Cris,the Crystal Prophets. My first champion designed.

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Wednssday

Junior Member

01-16-2013

hey,guys. I'm new here and I love league of legend so much. Although I'm in China but it will not be a problem for me to post my idea here.
The idea occured to me yesterday night so I searching the Net for suggestion and make it out!
Hope to hear from your guys.Any suggestions and helpful criticism are welcomed!
My email is sc03209@126.com.
Thanks for your advice.Now let's have a look at this champion.

Cris, the Crystal Prophets
Lore: A great Yordle prophets who believe that crystal knows everything. She learnt alchemy and divination from a mysterious continent. When she came back to Bandle City, she tell the yordles that she is the closest yordle to the future and believing her will benefit the yordle people. So she started protecting yordle and teaching them skills and ability. She taught teemo how to use mushrooms as a weapon and Rumble how to assemble the machine. She believe all she had saw through the crystal and she hates these guys who look down on Yordles.
“Cris is our future, also our ambassador from the God.”
-Captain Teemo
Stats:
Damage 55.3 (+3.375 / per level)
Health 460 (+94 / per level)
Mana 280 (+60 / per level)
Move Speed 340
Armor 15 (+2 / per level)
Spell Block 30 (+2 / per level)
Health Regen 6.3 (+0.5 / per level)
Mana Regen 6 (+0.6 / per level)
Abilities:
Passive: Crystal Dream
When any damage dealt to Cris that exceeds 50% to 15% of her current health, Cris will transform into crystal and becoming untargetable for 2 seconds. Additionally, Cris will gain 15% to 30%(up to champion’s level) movement speed for 2.5 seconds.
CD: 200 seconds.
Q: Crystal Jail
Cris summon a crystal jail over the area of 650 and 1.2 seconds later, crystal column will merge from the earth and trapping all the minions and champions in the jail. Additionally, Crystal column will deal 50+0.4AP magic damage to units who stands near the column.
CD: 12/11/10/9/8 seconds
Range: 4000/4500/5000/5500/6000
Cost: 60/70/80/90/100 mana
W: Crystal Glimpse
Cris uses her crystal power to force a champion back to the state and position 1/1.5/2/2.5/3 seconds ago. This will not affect target’s mana and items.
CD: 15 seconds
Cost: 90 mana
Range: 600
E: Crystal Scar
Cris melt her crystal and path a crystal scar on the earth. If ally champion steps on the path, he’ll gain a buff which will heal himself 1% of the maximum health, lasting 2 seconds. If enemy champion steps on it, he’ll gain a debuff named Burnt for 2 seconds. With a Burnt debuff, the champion will be slowed up to maximum 33% and the scar will deal 18/20/22/24/26+0.1AP to 48/50/52/54/56+0.5AP magic damage to them according to the duration they stand on the path.
CD:5.5/4.5/3.5/2.5/1.5 seconds
Cost: 22/23/24/25/26 mana
Range of the Scar: have a width of 200
R: Crystal Force
Cris uses her ability to create a gravitational field. Inside the field, all units including ally minions will be taunted for 1.5 seconds. Meanwhile ally champions will be grounded. And Cris will heal all the grounded ally champions by half of the damage dealt to Cris, and she can transform the other half to a shield that absorbs all the incoming damage to an ally champion by clicking R key again. However, if Cris died during the ult, she can’t perform the second spell and Cris will not be healed during the ult. This has a 2 second channel duration and teleports Cris to target location.(Range 1000/2000/3000)
CD: 180/140/100 seconds
Cost: 180/220/260 mana
Range: 1000


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Wednssday

Junior Member

01-16-2013

Upupup!!!


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The5lacker

Senior Member

01-16-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wednssday View Post
Upupup!!!
First, don't bump a topic less than an HOUR after posting it.

Second, religion is already a touchy subject, and you're making your character sound like some sort of crazy evangelical who praises crystals. While that's all fine and dandy by itself, Teemo is not a convert, and especially not a zealot. You write your OWN champion, don't rewrite every other one just to convenience your own lore.

Third, the word "Crystal" does not need to be in the name of every ability she has. Be creative, your character sounds like they should be shouting these ability names while fighting Zordon or something.

As for the actual abilities, stats, and whatnot, AD, health, armor, and magic resist are all far too high for a mage, especially if she's ranged. An ability that makes a character outright immortal for 2 seconds whenever they're close to death without any cooldown is crazy broken, and your wording is outrageously confusing.

Q seems to be a large, area of effect wall that also deals a bit of damage. An interesting ability, but walls have the potential to be very strong, especially in conjunction with other abilities.

W is broken as hell and simultaneously useless. What does knocking an enemy back a few feet supposed to accomplish? Can you technically heal enemies with this by sending them back before your assassin stabbed them repeatedly? Can this be used to functionally reset the cooldowns on her other abilities, by sending her back to before she's cast them? You need to consider EVERY possible use of such an ability before even considering adding it to a champion.

E is absolutely atrocious. 1% heal? Really? That's, what, 20 health? As for the damage, also underwhelming. I know this was to accommodate the 1 second cooldown (also a bad idea), but come on.

Why does a gravity field taunt? Why can a champion taunt allies? Why can a champion root their allies? Why does it involve granting Kayle's ult to everyone in a massive area?

All in all, your champion is confusing, broken, and has an unstable aesthetic. Other than the name, none of her abilities but her Q really feel like channeling the innate might of the earth in the form of crystals. Everything just feels clunky and thrown together and I would recommend just scrapping this champion and starting again.


Comment below rating threshold, click here to show it.

Wednssday

Junior Member

01-16-2013

Quote:
Originally Posted by The5lacker View Post
First, don't bump a topic less than an HOUR after posting it.

Second, religion is already a touchy subject, and you're making your character sound like some sort of crazy evangelical who praises crystals. While that's all fine and dandy by itself, Teemo is not a convert, and especially not a zealot. You write your OWN champion, don't rewrite every other one just to convenience your own lore.

Third, the word "Crystal" does not need to be in the name of every ability she has. Be creative, your character sounds like they should be shouting these ability names while fighting Zordon or something.

As for the actual abilities, stats, and whatnot, AD, health, armor, and magic resist are all far too high for a mage, especially if she's ranged. An ability that makes a character outright immortal for 2 seconds whenever they're close to death without any cooldown is crazy broken, and your wording is outrageously confusing.

Q seems to be a large, area of effect wall that also deals a bit of damage. An interesting ability, but walls have the potential to be very strong, especially in conjunction with other abilities.

W is broken as hell and simultaneously useless. What does knocking an enemy back a few feet supposed to accomplish? Can you technically heal enemies with this by sending them back before your assassin stabbed them repeatedly? Can this be used to functionally reset the cooldowns on her other abilities, by sending her back to before she's cast them? You need to consider EVERY possible use of such an ability before even considering adding it to a champion.

E is absolutely atrocious. 1% heal? Really? That's, what, 20 health? As for the damage, also underwhelming. I know this was to accommodate the 1 second cooldown (also a bad idea), but come on.

Why does a gravity field taunt? Why can a champion taunt allies? Why can a champion root their allies? Why does it involve granting Kayle's ult to everyone in a massive area?

All in all, your champion is confusing, broken, and has an unstable aesthetic. Other than the name, none of her abilities but her Q really feel like channeling the innate might of the earth in the form of crystals. Everything just feels clunky and thrown together and I would recommend just scrapping this champion and starting again.
thanks for your advice and i'll scrap it, start again!