The Headhunter Protocol [A Prototype Sci-Fi Horror]

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MiaoLong

Senior Member

01-17-2013

Read the full version here Black Angel Six: The Headhunter Protocol

or the Fanfiction.net version here

Black Angel Six: The Headhunter Protocol


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W4ddleBuff

Senior Member

01-17-2013

...I. Am. In. Love.

More, more, more.

By far, this is the best piece of AU work I have ever seen. Ever. You're a genius.

I am shocked beyond words. I don't know what to say. This is a masterpiece already. I'm done. Why is this so amazing?

I swear Miao.

You had my curiosity, but now you have my attention.

And a lot of it.


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MiaoLong

Senior Member

01-17-2013

I'll need to balance this with Pheonix Sun, too though. I'm worried it might take away from both if I try to write them at the same time. My hope is it'll actually help both by sparking my writing dirve again, but it's a long shot.


Another problem I see is that the characters might have too little to do with their canon counterparts. Already kayle is pretty different from her in-game character.

But thanks for the kind words. I'll take those to heart.


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MiaoLong

Senior Member

01-19-2013

Updated the prototype. Currently working with the guy who wrote A Blade Reforged to further imrpove the story and over-arching themes. Will probably release this for real once I get the first chapter down.


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Valinthronix

Member

01-20-2013

This is great. Only quibble: The AI is Kayle, right? You refer to her as Morgana in some parts, which is confusing the heck out of me.


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MiaoLong

Senior Member

01-20-2013

Oh yeah. This is a proto.


Grand Viper recommended to make Kayle Morgana, so i fiddled with it. i don't use Word though so I didn't have that fancy edit/replace All. Manually wnent through it on wordpad.


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Cratine

Member

01-23-2013

I am amazed, though there are just 3 small grammar mistakes.
I say that you should with utmost certainty, make that story.

Personal note:
That creature kind of freaks me out (He seems almost unstoppable, getting stronger after each kill, gaining new skills, and also learning)! (=

You can definitely make a well written 400 page story for that (Though it would take a lot of time, motivation, support, planning, and editing), however, you do have another great series to continue (Dragon Rising, and Phoenix Sun).

This is just my opinion, so ya… Just… don’t let it take away from Phoenix Sun. (The motivation and ideas)

That is all I ask. (For now...)


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MiaoLong

Senior Member

01-23-2013

Yeah, grammar and spelling is one of my weak points. I usually don't have the patience to slowly go over my work and proofread it, so I rely a lot on my readers to catch stuff for me. Where'd you see those mistakes?


And also, yeah, Kha'Zix is pretty cool, huh? Makes me wonder if I shouldn't reveal Rengar's strength early on as well.


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Cratine

Member

01-24-2013

Wait what... O.o
"Click"
Oh, Kha'Zix, I makes so much more sense now! (=
I had just thought that those four main characters were team Crimson, or are they?

Here are the three mistakes: (These are just small typos... and I found more)
"A figure flickered to life on the bridge's main holographic display. A beautiful woman shone from inside the hologram"

"This time, pay was so good, it should have been the last job she would ever have to do, if she didn't waste it all on booze, gambling, and men. But this time, everything went horribly, horribly wrong."

"She spun her scythes with expert strokes, but to the headhunter's astonishment, her scythes failed to cut clean through the worm bodies, instead leaving shallow cuts that sent the worms tumbling to the ground, screeching in pain."

"Specimen 6's razor-sharp teeth carved through the headhunter's soft neck Tissue like a cookie cutter.

"Er, well," The scientist picked at his eye. "In any case, that can be studied after we sterilize the room and dissect it. But first, watch!" The


I remember that there was also "Every" which is supposed to be ever, however, I can't find it as of now.


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MiaoLong

Senior Member

01-24-2013

Thanks a bunch! I've fixed the mistakes in the proto thread, and more importantly, in the main draft itself.


Just to clarify, the main characters are Riven, Rengar, and Kha'Zix.


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