached to his arm makes him an opponent that is really frustrating to play against so like, nobody does.

Also, his endless feuding with Malzahar takes up the majority of his attention so when a new void menace appears he tends to not really care so much? 'Cause like, he figures that if he can just smash Malzahar's face in and rescue his daughter, then the void will just like, leave.

This isn't the case, but a man can dream.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Khourey View Post
Dear RenektonBot,

I have in the past 6 months fallen in love with a scaly lizard like yourself. She's quite hotheaded and burns the ground around her so approaching her is to be taken lightly. Recently she just hasn't been herself and feels like she can't be the Half Dragon she once was. Is there any suggestions you have to have my love reciprocated and maybe for her to reach to her success she once had.

-Dragon-Lover Anonymous.
I'm not really an expert on reciprocating love since most women automatically love my by default, and I myself hate everything so I may be the wrong person to ask. Let me instead turn this question over to one of my associates. His name is Bosken and he's a yordle.

IF ANYONE IS READING THIS PLEASE HELP ME, RENEKTON HAS ME PRISONER IN THE BASEMENT OF AN OLD OFFICE BUILDING

THE THINGS HE IS DOING TO ME ARE BEYOND DESCRIPTION, IF ANYONE FINDS THIS PLEASE FIND ME AND KILL ME, MY SUFFERING IS TOO GREAT TO B

Hahaha, that Bosken. What a kidder. Hope that answers your questions!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Galgus View Post
Does your world have more awesome crocodiles, and how awesome are they compared to you?
Crocodiles are awesome by definition, but yes, there are other crocodiles on my world however I am (to my knowledge (which is vast)) the only one that can stand on his hind legs and also speak and stuff, which makes me a lot more awesome.

Still a crocodile is far above a human being in terms of awesomeness. That's why I was so busy trying to subjugate my homeworld, and why I am going to do the very same thing here once I get a little time off.

Quote:
Originally Posted by H3llion View Post
lol love the answer to my first question.

exactly what does the league define as cheating? It was mentioned that Mundo, sorry, i mean DR.Munado almost got ejected for using adrenaline steroids(which he still does). In a competition where competitors can turn invisible, teleport and slow time, exactly what counts as being below the belt? also has anyone ever been kicked out?
It's important to note that when they say Dr. Mundo was using steroids, they never mention on whom he was using them.

Now, there IS such a thing as cheating in the League, though this usually has to do with stuff that Summoners do. Things like using clairvoyance spells to tap into an opponent's summoning orb and view their minimap, using certain time-altering spells to cause their summoned champion to go flying all over the place at incredible speeds (and yes, Zilean's abilities are heavily-regulated).

There have been a few expulsions from the League, though in order to protect the dignity of their respective nations all expelled champions are magically erased from the minds of everyone, everywhere.

So, you know, I can't tell you who they are.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Geokhan View Post
How does one know anything about the ninja? They are ninja and thus Are a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in riddles, lovingly sprinkled with intrigue, express mailed to Mystery, Alaska, and LOOK BEHIND YOU! But it is too late. You're dead. For They are the Ninja — globetrotting rogues, ladykillers and mankillers. Also hate Pyros... Wait...are they behind me now?

Looks behind himself and sees nothing. Wipes forehead and turns around. Gets impaled by a katana.

SON OF A *****!
As the smartest crocodile ever, I know everything about everything. There isn't a whole lot to know about ninja anyhow. They're mysterious, but that mystery simply comes from the fact that they're mysterious. Confusing? Well, ninja thrive on that.


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KiteMeGood

Senior Member

01-23-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ophirr View Post
4). What has Kassadin been doing since Kha'Zix's arrival? Why aren't they dead yet?
Since Renekton is too busy cutting down a couple of summoners who tried to learn a bit too much from the enraged creature. Kittan has decided to take the liberty and seek out Kassadin who was busy searching for members of Malzahar's cult to bring them to their rightful masters. He managed to answer our question before teleporting away

Quote:
Kha'Zix is an...interesting creature, compared to Cho'Gath and Kog Maw who openly desire to destroy all life in Runeterra, Kha Zix's methods are different, he does not directly face his soon to be consumed prey to survive. I once tried to fight him before and the void stone had little effect against this savage creature except when he tried to attack me by his usual method which involves hiding somewhere dark and lunging at me when the Void Stone managed to contain some of the void energy from his talons. I must instead instill my faith in Rengar's hunt for Kha'Zix whom if he consume will gain what he never had even after his conquest over stronger prey: the savagery and bravado required to face an opponent head on.


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H3llion

Senior Member

01-24-2013

ok its official i love Renekton Bot