Well, thanks for having a look!
First thing first: The Lore, well yes, I guess I can go into detail a little more and it doesn't matter whether or not it is another universe, I simply said that because I thought another world sounded stupid. It is more of a system of worlds.. but w/e.
I'll definitely work on making it suit the League better.
So.. well aesthetics.. I'm even drawing her, that can't be that hard to imagine.. can it? I mean, you don't mean you can't see anything in that sketch because it isn't colored yet?
Next the Innate: It heals her for 1% of her maximum health for every percent of energy she has. This is her maximum Health divided by 100 times the percentage of energy she currently has. Example: She has 518 maximum Health at level one. At full energy she will heal for 5,18 Health per second, at half energy for 2,59 Health per second. This is actually pretty strong compared to most passives that are about regeneration of any sorts and also the explanation for her missing base Health-regeneration.
Her Q: Yes, it does also affect minions. Similar to a Lux binding you are safe from the pull while standing behind two minions, seeing the pull will break once you hit the 2nd minions position. (The hit-range is not comparable though. You can however lengthen the pull range with an e to something you don't want to pull or by just walking away as fast as you can. The E-spell will provide you with fairly long pulls, even though you will then have to sacrifice some damage.)
Her W: Well, the type of damage she deals changes, too. But yes, this is basically a skill that will have you chose between cdr and regeneration. She does not need Energy to cast any of those skills expect the ultimate at early ranks, it does really only limit the regeneration later one, she is, so to say, no typical Energy Champion, seeing that her Cooldowns limit sustained damage, as it usually is, not the Energy. She benefits more from building ad while in Sword-stance, and more from building tanky in Blade stance (higher base damage, less scaling).
Her E: The first line is merely a summary of what the skill does, she can not kick multiple times with just one cast.
Her R: Yes, the ultimate will now allow her to change her weapons and cast a second time to still get the Stasis effect, but it will not put her into stasis by default. The stasis is merely visualized with a shield. Usually, as you might know it from Zhonya's Hourglass, LoL champions just turn into gold while in stasis. Stasis makes you unable to interact and be interacted with for a certain time. No damage, no movement, nothing. It is actually pretty strong, but you might not want to activate it any time. This is why there is a seemingly weird scaling in her ultimate. It does grant quite a lot of power, and it is certainly worth getting anytime you can.
Yes, your review helped me a bit, I'll adjust the lore. Also I thought Viktor could cast spells, doesn't really matter he uses devices for that, does it? On top of that I thought techmaturgy was something that combined technology and magic, tell me if I got that completely wrong!
Looking at her stasis ultimate and Viktor's experiments with a stasis field might shed some light on that teleporation accident. Sure, there is no logical explanations for them to interact in any sorts during that process, but obviously they did.
Thanks for your review^^
I have updated the upper part of the lore a bit, hope it fits better.
I want to add that I don't quite know what you mean when talking about the Hunger Games being similar.. Sure, people have to fight for their lifes, some because they want to, others because they have to.. Also it is broadcasted on TV.. Still I don't get how that's that similar. I didn't think of those when thinking of her story..
I have now adjusted the lower part as well. I do still have to re-read it all though.
About the second post not explaining how she came there.. well it should not explain exactly how that could happen but how it actually happened in my story. The first post initially stated that the summoners had summoned her (from another universe, oh yeah..). Seeing that this contradicted with my intention I told people to read my second post to see how she came there. I kind of failed to give information that was necessary though, I guess. Why don't people just ask if there's gaps in the lore. Not like I'm gonna ignore that..
About the guys down-voting me, I guess I commented on some other Champion and they will just generally down-vote me. One of them visits my posts one time and down-votes the initial post, the other one down-votes all posts that were there up to that point. At least, that is what I think of as more likely. There simply is no real reason for just down-voting a post which people that care about it have invested a lot of work into. I suspect Hoober Goober, don't know about that single guy though, but there's always been that scheme of down-votes on my posts. Sorry if I'm wrong, and should I be, feel free to tell me why you down-voted me! I prefer it that way anyways.
I'm not going to use my quote heavy style for this post, seeing as how it tends to result in monolithic posts, which I try to reserve for reviews. Gonna try something cleaner this time around.
Lore: I wish I could offer some suggestions on how to make it fit, but I cannot say for certain anything I say will be an improvement when handling the concepts of others.
Aesthetics: I've seen the sketch, but I wanted to wait and get a feel for the final product. I mean, if Nayenne's suit was made for a televised bloodsport of sorts, what would her suit really bring across? Is it a dystopian gunmetal gray, to go along with the cruelty and despair of her situation? Or is the suit adorned with black paint and flame designs to invoke an air of intimidation and brazenness? The color is quite important in this regard, at least in my opinion.
Innate: I knew I was getting something wrong here! Thanks for clearing that up. With that cleared up, I can imagine Nayenne being quite intimidating with that kind of regen at her disposal. Considering that using her energy lowers this quite a bit, I think it's in a pretty reasonable state.
Q: Alright, thanks for clearing that up.
W: Nice to see that usage of that ability is actually a trade off. It's good design to have an ability have both advantages and disadvantages.
R: Wait, it's like a Zhonya's Hourglass with 20 second CD? That does seem a bit strong.
Alright. Not much else to say here, thanks for checking out Ryeau by the way.
EDIT: Yeah, looking back on that comment, there are a great deal of other things it could resemble much better. I'm not sure why it reminded me of Hunger Games of all things, but for some reason it did.
Counting the W's cdr plus max cdr in you can cast the ult twice in ~5 seconds leaving you vulnerable for merely ~2.5 seconds. The following casts will effectively have about 9 seconds, then again 5, then 9, then 5 and so on seconds cooldown when on max rank. I got no clue on how to make it less strong and still have her be able to switch weapons casually. Sure, you can't hurt her in that time, but she can't hurt you either. It will merely make it really hard to kill her. She is not a burst assassin or so that deals heavy burst and then has to take cover because she doesn't deal any damage anymore (in fact, her auto-hits hurt the most), so I don't think of it as that op.
Her base stats are good and well balanced except perhaps the attack speed at lv1 which is pretty fast. The scaling ratio isn't so bad either. Its a minor balance issue and I'm not sure how it would affect gameplay (since she cannot be played) so whether or not you want to change it is entirely up to you.
The innate is certainly interesting but I feel like its really just a strong version of Garen's. During prolonged combat is really the only time when she will be at less than 70-80 % energy and combat is too brief that the reduced regeneration will have too much of an effect. Personally, I've always found Garen's passive underwhelming and wouldn't mind seeing a champion bearing something that resembles an improved version of it.
I can't quite wrap my head around what you are trying to get at with your chain/blade Q. I can see that it is a multi-target pull and I thought I was following it until I read the bit about the third champion. That really threw me for a loop. Anyways, the balance of this ability is really dependant on its range and radius. In my opinion, the one second pull time is stronger than an instantaneous pull time because it gives allies more time to react.
In sword form, her Q seems like a Malphite ult mixed with a Gangplank Parley. Again, without knowing what the radius of the knock up is, I can't really say whether or not I think this ability is balanced but if you are going to add the numbers keep the precidents in mind. Also bear in mind that if this ability can crit and apply on-hit effects you could probably kill half a team with Ravenous Hydra and Infinity Edge. If it were me, I would take off the crit-ing and on-hitting clause altogether.
In both forms, you should compare her W to Fiora's Parry and Master Yi's Wuju Style. You should see what I mean
I am a big fan of her E but you really should remove the ability to critically hit. The amount of damage that a critical hit from this ability will do is absolutely staggering. But as I said, I'm a big fan of this ability. It is an elegant multi-aspected gap-closer/escape method. Normally, I would not really be a fan of the mandatory jump-back but the drag/gap-closer on whichever form of her Q she happens to have access to will counter the mandatory disengage, something that can be deadly for melee champions.
Nayenne's ult seems very awkward to me. The fact that it fundamentally changes at each level seems off to me. I would prefer it (but my preferences really don't mean much) if it had one effect that simply got stronger with each level. The seperate passives for each form of the passive seem a little excess. If I could redesign this ult, I would make it something like the second rank of her current ult at all levels but it would also grant her scaling % of maximum health restored when reactivating the ability (or after 5 seconds) and maybe a brief attack speed steriod when she emerges from stasis.
Anyways, I hope all my reviews were helpful and I look forward to seeing where this champ is going in the future.
Lets Begin, shall we.
To start off I enjoy the idea of the champion being a video game character within a video game. I believe that you definitely have work to do. But you are at a very good start. The way I complete my reviews is breaking it up into different sections each pertaining to a different category of champ crafting.
Lore: I'll begin by saying that the lore is really really an interesting read, however there are a few issues. For one, on a technical standpoint, it is way too long. It is a shame that often the awesome parts of telling a characters story need to be condensed to a short and small paragraph, but thats how it is done. However, with that said, try telling her story in the lore part from the point at which she meets viktor. Perhaps you can have her memory faint of what everything was like when she first wakes up. She knows she was a good fighter. But we run into another problem, yes viktor has a language detector, but how does this work for other people who don't have it? If she speaks a different language, your creating a huge language barrier and you need to figure out how to get over that without bull****ting too much. Bring the rest of her story and her past into her League Judgement, have them pull memories of her previous world and life from her. You'll be able to tell the meat and bones of your story there, because you have a rather unlimited space. Just look at the league judgements on the wiki. I can't speak much more for lore, because this is a weak area of mine.
Abilities: I will break this into several catagories as well.
Lore/Ability Synergy: Her lore doesnt speak much of her actual battles other than the fact that she was in a lot of them, and won a lot of them. This isn't absolutely necessary but it does add interest sometimes and helps the reader understand why those 4 abilities are what she does. However, The kneeling is present in both cases and I'm glad to see that as an ability.
Overall Ability Synergy: I don't see her too much as an assassin as you said she is supposed to be, she has more utility than she does damage which would lend her to be more of a tank/bruiser than a nuker. As an assassin she lacks all of the things she needs to do her job, thus making her synergy as such nearly non existant. However, as a bruiser, her synergy decent. She has a gap closer, and a small steroid. However I feel as though her E is counter productive to her Q, but perhaps it has a team fight potential? I always hated that about Caitlyn's E, I felt that it ruined her kit and am worried this would have the same effect.
Passive/Ult/Ability Synergy: Her passive works well with her, it gives her the energy sustain that is needed for the rest of her kit, however, its a bit boring, theres nothing new about the mechanic. Her ultimate works nicely with her Q and W, giving them a different effect, however I feel like you should give her E something different too, if your going to do something like Nid/Jayce/Elise take the full plunge don't just go halfway and stop.
Balance: I suck at numbers so this is just talking mostly about the mechanics.
Q- mechanics is fine, but that ratio is pretty high.
W- careful true damage hurts a lot...doing 48 every single hit + whatever AD she has is going to cause her to do way too much damage. Theres no way to build against her other than pure health, which causes that person to be weak against the rest of your team, just so he could survive against you in lane.
The sword passive is fine.
Active is fine.
E- Ratio might be a touch high, especially since shes doing a lot of damage from her W just auto attacking, yet I still feel like this ability is counter productive to her kit.
R- nice use of the lore in terms of kneeling. Simple ult, just slightly change what she does. Although. she gets Yi's meditate? I always found that a stagnant ability, what happens when she does this at rank one and gets interrupted? does she not change weapons?
Miscellaneous: Careful with her Q, Thresh basically does the same thing, chains and all. Damn it Riot :P
First off, thanks for reviewing!
Understood, there were a few issues I didn't understand, perhaps some of my information was useful. Note these were only my opinions, I've been wrong before. Is irellias really up at 75 true damage? that's ridiculous.....why do they keep nerfing her sustain when thats why she does so much damage....anyway. Yeh Riot likes to do that to people, and i know its not the same but its very similar is what I was saying. The lee kick would be interesting, and could be justified by not having a nuke damage attached to it or the aoe knock ups. It would behave a lot like Jayce's knockback. I feel like this would give her kit a little bit, because you can use that aggressively too if you get behind your target and shove them in a more opertune direction for you as compared to just disengaging. .8 can be a bit high, depending on the nature of the ability, if it resets the auto attack then thats pretty high. However, it was 3 AM when i wrote this and my mind was fizzled from working on my piece. As you have it as a pull .8 is fine. if it were an auto attack amplifier or something that was instantly done, it would be too high. And yeh your justified with the kick hurting more. Again 3 AM tiredness, i saw assassin in there somewhere and thought thats what you were aiming for. My bad. With some of her damage I could see her as a pseudo assassin, but personally I'd prefer her as a bruiser. Put out some good damage and soak up a bit too. Uh. I said video game character didnt I.....oy....I meant a person who played a game within a game. I found that fun. I seriously need to stop doing reviews early in the morning though -.-. I understand the lack of wanting to do a judgement, but it does help and it does organize things a little bit. Chances are Riot isn't going to be taking anything from this forum anyway, maybe small ideas here and there about an ability mechanic, but by the time theyre done with it its usually unrecognizable. Most of this is for fun, pretending like your champion is going to be a real champion and doing all the things that a real champ designer at Riot would do. Its also why I don't demand a payment for doing art, thats ridiculous to do that for something that is locked to this forum for eternity rather than being something you might actually use outside of the forum. Besides it gives me practice. And that I CAN use outside the forum. Anyway back on topic, The use of Lore/Judgement does give a bit more organization, and I would at the very least place the two parts together so this doesnt become one of those annoying books where its like If you have a sandwich go to this page, if you don't go to this page. Well I don't have a sandwich. Turn to page. You got eaten by the tiger. Thanks for clarifying her ult's statis, that sounds a bit better, but so she becomes immune to cc while in it? you should have that expressed. I think i recapped everything? Yes?
The formatting was a little weird though, walls of text usually dont read that easily because one starts jumping between the lines while reading.
And yes, I'll have a look at Jayce's knockback for a reference on how to maybe change the kick.
I know why there's a sense in writing a judgement. I just feel like that's the thing that actually seals that the champion is being made, and as that is not the case at the time that I write that judgement (unless Riot tells me so.. I'd so give it my best, but lol, I just did this to improve my writing, not necessarily my writing in context to LoL). And hell yea pretending to be a staff member of Riot. I don't think I'd be worse than them, but I do also think that they would never accept me should I apply for designing Champion Concepts (reference = hobby, good player - probably better than most of them, have never done anything like designing as a job, just got some good ideas frequently and sometimes feel like I need to share them).
Concerning that 'read teh next post'- thing:
It was only added because I had written 'the summoners teleported her to the League..' or something like that, which was simply wrong. People started telling me that and I decided to rather make them read the second post than always get to answer questions that were thought to be productive while they didn't even ask for anything new, because that was already answered in the second post. I do know that it feels rather bad to read a 'check the next post to know how she came to the league'.. but really, I didn't know how to put it other than that.
I practiced writing (I'm German) because I was considering writing a book (with about the same content, sure, nothing concerning LoL, but with that girl that's called Nayenne as the main actor and that story as the raw storyline. I didn't start writing anything yet and people started telling me it was a good story but didn't quite fit (which it really didn't.. but I didn't care about that at the time I wrote it). I got eaten by a tiger because I didn't have a sandwich.
End of story, thanks for your comment!
Sure thing. And yeh I'm german too, thats why my english sucks XD and my name is German. But you should totally go through with the book. I feel as though, should you develop this character more, and continue her story rather than the bringing her to the league of legends that would make an awesome novel.
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